The Plan

Chapter 4: Hazel

“What was that about”? Cass asks once I've made it back inside.

“Oh, just Isaac wanting to say goodbye. He must have heard from Ethan’s parents that we’re leaving town soon.” I look around my empty home with a heaviness in my heart. This was the last home Ethan, and I will have ever shared together. The last kiss, the last argument, the last silly family movie night. But that was the only benefit of being a military family that people don’t usually talk about. When you have a new home every few years, you soon realize that home was never a place but the people you want with you every step of the way. Now I guess I’ll never really have that either. I sigh, moving room to room to make sure I haven’t left anything behind. Cassandra is standing in the kitchen when I return.

“So, what do you want to do tonight?” she asks, knowing good and well what I want to do.

“I’m not really up for seeing anyone. I think I’d like just to go back to your hotel room and drink until I can sleep.” I was pretty good at keeping up the strong woman façade during the day, but once the sun went down, I just couldn’t do it anymore. Cassandra pushes herself off the counter.

“Ok, but tomorrow night we’re getting chips, salsa, and margaritas! Girl, you know you’ll miss the Mexican food up there. Trust me, it's terrible.” I giggle. She’s right, I will miss the food down here. I’m not at all familiar with the town I’m moving to. But I think it’s safe to say they won't have an authentic Mexican food place anywhere around.

“Ok, I think I can handle that. I should probably also grab the girls tomorrow at some point.” I felt like I hadn’t seen them in ages, and I was starting to really miss them.

“Sounds good. I was starting to miss the little brats anyway,” she says, mirroring my own thoughts. Oh, Aunt Cassandra. The girls adored her and her family like they were our own. With one last look around, I grabbed my suitcase I planned to live out of until our things arrived in Tennessee and headed out the door. I tried not to think too hard about the next few weeks ahead of me. One day at a time, I told myself. I could do that.

***

The next day passed in a blur. Cass and I picked the girls up around lunchtime and said our goodbyes to Ethan's parents. It was a bittersweet goodbye. As much as I loved and adored my in-laws, there was a pinch in my chest every time I had been at their house since Ethan’s death. Knowing this was his childhood home, where he grew up and played. Where we had our first family dinner with his parents and siblings. So many memories were wrapped up in this house, and it was hard to be here without him.

“Mommy, when are we gonna see Granny and Grandad again?” Reagan looked up at me, barely containing her tears.

“Soon, baby, I Promise. We’ll come to visit here, and they will come to us. I’m sure of it.” “Ok, Mommy.” It was hard to watch the girls say goodbye to everyone. But I knew this was what was best for us. We all need a fresh beginning, something different. With one last squeeze from everyone, we were off to dinner.

Dinner was good. Aunt Cass had too much to drink, but that was hardly a surprise. She was very excited to be heading home tomorrow. And I couldn’t blame her. She’d been away from her kids and husband for almost a month now. Helping the girls and I navigate this new world we found ourselves in. After returning to our hotel room, we loaded the last little things in the car to leave early the following day and then headed up to our rooms. Once I had Rea all tucked in and finally asleep, I found Charlie out on the balcony, staring out into the night sky. My heart ached for her. I knew this was hard for her, but also what she wanted and, more importantly, needed. Wrapping my arms around her, I rested my head on her little shoulder and looked out into the night with her. We sat there, like that, for a long while before either of us spoke.

“Mom, do you think Dad would be happy? That we’re moving away. He won't think we abandoned him, will he?” I knew exactly how she felt. This was something I had thought over many times. But I knew this was what Ethan would have wanted. Hell, it's what he planned for us. This home was his last gift to us, and I would be damned if we weren’t going to accept it. “Yea, honey. I think he would be happy for us. You know how much he loved the country. Now we just get to experience it for him.” I didn’t want her to know about the plan we had made together. Not yet, anyway. Maybe when she was older, I would share with her the thoughtfulness behind her daddy’s last gift to us.

“I'm scared, Mom.” She sighed heavily as if the whole world was just sitting on her shoulders, and she was trying with everything she had not to break. I knew the feeling. I squeezed her even tighter,

“I know, my girl, but we’ll be ok. We have each other to lean on. Just us girls now. And think about all the new friends you're going to make. And I already found a dance academy close by that you can start right away.” I had done all my research to make the transition as seamless as possible. I didn’t want my girls to lose something else that was important to them. “Let’s go to bed. We have a very long day ahead of us tomorrow, and we need to be well-rested for it.” I guided her to the bed we were sharing and tucked her in. Kissing her goodnight, I said a silent prayer that this was the right thing and I wasn’t doing more damage to our already fragile family. This had to be the right thing. It’s what we always talked about. While I was finding myself more excited by the day to leave this life behind and start a new one, I couldn’t help the butterflies stirring in my stomach, telling me things in Tennessee would change the course of my life forever.