Paradoxical Love

Chapter 4: Hickeys

Dark clouds surround the sky, no light visible, where am I now? I tried to raise myself, patted my back, my head hurt from dizziness, perhaps from when I fell on the floor.

I tried to open my eyes, I was able to return to my own thoughts. I heard a quick step from the outside to the music club room if I'm not mistaken, am I dreaming? But this scent is different, and each step sounded from a person stepping not from the floor, but with a mattress as well, it seems like my senses are starting to fail me.

"Brother?! Are you awake?" Kiana worriedly shook me until I totally woke up. This soft pillow that smells like Kiana, and the warm pink blanket wrapped around me; I'm currently in her bedroom, and I'm not mistaken. Surprised I suddenly got here, this is not the music club room so what am I doing here? This doesn't even make sense anymore.

I got a headache and it stings like hell, I lay back on the bed putting my head over the comfy pillow.

"Brother, just rest here, are you okay? Are you hurt or anything?" She probed my chest up my neck and forehead assessing if I ever have sickness or anything.

"What happened Kiana?" I'm curious as to what really happened of how I ended up here.

"Just two hours ago, the Student Council President called me out when I'm walking down the stairs to go home, she said you lost consciousness, so I went to you immediately. She also helped me take you here, in our home." My sister explained to me in detail.

She had no idea what had happened and what had transpired, which reminds me, now she mentioned, I remember it all like the back of my palm.

I will never forget that! The hell is with heaven, did that really happen?! I held my breath deeply, trying to be calm in the situation; first she kissed me on the lips and then on my collarbone then I couldn't handle it so I collapsed, that's exactly what ensued.

I thought everything was just a dream so my neck was a bit swollen from the pain of her kiss. I still can't believe it's true, I want to hit my head on the wall to wake up again, although this is the reality from the beginning.

"Why you looked like someone who just saw a ghost?" Her right eyebrow raised. I was pale with agitation, also sweating even though the air conditioner's at a lower degree. I have to hide this unpleasant memory from her or else I wouldn't have a good story for me to defend myself.

Kiana should not know about it no matter what happens. I quickly place my palm on my neck down to the collar pretending to have a stiff neck so that she could not see or even notice the marks.

This is bad, very bad indeed, it is not certain if there is a hickey mark because I have not seen myself from the mirror yet, but for assurance, I just did it regardless of the situation.

"Ah, no. Maybe I'm just hungry." I was changing the course of the conversation, looking at where her eyes were hovering, she's just staring at me right now, I'm still very worried.

"By the way, what's up with your neck? I check it earlier there are red marks all over it?" She mentioned and that was the moment I died deep inside.

Just what the hell?! She had already seen it here I am stupidly doing everything in my power just covering it up. What do I do now? I don't have a plan for this.

I was shaking in my position as I tried to get myself together. Just what kind of mess did I come into contact with? I would have just thrown away that useless love letter so that all of this wouldn't end up like this. How can I avert that topic in this situation? I guess it comes down to me, and my very next words I will utter determines my future.

Why am I the one who got involved in the madness and craziness the Student Council President conceived? That girl of a maiden, she's not an honorable student at all, rather a snake in disguise.

"Ahh this..." I could not look her in the eyes while thinking what is the best excuse, and I'm running out of seconds, she might start suspecting me like that.

"Mosquito bite I guess? Hehehe." I jokingly replied and my silly acting seemed very obvious.

My laugh sounds like it was picked up from a discarded script note. This situation is bad and not changing, I need an extreme turning point, a turning point that will change the whole thing we are talking about.

"Huh? But I also saw those weird marks on your chest? It looks like–" Even before she could utter the exact details, I pulled her closer with a jerk before I could get caught red-handed. I pretended to caress my stomach with twinkling eyes, the so-called acting as like I'm hungry.

"Ah eh–I'm hungry, I want ramen cooked by my sister, pretty please...?" This is getting awkward, as in I'm trying hard to shift the topic. I hope my magical words would work out, please just now at this moment I must believe in myself.

But she's just inspecting me with her keen senses while she's altering her eyes from looking at my chest and neck, I noticed she was wondering, that's where all my sweat poured out of my body when she suddenly grinned, and it was also replaced by the smile I asked for.

"Yes, big bro! Hehehe, I'll prepare what you asked I just can't stand you being hungry." She happily mentioned it to me.

She ran to the kitchen while hopping happily, she really looked like a child but that's what I liked about her. She's so cute and beautiful, maybe she would have been my girlfriend if she wasn't really my sister. But on the other hand, it's good that I escaped the brink of getting exposed, or else it will turn different.

Anyways, for god's sake, my plan was effective. What if she had known the truth? What would my sister think when she found out all this? I was a little relieved of what had happened although it was a serious matter and I was in the middle of a big problem.

While Kiana was cooking ramen in the kitchen, I closed the door to her room and took off my top clothes. I know it's too awkward too, I'm rational enough to realize undressing in your sister's room while she's gone isn't something a brother normally does. Well, I don't care what I think because I don't have ulterior motives.

I sat on the rolling chair in front of the table full of books about BL, which means boys love or the love story of two men. That is messed up, but I can't blame her since I also have a lot of the opposite genre of her compendium. We are only human beings and carry a lot of desire, just like light, it cannot be called light if it does not have a shadow.

As I unfolded the truth, I looked closely at the big mirror hanging on the wall right in front of the table, I patted my neck, on the side where she kissed me, a little hickey greeted me, I no longer wonder why Kiana suspects it looks like an insect bite.

Maybe I was struggling back with exceptional force as the Student Council President's kissing me so the marks didn't look like a hickey.

But, what really surprised and disturbed my mind was the country kiss marks on my chest, it's as if it was sucked with a great might of force. The hickeys were overlapped all over below my collar bone that anyone who could see this might think it's some kind of bruise or rashes.

Does this mean after I fainted from the extreme stimulation, she removed my uniform and mercilessly sucked my chest like an all-you-can-lick lollipop before she called Kiana and told her I lost consciousness? Preposterous, unbelievable.

Who has a sensible mind to exploit the unconscious? I just can't believe what I just realized, the revered Student Council President just did an aggravating assault. She had the gals to commit a crime within the campus, and she's called an honorable student bearing her title as she's being showered in respect, deluding herself in pride and deceit.

This sucks like hell. Now I know the 'feeling of women' when their dignity gets trampled on.

But after all, does that mean she took off my upper uniform and beheld the huge scar on my back? There's no way she didn't see it, this scar of mine that I hide from anyone. Everyone already knew I had this, but only my sister sees it every day considering we're literally living under the same roof.

This scar from my back crossing my upper spine down to my lower posterior muscle. This is why I am like this now, the reason why the students treat me differently. Although I do not want to bring back the bitter past.

I dressed myself up I can't explain this to my sister if ever she caught me naked in her bedroom. I was just wondering what's the real purpose, or should I say what prompted her to do that heinous action? It's just impossible and out of the ordinary.

The charismatic, diligent, talented, school idol and beautiful Student Council President of Saint Legacy University who, due to her great popularity, her name has reached other schools and other SLU branches. She also formed an alliance with neighboring universities when it comes to cultural festivals and sports festivals.

Her leadership is unmatched and when it comes to ability, she is the only former valedictorian in the high school she attended. The embodiment of respect, revered by everyone, if she is the sun, then I merely a human gazing upon her, that is the distance between us when it comes to the state in which we both stand.

Now, here we are just earlier ago she tried to abuse me in the music club room with a flashy love letter she put in my locker. I was a fool to go to the rendezvous point, and most of all I just let her bury hickeys on my chest, sadly I was unconscious when that happened.

I mean I was just so shocked and I couldn't believe that my brain couldn't process what seemed perfect, was actually darker than my darkest side.

I don't involve myself much with her when I'm in our classroom as I don't care about anyone in the first place. I mean, no matter how terrifying I am, she can blow away my reputation using her overwhelming position as a student leader. It's just hard to imagine she had the hots for me.

I am feared by other students, known as the delinquent loner though, it makes no sense; what did she like about me and what did she want to convey? I will talk to her face-to-face if I ever get the chance. I shall confront that girl no matter what it takes, I will become a true delinquent just so I could get an audience with her.

If there is no chance, I will just force my way in so that I can just express my opinion of her. I have a lot of questions prepared for her alone. Anyways, enough with that mind-blowing topic, I'm hungry now for real.

Speak of the devil, Kiana opened the door wobbling while she's carrying the hot ramen above a tray, it's piping hot with rice and egg on top of it.

"It's ready! You like spicy beef ramen and traditional rice topped with fresh egg, right? Please enjoy." This is the heavenly smell of ramen. She's just explaining what she prepared for me I was already salivating. Her smile was what really matters the most, as long as she's glad, there's nothing I could ask for.

"Thanks for the food!" This first taste was already mouth-watering. This is what they call heaven. She truly is a good cook and what she comes up with are top-notch for sure.

Out of sheer emotion, the heat of the broth along with the beef flavor swims in my mouth, and the spiciness flowed with each sip of the noodles. The rice also accentuates the saltiness, it blends well in a harmonious gesture with each spoonful of it.

If I were to write a poem about it, it would be as if I were outside the hot spring while the cold air controls the temperature balancing the hot water.

Anyway, after I experienced this heartwarming food, she's busy reviewing in the corner. She was the one who cooked and it's bad of me if I let her do the dishes.

"Have you eaten yet?" I asked while going out of her bedroom.

"I'm on a diet, brother. Sheesh." She snubbed me off, she's too absorbed reading a book.

"You said so," I replied and closed her room without making a loud noise.

After I put away the plates back to the shelves, I went straight to my own room so I could sleep soundly.

But when I was meditating, it seemed that my palm just touched the part of my neck where she kissed me.

I wrapped myself in a thick blanket while shaking like a fool who remembers everything that happened. I still remember the drowning sweetness of her kiss, I still wanted to but I still have dignity left in me.

However, I must restrain my manly instinct at all cost, the greatest sin of all has already tainted my soul and body.

Controlling lust can be a pretty tough challenge base on experience. But before I could go to sleep, I held my chest again, my hand listened to this beating of my heart, there was a second that it was slow, there was also a second that it was hastening that I could not figure out why.

I gazed upon the locked window, how beautiful the dark sky was, especially when those stars were shining like this, shining above bearing their freedom upon us.

In the end, I couldn't get that incident out of my mind, her name was on my mind repeating over and over trying to remember her until my eyesight went completely dark. I hope I forget the Council President.

I hope I can forget how delightful her sweet kiss on my neck was.