Paradoxical Love

Chapter 7: Childhood memories

On a day of subsidence, the weather is warmer than the previous days. Subsequent observation of the class resulted in listening to the instructor. I usually read the next lesson in the library immediately if the information's not included in the books I always bring home.

I don't even like hearing those boring instructors, they kept blathering nonsense. Honestly, I find schools to be slow and somber, they are only teaching predefined knowledge without actually assessing a student's capability. They just go with the flow and I hate yielding to others the most.

But seriously, I just don't really want to listen to the teachers and I prefer to just study at home or in the library. After sleeping during the entire lesson, the class was over so it was time for recess; the favorite time of all students across the surface.

I usually stay out in the crowd, the cafeteria at this time will surely be a clamoring rabble. Besides, I'd tend to save my allowance every now and then, it's just the way I was raised 'cause I originally came from a poor family.

I also learned the value of money from Ariel, who was in good spirits, especially how caring he was, he preferred to use what he had worked for and saved for his siblings, to provide for their daily expenses.

Speaking of which, my friends are already here popping out like a ghost in a locker.

"Reyler, I miss your sister, is she busy?" Ged put his arm around me.

"I think so."  I nodded and didn't care at all.

"Hey you two, do you have anything to eat there? Is there? There is?" Ariel really knows when we are hiding something. I know my sister put cookies in the small pocket of my bag in front. I'll just get it now so he won't further bother me.

"Here, I'm fine so you can have it." I gave the bag of cookies and his eyes lit up like stars.

"Wow, chocolate chip cookies! My favorite, thank you very much." Everything is his favorite. I noticed he only ate a few bites and he put the rest in his pocket.

He is always like that, I used to wonder because it's always what he does, keeping the snacks so he can have for later, we know my friend is starving, but I have not seen him eat what we give him. Except at Ged's house, it's an eat all you can there, a real free estate for real. Even after we stuffed everything in our belly, the maids would bring more.

It was there that I realized to whom he was giving all that he keeps, that I thought he was a glutton for real, or maybe it was just because he had a faster metabolism. But I was wrong all along.

"Here's another one." I still have another pack of cookies, I'll see what he would do.

"For me? I can't thank you enough!" He took it, and when he's going to put it in his pocket again; I flickered his forehead lightly, he was slightly startled.

"Come on, have the snacks for yourselves." At first, he was hesitant because I knew he's always giving it to all of his siblings.

"Reyler... you're truly a great best friend!" He hugged me very tightly, sobbing so loudly. Seeing Ariel getting worked up is heart-warming, being considerate to her little brother and sisters was his priority as always.

"Les us not be gloomy, alright? Here, take this." I almost tripped over upon seeing the thing that Ged had brought.

Twenty-four pieces of premium chocolates glittering in golden foil on his hand, holding the newly-bought box, its golden reflection on the lid refract it lightly, Ged really presented gold to the two of us, what he has are the expensive chocolates one can buy in San Francisco Mall.

Such luxury is called snacks for him. Even Ariel himself stretched on the floor with his chin while gaping. For real, no one could buy those except if it's a gift for someone special. I bet the maids just stuck anything in Ged's backpack and he had no idea what the hell he was having.

"Give me too." I myself was silenced and took for me and my sister. This is what they call friends with benefits, as in literally tangible goods.

"No problem! Just make sure the box is empty though, the head maid in our house always thought I'm losing weight, that's why she's secretly putting random sweets in my bag." Ged was sweating just thinking the idea of getting reprimand, good for him someone cares for his well-being.

"O-Okay? Are you sure?" Ariel knew how much were the things he's getting since we both saw it when we went to a convenience store a few days ago. I'd like to tell him he can bring the entire box for him to have a souvenir.

"Speaking of which, just get the chocolates out of the box and bring them for your siblings. I still need evidence I ate them so I'll be taking the container." Ged suggested and Ariel hugged him as he sobs. He really is a sentimental person, this is the reason we get along pretty well.

"Ged! Thank you so much, you are a true friend!"

"Not here. Your drama's rubbing on me." I acted coldly. Ariel's over-the-roof sentiment, he can even become an actor if he deserves it. But, I know more than anyone how valuable it is when he says 'thank you' to anyone he shows his gratitude to.

"By the way, are you guys playing the new-released game?" Ged was silent as we were busy dining and savoring his own lunch.

"I just logged in yesterday, did you get the event weapon?" Ariel licked his finger, his cheeks had a tad of the cookie bits.

"I already finished all of the events" I answered, sulking on my sit since there's nothing to do anymore.

"When it comes to online games, no one can beat you." Ged praises me, I'm a game geek myself, I take what he said as a compliment.

"If it weren't for the slow internet at home, I'd have beaten you." Ariel also has skills in all kinds of games, though he does not have time to play. He is busy taking care of his siblings and doing his responsibilities, especially in part-time jobs.

The three of us have been talking for too long, I thought of going back to my daily routine first to get a breather.

I got out of my armchair in a discouraging state, carrying nothing at all, I set out. "I'll go to the library now." Informing them means they'd know what to say once the next instructor realizes I've gone out.

"Be careful, the instructors might come at your way this time." Ariel wanted me to be back in time when I initially planned to cut classes.

"Cutting again? All right, leave, we'll cover for you." Ged blinked twice, he already knows where I'd go because he is the one who is always with me when I'm cutting classes. We are kind of partners in crime. Recently he hasn't joined me since the last time we were caught, so I kind of understand he learned his lesson, but of course, I already learned mine too, it's just I want to do it again.

As I walked down the corridor, I felt peace perhaps the students were in their respective rooms. I calmly climbed the stairs, chalks tapping on the blackboard reaches the end of the hallway, this is like therapy for me, quiet and tranquil, nobody's looking, no one is there to judge me.

The music club room is just next to the library and my bewilderment was immeasurable. Naturally, the music can create noise, and the library must be silent because it's a place for reading so it should be quiet; it's an absolute contradiction, and whoever thinks it's a good idea might have a mental problem. The only good thing is that the library is soundproof so the noise will only come from inside.

Well, I set foot into the library, the cold breeze of the air came out and it was cold. I was rejuvenated, the silence was my home.

I'm actually not cutting classes in a perspective, it's extending because it's boring listening in class, so why not just study it alone when I'm much more comfortable.

The librarian doesn't seem to be slacking today so I should pay my respect. "Good morning, Ms. Rivera." It's good to greet others especially morning.

"Reyler, you are here again? Good morning to you too." She greeted me warmly, aware of the reason why I'm always here.

"Yes, I prefer being in here than our lifeless classroom." I merely said the truth. She's Xenovia Rivera, the librarian for our building and she is also an English teacher.

She's probably the kindest librarian in the world, even though she understands I'm skipping classes, she never forbids me nor said I should go back in the classroom.

Because she is not the type of teacher who will only hinder a student's wrong action, believe it or not, she knows every personality of every student she encounters.

Maybe she observes them of what they are doing or what they say through communication; I thought she was a psychologist at first, she said that it was just her hobby to observe the students going into the library, especially the handsome ones.

Because Miss Rivera's perceiving her surroundings including the people in it, she noticed that I used to hang out at the library, she also found out what books I read every day depending on the schedule of what I bring home.

She noticed that even though I tend to skip-classes, my grades were still high and weren't falling either. She confronted me and said she admired the way I can study better alone. So she has no reason to evict me from here, she also hides me from my instructors by saying I'm not in the library so I can have all the time I needed.

Not to mention Miss Rivera is a beautiful teacher. If I were not a student, I would have courted her, if only. I was just infatuated a little bit back when I first met her.

"Don't stay here for too long I told you. You might get colds." She warned me beforehand.

She speaks like my mother, she always reminds me of what I should do even at school.

Anyways, I just nodded wearing a simple and genuine smile, walked towards my favorite place, the last side in the corner of the first row of shelves, the books here are all about languages, grammar, and vocabulary and that's what I exactly get into.

I already chose what to read, I walked around and I somehow hear something like a cat at the back or wherever it came from, the sound came from near the shelves, it definitely got me curious since I'm a cat person.

"Nya~" The sound was near, I turned over to see for myself.

It was a moment of truth before I realized that it wasn't a cat or animal, and rather it was a person mimicking cat purrs. I decided to move forward to see whoever was it. And here I thought I'd see a cute stray kitten.

When it was just a bookshelf between where the supposed sound of the cat was coming from, I looked for a little secretly glancing around, there was a lady sitting on my favorite spot, her bangs were long, the title based on the cover of the books she's reading wasn't even an academic manual.

"The broken woman." Strange volume I may say, she's too focused.

"Nyaaa~" And there I almost flinched. She meekly did the cat voice again. This time I peeked and she really looked like a cat up close, with eccentric girly movements, she even rolled her fingers on her sideburn as she reads, moving her two legs and getting blush on her own.

She's a little bit weird, one can tell she's a geek or a nerd. But I must be honest she's a little cute every time she makes that cat voice, I had a feeling I know her face though I doubt myself. She seemed so familiar that I remember I met her somewhere. My head seems cloudy, still can't rummage my recollections.

Unfortunately, it's not that I'm ruining her lonely solo time but that long chair is mine. No one tried to sit there because they knew it's where I always waste time peacefully. Maybe the reason students going in the library dwindled down is because of me.

Using my authority, I sighed and walked normally, putting up my cool phase while looking at these lovely books. I took one even though I looked I don't know what it was about, and then I proceeded to sit beside her.

She obviously halted from whatever she was doing even though she was focused earlier reading like a bookworm.  Her hands are shaking, her face seems to be pale, maybe she thinks I saw everything when I do really beheld her odd personality.

I would have said that there would be no problem if I was next to her here. But I thought maybe she realized that the king had returned to his throne so she's planning to get out, or maybe she was scared to the point that she could not move an inch upon her finding out I was the well-known delinquent in the whole university.

"......" Silence still reigns. I guess she became a stone. I went on my own to read something I'm really after, which is the literature of modern age on the shelf just in front of her; so I kindly left what was on my hand on the chair and took the one I should have taken.

I bent down a little to reach the bottom of the book that is in the lower part. It's really hard to be tall, especially when I'm at home I always hit my feet on the wooden part of the bed every time I lie down considering my height popped these past few years.

As I adjusted my collar, my necklace came out a bit from the inside when I bent down so I put it back first, accessories such as these are forbidden in our university that's why.

Either way, I just took it and went back to the chair as if nothing happened. No anxiousness, no one's getting on my nerves, this is what I long for.

However, before I could open the book, I noticed that she was staring at me intently, her eyes were glued on my face that I couldn't understand what's with her.

The way she glares at me is creepy it made me uncomfortable. For some reason, she also gawked at my neck, that's when I started to get nervous, she's obviously gazing at me without any remorse.

This is bad, I can't read peacefully at this rate. It's up to her, go ahead with this place, this is getting annoying I should just find another spot and leave her be.

I'll adjust, now that I remember, isn't she also skipping classes? How did she get through Miss Rivera's surveillance? I don't care anymore, give me a break.

When I got up, she willfully restrained me, grabbed my two hands, and laid me down on the long chair, this scenario looks so familiar. It just happened for like split seconds I can't even react nor say a word.

Wait, am I getting assaulted again? Is she like the Council President? Good lord. I was going to struggle and force her to unhand me at once but she slowly insinuated her fingers on my throbbing chest up to my sensitive neck.

Lord! Not that I'm assuming, but, am I really targeted by helpless women in life? I mean, it's called assault but wait, doesn't this situation's unfair. Even if the lady does it, it's just the same and she committed a crime. I'm getting nervous and sweaty, I waited for what she would do next.

Since I closed my eyes like a fool, all I could hear was the clattering of the double-cross pendant of the necklace I was wearing every day. It's usually hidden in my t-shirt so it's not obvious. Probably she saw me wearing it when I picked up a book under the bookshelf a moment ago.

Anyways, I could feel her warm breath enveloping my ear, tickling, though she whispered something to me as if I was deep in thought, trying to remember the past that was slowly unfolding.

"Is that you... Gill?" Her meekly gentle voice seems subtle, I was dumbfounded, I gently opened my eyes and answered her question with my own question. Reflected on the refraction, but now I remembered everything like the back of my palms.

I was right the moment I saw her to a certain degree. "Is it really you, Fiora?" I called her nickname, I'd never forgotten it.

That is the time when my childhood memories have come back to me like an overflowing dream.