The Unstill Life

CHAPTER NINE

For almost two hours on Saturday night, I lay on Mel’s bed and watched as she tried on every item of clothing in her closet. Twice.

“What about this?” Mel stood over me in a cropped green T-shirt and a pair of black jeans. Her tattoo peeked over the waistband.

“You look gorgeous,” I told her for what felt like the thousandth time that evening. Mel always looked gorgeous. I wondered why she couldn’t see it. I’d kill for legs half as long as hers.

“It’s not too slutty?”

“No, it’s fine. You look hot, but not desperate.”

Mel crossed to the mirror and scrutinized herself again, turning this way and that. “I guess it will have to do. He’s going to be here in about twenty minutes, and I haven’t even started on my makeup.”

I groaned.

“What about you? Are you going to change?” Mel glanced over her shoulder at me as she unscrewed the cap on her eyeliner pencil.

“Nah. I don’t have anything to change into.” It hadn’t even occurred to me. I looked down at my comfortable worn jeans and faded hoodie.

“Here.” Mel tossed a shiny black blouse in my direction. “At least change your shirt.”

“It won’t fit,” I muttered, but I replaced my sweatshirt anyway. There was no point in arguing with Mel. “Can I use your mascara?”

I could feel the low thrum of bass as soon as we turned onto the street. Light poured from the house, and even at only nine there were kids sprawled on the lawn.

“This is it?” I leaned over the seat to whisper to Mel.

“Yeah. Jeremy’s older.”

I bit my lip. That didn’t do much for my confidence.

“Come on, Livvie. It’ll be fun.” Mel had her door open even before Eddie turned the engine off. Excitement prickled from her in visible waves.

I slid out of the car and followed her down the street, the bass sending pulses of blood red across my vision. I steeled myself for the overload I knew would come when we got close enough to hear the rest of the music.

The house was large, but so stuffed with bodies it was difficult to breathe. I squeezed through the crowded hallway, keeping my eyes fixed on Mel’s blond head in front of me. We passed through a living room where people were dancing, the furniture pushed back against the walls. Eddie high-fived with several guys, but didn’t stop to talk. He seemed to have somewhere to go. We passed through a doorway into a room that was even more crowded than those we’d been in before. The noise of voices almost drowned out the music, and a haze of heavy smoke hung over everything. My head spun, colors and flavors coming at me in every direction, red and spicy one moment, blue and bitter the next. This was why I hated parties.

“Here!” Mel lurched toward me, a coffee mug in each hand. She thrust one at me and I took it, the strong-smelling liquid splashing over the rim and onto my hand. I licked it off, startled by the harsh alcoholic flavor. I watched Mel belt back a huge swig. Her eyes watered, but she managed not to grimace. Eddie pressed through the crowd and joined us, a mug of his own clutched in his fist. I glared at Mel. Wasn’t he driving? She ignored my look and moved closer to Eddie.

“Great party,” she yelled over the noise.

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed.

I leaned back against the wall and watched the smoke swirl around the ceiling. I sipped my drink, but it was too strong and burned my throat. Across the room, two boys yelled at one another. The music was so loud I couldn’t hear the words, but I could see the way they leaned in toward each other, their faces contorted into something ugly and terrifying. Cords stood out in their necks, and they bared their teeth bared like animals. I shivered.

The room did not fall silent, but something changed as everyone became aware of the shouting boys. Conversations dropped to whispers. People peeked over their neighbors’ shoulders with furtive eyes. Another boy stepped forward with his hand raised, but the pair were so embroiled in whatever was going on between them, he was ignored.

“Mel,” I said through clenched teeth, tugging on her arm. “Let’s get out of here, okay? I don’t feel good about this.”

She took another pull on her drink. “It’s fine, Livvie. Nothing to do with us.”

Before the words were out of her mouth, the taller of the two boys threw a punch. The other one, a blond, staggered backward with the force of the blow, but managed to stay upright. He clutched his jaw. His face purpled, looking as if it might explode like an overripe melon. He circled the other kid, raising clenched fists from his side.

“C’mon.” Eddie wrapped an arm around Mel’s shoulders and led her around the outside of the room. I followed them, my stomach knotting at the sudden change in atmosphere. It felt dangerous in there, and I was glad to slide out the back door onto a tiled patio.

“Wanna hit?” A tall, thin girl with stringy brown hair thrust a joint at me.

“Uh… No thanks.” My world was trippy enough without adding drugs.

“Suit yourself.” She drifted away, trailing pungent smoke behind her.

I looked around for Mel and Eddie, but they’d vanished. Great. Unsure what to do, I took another sip of the drink still clutched in my hand. Man, it was nasty.

“Hi, Livvie.” Elise Barrowman staggered around the side of the house holding hands with a skinny boy I recognized from my bio lab. Frank? No, Joseph. “Isn’t this the most awesome party?”

“Yeah. Awesome.” I nodded and tried to smile. Where was Mel?

Elise bent her head close to me, and I could smell her breath, sharp and alcoholic. “Did you try the punch? It’s soooo gooooood.” She giggled.

“No. Must have missed that. I just got this.” I held out the mug, which she took.

She took a messy slurp, liquid dribbling down her chin. “Oooops.” She giggled again, the high-pitched sound sending neon blue zigzagging through my skull. She tried to pass the cup back, but I shook my head, watching as she handed it to Joseph.

“Have fun,” I said, moving away and heading into the darkness that lurked just beyond the edge of the patio.

The lawn was soft beneath my feet. I slipped off my sandals and curled my toes through the cool, damp grass. Behind me the music and voices receded into a constant murmur, green and blue by turns. I walked further, amazed at how far the lawn stretched. The heavy scent of roses perfumed the air, and I breathed deeply as I circled a huge old tree that sat in the center of the yard. For a long time I stood, my back pressed into the knotty bark, breathing in the scents of roses and grass. I wished I could stay there all night, but I knew I needed to find Mel.

I headed back toward the house, pausing outside the kitchen door with my ears pricked for the sounds of yelling I knew punctuated a fight. Nothing. I peeked around the doorframe and was relieved to find the fighting boys gone. The place they had been was filled with other kids, talking, laughing, dancing, and smoking as if nothing had taken place. I walked in, eyes sweeping the room in search of Mel and Eddie. They weren’t there.

I worked my way across the kitchen and through the door to the living room. A girl danced in the middle of the floor, eyes closed, her body gyrating to the beat. She didn’t seem to notice the eyes following each sinuous move she made, and I wished I could be so unselfconscious. I kept walking, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. The sway of her hips mesmerized me. Her skirt clung to her legs, the folds creeping up to reveal strong, muscular thighs and just a glimpse of pale pink panties. I tore my gaze away and looked up. Her head tilted back so her hair swung loose and free behind her, her lips parted as if waiting for someone to kiss them.

I slammed into someone, the spell breaking in an instant. “Oh! Sorry.”

“No problem, darlin’.” The boy grinned, revealing a lot of very white teeth. “You need a drink?”

“No, I’m good.” I shook my head as he held out an almost full bottle of vodka.

“Suit yourself.” He smiled again and reeled off in the direction of the kitchen.

I found Mel and Eddie in the hallway. They were squeezed into an alcove under the stairs, faces melting into one another as they kissed. Their mouths made wet smacking sounds against each other. Heat flooded my face at the fleshy pink color of the noise. I backed away, not wanting to see or hear any more. But I didn’t want to lose them again either, so I settled myself against the wall a few feet away, fixing what I hoped was a friendly smile on my face. Just not too friendly.

It felt like forever before Mel and Eddie stumbled into the hall again, both blinking in the dim light.

I pushed myself off the wall. “There you are! I think we should go home now.”

Mel wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand, smearing her already smudged lipstick even more. “Now? It’s early, Liv. I need another drink.”

“I’ll get us one.” Eddie kissed her cheek with lips wearing a scarlet stain that matched hers. He walked away, shouldering his way through the crowd that had thickened in the time I’d been standing there.

“Please, Mel? I want to go.” I tapped her arm to get her attention.

“Not now. Eddie’s brother is here. He saw you earlier and wanted to meet you. He said you were super cute.”

I gave her a skeptical look. Me? Cute? Did she expect me to believe that? “Seriously?”

“Yeah. Seriously. And he’s almost eighteen, too. Let’s see if we can find him.” Mel took my arm and tugged me along with her as she trawled the hallway and living room. I followed reluctantly, running my fingers through my hair.

“There she is!” Eddie swooped down on us, enveloping Mel in a bear hug that made her squeal. “Adam, you remember Mel, right?”

“Mel.” The tall, dark haired boy with the cocky grin bowed gallantly. “And who’s this?” He fixed his gaze on me.

“This is Livvie. Remember? My friend?” Mel shoved me toward the guy who I recognized from earlier. He still strangled the vodka bottle in his fist.

“Ah… So this is Livvie. I’m Adam. Eddie’s older and much better looking brother.” He grinned again, and my heart sped up a little. He wasn’t kidding about being good looking.

“Hi.” My voice shook a little, and I knew my face was turning scarlet.

“You’re looking a little hot, there. Why don’t we step outside for some air?” Adam slung his arm around my shoulders and steered me through the kitchen and onto the patio. I looked back over my shoulder and saw Eddie and Mel dissolving into the crowd once more.

Adam drew me across the tiles and around the corner of the house. I breathed in the scent of grass and roses again, trying not to be too conscious of his arm around me, and the way our hips bumped as we walked. My heart pounded in my chest. What was I supposed to do?

“So. How come I haven’t seen you around school?” Adam stopped in the shadows at the side of the house and leaned up against the wall. His eyes glinted in the darkness.

“I don’t know. I’m there every day.” I shrugged. Why would he notice me? No one else did.

“You must hide. No way would I miss the cutest girl in school.”

My face flamed, and I stared at the ground. Me? Cute? Did he really think that? I snuck a peek at him and found his eyes on me. “I’ve seen you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m kind of hard to miss. Drink?” He held the vodka bottle out to me.

I took it and tipped it to my mouth, letting a thin trickle of liquid burn its way down my throat. “Thanks.”

“Do you run track like your friend?” Adam leaned closer, and I could smell the liquor, along with the musky scent of his cologne.

I shook my head. “No. Sports aren’t really my thing.”

“So what is your thing?” His voice was low, close to my ear, a soft, warm wine colored velvet wrapping my consciousness.

My chest tightened, and I had to work to draw in air. What was happening to me? “Art,” I managed. “I like art.”

“Cool. An artist. Would I have seen any of your stuff?”

“Probably not.” I thought he’d brought me out here to cool off. I was hotter than ever, head spinning, face burning, heart beating so hard and fast I thought it might explode through my ribs. I had to get myself under control. “I need to go to the bathroom. Do you know where it is?”

“Sure. Look, I’ll take you.” Adam wrapped his arm around me again and steered me back to the house. We moved through the crowd, and I was very aware of the looks we got, curious, incredulous, or puzzled.

“Here you go. The facilities.” Adam stopped outside a door in the wall of the hallway, near where I’d waited for Mel and Eddie to stop sucking face.

“Thanks.” I ducked inside, grateful for the dulling of the noise and the moment of privacy. I splashed some cold water on my face, surprised when it didn’t sizzle and send steam spiraling into the atmosphere. Staring at my wild looking eyes in the mirror, I forced myself to breathe. He’s just a guy, I told myself. Good looking, yes, but just a guy. He was a guy who seemed to be interested in me though. Me. Jules’s plain, freaky little sister. Hannah and Mel’s weird friend.

“Okay,” I said aloud, running my hand through my hair. “You can do this.”

I slid out the door and glanced along the corridor. Adam stood a little way down with his back to me. Three other guys were with him, and they slapped palms together, laughing loud enough that I could hear it from where I stood. I was about to leave the safety of the doorway when I heard one of the boys speak and ducked back behind the still-open door.

“So who’s the chick? I never picked you for a pedophile.” The boy who spoke laughed after he said this.

“She’s friends with my brother’s new girlfriend. And man, you’ve never seen a chick so desperate. In five minutes, I had her wrapped around my little finger. Give me an hour, and I’ll be getting laid. Oh, yeah.” Adam took a swig from his bottle and thrust his pelvis at the other boys, making a lewd hand gesture at the same time.

My face was hot again, but this time it was anger that burned behind it. I should have known better. What the hell would someone like Adam Fletcher want with me? I ducked out of the bathroom and headed down the hall in the opposite direction, losing myself in the crowded living room. Where was Mel? We had to leave. I had to get out of there.

I found Mel and Eddie curled up in a beanbag behind the couch. Eddie’s hand was up her shirt and their mouths were locked together again.

“Mel!” My voice, shrill and high pitched, slashed through the surrounding noise in an electric blue bolt. “Mel. It’s time to go.”

She raised her head and looked at me with sleepy eyes, hair tousled across her forehead. “What’s the hurry, Livvie? Aren’t you having fun?”

“No. I’m not. I want to go home, Mel.” I threw her a desperate glance. I couldn’t tell her what had happened with Eddie there, his fingers still tracing the curve of her waist. “Please, Mel?”

For a second I saw her waver, then her eyes met Eddie’s, and she appeared to melt into him, her body fitting to his. “Soon, Livvie. Okay? Let’s just stay a bit longer.”

My lips pressed against each other so hard I thought they might splinter. “Fine,” I managed. “I’ll go alone.”