Room Service Girl

Changes

While I was at home, waiting for my next tour to start, I started noticing changes in myself. For starters, I had an aura of confidence about me anytime I left the house. I could be wearing pajama pants and a tank top, letting my dog out to relieve himself in the morning, and I would observe and appreciate every sensation in my body and how my body moved. Noticing those moments caused me to revel in my femineity. I felt beautiful.

I started to become more outspoken with my husband as well. One of the things that really irked me about, let's call him Norman, was that he, as a man in his 30's, had never purchased furniture. Everything we had, he found either on the side of the road or he had begged off of his relatives for. For a bed, we were using a beat up black futon that he had owned since his college days. The sheets were scratchy and dark red with holes on them, the blanket was a fuzzy brown throw blanket with a bear in the woods depicted. Our setup was hard, itchy and always felt dirty. I had entered the marriage with no furniture, as I had sold my belongings when I had moved to be with him. Mind you, the home we were renting was a beautiful brick home on the upper East side of town. We weren't living in a dingy studio.

I brought up the idea of purchasing a Tempurpedic Mattress along with linen sheets and a proper comforter one night over dinner. I had about $5,000 in our bank account from my first trip left over and I was going to be leaving on my second tour in a little under a week. Ruby had just sent over my flight information and let me know that I was fully booked for the first five days of my trip so I was fully expecting to make a substantial amount of money soon.

Norman started laughing, "why would you waste our money on that? We have a perfectly good bed now. If you don't like it I can browse the freecycle group and see if anyone is getting rid of a mattress."

I put down my glass of wine and said "Norman, you spent a little over $4,500 on instruments for yourself. You didn't ask or consult me. They in no way benefit me. That was a you purchase. I will be buying the bed because I am not going to continue to live like this. You are welcome to try out the mattress with me. If you insist on the futon, you can continue sleeping on it while I sleep in a grown up's bed."

He looked down at his plate for what felt like ages, not saying a word. Then, he got up and left the table, grabbed his car keys and said he was going to band practice and then maybe to the Goth club afterwards because he couldn't be around me right now.

This was the first time I had stood up for myself. When I look back at our relationship, I can't help but feel as though he chose me because I was young and naive. Easy to manipulate and lacking awareness of having different priorities in home life vs being a deadbeat. My heart was racing as I said "Bye". He froze by the door, waiting for me to ask him to stay and say that I was sorry. I didn't. He left, saying "Bye I guess"

Later on, when cleaning up from dinner, I made up my mindto leave his dishes unwashed, exactly where he had left them. The table. I also decided then and there that I was not going to be a doormat anymore. I blasted my favorite pop punk back and, as the lyrics blasted over my new (gifted) sound system, I threw my own private dance party and sung along at the top of my lungs.

I bought that bed and ordered delivery. My first night on it was heaven. Norman sulked in the background because I was contributing to "Corporate greed" by indulging in the bed. I could care less. I slept hard and woke up without a sore back and without feeling grimy. Norman slept on the futon. We kept that arrangement up all the way until I left for my next tour. I knew that he was waiting for me to apologize for wasting money and was hoping that I would miss sleeping with him. I say this with as much sarcasm as I can humanly muster: L.O.L.

Not only did I not miss him, but I felt better than I had in ages. Changes were afoot and I was relishing them!