FALLEN

CHAPTER ONE

I believe all these started from the moment I met Desmond. He offered everything I ever lacked and desired. He offered peace, security, perfection and solemn comfort but along the line, he became my life, breath and existence. he made all sort of promises which he wasn't able to keep up to, he couldn't handle me anymore before I knew, I lost control of the entire love story not that I have ever had anything in control but I was hoping to make a difference these once cause this was my life but I couldn't and my entire world shattered before me, I broke down completely feeling like an epic failure, all I have done since I can remember is fail and now I thought I found perfection I couldn't handle.

That’s the beginning of all epic mistakes in my life. I questioned every single thing have been thought and known, I questioned my believes myself my personality. Desmond took away the fighter from my soul, he crumpled my strengths and I unconsciously became weak and always wanted him but that also didn't work. and that’s how I lost everything and my world, I was supposed to move forward but I always went back to the past searching for what I knew I could never find................

ALL I can do, all the remaining days of my life is reminiscing on my mistakes, faded dreams, self-disappointments and how unfortunate I have become not like am complaining .no am not cause I don’t see myself living any other life apart from my current life. I have resigned within myself that happiness, joy, miracles, blessings are not for me because I know all my previous years are compiled with constant disappointment, and unfortunate situations, all I Got as a girl from whence I can remember I struggled for it all, hands on deck. Till I forgot what blessing or miracle is.never the less I never relented till my cracks were no longer amendable. I became so disintegrated from myself I almost lost touch with reality But I didn't and I think it’s unfortunate also I didn't , if only I had lost it , I would have been free. I know I am a b***h but I think life is a greater b***h, she messes with whom she wants to mess with without information or apology and goes freely without been questioned.

I might be blaming Desmond for contributing or been a cause to my constant state but that will be an unfair lie, it all started from my family, from my foundation but I won’t blame my parents more cause they didn't promise me forever and left along the way. Do you know how terrible it is ‎having planned something with someone and later be neglected, DO YOU have an idea what it feels like to be neglected by the one that once protected you from all harsh and negative emotions. BUT HERE my parents are acting all indifferent to me but I rose above them, I was brave cause have already been made to understand the deficiency of parental care in my life and I braced up to it and was prepared for it and Desmond came and took away all my bravery, I worked so hard to earn and sustain. That’s why I despise him the most. my parents already had preferences and that didn't bother me, it’s something I got accustomed to and lived with. My parents fairly contributed, they choose my elder sister over me, always reminding me how less of a person I am , how not good enough I am and will probably not end well and I always made a decision to shock them, to surprise them and I think I did a fine work of letting them down as predicted by them ,regardless they also contributed cause if they had been there for me I wouldn't have given naively to Desmond's deceit, or even when I was hurt and broken they would have supported and stood by me as families do but they were too busy educating my elder sister on how to live properly while I the family troll was left to fend for myself.

Right now I wear my heart on my sleeve with a soulless body.