More than Distance

5

I choked on my soup, while Ryan dropped his fork on the table with a loud clatter. Anger and embarrassment flared inside me, competing for dominance. Where had that comment even come from? What was my mom thinking?

Daniel made gagging sounds. “No way. That’s disgusting. She’s like his little sister! And no offense Ryan, you’re like a brother to me and all, but I’d have to kill you if you even looked at my little sister like that. We all know what your track record is like, and Carla is way too good for you.”

“Yes,” Ryan said, his voice dry. “She definitely is.”

“Besides, she’s not his type, Mom,” Daniel continued. “He likes them blond, pale, and tiny. Or redheads, like that one actress, what was her name?”

I wanted to suffocate my brother with the tablecloth. Thank you Daniel for reminding me that I was the absolute last girl Ryan would ever be interested in.

“Skylar,” Ryan muttered.

“That’s right. Damn, she was hot.”

“Yes, but Carla’s beautiful too,” Mom said. “Don’t you think so, Ryan?”

“Mom, please!” I cried.

“Sorry.” She waved a hand dismissively. “I know you don’t like being called beautiful, but it’s true.”

That wasn’t why I was upset, but it was easier to stay quiet and let her think that. Tears pricked the back of my eyes and I stared at my food, wishing a black hole would open up and suck me into it. Suddenly I was an awkward sixteen year old girl with a secret crush again, instead of a twenty-two year old woman about to start a new career in another city.

I’d had a crush on Ryan for most of my life. I was eight when we first met, and I remembered thinking he was the prettiest boy I’d ever seen, with his raven’s black hair and midnight eyes. I’d spent the next few years trying to join in on whatever he and Daniel were doing, whether it was swimming in the pool, playing video games, or working on cars. I was that annoying little sister who tagged along after her big brother and his best friend, but as I grew older, I realized I had real feelings for Ryan that went way beyond friendship. He was the first boy I ever thought of as a boy.

I hid my crush for most of my teenage years and watched him date other girls with a burning pit of jealousy in my gut. Until I was sixteen, when I finally got the courage to confess my feelings for him, and got my heart broken in return.

That was the last time I’d spoken to him. Until tonight.

“Carla’s more than just beautiful, of course,” Mom said, still trying to salvage this awkward conversation. “She recently graduated from UCLA and is moving to New York soon to be a judge on American Supermodel. Did Daniel tell you that?”

“No, he must have forgotten to mention it.” Ryan’s eyes shifted to my face again. I wished he would stop looking at me. “Congratulations.”

Mom began serving dessert to each of us. “Normally I would be worried sick over my baby moving to a new city on her own, but… Well, it turns out she won’t be the only one moving there.”

“What?” I asked, my head snapping toward her.

Dad’s wine glass slammed down on the table. “Eva…”

“We have to tell them. And Ryan is family too! He should hear this.”

Dad shook his head, his lips pressed in a tight frown, and Daniel and I shared a nervous look.

“Mom, what’s going on?” I asked. Were my parents moving to New York to watch over me? I knew they were overprotective, but surely they wouldn’t go that far.

Mom donned a hesitant smile. “We have some news, which you might find a tiny bit…upsetting.”

“What are you talking about?” Daniel asked.

“I got a job. Giselle Roberts offered me the host position on Behind The Seams now that Lola’s gone, and I took it.” There was a heavy pause as she let the words sink in, but then she beamed at us. “I’m moving to New York too! We’ll both be on reality TV shows this fall! Isn’t that great, Carla?”

“That’s…that’s… Wow.” I was too stunned to say anything else. I should be happy for her, but I couldn’t help but feel like she was taking something away from me. I’d wanted to get away and start over, yet that wouldn’t be possible with my parents hovering over me the entire time. This was supposed to be my new career, my big move, and now she was following me? Going after the exact same dream?

“That’s great, Mom,” Daniel said, although he was frowning. “I’m happy for you, but what about the business, Dad? How will you run it from New York?”

“I’m not going to New York,” Dad said, his voice low.

“You’re not?” Panic rose up in me, but I refused to put together all the clues. “I don’t understand.”

Mom sighed. “Your father and I… Oh, there’s no easy way to say this. We’re separating.”

“What?” Daniel asked.

I stared at her, too shocked to speak. No, this couldn’t be happening. My parents had always been the perfect couple. They were the image I had in my head of what a strong marriage was, of what true love looked like. They were the goal I set for myself in all my relationships. If they were splitting up, then everything I knew about love and all my beliefs about marriage were wrong.

“I know this is difficult, but please try to be happy for me,” Mom said. “I’ve been a stay-at-home mother for the past twenty-four years and I’ve loved every minute of it, but my babies are grown up now. I need to do something for myself again.”