More than Distance

9

He snorted and took a sip of beer. “That good? Sorry, man.”

I dropped onto the couch beside him and he handed me an unopened beer. I snapped the top off. Even with how terrible this evening had been, sitting here with Daniel immediately made me feel a thousand times better. I was transported back to the old days, when I’d escape my house and crash at his as often as I could, when Eva would make us dinner, Henry would pull out an extra plate for me, and Carla would plop down beside me with a smile. Back then, I’d felt like I was part of something bigger. Like someone actually cared about me.

“My dad’s an asshole. Nothing new there. I’m sorry about your parents too.”

“I can’t believe they’re splitting up.” Daniel’s eyes were on the TV, but I could hear the pain in his voice. I doubted anyone else would be able to, but I knew Daniel like the back of my hand. He didn’t show it, but he was taking this hard.

“It’s not right,” I agreed.

“Seriously. They were the one couple I could point to as having made it work and still being in love a million years later. And now…” He downed the rest of his beer. “Now it’s all gone to hell. Proof that long-term relationships don’t last.”

“I’ll drink to that.” We clinked beer bottles.

“You’re the smart one. You keep it casual. No promises, no strings attached, and no complications.”

I shrugged. “It works.”

There was a reason I never kept a woman around for more than a week or two, one that Daniel could never know. It was the same reason I never dated models, and why I stuck to shorter women, pale girls, and blondes and redheads.

The one woman I wanted was the one woman I couldn’t have.

Four

Carla

I shouldn’t have come here. This beach had too many memories and I’d managed to avoid it for the last six years without a problem. Until tonight anyway, when I’d gotten in my car and taken off.

I’d found myself heading north on Pacific Coast Highway, along the dark strip of road with the pitch black ocean on my left and the stars above me. Before I’d registered what I was doing, I’d turned down the small lane and onto the little spot on Zuma Beach that had once been my favorite place. Then I’d shut off the car and cried for a good ten minutes straight.

The tears had passed, but I still couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that my parents were splitting up. Never in a million years would I have believed it was possible. They’d never fought. They’d never seemed even a little unhappy. They’d never once hinted that something like this could happen. But there must have been signs, right? A marriage doesn’t fall apart overnight and they’d said it was a long time coming. Yet I hadn’t seen any problems at all. How could I have been so incredibly blindsided by this?

Of course, it wasn’t the first time I’d been wrong about love, so maybe my instincts couldn’t be trusted at all. Just last week I’d been shocked to find my boyfriend of almost two years screwing some other girl. I’d let myself into his apartment, hoping to surprise him when he got off work, and instead I’d found a naked blond riding him cowgirl-style on his bed. Now I couldn’t close my eyes without picturing her bouncing up and down on him, or hear the way he’d said “baby” over and over while he gripped her hips—like he’d once done with me.

I’d never seen his betrayal coming, despite countless warnings from my friends. They’d never liked Daryl, but I’d always insisted he was a good guy. How wrong I’d turned out to be.

After the blond had grabbed her clothes and left, Daniel reluctantly admitted he’d cheated on me before. In fact, there had been many other women in the time we were together. He’d claimed he got lonely when I traveled for work, that he had a s*x addiction, that the others meant nothing and he loved only me. He’d rattled off a dozen excuses and had even got down on his knees and begged, but I was done with him.

My friends hadn’t even been surprised, though they’d kindly refrained from saying, “I told you so.” I was the only one who was shocked, and I’d spent the past week bawling my eyes out. I’d thought I was in love with Daryl. He was supposed to move with me to New York. He was an important part of my five year plan. And now it was over.

Maybe the signs had been there all along, and I was the one who’d been blind—with Daryl, with my parents…and with Ryan.

My gaze swept over the dark waves lapping at the pale shore. Last time I’d been at this beach, I’d read the situation all wrong. I’d missed the signs and thrown myself at Ryan, confessing that I loved him, that I had always loved him. And then I’d kissed him.

Big mistake. Now I was back at the scene of the crime, and for what? To remind myself of the pain of my first heartbreak? To really drill it in my head that I couldn’t trust my feelings when it came to relationships?

I gripped the steering wheel of my Mustang and sighed. Ryan’s return must have triggered some masochistic side of me that made me want to relive it all again. Maybe because the faded pain of the past seemed more manageable than the current pain of the present.

Except it wasn’t. I couldn’t even get out of the car. If I did, all the memories and emotions from six years ago would come rushing back, and I didn’t need those on top of my current misery. My parents and my ex-boyfriend were enough to send me to tears without the added bonus of seeing Ryan again.

Why had he picked tonight, of all nights, to return?