More than Distance

12

I tore myself away from her. She looked dazed, licking her lips like she wanted more, and god how I wanted to give it to her. I was half-tempted to lower her down onto the sand and cover my body with hers, to capture her mouth again and slide my fingers across her skin. It took everything in my power to hold myself back, before we both made a huge mistake.

“I’m sorry.” I stood up quickly, adjusting my jeans to hide what was going on there. “That shouldn’t have happened.”

She blinked up at me slowly. “Why not?”

“Because I’m not the guy for you.”

“Yes, you are.” She stood up too, moving closer to me, but I took a step back. “Ryan, I… I love you.”

I cringed, knowing I would have to hurt her even more now. I had to end this fast, before it went any further. “You don’t love me. You have a childhood crush on me and I’m a jerk for taking advantage of that.” I ran a hand through my hair, hating every second of this. “I promise it won’t happen ever again.”

Her face fell, her eyes watering, and I was the biggest asshole in the entire world. I wanted to take it back, to tell her how much I cared about her, to tell her I didn’t want any other girl but her, but it was better this way. Daniel had made me swear that I would never touch her, especially once it became obvious Carla had a crush on me. Besides, I was moving to Seattle tomorrow for four years of college. I couldn’t get involved with anyone right now. Especially with my father breathing down my neck to go work for him at his company. The scholarship I’d gotten was too good to pass up, and I had to get out of the city and go after my own dream before I was trapped in a life I didn’t want.

Turning her down was the best thing for both of us. I just wish it didn’t hurt so f*****g bad.

“But you kissed me,” she said.

“It was a mistake.”

“I…I don’t understand.”

“I’ve been drinking and I got carried away. It doesn’t mean anything. You’re like a sister to me, you know that.”

“Like a sister. Wow.” She wiped at her eyes. “I’m so stupid. I thought maybe you felt the same about me. I guess I was wrong.”

I opened my mouth to tell her she wasn’t wrong, but then slammed it shut. It was better she think that I wasn’t interested in her. That way, once I was gone, she’d move on and never look back. She’d forget about me, writing me off as a stupid crush she’d had on her older brother’s friend, and then she’d find some other guy who could make her happy in all the ways I couldn’t. Even if the thought of her with someone else made me want to punch something.

“I don’t see you that way. I’m sorry.”

She nodded slowly. Her face turned away from me, her arms crossed, her body folding in on itself. The silence between us became almost painful, but there was nothing more to be said.

I gestured down the beach. “We should get back.”

She still wouldn’t look at me. “I’ll be right there. I need a minute.”

I hesitated, trying to think of something else I could say, but I would only make it worse. I walked down the beach, back to our friends, and left her behind.

* * *

That was the last time I’d spoken to Carla, until tonight.

My memory was broken up by her voice, jolting me back to the present. “What are you doing here, Ryan?”

“Daniel’s been drinking, so he asked me to pick you up. He’ll send one of your dad’s trucks to get your car tomorrow morning.”

“That’s not what I meant. Why are you in town?”

I stiffened. I didn’t want to talk about that. Not when Carla had enough problems on her mind. She didn’t need my s**t to add to it. That was my burden and no one else’s. “Visiting family.”

“And you thought you’d show up at our dinner table out of the blue? Now, after all these years?” Her voice was angry. Good. It was easier for both of us if she hated me. I should encourage that.

“Daniel invited me.”

She gazed across the waves, rubbing her bare arms. I shrugged off my leather jacket and moved toward her, but she gave me a look of pure disdain and took a step back.

“You’re freezing,” I said. “Put this on. I won’t bite.”

“I’d rather be cold.”

I held out the jacket again. “I realize I’m the last person in the world you want to be with right now. Trust me, this isn’t how I’d prefer to spend my night either. Put the damn jacket on and we’ll get out of here and go our separate ways.”

“Sorry for ruining your night,” she said sarcastically. “What, do you have a hot date? One of your blond actresses maybe? What was the last one’s name? Heidi?”

My eyebrow darted up. “You sure know a lot about my s*x life.” “You’re not exactly subtle about it.”

“Why would I be?” I gave her a sly grin that I knew would infuriate her.

She looked like she wanted to drown me in the ocean. I’d never seen Carla like this before. When we were younger, she rarely got angry, and when she did it passed almost instantly. She was always kind to everyone, even people who were rude to her, and she left every room brighter than when she’d entered it. What happened to the sweet girl I used to know? Had she really changed so much over the years?