Welcome Home, Doctor Zack

Chapter 4

Amy

I regretted taking the job the second I saw Zack. If I’d known he was friends with my boss and he often comes here, I’d have said no to working at that bar. Even if it meant going broke. Going broke was terrifying but not as terrifying as dragging my son into old wounds. I didn’t want to see him. Didn’t want to remember prom night, the mornings after, or the stupid heartbreak text he sent. It was all a hell of a memory I spent years to forget.

He broke me and then disappeared like it never mattered, like I never mattered, what a mean guy. I’d learned the hard way that shattered hearts still had to wake up early and pack lunches. But this looked too good to be true.

What kind of small-town horror movie was I living in? Of course Elsa would be friends with him. Of course he’d show up the day I finally got a stable job. Huh, nice. And of course Zim would recognize the one man in the universe I couldn’t deal with, because my son noticed everything, because it looks like fate clearly hates me.

So I did what I do best, pretend. Told Zim we were classmates. Shrugged it off and of course, Zim caught on right away. He always does. I’d raised him to read people maybe too well.

After storming out of the bar with Zim in town, I walked faster than I had in years, my grip tight around his small hand. I tried my best to hold back my tears. Crying could wait until he wasn’t watching. I didn’t want to think he could be after us. Could he have seen the resemblance? Heard something in Zim’s voice that made him pause? I didn’t want to know.

“Mommy chill out,” Zim said, completely unbothered. “That’s the man, right?”

“What?”

He gave me a look. “Don’t lie to me monmy. You stared at him like you knew him. And he smells like you.”

I stopped in my tracks, instinctively pulling him closer to my side. “What?”

“I mean, you smell a bit like lavender, and he does too. But…a bit warmer?”

I blinked. “Okay. Enough with the smell talk.” I forced a smile just for him.

“Classmate?” he teased me as we walked away. “He didn’t look at you like a classmate though, I could tell that.”

I gave him a look. “Drop it.” My voice was firmer than I meant—it was fear, not anger.

Zim snorted. “You’re so obvious, Mommy.”

He was such a smartass. I couldn’t help but think he might have gotten that from him. Maybe not, I was smart too but not that smart for a kid his age. God, I hated how easily Zim picked up on things. The instincts. The way he watched people like he could see straight through them. Sometimes it scared me how fast he was growing up.

I couldn’t even lie right anymore.

And worse — that scent thing? What the hell did that even mean?

The only thing I know for sure is that I shouldn't dwell on any of this. I didn't come back for him, I came back to give my son stability, and I can't let this incident thwart my plans.

I don't have time to dwell on myself. Someone depended on me. Yes, I should have known from the moment I prepared to return that this situation would eventually come to pass. I'm prepared, and I won't let anything sway me.

Come on, Amy, you can do it.

But some people really know how to act haunted.

The next morning, we went to the hospital for Lion’s checkup. My head still throbbed from the wine, my stomach was tight with anxiety. I checked Zim’s jacket twice, making sure he was warm.

But I had no choice. And couldn't even avoid that white coat walking towards me.

I knew Zack would show up. This wimp, after 6 years, finally knows how to act like a haunted rogue. How old is he, 6?

I spent one night trying to adjust myself as quickly as possible. I swore that I would never again show any mercy to this bastard. Mercy was a luxury mothers couldn’t afford.

I wonder what he was up to. He was wearing that stupid white coat, making rounds like some charming health god. Looking all put together, like he hadn’t shattered me once and walked away. He spotted me immediately and changed direction.

Here we go.

“Morning,” he said, all casual and simple. f**k, how could he still sound like that? Like he wasn’t the reason I stopped trusting people? Like time hadn’t carved a thousand cracks into me because of him. I tried to act normal and hoped my face didn’t show any emotions. Zim was watching.

“Please don’t talk to me now Zack,” I muttered.

“Hello Zim, how are you today buddy?”

“Doing good.” Zim replied and threw his eyes at me. Waiting for my facial expressions so he could know how to behave. My face, my tone. He was always watching me, mirroring me, learning how to read people like I did. I hated that he had to learn that skill so young.

“I didn’t know Lion was your father,” he said, keeping pace with me.

“Now you do. Congrats.” I said as I walked to the table to try and arrange Lions film examination that were going to be a hustle for me. I just wanted this done so I could get Zim home. I didn’t want Zack’s help. Didn’t want his charm. Didn’t want the feeling of being noticed by him again, not when I had fought so damn hard to stop caring. But he went ahead and did it anyway. Scheduled everything like it was easy, like he knew the system better than I ever could. he perfectly did everything even as I tried to push him away. Of course he had to be helpful. Of course he had to be good at this. Stupid golden boy.

I let Zim walk to his grandpas ward and the silence between us was now loud. I watched his small back until he was safely inside. My mind racing with endless questions I didn’t want to ask, not ever.

“I can help with the X-ray scheduling and stuff.. if you don’t mind. I’ve talked to the nurse and I think everything will go on with his examination.” He said a after a long silence I started walking away from him.

“I don’t need your help Zack, why can’t you understand that, I’m trying to handle things here.” I always have. With or without anyone’s damn help. For my son. Me, cleaning up messes while you walk in like nothing ever broke.

He cleared his throat “Amy, I… I’m sorry, I was young and stupid, I…”

“Don’t,” I snapped. “Don’t try to fix things now. It’s been six years. There’s nothing left to fix.” He stopped walking. I didn’t. I couldn’t stop. If I stopped, I’d cry, and crying was a luxury I couldn’t afford. Not when my child needed me steady. Not in front of him. Not ever again.

“And please, let’s not keep doing this. This random meet ups Zack. Are you stalking me. I don’t want anything to do with you Zack, just leave me and my son alone, please.” I said to him and walked away, didn’t care if it sounded harsh. I had to protect my peace, and most of all protect Zim. Because Zim didn’t need confusion. He didn’t need the ache of wondering why his father never showed up. He didn’t deserve that.

I walked back in the ward and found Lion shouting at the nurse again. His voice echoed down the hall.

Zim shrank beside me, his fingers digging into my hand. s**t! That was it!

I slammed the door behind me. “Enough! I am done with your drama dad. What the hell is wrong with you. You broke your leg, you’re old, and you need help cant you see that, you’re gonna let me and my son help you out. Either accept it, or rot In this bed yelling at strangers like a bitter old man.”

Lion blinked at me. For once, he didn’t shout back. He just turned his head to the wall and stayed quiet. Like he had heard nothing.

Zim looked up at me with awe. “That was so cool mummy, you’re so baad.” He whispered his face lighting up like I’d just won a fight.

I didn’t feel proud, though. Just tired. So damn tired.

I collapsed into the chair beside the bed and dropped my head in my hands. “No, baby. That was Mommy having a breakdown.” I reached for his hand anyway. But maybe breakdowns were overdue. Maybe I needed to break just a little, to get the weight off my chest.

But weirdly, I felt a little lighter. A little relieved from everything that was going on.

"Come on, boy, we have one more thing to do." I took his hand and sighed. Always something else to do. Always planning ahead for him. Time to figure out where Zim would go to school next.

"What?" Zim blinked in confusion. "We just came to see Grandpa, didn't we?"

"Yeah, Grandpa can wait. Let him get some more sleep." I led Zim down the long hallway again, heading towards the elevator. My thumb brushed circles against his knuckles.

As we passed the nurses' station, I heard some loud laughter and couldn't help but glance over. Several nurses were standing, some sitting, seemingly chatting, or perhaps complaining about a patient.

I seemed to be showing an expression I shouldn't have. Cause Zim asked, "Mommy, are you okay? Did you meet anyone you know again?"

"No," I quickly recovered and patted his head. Soft. Reassuring. "They were just laughing too loudly."

Zim imitated me, glancing back and sighing, "Yeah, they seemed happy."

"Maybe. But it's none of our business. Come on, boy, quickly. Let’s go." I decided not to stop, grabbed his hand, and quickened my pace. Forward was safer.

What I didn't tell Zim was that that had been my dream: to go to college, become a nurse or a doctor, and live a normal life.

What I didn't tell Zim was that that was once my dream. Going to college, becoming a nurse or doctor, and living a normal life.

But you can't always have everything you want, right? Look at me now: a mother, a bartender, and a chaotic life. A life built around one small boy who meant everything. Not too bad, huh?

Great. Just how life is great.