Please, My Professor

Chapter 15

Was it really a terrible experience for them? That s*x and that night? Because for professor Kenny, it was. Really it was a big mistake. She questioned herself why they ended up like that, at ang lahat ng mga nangyayari sa kaniya ngayon ay iyon ang simula.

She made a deal with her student na kakalimutan ang nangyari. Ayaw niyang maging balakid ito sa kaniyang profession, at lalong magbigay ng madungis na pangalan.

“Tsk!" She scoffed, then a deep sigh blew in her certain habang nakaupo sa kaniyang table at nagpapahinga dahil break time niya. Sa isip niya ay hindi sana mangyayari ang lahat ng ito kung hindi dahil sa Criminology Night na event na iyon. Kung hindi lang din sana siya uminom, at naglasing, things would never be like this.

That moment, during the event, she was drunk. It was her first time having freedom, and she was enjoying it. Ever since noong nalaman niyang may cancer siya way back when she was 23, pinagbawalan na siya ng pamilya niya na uminom. Even professor Jayon, her best friend, forbade her to do so. But this time, she was that woman brave enough to choose her happiness. At wala silang magawa because of the fact that none of us could ever stop someone from choosing their happiness.

“Oh…tulala ka yata, Kenny?” Biglang simula naman ni professor Jayon nang makita niyang nakatulalang nakatingin sa pader si professor Kenny.

" What's up? Iniisip mo pa rin ba ‘yon?”

Napalingon naman sa kaniya ang professor at naibaling ang tingin nito.

" No… napaisip lang ako kung bakit kami iniwan ni itay noong araw. My life wouldn't be like this kung nag-stay lang sana siya sa tabi namin ni mama."

“Alam mo Kenny, ilang beses na nating pinag-usapan ‘to eh… and it's not your fault kung bakit umalis ‘yong tatay mo. He wasn't man enough to stand up for you.”

Napahiyaw at napangiti siya ng palihim sa sagot ni professor ni Jayon.

“ What really is it to be a man? What makes a male, by gender, become man enough?"

Napaisip naman ng malalim si professor Jayon sa kung ano ang isasagot.

But what really a man is? By gender? By skills? By physique? Or maybe because of his moustache. How can we define a man? Some of us would say anybody can be a man, and some would say it is easy to become a man by gender, but not through his acts. Well, a man is not a simple thing. It's a synonym for responsibility. It's not gender, or by grace of the gods, or by moustache, it's defined by how tough we are in holding ourselves accountable for our actions.

Everyone says he is a man, but his actions speak up that he's just a boy pretending to be tough. A dreamer having a dream under his pillow. When someone endures, and lives according to his principles. When someone never runs for his responsibilities, that's a man. He is not a coward, nor a runner. He never asks why, but charges with the flag of ‘try me’. He enjoys the pain, and knows exactly the essence of war. That after all of these agonies, a mourning season will soon come to an end, and a new day rises with a bloom of hope. Happiness comes from the hardest suffering. That's man. He fears nothing, but leaves his responsibilities under his pillow.

“You see, Kenny… madali lang maging lalaki, pero napakahirap magpakalalaki.”

"My father, bakit niya kami iniwan? Lalaki siya diba!?” She asked, voice so abrupt and was very clear that she was already streamed up.

What he heard from her made him chuckle a little, and from time to time gazed up as he watched the fan rounding up at the ceiling, then he leaned towards her.

“Your father was not a man, Kenny. He's a boy.”

At natahimik si professor Kenny sa sinagot nito sa kaniya.

“What's the difference?”

"Figure it out…" He replied not aiming to explain any further.

“ Then I wished I could be a man, too, Jayon."

" No, you can't be a man, Kenny. And if there is something you wished you could be, please not from becoming a man. It's too hard.”

She curled her eyebrows, not ever trying to conceal her confusion. Then she replied.

“Huh?”

" A man carries a lot of responsibilities.”

" Then?”

"We're not a kid anymore, Kenny…" He became a lot more serious this time.

“Sorry…but you know why your father abandoned you? Because he can't be a man.”

She was silent.

“A man carries a lot of responsibilities in his back. Every step he take, he seems to be walking barefoot along with the edge of a knife.”

“Are we a burden to him?"

" No…that's the nature of a man– to carry such obligations.” He looked away, as he keep his conviction covered the entire end of the office.

“Your father left you because he can't be a man. He can't carry it anymore.”

" He's weak!" She replied. It was so low, yet enough for him to hear it.

Tumango naman si professor Jayon at lumabas ng faculty office. May klase pa kasi siyang tatapusin. Si professor Kenny naman ay naiwan sa loob, mag-isa ulit, at napaisip kung bakit derikta niyang natanong ang patungkol sa kaniyang ama, in fact, si Kevin naman talaga ang iniisip niya at ang nangyari sa kanila. She wanted to escape from it, at kalimutan ang lahat, ngunit huli na. Gusto niyang mapatunayan kaagad na hindi siya buntis upang lubayan na siya ng kaniyang estudyane.

Si Kevin, habang kasama si Ralp, ay nagkayayaang pumunta sa may beer house upang mag-inom. Kahit pa malapit na ang final examination ay hindi na rin niya ito alintana dahil na rin sa hapdi ng ka iyang nararamdaman. Baka kasi matabunan ng alak ang sakit nito, dahil alak lang din naman ang dahilan kung bakit nangyayari sa kaniya ang lahat ng ito.

“Oh, pumayag naman na si Kevin kaya go na tayo. Once in a blue moon lang kaya ‘to kung pumayag.” Ani ng kaniyang kaibigang si Sonya.

" Oo nga, tsaka libre din naman ni Ralp eh. Walang problema ‘yon.” Sambit naman ni Owen na kasama rin nila.

“Pero nakakapagtaka lang din diba? Kevin is not like this…like, look, pale and stress. Tol, may problema kaba?” Si Alfred naman ngayon ay sumabat.

“Tama na nga ‘yan. Ang mabuti pag mag inom nalang tayo. Sagot ko na lahat. Alam ko namang may pinagdaanan ngayon ‘tong si Kevin kaya bigyan natin ng malupitang unwind." Pasimula naman ni Ralp at inakbayan si Kevin…

“Diba Kevin?" At napangiti naman ito sa kaniya.

" Oo na…masubukan nga ‘yang unwind niyo na ‘yan." Sumagot naman si Kevin sa pang-aasar ng mga kaibigan.

“Ops, basta ‘wag kang maglasing Kevin…baka sa susunod makalimutan mo na rin kami.” Pabiro naman sabi ni Sonya at nagsitawanan ang lahat.

“Let's go!"