Chapter 1
644 Words
VOLUME ONE: MANNY FOR HIRE
PROLOGUE
TED
I TOSSED my last chip into the middle of the pile and scratched my thumb against the green felt on the poker table. Like a fucker, Little Willie grinned at me before laying down a stack of cards and stealing the entire pot of money. Asshole.
Screw this s**t. I'd run out of cash.
"Looks like I've taken you for it all, Ted," Willie said. The only thing that made me better was picturing my friend's little weenie and knowing I'd at least beaten him in that department.
No, I've never been a guy who looked at other men's peckers, but when your nickname is Little Willie a person has to wonder. No one knows where it started, but I imagine someone had inside intel.
"Guys," I started off my impassioned plea. "Give me one more game. This is my bachelor party in Vegas. I can't go out without anything."
Zach laughed. "Isn't this the part where you say you already won because you got the hot girl?"
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, that's true too, but this is a disgrace." And it's no lie Tina was the hottest woman I'd ever met. She did things no one else in their right mind would consider. But the fact I'd be privileged enough to marry her in two weekends didn't mean I didn't want to win at the table that night.
"Come on, guys," Yale with his blond hair, blue eyes, and baby face said. "Let's give Ted one more chance to lose."
"Fine, but not with money. I want something else this time," Xander King said.
"What?" I asked skeptically. These guys were my best friends in the entire world, but they were weird ass fuckers. I knew them. They're sick, sadistic f***s and the alcohol had flowed all night long. I wouldn't agree until they spelled out all the terms.
"If I win, you fuckers have to wear chicken suits with little wangs," Xander said with a smile, "for four hours downtown."
"Dude, it's Vegas. No one will notice." Yale shook his head. "I've got something better. If I win everyone has to get a tattoo of my choice."
"f**k no," Zach said, echoing my thoughts.
"A small tattoo." Yale rolled a chip between his fingers acting cool. "Two inches or less, like Willie's dick."
Willie threw a chip at Yale, but he ducked in time. "Fine, but if I win, each of you has to have a wax job."
"Wax what?" I asked swallowing hard. I'd always been a hairy guy.
Willie smirked, which should have been a warning. "Everywhere."
"Only if you watch, you sick f**k," Victor said running fingers through his dirty blond hair and laughing. "I'll agree to the wax job, but if I win I want each of you to spend a day wearing ladies' underwear and high heels on stage at an establishment of my choice."
Zach widened his eyes at him with a question. "No one give him any more tequila. That man can't handle his liquor. If I beat your asses, I want the lot of you to serenade my workers at a job site for three Britney Spears songs."
"Ohhh, tragic," Yale yelled. "Okay, Teddy, you're left. Shoot us with your worst." He grinned as if he thought I couldn't come up with anything terrifying.
I tapped the table twice, deciding how to word my bet for maximum screwage. "If I win, each of you has to spend one week working for my nanny service." Around the table five men's faces fell. Two of them gagged, thinking of babies and dirty diapers. It would be perfect.
Slowly each of them nodded their heads in agreement to the bets.
"All right then. Let's play cards," Little Willie said and cut the deck, sealing the fate on our futures.
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