Pressure
608 Words
The next few days didn’t give me time to think.
Reality came fast and it came hard.
School didn’t stop. Assignments kept coming. Deadlines didn’t care whether I had money or not.
But this time, everything felt different.
Before, I used to move through my day with a quiet confidence. Even if things weren’t perfect, I believed something good was coming.
Now… that belief was gone.
I sat in class, staring at my notebook, but my mind wasn’t there. The lecturer’s voice sounded distant, like background noise I couldn’t fully understand.
All I could think about was money.
Not profit.
Just survival.
“How am I going to manage like this?”
The question stayed in my head like a constant reminder of my situation.
My phone buzzed lightly on the desk. I glanced at it.
A message.
From a friend.
“Guy, you go class today?”
I stared at the message for a few seconds before replying.
“Yeah.”
That was it.
I didn’t have the energy for conversations. I didn’t want to explain anything.
Because the truth was… I was embarrassed.
Not just because I lost money, but because I had believed so strongly that I wouldn’t.
I had talked about trading like I knew what I was doing.
Now look at me.
Zero balance.
Zero confidence.
After class, I walked back slowly, my bag hanging loosely over my shoulder. The sun was hot, but I barely noticed.
My thoughts were heavier than the heat.
As I entered my room, I dropped my bag and sat on the edge of the bed. For a moment, I just stayed there, doing nothing.
Then my stomach growled.
I paused.
That sound felt louder than it should have been.
I hadn’t eaten properly since yesterday.
I opened my drawer and checked. Nothing useful. Just a few empty wrappers and things that didn’t matter anymore.
I let out a slow breath.
This was it.
This was the part nobody talks about.
Losing money is one thing…
Living with the consequences is another.
I leaned back and stared at the ceiling.
“So what now?” I asked quietly.
The question didn’t feel the same anymore. It wasn’t just about trading.
It was about life.
I couldn’t sit here and feel sorry for myself forever. That wouldn’t change anything.
But at the same time… I couldn’t pretend everything was okay either.
I needed to move.
Even if it was a small step.
I picked up my phone again and opened my notes. Not trading apps this time. Not charts.
Just a blank page.
I stared at it for a while, then started typing.
“Mistakes I made.”
One by one, I wrote them down.
Entering without full confirmation.
Ignoring risk.
Holding onto loss.
Letting emotions control decisions.
I stopped and looked at the list.
It wasn’t easy to admit these things. But it felt… necessary.
For the first time, I wasn’t blaming the market.
I was looking at myself.
And strangely… that gave me a little bit of control back.
Because if I was the problem…
Then maybe I could also be the solution.
I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath.
“Alright,” I said quietly.
“No more excuses.”
The words felt small, but they meant something.
I wasn’t rich.
I wasn’t successful.
I didn’t even have money right now.
But I was still here.
And that had to count for something.
I opened my eyes and sat up straight.
The pressure was still there.
The struggle hadn’t disappeared.
But now… I wasn’t running from it.
I was facing it.
- Writer
