If I Wake

East Africa 40,000 BC-1

East Africa 40,000 BCThe cold, hard surface drags me from a restless sleep. A stick digs into my side. I’m sure it wasn’t in my bed when I went to sleep. I reach out to touch the walls of my bedroom, my hands flailing around in the empty space. My stomach drops. The walls aren’t there. A cool wind ruffles my loose hair.

I snap my eyes open. My bedroom ceiling, with its off-white flaky paint, has vanished. My whole bedroom is missing, including my bed. I furrow my brow; Mum will not be impressed I’ve lost something I was lying on.

I stare up at a night sky, waiting for my room to return. It doesn’t. Millions of twinkling stars continue to create a glowing world high above me. I search for the stars Grandpa taught me before he passed away; Orion’s Belt, the Southern Cross and the Two Pointers, but there are so many, I can’t find the familiar ones.

I shiver and bite my lower lip. What if my wish of not being born has come true and I’m where people go when they no longer exist? They don’t teach us about dying at school. I shiver.

I feel like I’m still alive.

I once overheard a classmate tell a story about his cousin who sleep walks. I consider this, but I’m not sure how far I would have had to walk to see this many stars. I guess it would be far enough to give me blisters, but my feet are fine. Still, it’s a possibility.

I sit up, I’m perched on a wide rocky ledge, the stone absorbing the chill from the night air. Cliffs rise behind me and beyond the shrubby landscape below is dark and shadowy, not a street light in sight. I rub the goose bumps on my arms as the cold seeps through the animal skins I’m wearing. They smell funny. I don’t remember changing out of my party dress.

I pinch my arm and it hurts, so I figure I’ve been magically transported somewhere, like in a library book. One girl in my class went to Fiji with her family and everyone wanted to be her friend when she got back. Maybe this adventure will be interesting enough to get me a friend at school.

A star shoots across my line of vision, magically missing a collision with all its neighbours. Its beauty is mesmerising. Grandpa once told me if I wished on a falling star it would come true.

“I wish I had a friend,” I whisper as I follow it with my eyes.

The star falls from sight. Below its path, a small bonfire catches my attention. The hypnotic leaping flames have me creeping cautiously towards it, careful not to trip on the uneven rock. I rub my arms again imagining the fire’s warmth.

A boy dances around the flames, singing and throwing something into the fire. He looks not much older than me, twelve years old at the most. He brushes his dark, matted hair from his face as the light flickers over his tanned skin. He dances as if he is the only person in the whole world.

I stand transfixed until my leg falls asleep and I have to move. I make a slight sound as I do so, startling the boy. He moves swiftly, putting the fire between us while he studies me. He wears animal skins like I am, but moves with the grace of a wild creature. I try to look friendly.

“Hello,” I say. He grins, showing off white teeth.

“You came!” he exclaims. No one has ever been excited to see me before, perhaps he thinks I’m someone else.

The boy stalks towards me. I stand still as he approaches, so not to scare him away.

“Oh Spirit, I am Wu.” He tilts his head to one side as he assesses me. “I expected you to be bigger.”

I sigh. He does think I’m someone else.

“How did I get here?” I ask anyway.

“I summoned you.” Wu grins like he created the wheel. It’s a better explanation than anything I came up with, but I don’t know anything about being a spirit. I’m just plain Lucy.

Wu reaches out and touches my hair. It’s smooth because I washed it for my party, even if it is boring brown and not beautiful silky blonde like Rachael’s. Wu runs his hands through my hair; I don’t move as he studies me.

“How do you make your eyes that colour, Spirit?” He stares into them like he has never seen anything so amazing. Maybe my eyes are not as bad as Grandma said.

“I don’t know. My name is Lucy,” I tell him.

Wu tries to say my name, but the sounds are unfamiliar to him. He settles on calling me ‘Lu’. I like it. I’ve never had a nickname before. Only people with friends have special nicknames. Now we are Wu and Lu, I finally have a friend. This makes me smile, which makes Wu smile. This is what happy feels like.

Wu collects a stick of fire and kicks out the rest of his bonfire. He grabs my hand in his free one and leads me along a narrow rocky trail towards his home. I’ve never been asked to anyone’s house before. My stomach churns with excitement.

I would have walked past the cave if not with Wu. The entrance is narrow with stones piled up as a doorway. I slow as we approach. Wu tugs on my hand pulling me forward. He lets go to shift a large rock aside and wriggles through the gap. I bite my thumb nail. My feet hurt from walking barefoot and I’m tired. Something rustles in the darkness, I glance over my shoulder at the unidentifiable sounds of this strange world and dart after Wu. He rolls the rock back into place behind us, muffling the noises.

Wu’s flame torch provides a flickering view of the musty cave. A few people lie snoring on the floor, but a woman approaches us to scold Wu. He should know better than to go out in the dark on his own, even with fire. She stops when she sees me. Wu holds the flame up so Mother can see my eyes. She gasps in surprise. The flickering light reflects off her brown eyes like Wu’s.

“She’s a spirit,” Wu announces.

I shift from aching foot to foot, waiting for her to tell me to leave, but instead she studies me intently. Wu lifts a lock of my hair for his mother to touch. She rubs it gently between her calloused fingers.

“What tribe do you belong to?” she asks.

“I don’t have one,” I admit.

“It’s dark outside. She’ll have to stay here with us,” Wu says.

His mother gives a slight nod of her head and Wu tugs me away before she can change her mind. She continues to watch me closely, as do several other sets of eyes in the cave.

Wu leads me to a pile of grasses and animal skins on the floor that is his space. He pulls me down to the cave floor and I curl up next to my strange new friend. He wraps us both in a thick animal skin and I lie still trying to stay awake, so I can hold onto the feeling of his warm body against mine.

I stare at the darkness until I am unsure if my eyes are open or closed, and listen to the sounds of the family shifting in their sleep. I eventually drift off in the strange surroundings, listening to Wu’s even breathing.

I lie perfectly still, keeping my eyes firmly closed as I try to hold on to the calmness of my dream. All the details from the brilliant starry sky, to Wu’s messy hair and friendly smile come back to me. I can still smell the musky odour of the cave and the animal skins. Once I’m sure I won’t forget the dream, I allow myself to think about what today will bring.

Yesterday was Saturday, leaving only today before I have to go back to school and confront the laughing faces of my classmates who know no one came to my party. I squeeze my eyes shut further to prevent tears from escaping. I consider how to make myself look sick enough by tonight that Mum might let me stay home on Monday.

The thought of tomorrow makes my stomach clench or it could be my belly rumbling. I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast yesterday. Mum will have arrived back late from work and will still be sleeping. I have to make my own breakfast. Eventually hunger and a full bladder drive me to open my damp eyes to face the day.

Wu crouches next to me in the dim light. I sit up abruptly, narrowly avoiding hitting my head on the sloping cave wall. The animal skin blanket slides off me. The rocks blocking the entrance have been moved letting a small amount of daylight into the gloomy cave. Several people remain inside with us, but most have left.

“I’m still here,” I exclaim. I reach out to touch Wu’s face, he is solid, real. I erupt into laughter, “I’m still here!”

“I worried you might leave, so I hung onto you all night.” Wu wraps his arms around me in a hug to demonstrate. I smile shyly at him.

I want to hang onto the moment, but I desperately need a bathroom. It looks like the plumbers are taking longer to get here than they did the time Mum had a burst water pipe. Besides the bedding on the floor and the space where Wu’s mum sits weaving grasses together and watching us, there appears to be a rubbish pile swept into one corner, but nothing to help me with my situation.

Wu glances at my crossed legs and pained expression and motions for me to follow him outside. He leads me a short distance down a well-worn track from the cave where a few scattered shrubs grow. Beyond us, grassy plains stretch into the distance. He points to the bushes and stands there, worried I will vanish if he takes his eyes off me. I make him turn around before I squat.

Wu reluctantly lets the women of his clan show me how food is gathered, while he hovers nearby. It is women’s work they say, laughing at him good naturedly as they hand me a woven basket to carry. Lu will not disappear while we look after her, they tell him. He stays anyway.

The men come back from hunting with a small ante-lope-like creature. They strut around with their chests puffed out as they prepare the animal for the cooking pit. Wu says I bring luck.

The whole family gathers around the bonfire as evening falls. Sparks escape from the fire and dance up into the sky like glowing fairies. The smell of roasting meat makes my mouth water.

Wu’s mother finds me hovering at the edges of the light while the food is divided. She takes my arm and leads me into the circle. Lu is family, she tells me. Her words make me want to smile and cry at the same time. I dash my tears away so she doesn’t think I’m sad. Wu appears by my side with two portions of food. He smiles as he hands one to me. We sit on the ground surrounded by family as we eat.

It takes many nights before I stop expecting to wake up in my bedroom at home. Wu sleeps next to me every night to make sure I stay. I refuse to shut my eyes unless he has his arm around me. Sometimes I think of Mum and wonder if she misses me.

At some point I stop thinking I’m dreaming and start believing Wu actually called me here. After a while I forget I have another life in a different time. There is nothing before the moment I first laid eyes on Wu.

Although he is only twelve, Wu hunts with the older men. I ask to go with him, but he says it’s dangerous. Many men die while hunting. I pester him until he agrees to show me how to throw his spear.

The spear is made from a straight branch with a stone tip tied on using animal sinew. Wu made it himself. He shows me how to hold it near the back end with the stone tip pointing slightly up. He points out a shrubby target and throws it. The spear lands upright in the centre of the bush. He retrieves it and offers me a turn.

I hold it as Wu did and place my feet apart. I stick my free arm in the air, aim and throw. The spear bounces over the ground, frustratingly closer to me than the target. I glare at it. Wu laughs and tells me I have as much skill as a man trying to weave a woman’s basket. He retrieves the spear and offers it again. My second attempt is equally as terrible. I stomp my foot.

“The Elders say we should not compare ourselves to others, otherwise we may become vain and bitter. Always there will be greater and lesser persons than ourselves,” Wu says.

Lucy would continue to be a failure, but Lu wants to prove herself. Lu wants to be good at things Wu is good at. If I cannot compare myself to him, I will find my own way to do it better.