If I Wake

East Africa 40,000 BC-2

Some days the family goes for a long walk to a lake. The water is clear and icy cold, but it’s an opportunity to wash. I take out the braid I have adopted to stop my hair becoming like Wu’s. I shake it out in the water and do my best to wash it without shampoo. Wu watches me. A girl tries to copy my actions, but her hair is knotted and Wu doesn’t notice.

I’m re-braiding my hair when Wu’s seven year old sister, Lee gives a gurgled yell. She ventured too deep and lost her footing. A man wades over, but he can’t reach her. The family has always stayed in the shallows unable to swim.

I leap forward into freestyle stroke. Lee has stopped moving by the time I’m in range. I grab her hair and try to keep her head out of the water as I swim back to shore. The men take her from me as I reach the shallows.

They lay her on dry land as everyone crowds around touching her still body. Wu’s mother weeps uncontrollably, wailing about going to the spirits in the sky. I push my way into their centre and roll Lee onto her side, as I’ve read on the signs at the school swimming pool in a dream I had about another life. Nothing comes from her mouth.

I roll her back, measure the centre point where I have to put my hands and start pumping her chest. I say ‘come on, come on,’ because that always seems to help on the television show about the lifeguards. I keep pressing until my arms feel like they’re no longer attached to my body.

Lee chokes as water spews from her mouth. I push her onto her side as the water drains from her lungs. She is choking, gasping for breath, but alive. My hands shake and I need to pee.

Wu grabs me into a hug, he has never seen someone brought back from the dead. The euphoria of the situation stays with me for a long time as the family celebrates Lee’s second chance at life. I’ve saved a life. I’m finally someone special.

I’m surrounded by people wanting good luck, after I save Lee. I ask the women for help finding a flexible stick. It takes a while to explain as they want to give me a stiff one that is good for spears and hitting things, but eventually we find what I want.

Lee watches every move I make and helps where she can. She finds me a single edged stone for a knife, sinew from whatever it was we ate last week, and a couple of miniature spears the young boys play with before they are strong enough to throw the proper one.

I pick up feathers as we gather food and Lee shows me a gluey sap from a small tree. I work hard making my tool. Lee watches me practice and tells me when I’m good enough to show Wu. I give it a few more tries just to make sure.

The men come home from the hunt empty handed. They’ve found more special stones to be made into tools, but they couldn’t get close enough to the creature they were stalking.

Lee announces that Wu and I should have a re-try with the spears. The men gather around to cheer Wu; a competition will take their minds off the failed hunt.

Wu picks a target, but I make him choose something further away to be challenging for a spear throw. Wu’s spear falls just short of the target, but he is cheered for the effort. He retrieves it and offers it to me. I shake my head and hold up the little spear with three feathers stuck to the sides near the notch in the end. The men laugh at my spear, it’s no match for a man’s tool.

Lee passes me the flexible stick. I place my foot on the wood, bending it to loop the sinew over the grooves I made at both ends. I release it slowly and it keeps its bow. I slot the spear’s notch against the sinew, balance the front across my fingers and draw the string back then I aim and release.

My arrow flies through the air with a force Wu’s spear lacked. The direction is a little off, but it looks impressive as it disappears into the scrubby distance. Everyone stares at me until Lee starts cheering. Two of the men run off to find my arrow. Lee tugs on my hand so she can whisper in my ear.

“You belong to us now and if you ever get lost, I will call you back to us so we can take care of you.” She looks at me with big serious eyes. I’m saved from knowing how to respond by Wu approaching me.

He takes the loss well, more curious about how I made the new tool. I show Wu and the other hunters my weapon. They talk excitedly about how it could improve their chances of taking down game. I am asked to demonstrate it again.

In return for my weapon, Wu takes me to his secret hiding place and shows me how to make cave art. He uses various powders mixed with water to record our battle between spear and arrow. We place our hands below it and he blows paint over them to leave our prints surrounded by speckled paint. I like the idea that a little piece of me will stay here next to Wu even once we are gone. I have found where I fit in, here with Wu.

Eventually we start out for the home cave. The air is chilly, but Wu’s hand is warm in mine. As we walk we swing our hands to the rhythm of our footsteps. We follow worn trails and Wu tells me about the changing seasons and how the family reacts to them. He includes me in the future.

Wu senses the movement behind us before I do. He throws us to the ground and twists out of the way as the lioness pounces. I roll away from him in the fall. The lioness skids across the short grass and turns on Wu.

“Wu! Look out!” I scream.

I sprint to the nearest tree and scramble up into the branches. Can lionesses climb? I don’t know. My heart pounds as my slippery hands try to keep their grip. I’m out of breath as though I have run an entire hunt on my own.

Wu throws his stone tipped knife, but it glances off the lioness’s hide causing as much irritation as a stinging insect. He has no other weapon and neither do I. He takes a slow step backwards keeping his eyes on the beast. My stomach turns.

I don’t want to be here. I want to be home, safe and sound in our cave with the family. I force my white knuckled grip to release, so I can break a bunch of twigs from my tree and throw them at the lioness. They rain down like confetti.

“Hey!” I yell, it turns in my direction and snarls. “Go fetch help, Wu.”

“Lu?” Wu hesitates.

“I’m a spirit remember. I’ll be safe.” I don’t know if it is true or not, but the words sound reassuring.

Wu backs away quietly over a rise as the lioness advances towards my tree. I make snarling noises and make swiping motions with one arm to hold its attention. I slip and grab my branch with both arms as a squeak escapes my lips.

I’m unable to break eye contact with the beast to see where Wu is. Just as I think he must be away free, Wu knocks a rock loose. The lioness spins around and drops into a crouch. It creeps back towards the location Wu has disappeared.

I break more twigs from my tree and throw them, where they land uselessly on the ground. I hiss and snarl, but the lioness’s attention doesn’t waiver. If I yell, Wu will come back and be eaten. With only one thing left for me to do, I release my death grip and leap out of the tree.

I hit the ground hard and roll a couple of times, bruising my knee on a sharp rock. The pain sends black streaks across my vision and for a moment I almost pass out. As I spring to my feet, the knee nearly gives way, but I have achieved my aim. I have the lioness’s attention. Adrenalin pumps through my body making me feel both strong and weak at the same time. My hands shake.

I reach down without breaking eye contact with my foe and pick up the rock that injured my knee. I throw it at the lioness, but my arm shakes so badly, the missile completely misses its target. The lioness glances briefly towards it and then back at me.

I’m not actually a spirit. I’m just a scared little girl who wants her family.

Everything happens quickly. The animal leaps at me, I try to throw myself out of the way, but trip over a thick tuft of grass. The lioness lands on my chest. Its paws thrust the air from my lungs as it breathes its rancid breath into my face. No one is around to see me wet myself.

I choke on the scream that will bring Wu back to me. Through the tearing pain that follows, I hold onto the image of Wu’s face and pray he makes it home safely. I don’t make a sound.

My body is stiff and I struggle to lift my arms. A shooting pain originates from my knee. Judging from the agony I’m in all my limbs are attached. I don’t hear the lioness or Wu’s rescue party.

I force my eyes open. Above me, everything is white. It’s not the blue sky, the cloudy sky, the starry night or even the cave ceiling. Is this what death looks like, or am I a spirit like Wu said?

I attempt to snort the unnatural smell out of my nose, but it remains like a dense fog. The beeping in my ears belongs to no creature I know. Perhaps it’s not edible. I blink my eyes to clear the whiteness and struggle to sit.

There is no blood, someone has cleaned my wounds. I’m covered by something not made from animal skins or a recognisable plant. Strange translucent vines grow from the back of my hand. The sight makes my skin crawl and I wrap the other hand around the roots to rip them out. A stranger’s pale hand covers mine before I can complete the action.

“She’s awake.” A man pushes me firmly back down. I’m distracted by his neatly trimmed hair. He must possess an impressive stone knife. He shines a tiny sun in both my eyes, which he has captured in his hands. I want to ask how he caught it, but I can’t focus on words.

“Can you tell me your name?” he asks.

“Lu,” I say with a voice that sounds like it has not spoken for a long time. He glances at the woman beside him like I gave the wrong answer.

“How are you feeling?” the woman asks. Her clothing is also thin and not a natural animal colour. Something is not right about this place. I feel – displaced.

“Where am I?” I ask.

“You’re in hospital. You’ve been asleep for ten days,” the woman says gently. Hospital? I struggle to connect the word to a thing. Wu never showed me a hospital.

“Where’s Wu?” I ask. The people glance at each other, but none of them know who Wu is. He must have escaped the lioness. I am the only one that was eaten and ended up wherever here is.

“Lucy!” The voice sounds vaguely familiar, but it doesn’t know my name. I am Lu.