The Dying Soul

Chap 9 – The Wind of Sorrow

EVA POV

    Coming back after a tiring day, one would wish for someone to greet them at the door or ask about my day but me being myself, I pushed everyone away to ensure that no one feels the way I felt when I lost my parents. Fear of attachment had me side-lining everyone I knew. After a beautiful day at the hospital and the book store, coming back to an empty house is suffocating. I made myself a light dinner and fed Leo who was whining in hunger. 

    I grabbed my guitar and other needful items and walked to my patio hoping to get a new inspiration for my next book. My wish to write as many motivational books as possible to keep my name rolling for years to come. I sit on my patio and strum on my guitar a random tune while thinking of the best concept for my next book. The thought of writing my own story as a motivation or inspirational book entice me but at the same time, I fear the memories. It might be difficult for me to control my emotion but that will be the only way I could live on if everything ceases. I zone out thinking of the prospects of this possibly new book idea. Before I know it, the sun has set, darkness loomed over me and fear etch through my heart. The fear of not being able to wake up to see another sunrise worried me.

    I shake the unwanted thoughts aside and made a confident decision on my next book. I laid my guitar onto the table in front of me and looked down at my cold food. I put my food into Leo’s bowl not feeling the appetite to have cold food and made myself a vegan burrito instead. Finishing dinner, I picked up my pouch consisting my medicine and small bottle of water. 

    I enter my study, pick an empty book and pencil then make my way out on to the patio. I grab a blanket from my patio chair and walked up to the end of the dock to make an outline on my motivational biography. I sit at the end of the dock facing the shore with my leg dangling over the edge of the dock. I watch couples walking hand in hand and individuals running by to keep themselves fit. I spend my time visualizing and writing my draft while occasionally sparing a glance at Leo chasing crab and waves on the shore close below me.

    As I observe my surrounding longer, the longing for a family and love had my mind running in flashbacks to the days I spent with my parents. I start feeling uneasy when memories rush through my mind as I write. Understanding the symptoms of my illness with quick rise of my panic, I tuck my pencil to bookmark the page and put my book away with shaky hands. I will myself to breathe calmly. Patiently I reach for my pouch and pop the lid. I pop two of the tablets into my mouth with shaky hand and consume it with water. Placing everything aside, I close my eyes willing myself to breathe in the cool night air. Enjoying the wind caressing my face. Feeling myself relax I look at my watch only to realize it was after midnight and I am seated alone with no one as far as my eyes could see. 

    I look up at the sky, gazing at the stars as loneliness seep through me again. I fix my gaze on the moon as I will myself to reminisce the memories of my parents. Unbeknown to me, a lone tear trails down my cheek. The memories seem to outweigh any rock in my heart. A wise decision has to be made to ensure the duties of my parents that I carry upon my shoulders be handed over to responsible personnel. I take a shaky breath as I feel my burden weighing on me as another lone tear slips from my closed eye.

    All of a sudden, the wind becomes cold and it changes its course. The wind blows rapidly. The waves crashes into the shore. I feel the air around me as it now carries the wind of sorrow. I pull the blanket over my shoulder draping it close to me as I hug myself. I release my hair from the tie as it blows at me. I close my eyes tight concentrating on my breath willing myself to keep calm as more tears stream down my face.