The War for Love- a Collection of Short Stories

Hospital Stay - Jess

A/N: And here's where things get interesting...

    Now that Jess has met Grace, will she stay? Or will Grace remind her too much of Anna? 

    Sweet, young, lying Anna?

********************

        March 28th

    Jamming my finger on the mute button, Lori's voice cut out suddenly, leaving me alone in my echoing room. Machinery beeped, I jumped. Nurses bustled in wrote down s**t in my chart and refused to look me in my eyes. The clock ticked away, another hour gone by.

    I closed my eyes, hoping to drift off into something resembling sleep, but found only Winter waiting for me in the back of my mind. I sighed deeply, before diving in to talk to the only person who seemed to care.

This is almost as bad as prison.

Jess! Don't you dare say that!

It is! There's nothing to do, random people come in to ask me one question and leave, never to be seen again! Plus, this stupid IV hurts like Hell, and dear God if one more f*****g person asks me how I am, I will kill them.

Jessica Claire! Dear Selene, please reign in your temper. It isn't that bad.

This is the fifth time I've seen this episode of "Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta" today. And, might I repeat, this f*****g IV is burning like someone stuck my hand in a damn fireplace. 

Okay, the show sucks, but at least you have a TV. Your IV hurts, well, call the nurse. As for entertainment,  you could, maybe I don't know, gasp! Leave your room and socialize! 

Why? So I can get asked about my scars and why I'm here and how I'm doing? I don't even know why I'm here, Winter, and no one will tell me anything!

Well, why not ask Grace?

Who?

Uh, your Mate? The girl standing in your doorway?

FUCK! Winter!

    Pulling out of a conversation with Winter was always like waking up- sudden and typically unwanted. Blinking rapidly, I tried to refocus on the room, well, on the door where a girl my age was standing. She rapped her knuckle against the wood, asking, "Jessica, can I come in?" "I don't know can you?" 

    It was automatic from all the times I'd heard one of the instructors say it. My cheeks burned with embarrassment, and I hid my face in my hands. Peeking through my fingers, I saw Grace smiling slowly, after appropriately faking confusion. 

I cannot believe I just said that to her.

It's official, I hate my life.

    Cracking a half-smile and ducking her head to meet my eyes, she tried again. "May I come in?" she asked, and I nodded, closing the gap in my fingers. I brought my knees up to my chest and listened to her walk- the old Converse she was wearing made the strangest noise on the tiles. Like a confident shuffle, almost.

I make no sense, I swear. 

Jess, shut up and lookup.

    The girl sat on the end of my bed, making the alarms scream. Startling from the sudden noise, I uncurled from my ball and kicked back until I was pressed against the plastic headboard. A nurse's voice came through the speaker to my left, asking me if everything was okay. "Fine, ma'am. A, umm, a friend just sat on my bed." She turned off the alarms and spoke again. "Okay, sweetie, you can sit now. Don't forget, visiting hours end at five." 

    A buzz signaled that she wasn't listening anymore and the girl cracked up, sitting down and crossing her legs, leaning against the plastic piece at the foot of the bed. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was already 4:30. "Why'd you even come if you're gonna have to leave soon?" I blurted, and she stopped laughing. 

    She shrugged, saying, "I'm sure I can get Iris to let me have an extension. Besides, I'm technically your 'guardian' or whatever, so I can stay as late as I want." She shrugged again, looking around the room. "Pretty... bland in here. I'm guessing you didn't have anything with you when the patrols got ya, huh?" She twisted a curl around her finger, waiting on my answer. 

    I shook my head, unable to answer her. She was like a more saturated version of Anna. Same blue eyes, just a darker shade. Same blonde hair, just more gold. Same clear skin, but instead of being a pale pink tone, hers was a darker golden brown.

    Even her personality was brighter. She smiled and laughed fully, not just chuckles and half-smiles that never reached the eyes. She made jokes, real jokes, not just sarcastic quips. 

    We sat in silence, me unable to speak and her eyes still sweeping the room. "Sooo... Do you know when you can come back to the Pack House?" she asked, rocking back and forth and making her curls sway. "No. They won't tell me anything- Where are you going?" 

    Between the beginning of my sentence and the time I said "tell", she'd gotten off my bed and halfway to the door. "To ruffle some fur." She growled the words. I giggled and she glared, slamming the door behind her.

What was her name again?

Grace. Her name is Grace. 

Oh, that's nice. 

I'd hope so, she is your Mate.

Oh yeah... there's that too.

You are very strange. Most wolves would be freaking out.

Eh, they've drugged me into practical oblivion. 

No, they haven't.

Then, I dunno, Winter. But, I am tired. 

HOW?! You- We haven't done anything all day!

Wrong. I got blood drawn, and took a shower this morning. Gotta say I missed that. Lakes really don't cut it.

Yeah yeah... Whatever Jess, just get some sleep.

    I shrugged, pulling away from Winter again. Leaning back, I buried myself into the blankets they gave me and turned off the lights. The monitors turned on their night version, glowing slightly. The noises from the hall were dulled by the door, and even the machinery seemed to quiet down. 

    I managed to linger on the edge of consciousness until the clock's needles ticked past five. I wasn't sure what I was waiting on, just that I kind of should. But as the hands neared five-thirty, I gave in to the exhaustion and drifted to sleep. 

    A couple of hours later, a quiet, light laugh woke me slightly. I didn't move, knowing it was Grace. Keeping my eyes closed and breathing even, I tried to fake being asleep, but as she got closer my heart ticked up a few beats, giving me away. She walked around my bed, sitting on the window seat and sighing. 

    "I know you're awake, Jessica." she whispered, and I shrugged, mumbling, "But I don't want to be." Burying myself further into the blanket, I pulled it up, just below my eyes. Cracking them open, I saw her blurry form outlined in the city lights. Blinking, I smiled slightly, hidden by the blanket. She set a bag down on the end of the seat and shuffled through it before pulling out a journal and pen. 

    I watched as she began to write, pausing every few minutes to look at me or the city lights, sometimes catching the reflections in the lenses of her glasses. I spent several minutes watching her reflection in the window before curiosity got the better of me. "What're you writing about?" I mumbled, my voice muffled by the blanket. Grace brushed her hair aside and smiled softly, the lights from my monitors lighting up the muted pigments in her eyes. Standing, she moved to sit on the edge of my bed, and I could really see all the streaks and flecks in her eyes, eyes that silently held mine. 

    The dark denim shade that ringed her pupils was almost glowing in the silver lights, the crystalline-lake blue more muted. I could see how someone could compare her to summer, she really did embody the colors. My eyes flashed, cutting out the colors for a moment and trading them for dull shades of grey. Winter was happy to have her closer, and Grace's smile grew at seeing Winter in my eyes. 

    Grace turned back to her notebook, writing a couple more lines before sweeping her hair to her other shoulder and looking back to me. "You. I-I'm writing about you." She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, a blush lighting up her cheeks. "Only good things I hope." We kept whispering, the darkness almost demanding it. 

    "Why don't you be the judge?" she murmured, before flipping a page and looking at me. "Would you like me to read it to you?" she asked, appearing nervous. "What is it?" I sat up slightly, pulling the blanket away from my face. "Poetry. I like to write in my spare time." Grace bit her lip at the confession like it wasn't okay for her to write poetry. I nodded, and she paused as if she had been hoping I would say no. "It's okay if you don't want to. You don't have to read it to me." I nestled in the covers, expecting her to nod and move away. 

    Instead, she cleared her throat and began to read:

Soft and Sharp - 

Here is a list of all the things,

That I find soft about you.

Don’t lose them… Please.

Your hands brushing my back, feather-light,

Is soft enough to not startle me.

The way your heartbeat syncs with mine,

After a long day of trying.

Here is a list of all the things, 

That I've found are sharp.

You shouldn't change them.

Your scarred hand, holding mine, 

When I wake you from your mind’s horror reel,

Is sharper than the knife of your past.

How your heart beats, sharp as a c***k of lightning,

Cracking against your ribs after the day you won.

Here is a list, of all the things,

That are both soft and sharp about you.

They walk the line, balanced perfectly.

The silk growing from your scalp,

Changing color with each passing season,

Has grown and softened from the once spiky trim.

The fire embedded in your eyes,

Which you’ve let me quiet,

Is even more gentle when softened.

With the whispers of our secrets. 

You are sharp.

You are soft.

I think I’ve found perfection.

Lying in your arms.

    Her soft voice tripped my heart, and I found myself picturing us in these situations. Holding her hand, Grace run her fingers through my hair- which was still short from the near buzz cut they'd given me upon release. Her eyes remained glued to the page, even after she finished reading. Sitting up slowly, I brushed away the curls that had fallen, drawing her attention to me. 

    An image darted across my vision: Anna leaning in to kiss me. The image was gone faster than it came, but it still startled me into realizing what I was doing was wrong. I tried to swallow the thickness out of my throat, knowing we were too close. We were too close and I couldn't let this go any further.

    Grace's lip was still caught between her teeth, and I saw myself drawing comparisons to Annabeth again. In this light, the curls that I knew were gold appeared silver-white, and the tanned skin paled. She dragged her eyes from the page to mine, and the spell was broken. Where Anna's icy eyes would have been, Grace's deeper blues pulled me in, almost like a vortex. 

    She began to lean closer to me, and I dropped her hair between us, moving away slowly. Shaking her head, Grace leaned back, stretching her legs next to mine and leaning against the end again. "So, what did... What did you think?" 

    I hated how her voice shook, and how her eyes were glued to the bed. When I didn't answer, she began to pick at the strings hanging from the blanket. 

I should have leaned in and kissed her. 

I shouldn't have let the ghost of Anna haunt my Mate. 

    Instead, I leaned back against the headboard and took a breath, trying to release some of the pressure in my chest. It didn't work, but it did draw Grace's attention. "Why, why don't you, uh, read me another one?" In a poor attempt to break the awkward silence, I subtly moved her journal closer to her with my foot. It slid over the blankets, nearly falling off the bed until her hand shot out and caught it. She nodded and flipped through several pages before finding one she seemed happy with. 

    "This one's titled, 'Dancing in the Rain.'"

        April 9th

    One week and two days after our near kiss, I still found myself regretting that I had backed out. Regretting that even though I was now far, far away from the Snow Howlers and Anna, I was still allowing them to dictate how I was living and who I was loving. 

    Not that I was in love with Grace, at least, not yet. 

I'd like to be... Maybe one day.

One, it's been a week and four days, and two, I can't believe that you haven't garnered the guts to just kiss her. I mean, honestly, Jess, she's stayed over every night.

Because she has to.

No, she wants to stay. She could have stayed at her home when she went to go get the games, but she came back. She wants to be with you. 

I have no idea why.

    Most of my days were occupied by testing and doctors coming in to talk with me. Grace stayed for most of the appointments, even went down to the MRI with me. From what little I've understood from the doctors, the only reason they've found that I'm so sick is because of the starvation. Today the nurse mumbled something about silver sickness while drawing my blood, but it was also 5 AM. 

    I wasn't exactly paying attention at 5 AM. 

    Last night, Grace and I had stayed up late, playing a game that she had brought from her house called Monopoly. I'd heard of it, and Anna had a version of it, but never played. Grace was extremely upset and convinced that I had cheated when I won. But the proof was in the cards, I had won, fair and square. Beside the window seat, which pulled out to form the bed that Grace slept on at night, sat the pile of games she'd brought. 

    Grace claimed that they were classics, that everyone had to know how to play them. In the "to play" pile sat Sorry, Clue, Risk, Settlers of Catan, and Pictionary. So far, Battleship was my favorite, mostly because Grace had kicked my ass and enjoyed every moment of it. 

She's so pretty when she smiles...

And you're sure that you aren't in love with her?

No.

    "Hey, Jess, Iris just went on break and I have something to show you. Come on, Kathleen's giving us three minutes to get you unhooked and out of here before the alarms will go off." Grace bounded in the room, talking a mile a minute as she started to pull the wires out of the sticker pads on my chest. I flinched every time, expecting alarms to start blaring, as they did every time I unhooked to go to the bathroom, but as Grace said, nothing went off. 

    Pulling me out of bed by my arm, she made hurrying motions as she ran to the door and checked to make sure that the hall was clear. "Come on, Jess, we only have a couple of minutes left!" Having learned by now to just trust in whatever crazy plan Grace had concocted, I grabbed my IV pole and pulled it along with me, as I followed her through the maze of hallways and marveled at how much stronger I'd gotten in the short time I'd been here.

        April 1st

    Since being admitted to the hospital, I hadn't been gaining any weight, but I also wasn't still losing weight, which was a win in my opinion. When they first weighed me, I'd clocked in at a whopping 110 pounds, shocking the doctors as to how the Hell I had been able to stay in Winter's body and be so underweight. 

    "The average BMI, or body mass index, for a female werewolf sits at about 25 to 26. Yours just barely misses 17. If we can get your weight up to about 130, your BMI will sit at 20. It's not ideal, but it's high enough for you to safely Shift on the next full moon. Being a wolf, that puts us under a bit of a time crunch here-. The current plan is for you to be on what- to a Mortal- would be total parenteral nutrition or all of what a Mortal your size with a higher metabolism would eat in a day will go through your veins. 

    "Because you are not Mortal, you will also have to eat real food along with this. Not only will this help you gain weight, healthy weight, faster, it will also prevent the shut down of your gastrointestinal tract. If you don't eat, then your stomach and intestines will stop working, placing great strain on your liver and kidneys, as we'd have to increase your TPN amounts to cover what you aren't eating. 

    "If this doesn't work... We may have to put in a feeding tube." The nutritionist finally leaned back in her chair, taking a breath and allowing me to speak. "Wait, if we do that, what's going to happen when I Shift? Will I just have these things stuck under Winter's skin? Because I do not want to try and run around a forest with a tube coming out of my stomach." She took a deep breath and I could tell that a very long explanation was about to begin, so I raised my hand, pausing her. "Reader's Digest version, please. I don't understand half of what you're saying anyway." 

    She nodded, and said, "One, it would be coming out of your small intestine, and two... We haven't had to do anything like this on a wolf so young. Typically, when patients are placed on a feeding tube or TPN, they've stopped Shifting. It's quite the miracle that you still have Winter, to be honest, I've never seen someone go through your experiences and come out of it with their wolves. Now..."

    I let her drone on about the procedure, its risks, and its rewards, as I thought about the possibility of having lost Winter. It would mean that I'd become Barren, someone of a werewolf bloodline without a wolf, and the thought alone was almost as painful as Shifting. People who were born Barren didn't know any different, but for a wolf to become Barren... 

    It's said to be the only thing comparable to losing a Mate. 

        April 9th

    Grace was tugging on my arm again, pulling me from the elevator. Swinging a key ring around her finger, she pulled again and I snapped out of my daze. "Come on, Jess! I don't know how long we have until we'll be caught, so come on!" I stepped off the elevator and Grace sent it back down to a lower level, saying, "We can't let one of the orderlies seeing it idle on the roof. Now, close your eyes. I've been working on this all day, and I want you to be surprised." 

    I was reluctant to follow her. I mean, she was asking me to close my eyes and follow her, someone I'd only known for a couple of days, while on the roof of the hospital. It was also getting dark, and I did not want to fall off the edge. But Grace looked so excited, I found myself closing my eyes anyway. 

    "Okay, now, I'm going to grab your hand, and... Follow me, okay, take three steps forward... one to the right, another five forward... Okay, stay right there, I'm going to come around behind you, and... turn you a little to the left... and now, open your eyes!"

    I blinked a couple of times, adjusting to the light. After focusing, I saw that Grace had found a corner of the roof that was well hidden and protected from the winds. Fairy lights were strung up, and blankets created a tent-like structure. Inside, I could see at least two other people. "So, what do you think?" Grace asked, practically bouncing on her toes. 

    By the light of the scattered stars and the little bulbs, with her curls swaying in the wind and her broad smile, I just wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her until she understood exactly how much I loved her. 

It. How much I loved it. The gesture.

Dear Selene, Jess, just f*****g admit it already! 

You're in love with Grace.

    Decidedly blocking out Winter, I smiled and carefully wrapped my arm around Grace's waist, pulling her closer to me. I could feel the trailing sparks wherever we touched and struggled to ignore them. "It's great, Grace. I love it." I emphasized the last word, gloating slightly to my wolf. 

    "Ooh, yay! Okay, please don't get mad at me, but I kinda invited a few friends. I mean, you've already met Tyler, but you haven't met anyone else in the Pack, and I thought it would be a good idea if you met all of my friends. Well, this is all of my friends, of course, but these are the ones that matter to me. Guys! Come out here, meet Jess!" Grace babbled for a moment, twisting a curl around her finger. I wanted to bury my fingers into those curls. 

    That is until three guys came barreling out of the blankets.