The War for Love- a Collection of Short Stories

Home - Jess

 A/N: Ooh, be still my heart. This is the last chapter in Jess' POV for the book!

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        September 13th

    I rolled onto my side, stretching with a yawn. I was slow to wake up, but I savored these moments- no one was about to come in and yell at me, or take blood, or anything else. A soft smile pulled my lips up when my foot brushed Grace's leg as I stretched.

    Her blonde curls splayed across our pillows, and I knew she'd be awake soon. She always woke up by nine, it was almost creepy how accurate her internal clock was. Blinking slowly, I carefully untangled myself from the sheets and from her, freezing for a moment when she shifted. She was still asleep, but I stayed still, admiring her in the sunlight. Her curls gleamed, and she was peaceful, a type of peace that I rarely saw on her.

    I'd only seen it three times before- the night we spent on the roof of the hospital, the day I'd told her I loved her, and now. Smiling, I wandered into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee for her, making myself some decaffeinated tea- my stomach still couldn't handle a lot of things, and caffeine was one of them. "Alexa, play my mix on YouTube."  

    The first notes of "I Think I Fell In Love Today" by Kelsea Ballerini began to float around the room, the music soft so as not to wake Grace. Sitting on the counter, I sipped my tea and sang along, remembering when I realized I was in love with Grace.

My Gracie.

        April 25th

    Kathleen bustled out of the room, having just finished unhooking my antibiotic bag of the day, swapping it for fresh saline. Flopping back against my pillows, I could still feel the massive dose of IV Benadryl they always give me with the antis coursing through me, weighing down my limbs and dragging my eyelids closed. Mixing with the Tylenol they gave me for my fever, my body became a physical weight, pulled down by gravity until I lost control. 

    Fighting against the steady pull of sleep, I tried to make out the numbers on the clock across from me. Lines blurred together, and the more I focused, the worse it got. Groaning, I gave up, closing my eyes and feeling levity wash over me- the floating feeling taking over my body lulled me into a deep sleep filled with dreams of the person I missed the most.

    Grace.

    Her laughter bloomed in my head as we chased each other through the thick woods, slanting sunlight tinted green from the bright summer trees. Swinging herself around a tree as she waited for me, we didn't need words when we had our thoughts. I saw flashes of a tattoo that moved with her, our Mark jumping around her body in my mind, an unsure image that I knew I was going to put on her one of these days. 

    She giggled out loud, the sound bouncing off the trunks and hitting me again and again. Each one lit a fire inside me, just the thought of making her happy for the rest of her life lifting me up to a place so high I was afraid of falling back down.

But, do I have to?

Do I have to come back down?

    She stopped her spinning, stumbling toward me with the widest smile that I couldn't seem to return. Already the high of the thought was fading, and I could feel myself prepping for the inevitable crash.

    I'd never had something so good, something so purely perfect and right and just good come into my life and leave me intact. Anna, the girl back in Canada that Grace looked so similar to, had whispered secrets to me in the dark that night and left me shattered on the ground. Another high-ranking wolf, another beautiful and young and free girl with her entire life ahead of her had leaked into my mind, threatening every single thought of freedom I'd had. 

    I could no longer see the line that separated Anna- the white-washed girl I'd loved from afar for so many years- and Grace- the same person, just with more saturation. Everything Anna did, Grace did brighter, fuller, with more color and vivacity and life. It was a life I could never have.

     Just another worthless Omega. These last words were what my mother spat at me through the silver bars of my cell, leaving me behind without a single soul to support me in that icy world. 

    Grace, dizzy from her spinning, stumbled toward me as I backed away- I couldn't let myself be hurt like that again. I wouldn't survive it. 

    Omegas certainly weren’t allowed to love the Alpha’s daughter, but that didn’t make Deltas anymore available to a wolf-like me- yet I fell in love with her anyway.

    I continued to back away, Grace fading away with the colors of the woods, and I couldn’t keep the terror at bay. I had nearly been killed because of one, and the other... No one knew. I only had the words of the new girl, my Mate, to go on. How did I know she was telling the truth? How could I know, for certain, that no one was going to try and hurt me because of our love?

    Or worse, hurt Grace because she loved me.

    With a yank, I got myself out of the dream world that had begun to crumble around me. Shoving my hands through my still short hair, my eyes wheeled around the room, settling on the sunspot of my life. Grace sat on the window seat, reading a book and appearing dazed and frozen as she peeked out the drawn curtains. I could hear my heart rate rising as I fell back toward my pillow, the dream still clutching to the frayed edges of my anxiety. 

    I knew what had happened before, but I let myself continue down that cursed path. How could I do this to myself? Again?!  Ice surged through my veins and I felt a dip in the bed at my feet as I pulled them to my chest, trying to keep the weight from crushing me from the inside out. Tucking my head between my stiff shoulders, I sobbed as air wracked its way down my raw throat, coughing to try and be free of this pressure inside me. My fingers clawed into the spaces between my ribs, bruising as they dug into the bone-hard muscles. 

    I could feel the people moving around me, the crinkling of their paper gowns sending lightning shocks down my body, the gloved hands pulling at my limbs intensifying the quaking shivers ricocheting around me until I screamed. Sobbing and screaming to let go of me, begging them to just leave me alone, just leave, please. I released all the pain I had kept locked in cages deep within my soul, and as I screamed, I lost my ability to feel anything. 

    An uncomfortable numbness spread through my veins, unlocking my muscles and slowly, I could see that Grace wasn't there- never had been- and that it was Kathleen who was trying to force me to uncoil. As she peeled my limbs away from my body, I could feel another drug weighing me down in a different way from the Benadryl. I didn't shudder and I had some control over my hands as I called Grace.

    I had to hear her voice. I had to. It wasn't a wish, it wasn't something I was compelled to do, but something the very fabric of my DNA was crying for. I needed her. I needed her warmth, her color, her brightness to outweigh the bleached world I resided in.

    She answered on the final ring. "Jess? What's wrong?" Her bubbly voice was now choked, anxious sounding in its own way. My own voice was raspy, barely audible as I began to cry tears of uncertainty and fear, but the feeling she brought to my chest lifted me enough to know it was true. "Jess, honey, what's wrong? Are you-" "I love you. I wish I didn't, but I love you and I needed to hear your voice. Sorry. I-I just needed you for a minute." 

    She paused, and I could almost see the range of emotions that were crossing her face. "I know. I know you do. I love you too." she murmured into the microphone of her phone, and I pressed my eyes shut, clinging to the image of her, probably standing in the hall of her school, tucked into a corner with a whisper of a smile playing at her lips. "Jess?" her voice was back, still anxious but calmer. Less restricted, more airy- lighter. 

    "Yeah, Gracie?"

    "I love you."

    "I know," I paused, my tongue tripping over the four words, "I love you too."

    "I'll call you tonight, but get some sleep. Please."

    "I will."

    "I love you, Jess."

    "I love you, Grace."

    On our video chat that night, I knew she noticed my swollen eyes, how my voice was still raspy. The bruises across my cheekbone from where I had pressed my knuckles after hanging up with her. She couldn't see the deep purple finger marks that ducked between my ribs, or the deep scratches on my legs, or how every single scar on my body felt tight.

    Despite this, she seemed to be peaceful. Reassured.

    It was the first night we hung up by saying I love you back and forth, just to watch how the other's face moved, how her eyes changed and flared every time the phrase was said, how my heart tripped slightly at her blush.

    It would not be the last night we did this.

        September 13th

    Smelling the coffee brewing, I knew Grace would be up soon, and that I should start running my feeds for the day. Grabbing the formula bottles from the fridge, shaking them, and laying them on the counter, I looked over my collection of coffee mugs- a grand total of six- and decided that today she would get the marbled blue and grey one. 

    Smiling gently, I poured the coffee into the cup, adding two teaspoons of sugar, a splash of milk, and just a touch of cinnamon. Working at the coffee shop down the street gave me some insight into what flavors worked well together, and it had been a nice summer job. I had to cut my hours back now that school had officially started, but I was only taking half-days until they could assess where I was as far as education went. Grace liked it when I mixed it up, and so did I- it was a calming ritual for me. 

    I'd been on a fall kick recently. We'd redecorated the apartment, where she was practically living with me now, in bold and beautiful fall colors. Some patterned pillows, several candles, and a different bedspread that Grace had used at her house had turned the summery studio into a quieter place. By the time she got home in the afternoons, if I wasn't working, she would find me curled up with my tea and a textbook, listening to the Washington rain drizzle outside. 

    Life was calm. It was peaceful and simple, and I loved it. 

    Grace's arms wrapped around me from behind as she placed a soft kiss on my shoulder. Giggling as I kissed her temple. "Good morning. Coffee's ready." She sighed, laying her head across my collarbone. "Come on," I prodded while passing the cup to her, "Today's..." Bringing the mug to her lips, she smiled knowingly. 

    "Today's the day." she murmured, still smiling softly.

    "Alexa, increase volume. Restart song." I called to the Dot across the room, hearing the bridge of Andy Grammer's Best of You playing. Holding my hand out to her, she set her coffee on the counter, taking my hand and spinning me around to the chorus, and we sang along, spinning and dipping each other until we were breathless and dizzy. Spinning her toward me, she jumped and brushed her lips against mine before turning away and dancing out of my arms. 

    Jumping onto the countertop, she caught her breath and sipped from the still steaming cup. "This is a good mix. We'll have to remember it... You never sing, did you notice? I mean, you'll hum, or whisper along, but that's the first time you've ever sung." My face fell slightly, but I hid it by ducking my head as though I were blushing. 

    Mom used to yell at me when I sang as I worked.

    Biting at my lip, I shook my head very slightly, trying to clear the memories that always crept up on me at times like this- when my guard was down and I was finally feeling normal. Spying the bottles of formula, I swiped at the condensation forming. They were warming slowly, which meant I could start running them. Grace hopped off the counter, noticing my change, and got a fresh bag for me while I began to set up my pump.

    It was just a daily reminder that I would never be normal again.

    Passing me the bag, now full of creamy formula, she pressed a chaste kiss to my cheek, muttering about a shower. My eyes followed her as I primed the tubing, snapping it shut and leaving it on the counter to get an infusion backpack from the closet. Staring at my three options, I couldn't think of which would go best with my clothes for tonight. Hell, I didn’t even know what I was wearing yet! Sighing, I crossed the room to knock on the bathroom door. I could hear the water running and knew Grace was already in the shower. 

    "Gracie?" I called, knocking again. "Jess, you can open the door." Her voice filtered through, muffled and distorted. Cracking it just enough to peek inside, I felt a blush race up my cheekbones. Even though we were Mates, I'd never seen Grace undressed. She cleared a patch of steam from the shower door, sticking her tongue out and crossing her eyes at me until I burst out laughing. "Hey, what- which bag do you think I should- stop it!" Giggles kept breaking through as I tried to talk. 

    "Anyway, what's up, Jess?" she turned to put her face under the water, and it took me a moment to breathe again. 

Goddess, she's gorgeous.

Jess, say something.

    Blinking and taking in deep breaths of the steam as I stumbled on my words: "I was wondering which bag I should wear for today?" Perking up at the mention of fashion, she asked what I was wearing. "Umm... grey shirt and the black jeggings with some kind of jacket... I dunno really. I'm making this up on the fly." I shrugged, grabbing a towel out of the cabinet and set it on the counter for her. Closing my eyes, I took deep breaths of the steam, half-listening as she brainstormed outfits. 

    She babbled on about every possible option until she finally settled down. Handing her the towel wordlessly, I could hear as she wrapped it around herself, saying, "One, you can open your eyes, Jess. Two, I think I've got the perfect one for you!" Rushing past me, she went straight to the small closet and began to pick out hangers and toss them on the bed. After she was satisfied, she began to arrange the pieces on the bed, saying, "Okay, two options. One, super cute long maroon and cream sweater, some shorts, and dark brown tights. Two, maroon jeggings and cream tunic. We'll accessorize once you pick." 

    Staring down at the outfits, I shrugged. "Which do you think I can wear tonight and not look like a total fool?" Grace smiled gently, giggling as she said, "Oh, honey... Emily's been working on your outfit for tonight for months." My face must have been one of shock, because she continued, "It'll be fine- I promise. I mean, there's no way our resident fashionista would let you be Inducted wearing shorts! She designed the outfit and Martha sewed it- I've seen it and it's so you." 

    Looking down at the two outfits she picked out for me, I rolled my eyes slightly. I knew she was being sweet, but I hated it when someone described an outfit as being" so me". 

What does that even mean? "So me"?

    Swiping the long sweater that I knew would keep me warm in the Washington weather, she bounced on her toes and squealed. Looking up, I smiled gently at her as she bounded over to the jewelry, grabbing her towel when it slipped slightly to reveal her bare back. Coming up behind her, I swallowed and wrapped my arms around her and kissed her temple, needing to clear my throat before I could speak, “Why don’t you get dressed, and then you can accessorize me?” She purred and nodded. 

At least I’m not alone in this craziness.

Goddess Jess, if you two would just f*****g Mark each other this would stop.

No, it wouldn’t you little liar! It’ll get worse!

Only for a little while! Besides, all Mates go through it!

Stop. We haven’t talked about it yet, and I’m not just going to do it. Yeesh.

Whatever.

    Retreating as I pulled away from Grace, Winter rolled her eyes at me. Grace grabbed me and turned me around, quickly kissing my lips before skittering away, around the bed and smiling wickedly. Heat flared in my veins, a whole new level, and it reminded me of the first time I’d touched her when the fire had raced through us both. My heart seemed to trip as I watched her cheeks flush, and I knew she was feeling it too. 

    My breath stuttered as I ripped my eyes away from her, rubbing at my chest as I turned into the bathroom to change. “Jess..?” Grace called quietly from behind me, and I looked over my shoulder to see her also pressing her fingertips into her chest. “I… I love you.” her voice dragged across the room, and I couldn’t think of anything original to say. Smiling at her gently, and whispered, “I love you too, Gracie.” before disappearing behind the bathroom door and squeezing my eyes shut, trying to will the insane nerves away. 

    “Stop it, stop it, stop it.” I murmured to myself, pulling off my sleep shirt. Staring at all the scars in the mirror, I wondered how on Earth she’d fallen in love with me. I wasn’t pretty and perfect and polished. I was messy and damaged and dark. My teeth chattered as the heater cut off, but I was mesmerized by all the patterns the marks on my skin made. Shaking my head, I pulled the sweater on, covering them up and sighing as I did. 

    She’d see them eventually, and I didn’t know what I would say when she did.

    Hours later, after a half-day at school and listening to Grace negotiate being able to skip her afternoon classes with Principal Walker, she was driving me down to Martha's shop in the square. She had my outfit, and Grace's, and then we were going to Emily's house so she could do my hair and makeup. My leg bounced, and I kept having to swallow the lump in my throat. Grace parallel parked outside of Martha's, but locked the doors. Her curls bounced as she turned to me, her gunmetal-blue eyes shining. "Do you trust me?" she asked quietly, and before she could finish, I answered, "Yes." 

    She pulled a blindfold out of her bag, and I gaped at it. "Please? I don't want you to see the dress and get scared, because I promise it looks worse on the hanger than it will on you." Taking a deep breath, I nodded, because I did trust her- completely. I wanted to love what she and Emily and Martha had spent weeks on, and if Grace thought that this was the best way, then I'd trust her. 

    I trust her with my life. What's a dress compared to that?

    She refused to take the blindfold off as we left the store and she drove to Emily's house. "I don't want you to see it until you're all made up! Jess, you look stunning but I just want you to see yourself as I do- a queen. And once Emily's done, I know you'll see it too." She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. 

    Two more hours and a lot of girlish squeals coming from both Emily and Grace, I was certain that my stomach was permanently knotted from my anxiety. The heater was cutting through the fabric of my sleeves, and I was certain that they were sheer. I could feel the sewn details and beading on the dress, but I still hadn't been allowed to see it. My hair was in some kind of braided, curled updo, and I could feel the makeup on my face. 

    "Okay, we're going to take off your blindfold so I can do your eyes, but you've got to keep them closed. We're so close to being done!" Emily was as giddy as Grace, who untied the knot and let the black fabric fall into my hands. I kept my eyes closed, half out of fear, and half because I was enjoying their excitement. 

    Apparently, being Inducted was an event. Rivaling the Passage Ceremony, if only because it was so rare. Most wolves stayed in the same Pack for their whole lives, so when a new member was Inducted, there was always a huge party and everyone got dressed up for it. 

    Emily was patting some loose powder onto my eyes that felt gritty, and I knew she was using glitter. Holding my sigh back, I silently let them finish, and they pulled my arms, talking as they led me toward a mirror. "Okay, a little step to your right... and one back... and look!" Grace was jumping as I opened my eyes, blinking to adjust to the brightness of Emily's room. 

Oh, my Goddess.

Winter, are you seeing this?

Please tell me that's me in the mirror.

It's you. It's the you that you should have been.

    A neutral pink dress with a tulle skirt that hit my knees, my collarbone peeking out and long, semi-sheer sleeves was adorned with small flowers in cream, smoke, burgundy and thin moss vines and tiny gold beads scattered across the bodice, fading down the skirt until it was just the beading, shimmering like little stars. I turned, and saw back that dipped below my shoulder blades before the line of cream buttons that hit my spine followed the centerline of the bodice. Laughing as I spun in the mirror, I caught a sparkle coming from my eyes and saw what Emily had been obsessively patting on my face. Burgundy and cream eye shadow, long liner and pale gold glitter dominated my lids, with thick fake eyelashes that looked almost natural. My cheeks shined with a highlighter, and a neutral pink lipstick closed the look.

    Grace set her head on my shoulder as I stared, smiling. "I told you that you would love it," she whispered in my ear, pressing her lips to my cheek as Emily snapped a picture in the background. Turning, I saw that, at some point, they had both changed into semi-formal dresses- Grace's a smoky grey with a sheer cover of silvery stars and Emily's a clear white with dried roses patterned on the skirt and on the tan overlay. "We decided to go with similar styles, plus sheer styles are super popular this year. Besides it was..." 

    Emily kept talking as I stared at Gracie. She looked dazzling in her dress, her wild curls pulled over her shoulders and spilling down her back, simple makeup that was similar to what she'd been wearing the night we met. Her heels put her lips just an inch below mine now that I had my own high heels on, and had we been alone, I'd've pulled her into my arms and kissed her until we were late. 

I wonder what she'll look like in white...

    The thought flitted across my mind, and while it wasn't the first, it was the first time I wasn't uncomfortable from it. The thought warmed me up, made me hopeful for after tonight, and I found myself trying to picture her in wedding white. She smiled at me, blushing under my stare. 

    But I couldn't find any regret for being caught. Instead, my joy doubled, and the nerves that had been tearing at my stomach earlier were long gone, replaced by the seed of hope I'd planted long ago. Even though it was fall now, the seed sprouted, and I took her hand when Emily's alarm for us having to leave started buzzing. The warmth that coasted through us was welcome and peaceful.

I'm hers.

I'm home.