Tarnished Tyrant - A Mafia Romance

Chapter 44 Episode 44

“There was an… accident,” I start hesitantly. “It wasChristmastime and we were at the mall. I don’t rememberwhat we were doing there. We didn’t go very often because wedidn’t exactly have the money. But I found a huge dollhouse.”I smile just thinking about it. It’s so clear in my head. “It wasin a*****e window. It had a steep roof with dormer windows, awraparound porch, tiny rocking chairs, and little people thatcould live inside. It was the prettiest house I’d ever seen. Iwanted it so much.”

“He bought it for you?”

I shake my head. “No. We didn’t have the money for that, noteven then. But he promised Santa would bring it forChristmas. He swore. ‘Cross my heart and hope to die, Bellie.Santa won’t let you down.’ And I believed him. Even though Ididn’t believe in Santa, even though I knew it cost too muchmoney… I believed him. And then he died.”

I swallow. Nikolai waits in patient silence for me to go on orstop, whichever I decide. I feel his openness like aloe on asunburn. Soothing something that’s hurt me for a long, longtime.

“A car crash. It was on the way home. An icy overpass.” Isqueeze my eyes closed. “I still remember every detail. Theway the car spun. My dad threw his arm out in front of me,like he wanted to hold me in my seat. But I was wearing myseatbelt. He wasn’t. He was ejected and flew over the railing.”

He adds nothing else. That’s fine with me—I’ve had alifetime’s worth of well wishes that don’t change a damnthing. No amount of sympathy will bring my dad back.

I nod. “Yeah. My mom fell apart after that. She got remarried,but the guy was a waste of space. He got her pregnant andbailed. Mom started doing drugs right after she had Elise. I’mthe one who changed Elise’s diapers and gave her bottles. I’mthe one who took care of her. I’ve always taken care of her.”

“That’s a lot to take on.”

My voice is venomous. Probably because, right now, I’m nottalking to Nikolai—I’m talking to my mom. To Elise’s dad. Toall the people who should have stepped up to take care of her,but didn’t.

“Loving kids is a sacrifice,” I continue. “That’s what my dadtaught me. It’s why I know he was going to do whatever ittook to get me that dollhouse. It’s why he worked late andwoke up early.” I feel tears burning the backs of my eyes, but Iblink them away. “So I vowed to be that person for Elise. Tosacrifice everything for her, no matter what.”

Nikolai’s eyes are burning bright in the dim light. It feels likeI’m naked and he’s seeing every part of me. I have the suddenurge to throw a blanket over my head and hide. It should beillegal for a man to look at you that way. It’s too much. Waytoo much.

“Well, I didn’t mean—not everything,” I stammer.

Nikolai doesn’t look like he’s buying it. “If you sacrificeeverything, then there’s nothing of you left for her. And I thinkshe’d rather have you than whatever bullshit you might buyher.”

“It’s not all about stuff,” I argue. “I don’t care about that.”

“But you were willing to work for a scumbag like Roger tomake sure she had shoes.”

I narrow my eyes. “It’s not that simple.”

“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t,” he says. “But you shouldn’tsacrifice what you want or need for anyone. Not your sister,not your boss. No one.”

“Easy for you to say.”

I feel Nikolai turn to face me, but I ignore it. Instead, I take abite of the sandwich and chew slowly, hoping he’ll somehowforget I’m here. That he’ll move on and we won’t have tounpack my big, fat mouth.

But when I look over, he’s still watching me.

I sigh. “You have the world on a string, Nikolai. Maybe youdon’t know what it’s like to—”

“It wasn’t always like this.”

There’s real emotion in his voice. Whole sentences, chapters,novels written between the lines. But they’re written in alanguage I can’t understand.

“Then what was it like?”

He drops his sandwich and pushes the plate away slowly.Every movement is controlled, practiced, even now. I don’tthink I’ve ever seen Nikolai lose control.

He’s quiet for a long time. Then he says, “Not like this.”

It’s clear that’s all he plans to say. I go back to eating. Butevery bite is like sawdust in my mouth now. So after a fewmore bites, I push my plate away, too.

“Thanks for dinner,” I say softly.

Nikolai nods without looking at me. His eyes stay locked onthe fire in front of us. I can feel the heat radiating, but I canalso feel the coolness of the rest of the room pressed againstmy back. It’s a strange thing, being caught on the edge of tworealities. Like I’m being given a choice: retreat into the coldloneliness I know or venture deeper into the heat of whateverthis thing between us is.

It’s not hard to decide what to do.

“Thanks for… for everything,” I add. “For bringing me andElise here. For taking me on that hike.”

“Even though you almost died?” he asks.

I nod. “Even though I almost died. Which, by the way, thanksfor saving my life.”

I pretend to pout. “I thought you said I could have takenRoger.”

“With that hole punch, I think you could have taken onanyone,” he says. “That fucker was heavy.”

I scoot closer to him. The move isn’t exactly subtle, andNikolai notices everything. I know he saw.

“And I already thanked you for helping me with Roger.”

I nod and lick my lips. “That night. In your office.”

Now, Nikolai turns to me. His attention is even more scaldingthan the fire. “Ah. So that’s what that was.”

“I think it’s a fair exchange for my life. Don’t you?”

Before I can even finish the question, Nikolai grabs my armand yanks me onto his lap. My knees are anchored on eitherside of his hips as he grips my waist.

“Stop talking about sacrificing yourself.”

“Nothing is a ‘fair exchange’ for you,” he growls. “You’reworth more than anything on offer.”

He sounds angry, but I think he’s being… sweet? Is thatpossible? Can Nikolai Zhukova be sweet?

“So are you saying you don’t want to—”

“I’m saying that what’s important is what you want,” he saysfiercely enough to frighten me a little. “We should only do thisif you want to. Not because you feel like you have to. So whatdo you want, lapochka?”

My heart is thundering in my chest. I’ve never had a mansound so concerned for me. Be so gentle.

And the fact that this is the same man who tied me to a chair inhis office, who recorded us almost having s*x in his office forblackmail? Insanity.

The only way I can make sense of any of this is that Nikolaithinks I’m pathetic. He’s made that clear from the moment heheard me on the phone with Roger that night in the conferenceroom.

This isn’t affection for me as much as it is a disdain forweakness. He’s trying to teach me how to take what I want,how to fight for myself. Probably so he won’t have to save mymiserable life again.

The teacher/student dynamic is more embarrassing than it ishot, but straddling him right now, I know what I want.

Nikolai’s hands tighten on my waist as he tilts my chin up andkisses me. His lips are warm and soft, and each one bloomsopen more than the last.

As the kiss deepens, he grips my hips and rocks me against hisgrowing erection. I’m a puppet, letting him move me, lettinghim take us both higher with every stroke.

“How are you in control even when I’m the one on top ofyou?” I whisper when the kiss breaks.

He stands me up and yanks my pants down. I kick them offjust as he pulls me back onto his lap.

“I’m always in control,” he says, right as he curls his handaround my hip and drives his palm against my center. Thefriction is devastating. “Get used to it.”

Well, I can certainly try.

His hand slides into my panties. I whimper when he circles hiscalloused finger over my c**t. Then he slips his finger into meand massages me with his thumb.

Every move is graceful and heartstopping. All I can do is holdstill and take it.

“You shouldn’t go years without being touched like this,” hegrowls, driving another finger into me. “Your body was madefor touching. You’re beautiful when you come. Do you knowthat, beautiful Belle? You look so good when you’re fallingapart for me.”

I bite down on his shoulder and try to ride the wave.

But Nikolai is having none of that. He means what he says—he wants to see me fall to pieces.

“Come for me, little lamb,” he commands, f*****g me with hisfingers while I writhe on his lap. “Let yourself have it. Want it.Take it. Come.”