Tarnished Tyrant - A Mafia Romance

Chapter 59 Episode 59

Some emotion I can’t read crosses Nikolai’s face, and I realizeit’s the first time I’ve let myself look up at him. His gray eyesare locked on mine, silver in the moonlight, and his jaw isworking. He’s bothered.

Is it because of Roger?

Or is it because of me?

“Why are you here?” I ask again, despite my better instincts.

“Just get in the car, Belle.”

“Not until you tell me why you’re—”

“Elise called me,” he snaps. “She called me a few hours agoand said you were sick. She’s scared.”

Too many thoughts swirl through my brain. It’s hard to grabonto any one of them.

“Elise called you? She—A few hours ago?” I frown. “Andyou’re already here?”

Nikolai glances at Roger and then backs away like he’sworried he won’t be able to control himself if he gets withinarm’s reach. I can feel rage rolling off of him in waves.

When Roger wakes up, Nikolai really will kill him.

I sigh. “Fine. But… but you have to leave. You can take mehome, but then you have to go.”

“I can do whatever I want, Belle,” he says.

When I look up at him, I wonder if I look as broken as I feel.“Please, Nikolai. You have to go.”

He glances over me once. It feels like an assessment. Like he’schecking me for damage.

Then he starts walking to his car. “Come on.”

There are moments in life when you know you’re making alife-altering mistake, but you do it anyway. Where you’rehelpless to do anything but take the moment’s hand and let itlead you over the edge of the cliff.

So far, every single one of mine has been with Nikolai.

Sliding into his passenger seat now, the smell of him thickaround me, I know I’m doing it again. But God, it feels sogood to fall.

For a minute there, it’s almost like you’re flying.

I walk Belle up the rusty metal stairs to her apartment.

“Well, this is me,” she says, hesitating outside the door.“Um… thanks for—”

“If you think you’re getting rid of me that easily, you’re evensicker than I realized.”

I snatch the key out of her hand and open the door myself.“Hey!” she protests. “You can’t just barge into my house.”

“Too late,” I say from the threshold. “Come on in.”

Her face is twisted in frustration, though it doesn’t take awayfrom how beautiful she is. But Elise was right—something isoff. Belle’s cheekbones are a bit sharper than usual and hercollarbone juts out more than before.

I step into the pitifully small kitchen and wrench open acabinet. Inside is a box of sugary chocolate cereal, proteinbars, and a half-empty bag of coffee grounds. Not exactlyWhole Foods.

“Have you eaten? I’m starving.”

“Then go find a restaurant. You can’t be here.”

Since we got out of the car, Belle has maintained a five-footdistance from me at all times. Like she’s afraid I’ll reel her ifshe gets too close with a gravity all my own.

Her fear isn’t so far off. The desire to feel her body in myhands, to examine her with my own eyes up close, is strong.

“Because… because…” She glances towards the hallway andthen snaps her focus back to me. “Because Elise is asleep, forone. Flying to Iceland and then leaving the way we did…She’s been through a lot. I don’t want to confuse her.”

“Elise is the one who asked me to come,” I remind her. “Tryagain.”

Her lips press together so hard they turn white. “For two, yourfiancée is probably wondering where you are.”

Not that I would know or care. I set my phone on Do NotDisturb. Arslan is the only person I authorized to bypass thesetting and reach me, and he knows that is for emergency useonly.

“You should get back to her,” she finishes.

“Not until I make sure you’re okay.”

Her brows pinch together. “Why do you even care? I don’tbelong in your world, right?”

“I’m not going to sit by and let you die if I can do somethingto stop it.”

“I’m not dying,” she groans. “I just get sick sometimes. It’snothing.”

Her cheeks flush with embarrassment, and she shoves herhands into her back pockets. “In the afternoons before work, Iget, like, nauseous. It’s probably just anxiety.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she drawls. “Maybe the fact that I lost myjob and almost got r***d and had my entire life turned upsidedown in a matter of weeks. And now, I’m working at a divebar to make ends meet. Maybe it has something to do withthat! But who’s to say? I’m just guessing here.”

Her sarcasm is as feisty as ever, but there’s an undercurrent ofdesperation that didn’t used to be there. It troubles me.

“I can‘t just quit. I need the money. I know you’re not familiarwith the concept, but ‘money’ is the thing ‘normal’ people useto buy stuff like ‘food’ and pay ‘rent’ and ‘bills.’ Wild, Iknow.”

“Find a job somewhere else. You’re smart. You’re attractive.”I don’t miss the way her eyes flare at the casual compliment.“You could get hired somewhere else.”

“You can’t do this anymore, Nikolai. You don’t get to walkinto my life and tell me how to live. You lost that privilege.”

“Oh, and what a privilege it was.” I press a hand to my chest,my voice drenched in excessive mock sincerity. “The honor ofa lifetime, surely.”

Her eyes narrow to slits. “Get out.”

“Not until I figure out what is wrong with you.”

“Nothing is wrong with me!”

I reach out and brush my hand across her collarbones. “Thenwhy can I see your bones poking through your skin?”

Instantly, Belle stiffens. She catches her breath and thenglances down slowly at where my fingers are touching her atthe base of her throat.

“Elise is scared,” I add quietly. “She called me because shedidn’t know what else to do.”

All at once, I see the fight drain out of her. Belle pulls awayfrom me and sags into herself. Exhaustion is written in everyline of her face. She leans back against the kitchen counter andfolds her arms over her chest like that’s the only thing keepingher in one piece.

“It’s just anxiety,” she mumbles. “And exhaustion. The lastfew weeks have been… hard.” She looks up at me nervouslyand then chews on her lower lip.

“What are your symptoms?” I ask.

She shrugs. “Like I said, I get sick. Mostly in the afternoons.Usually before my shift. I’ll throw up once, sometimes twice.”

“Protein bars,” she says, gesturing to the cabinet. “Cereal,when I can stomach it. But I work so much that I don’t have alot of time, anyway. When I’m not working, I’m sleeping.That’s probably what Elise is worried about more thananything. She’s alone too much.”

I shake my head. “No. She was worried about you. She wantsyou to go to a doctor.”

“As soon as Tony decides to get us health insurance, I’ll getright on that,” she snorts.

“For f**k’s sake, Belle, you shouldn’t have run off like youdid. I would have given you a job. I told you after whathappened with Roger the first time that I’d take care of you,but you decided to leave and put yourself and Elise in danger.And why? Because you were jealous of a woman I don’t evencare about?”

“Don’t act like I left over nothing,” she snaps right back. “Andbesides, that may be where our fight started, but I left toprotect Elise.”

“Stop using your sister as an excuse.”

“Stop acting like I’m being crazy! Being part of your worldisn’t safe for her. Not when Xena is in your life. Not when I’mcaught in the middle of some deal with you and the Greeks.It’s not safe.”

“Running like this might not be safe, either.”

Belle’s eyes dart to my face. They’re suddenly wide, herexhaustion from a moment ago shucked off with a new burstof adrenaline. “What—what does that mean? Are they—Issomeone coming after me?”

“That’s why I’m here,” I explain. “You’re sick. I need to knowwhy.”

Slowly, Belle nods. “Oh, that’s why you’re here. It’s notbecause… It’s just guilt. You feel guilty. Like maybe you’re

the reason this is happening.”

It’s not hard to see the conclusions she is drawing. That I don’tcare about her. That I’m only here to make sure my hands areclean, so that if she dies, it won’t be my fault.

I could easily dissuade her of those opinions. All I’d have todo is unzip and show her the achingly hard c**k that’s stayedstubbornly stiff since I grabbed her by the waist outside of thatshithole bar and lifted her over Roger’s unconscious body.

But it’s easier this way. It’s better if she thinks I don’t care.

Because I shouldn’t. I can’t.

“I’ve never felt guilt a day in my f*****g life,” I scowl. “But ifthe Greeks are f*****g with you to try to manipulate me, that’ssomething I need to know.”

Belle rolls her eyes. “I’m not your child. I can handle myself.”

Something suddenly occurs to me. Child. I swallow hard.“When was your last period, Belle?”