Why Can't I Hate You?

CHAPTER 5

MICHELLE

I woke up with a huge grin on my face after so many years. I was awfully exuberant for the second day of my college. My first day went surprisingly well. I am not used to people being friendly with me. I have Ashley to thank for that. If she had not come to talk to me, my first day would have ended up like my every other day in Oklahoma: Monotonous and lifeless. Even painful, sometimes. Ashley not only came to talk to me, but also tried to get me acquainted with her friends. Usually, in such cases I get suspicious of the other person's intentions behind treating me well, but for some reason I know that Ashley was being genuinely nice to me, which is profoundly staggering.

I got up and practically flew to washroom and rooted myself in front of the mirror. The smile on my face was something I was not very used to witness. It suits you, said the voice in my head, only making my lips grow wider and turning my cheeks pink. I don't want to admit the reason behind my excitement. It's too fast and out of my character that I allow a simple boy change my persistently murky mood. Or perhaps, it was not under my control this time. I pressed my cheeks together to stop myself from smiling and end the excitement to see someone I've known only for a day. Somehow I feel as if taking his name would make cheeks turn red like a tomato and stretch my grin wider. And I couldn't allow that. Also, his name took me back to the dream I had yesterday. The weirdest dream ever. I still remember every bit of it like it has actually happened.

After my routine and a hot shower, I rushed to my closet to see what best I have to wear for the college. After having a debate with my other self on practically every piece of cloth I own, I decide to go with a purple sweatshirt with little colorful stars randomly scattered on it along with a plain black jeans. I don't know if this is the best I have, but Alex always used to compliment me in this very attire.

And, based on your brother's opinion, you wish that the person you are dressing so excitedly for, also likes it? The irritating voice in my head remarked. I am not dressing for anybody, I just want to look nice for college. I internally countered her. Yeah, right, she scoffed. I ignored her and began to work on her brown hair. I teased my hair at the back adding a bit of volume and curled them in the end.

Satisfied with my look, I grabbed my college bag and walked into the living room where Judy was sitting on the couch sipping coffee and surfing the internet. She looked at me raising an eyebrow.

I narrowed my eyes at her and sang sweetly, "Good Morning, Judy," before popping on the chair. She kept her eyes on me without uttering a word. "What!"

"You look awfully enthusiastic today. Anything special?" She asked, drinking from her cup. My grin grew wider and I replied her with a shrug. I am happy that I apologized to Judy for my yesterday's childish behavior. I expected her to be full of fury and recite the famous "elder speech" to me but she was remarkably sporting about it. She disregarded the whole incident like it never happened. That's a huge relief.

After having a delicious grilled cheese sandwich for breakfast, I booked an Uber for college. The day outside is pleasant and bright. Warm sunlight kissing my skin and making everything around me more brighter. The trees around the place looked clean as if someone has freshly washed them. The fragrance in the air was so heartwarming that I couldn't describe the feeling in words. Everything looked absolutely exquisite.

As I reached the university, the grin on my face grew wider with every step I took. I was unable to even dim the brightness of my smile, let alone hiding it all together. Finding Casey was not much difficult today. Ashley stood at the very entrance of the building. I guess she was waiting for someone.

"Ashley?" I called out to catch her attention.

She narrowed her eyes at me and said, "Someone is all smiles today?"

I ignored her happy comment and said, "Who are you waiting for?"

"You, of course." And, for the first time today, I wore a different expression on my face other than the grin. I looked at her confused. Reading my expression she said, "It's just your second day here. And, you're not very familiar with Casey yet, so, I waited." She shrugged. My grin returned, but for a very different reason this time. Ashley is so considerate. She was right, I was not familiar with the building or the entire university, for that matter. Getting lost would be the easiest thing for me to do. But, Ashley didn't have to think of it. I am extremely happy that I found someone near to genuine in this world.

"Thank you, it's lovely that you thought of me." I said, smiling.

"Seriously, what's with the smile?" she inquired.

"It's nothing. Really." I waved my hand at our surroundings, "It's a cheerful day."

"Okay? And, is there a particular reason for finding the day so cheerful?" She kept pushing it. We began walking while I contemplated for a believable and less embarrassing reason for my unexplained exuberance. "Yesterday was your first day here. The smiles you gave out were all courteous and polite. But today, you're smiling differently. You look excited for some reason." Ashley said, attempting to study my face.

"Uh-huh, I am excited for my first lecture." I blurted out without thinking. s**t!

"First lecture, why?" Ashley frowned whilst turning into the hallway and I followed her.

"Mm-hmm, I'll get to see, uh, Mr. Brant." I said the first name that came into my mind besides him. Ashley ceased walking as soon as the words left my mouth. I turned to look at her baffled and horrified expression.

"Are you," she looked around and whispered, "into old men?"

I grimaced, "What? No, no. Why would you think that? Are you crazy?" I half yell, half laugh.She reached to me and shrugged, "Well, there is no other explanation based on the way you said it." We began walking towards my class, again.

"Well, there has to be something," I think for a second, "I mean, there is." I nodded for long buying some time for my brain to come up with something logical. Ashley eyed me skeptically. 

"Mr. Brant said he would conduct a quiz today. I have covered the complete syllabus that I've missed in just a day. That's why I am excited. You know, to make my first impression?"

Ashley pondered on what I said for a few moments before stopping at the front of my classroom. "Yes, I guess that can be something exciting for a nerd."

"Nerd?"

"Well, you sound like one." She chuckled and so did I. Nerd is much better than being someone who's into older men. I wave goodbye to Ashley and wait for her to go. Once she was out of my sight, I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. My excitement melting down to nervousness and I suddenly feel nauseous. Suck it up and get your a*s inside, said the voice and I rolled my eyes before obliging.

The cacophony of noise rushed into my ears. I immediately looked towards Elijah's seat from yesterday, but he was not in sight as there were a group of people standing right in that direction. Letting out a defeated sigh, I look for my own seat, instead. Arthur was already at the desk, looking back at me with curiosity. I rushed towards my desk and sit before exchanging hello's with Arthur. I return Arthur's notes that I borrowed yesterday to catch up with the missed syllabus.

I cannot wait to see Elijah. But, I am not very sure if I should even look at him because I am so out of control today. This is not me. I don't believe in all this. I am the kind of girl who believes that there is no authentic feelings in this world. I run away from such things, afraid to get attached to someone. But, now, I am out of control. I am not even thinking about the consequences. And the funny part is that I don't want to think about the consequences. Having said that, knowing he is here, in this very classroom, and not looking at him is sort of... painful. I sigh and turn towards his seat.

Elijah was sitting there donning his naturally gorgeous demeanor. His head slightly tilted towards my direction and he was looking back at me. Correction. He was glaring back at me. His eyes held so much emotion, his jaw clenched and his nostrils flaring. Ignoring his reactions, I smiled at him, expecting a world brightening dimpled grin from him. But, Elijah doesn't move a muscle. He kept glaring at me with too much intensity that I had to admit my defeat and turn away. He maintained the scowl on his face throughout the class, making me wonder if he was only in a bad mood or if he was angry at me. I have not done anything at all. I've met him just yesterday and he left early during our lunch, leaving me no room to annoy him by any chance. Then what is the problem? Chill. Don't over think. Perhaps, he has some personal issues and he is annoyed about that, I like her reasoning better. So, I stick with her reason before heading towards my second lecture.

All the excitement and glee that I contained in my system since morning had all evaporated by third lecture. When I entered the classroom, I found Ashley had not come yet. I walked towards my desk and sit while pricking at my nails. I didn't notice Ashley sitting beside me until she spoke. "The quiz didn't go well?" the quiz? Oh! The ridiculous conversation from morning.

I give Ashley a small smile. "It didn't go as I had hoped."

Ashley wrapped her slender arms around my shoulders and said, "It happens. I am sure you still have the best impression." I smile in response. During lunch, Ashley and I walk towards the student center for food. We place our bags on the table where Paul and Jackson were already seated. Rachel and Christina stood in the line for food. And, Elijah was not around. Just when Ashley and I were going to join the girls in the line, Paul and Jackson stood up abruptly.

"We'll get your food." The boys said in unison. I turned towards Ashley, who had a knowing smirk on her gentle face.

"Oh, really? Get my food as well, please." Ashley said. The boys scowled at her. What is happening?

"You'll have to get your own food. She is new here that's why we offered to get her food. You need to move your lazy butt and get your own food." Paul bellowed while Jackson nodded.

"What would you like to have?" Jackson asked me.

"Um, I'll just have a strawberry smoothie." And with that all three of them disappeared in the crowd leaving me alone at the lunch table. I looked around for Elijah when my phone started ringing. I smiled at the caller name: Alex.

"Hey Mish! How are you?" Alex says from the phone. It's just been three days and I didn't know how I was missing Alex. I could picture his smile right now.

"I'm good, Al." I reply him with a smile.

"What are you doing? Are you at the university?" He asks.

"Yes. I am waiting for my lunch."

"Okay, cool. Just wanted to check up on you. Call me once you are home." He says. I haven't spoken much with any of them after moving to Seattle. I mentally noted to call Dominic and mom as well along side with Alex. I don't think mom would be interested to speak with me. But, it's worth a shot. I guess.

"Yeah, sure." I promise him.

"Love you," Alex said. Now, that's the sentence I am terrified of. I don't know if I love Alex and Dominic or if I can ever come to love them at all. I couldn't say it back to him and he knows that but still uses that phrase with me. And, I am not sure how I feel about that. "Bye." He says before hanging up.

"Who was that?" a voice said, as soon as I pull the phone away from my ears. I gasped as I hadn't noticed him anywhere near me. A hand automatically goes to my heart and the other flies to my face, covering my mouth and turned to look at the intruder. It's Elijah. Relief flooded through me and I exhaled through my mouth.

"Oh, my Gosh! You scared me." I said to him once I felt fine.

"Who was that?" Elijah repeats through gritted teeth. What has gotten into him? His jaw is clenched and his hands are balled into a pale fist. His eyes were distant. Cold. The warmth I found yesterday was long gone. He looks like he would erupt any second now, if I don't answer him.

I opened my mouth to answer Elijah, but Paul returns with my smoothie and places it in front of me. Elijah looks between me and the drink with a questioned expression.

"Thank you so much, I was starving." I said to Paul. And, everybody return to the table with their respective tray full of food.

Paul bowed down dramatically and said, "Pleasure is all mine, milady." I chuckled.

"Oh! Cut the crap already." Ashley grimaced making everybody laugh. Everybody but Elijah. Elijah is studying me intently making me a little uncomfortable.

"Somebody is thoroughly enjoying the attention." Elijah spoke making a face and not taking his eyes off of me. Why is he like this today? Completely opposite to the sweet and kind Elijah that he was yesterday? What changed? I looked around and found everyone were looking baffled at Elijah for his rude remark.

Ashley cleared her throat and everybody who had their eyes locked at Elijah's rudeness, looked away at once. "Elijah?" Ashley called out and he reluctantly pulled his eyes away from me to look at her. "Um, Where's your food?" she said, pointing to the empty space in front of Elijah.

Elijah scoffed and looked back at me. "I am no more hungry." He declared in a hard and cold tone, butchering my hunger as well. His anger and coldness was for me? What did I do? I couldn't take it anymore. I already have a mother who blames me for every single thing in her life and hates me to her core. I cannot have another person do the same to me. I practically met him yesterday, how can he probably hate me already. It's best to stay away from him and out of his mess.

"Ashley, I have some things to complete. So, I'll just have my lunch in the library. Okay?" I tell her before getting out of my chair. She gives me an understanding nod and looked at Elijah, unable to comprehend his sudden hostility. "And, Thanks for the smoothie." I said to Paul with a small smile which he returned. I grab my bag and my smoothie before practically running out of the cafeteria.