Mentally in love

Chapter seven - That is not yours

Lesley's POV:

The school year has started. Nothing interesting happened except for one thing. We have a new boy in class. He reminds me so much of someone, but I don't know who. According to him, we have never met. That is impossible. The other thing that came to me was that he might have a twin. I didn't ask if he had siblings, but maybe he does. I told my parents about this, but they couldn't help me. After all, they haven't seen him. I don't have a picture of him to show them. The other thing is that I know only his first name. I can't find him on social media. I don't know why I care so much, but it's bugging me. I feel like we have known each other for a long time. Maybe he used to go to the same park as me when I was a kid. We must have met somewhere. I need to stop thinking about this and focus on something else. It won't be on me, for sure. Otherwise, I will start doing it again. I'm trying to use the painkillers less. It's not like this is helping much. I need them to go throughout the day. If they were on pills, it would've been better. Honestly, I'm surprised that the workers in the pharmacy don't ask anything. I'm not an adult, but they give these painkillers. Let's say that I needed them for my dad. Also, to make it less suspicious, I go to another pharmacy. That's why I like to have some of them in stock. I use only two a day. Sometimes, I have used more. It depends on what day I have had. I use them to help me reduce stress and panic. I don't have panic attacks, but I expect that to happen soon. I should see a doctor, but I don't want to do it. I want to deal with this alone. Well, as long as it's possible. I don't have high hopes. Maybe one day, all of this will be over. I hope this day will come soon because I don't know how long I can keep doing this.

It's another school day. I should stop staring at Leo, but I can't. We know each other. I'm sure about this. I don't think he has a twin. What if we have been at the same school? In middle school, we haven't been, for sure. Maybe we were in elementary. I don't know. I can't remember, and that's it. My memory is too weak for that. Well, for other things as well. I have no idea what to do. I go to school only, so I don't have to be home. That is not helping me.

I woke up and went to get ready. It's sunny. That's why I will put a T-shirt on. Also, I have PE. I stopped for around five minutes and looked at my bracelet. He is probably in a better place now. I wish I could go there too. It's not like I haven't tried it before. Let's say that someone always finds me. It looks like no one wants me to go. When I was ready, I went downstairs for breakfast. Dad was already at the table eating. Soon, I received a plate as well. The food looks delicious, but I'm not hungry. I will eat something so my mom won't lecture me again.

- I want you to eat all of it. - my mom said

- Ok.

- You will agree? Just like that?

- I won't eat it, but I don't want to argue with you.

- That makes more sense.

- Are you excited about school? - my dad asked

- Not really. We don't do anything.

- Don't you study there?

- Dad, this is what you are supposed to do at school. I meant that it's nothing different.

- Well, studying is good.

- If you say so.

After breakfast, I walked to school. I saw Leo talking with someone. I should say he is social. More than me. That is good for him. At least he found some friends. He looked at me and waved. I managed to return it. Usually, I don't do this. When the bell started ringing, I walked to class. Leo was in this one. Soon, he came and sat next to me. Why? There are so many empty places.

- Good morning.

- Hey, Leo.

- How are you today?

- I have been worse.

- Why?

- I want to sleep more.

- It's not only you. Usually, I wake up alone. This time, my mom had to do it. Otherwise, I would've been late.

- That is part of her job as a parent. Mine always come to check on me. As if I am a little kid.

- Every parent understands taking care differently.

- I have noticed that.

- Be happy that your parents care about you. Not every kid is that lucky.

- I know.

Leo and I talked until the teacher came. Then we started with the lesson. It's not like I was paying attention. As usual, my brain was somewhere else. I looked at my bracelet for a second. One day, we'll be together. I'll make sure of it.

On the lunch break, I walked into the hall. I'm used to not eating, so I don't even get hungry anymore. I mean, not the way I used to do it. My previous class was PE. I was only with my T-shirt on. Who knew it was that hot outside? That is a record for this time of the year. I saw Leo coming up. He looks happy. Maybe something has happened. I can ask, but it's not my business. Also, I don't want to mess with him or whoever it is.

- Hey. Why are you still here? Won't you eat?

- I'm not hungry. What about you?

- I will go in a minute.

- Cool.

Leo put his things in his locker. Then I noticed that he stopped and looked at me. Technically, at my wrist. No offense, but it's weird. It's like he saw a ghost. Maybe I am imagining things.

- Why are you looking at me like that?

- From where did you get that?

- You mean my bracelet?

- Yes, that.

- One friend gave it to me. Why?

- That is not yours.

- What? Yes, it is.

- No, it's not. I don't know how you got it. This doesn't belong to you. Let me see it. - he said and grabbed my hand

- Hey! Calm down.

- It even says the words. From where did you get it?

- I already told you. One friend gave me this.

- Liar! I don't trust you.

- Why?

- You need to give me this.

- What? No way! That is mine. I'm not giving it to you.

- It's not yours.

- Yes, it is. Please, leave me alone. I will never give it to you or someone else.

- You stole that.

- No, I didn't! Why don't you want to understand?

- After school, you are coming home with me.

- Why?

- So you can return this.

- What? Are you crazy? I already told you. I'm not taking this off.

- It doesn't matter. You are still coming with me.

- Fine. If this means that you will leave me alone, I will do it.

That was. We didn't talk until the end of the school day. I don't know what is wrong with him. The bracelet is mine. There is no way I will give it to a stranger. Also, I don't understand from where that interest came. This bracelet is not his, for sure. Dean gifted me this. I have no idea why he got mad about this. I mean, as if he has something to do with that.

After the last class for the day, Leo took me to his house. The whole walk was silent. I have the feeling that this is not good. I don't know what is happening. The moment we walked in, I looked around. I don't think I have been here before. Well, I never had friends who I could visit their homes. Dean and I were talking outside.

- Mom, I'm home. Can you come here?

- Yes, I'm here.

- Miss Harris is your mom!

- Yes, why? Do you know her?

- Hey, kids.

- Mom? What are you doing here?

- Working with my best friend.

- That is your mom. - Leo said

- Yes.

- Now I know why you think we have met. Sorry, but this never happened.

- It's not true. My other theory is that you have a twin.

- What? Are you crazy? I don't have a twin.

- Calm down. What is all this about? - miss Harris asked

- This. - Leo said and grabbed my hand

- Let me go.

- Is this what I think it is?

- Yes, it is. She stole it.

- I didn't steal anything. How many times do I have to tell you this?

- Lesley, from where did you get this? - miss Harris asked

- A friend gave it to me.

- Can I know the name of that friend?

- Why?

- Because I think I know him.

- Hold on! Dark hair, brown eyes, terrible mood swings, and less eating.

- Yes.

- Dean is your son, isn't he?

- Yes, he was.

- Now I know from where I know you. Leo, you are an exact copy of your brother.

- What? No way! We don't look the same.

- Yes, you do.

- Lesley, from where do you know Dean?

- It's a long story, miss Harris.

- I have time. Please.

- Ok, I will tell you. Can we sit?

- Sure.

- I'm out. - Leo said and walked away

- Don't mind him.

- Here, you can take it. This probably means a lot more to you. - I said and took off my bracelet

- No, you have to keep it. I don't know why my son gave it to you, but he must have meant something. It's yours.

- Are you sure?

- Yes, I am. It's surprising because he never took it off.

- Really?

- Yes. His dad and I gave him this for one birthday.

- He wanted me to take it as a gift.

- Maybe he liked your company.

- I don't know.

- Now I want to hear the story.

I told miss Harris everything. Mom wasn't happy to hear that I had climbed a tree. Let's say that she is still scared that I might fall. I told her that nothing happened. I was fine. Otherwise, she would've seen scars. I said everything that Dean had shared with me. The life lessons as well. I felt like miss Harris would start crying soon. I didn't want to upset her. Honestly, I had no idea he was her son. We never talked about our parents. I knew she had kids but didn't know who they were. She was always alone at home or with mister Harris. There were no kids with her. I have accepted her as my second mom. The fact Dean is her son makes me feel even worse.

- Are you ok? I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset you.

- It's ok. I'll be fine.

- Are you sure?

- Yes, I am. He told you all this.

- Yes, he did. I didn't know why. I mean, I never thought he would do this.

- So when you walked after the stretcher at the hospital, that was Dean. - my mom said

- Yes. I don't know what he has done.

- We found in his bathroom some painkillers. I don't know where he took these. They don't sell them without a recipe from a doctor.

- Can I know what they looked like? I'm just curious.

- Liquid in a syringe. I think it was slightly yellow.

- How many did he take that day?

- I don't know. The doctors said it was enough to do it. You know.

- I do. I'm so sorry about this.

- Why? I'm glad that he has shared his problems with someone.

- But I couldn't help him.

- It doesn't matter. He opened up. That was progress.

Dean used the same things I use now. Maybe I am going through the same things as him. Does this mean I will end up like him? As I said, I have tried this. The thing is that it was never successful. I wonder where they have found him. I'm sure it wasn't at his house. I can ask, but this is too personal. After all, I don't need to know everything. Otherwise, questions will come up. Now it's not the time to tell my parents everything.

- Why don't you call your dad? I invite you all for dinner.

- Are you sure?

- Yes. I think Liam would like to hear that.

- Ok, I will text him.

- I don't know what happened back then, but thank you for being part of his life. I'm sure it meant a lot to him.

- Even if it didn't mean anything to him, it meant something to me. Well, it still does. - I said and looked at my bracelet

- Never take it off.

- I have read the words.

- You did?

- Sometimes, you need a little push-up. You know.

- I do. That's why we gave him this. He had many problems.

- How it happened?

- I don't know. He was a happy kid. Then something happened and made him act like that.

- I understand.

Miss Harris and I talked for an hour. Then I tried to help her with dinner. It's not like she let me. She told me to go and see Leo. He didn't let me in his room. He might be mad at me, but I don't know why. I didn't do anything to him. That was between his brother and me. We have never met. I can't believe they are related. I grew up with miss Harris. My best friend was her son, and I had no idea. All this time, the truth was in front of me. I didn't even realize it. After two hours, everything was ready.

- Thank you for coming. - miss Harris said

- It's a pleasure. I'm surprised to see Leo here. - my dad said

- Very funny. - Leo said

- I see that you have found what you have been looking for so long. - mister Harris said

- I did.

- It's interesting how we knew her since she was a kid but never realized this.

- Some things take time.

- From how long do you have it?

- Since I was thirteen. That was the last time I saw him. - I said

- It must have been before he did it.

- Probably. Leo, are you ok?

- I'm out.

- Where are you going? You didn't eat anything. - miss Harris said

- I'll eat outside.

- What is going on with you?

- He is dead! Forget about him and move on! - he said and left

Nothing else was said. I think he might be upset, or this is bothering him. After all, I don't know how close they were. Some siblings have stronger relations than others. Well, I can't relate to this. I'm happy to be the only kid. Mostly, this is because I don't want my brother or sister to see me in this state. Leo probably went through a lot with Dean. It's not easy watching how your brother slowly tries to end everything. Even if they were fighting, I still think he cared about him. Maybe this is why he doesn't want to talk about him. I hope that this won't ruin the good mood between us.