Love Misunderstood

Chapter 3

Another day in hell. The weekend went so quickly, and now it’s back to Monday.

Why do we need to go to University anyway? Most of the stuff we learn we don’t ever need or use in the real world. It seems a bit pointless to me.

I am halfway to my class when I spot a board of competitions; none of which really catch my eye. It’s not like I’m ever going to enter one; it’s just fun to see what’s going on and what I could do if I had the confidence. I notice a few drawing and sport competitions, but then I look to the left and see a story-writing one.

I’ve only ever tried writing a few times; I’ve never stuck to it, but I am determined to write one in the future. Usually the beginning is decent, the middle is okay, but I can never finish it; nothing seems to be the perfect ending for me.

I look around to my right and it’s pretty deserted in the hallway, I look down at my light blue watch with tiny diamonds on the edges. (Fake of course, im no made of money, my outfit can ateste to that). I see I have a few minutes before I have to be in class since I am pretty much always early.

It isn’t quiet for long as a voice startles me from my trance.

“Are you going to sign up for one?” A deep, rough voice questions next to me from where I am standing.

I look to my left and see Caden James looking... nervous? uninterested? I really can’t tell so I observe him more and I can definitely tell he is nervous, he is playing with his hands in a more fidgety way, not knowing how to control his anxiety, he is still staring at me, studying my face waiting for me to answer.

He never talks to anyone, so why is he talking to me?

Maybe he just wants to make sure I haven’t said anything about what happened in the library?

“Hello?” I blink hearing his deep voice from being sidetracked and realised I never answered him, i tilt my head up since his height overpowers my five foot two inches noticing he is still waiting.

i think back to the question and keep my answer short. “No.”

“Why not?” He is sounding like he’s genuinely curious to hear my answer. I stare at him waiting for the joke but nothing happens so I reply.

“I mean, there are so many people who are incredible at these," I gaze to the posters "but my anxiety gets in the way, and I overthink everything, not to mention I could fail-” I speak so quickly that it’s a miracle if he can even understand me, but then I realise I am rambling a lot, so I stop myself from going on.

By me mentioning anxiety, he instantly tenses up, but I can see a bit of hope in his eyes, which proves to him that he is not the only one who has it.

I look around nervously. Only a few are here, but they are talking amongst themselves, thank God nobody saw or heard that except for the person in front of me.

Caden clears his throat, and it looks like he is slightly relieved. I am talking a lot at him and breaking the weird, I guess tension I feel however I don’t know if he can though. I am just embarrassed, and I just know my face is going red right now, but when I go red I look like a strawberry. I just laugh under my breath, anxiously avoiding his inviting eyes.

“L-Listen about what you saw in the library... I’m sorry. It happens when I least expect it. If I would have known someone was there, I would have gone somewhere more private. It just happened so quickly I couldnt move.”

I look at him too stunned to speak; I think that is the most I’ve ever seen or heard him say.

“It’s ok, you don’t have to hide or apologize; I used to have anxiety attacks nearly daily, it’s a lot less now but the occasional one or two and it can be scary when you’re alone. I am happy to help you.”

He looks at me like he was expecting me to get annoyed with him. I wouldn’t know why he would even think that.

He looks up to the ceiling releasing a breath and then he sets his gaze back on me, his green eyes burning into me and releases a breath before speaking again.

Oh my god! We are actually having a conversation, and it’s not awkward. Progress!

“You say anxiety attacks so casually,” he says, stifling an awkward laugh. He shoves his hamds in his trousers while staring at his shoes kicking invisible dirt against the floor.

“Can I just ask you one thing?” I nod my head eagerly in response. I can’t help but notice that he looks more scared now than when we started talking. I want to hold his hand to help him, but we don’t really know each other, so it would be really weird.

“Why did you help me?” He stutters a bit. “I mean, why did you stay and look at me normally instead of looking at me like I’m a freak? Why aren’t you annoyed that I’m the one who made you late for class?”

I was not expecting him to say the last part. It hurts me a bit that he thinks I’m annoyed but i know he doesn't know me let alone talk to anyone.

“Anxiety is normal, and as a person who has it, it sometimes helps when someone is with you. I held your hand to help you get through it, and I understand if you feel embarrassed; you don’t have to be, but all I want to say is thank you for letting me help you. I am glad you are feeling better.” I see a hidden smile appear on his face. Then I go on to add, “And as for the class thing, forget about it, I didn’t like the teacher anyway.” I laugh.

He looks at me softer than before, laughing a bit with me. His guard has dropped a bit. I can almost see the mask falling from his face, and I can see the real him, but it was short-lived as the bell rang, and he went back to a stone expression, didn’t offer a goodbye, and walked the opposite way from me.

That was weird. I thought we were getting along fine.

I am sitting at home with my laptop and earplugs from my phone, listening to music. I’m listening to all of the eighties, it is my favourite decade. My dad says I should have been born in the eighties because of how much I love it.

Speaking of dad, he is calling me.

“Hey dad.”

"Hey, how are you?”

“Apart from being tired from college, I am good, you?”

“I’m alright. I just wanted to see how you were doing and see which weekend you are free to come to me. I have a surprise for you and Brody.”

This makes me curious and makes me want to know what it is.

“We are free this weekend coming up; is that okay?”

“Perfect. I have to get back to work, so I will pick you up Friday from college and your brother straight after.”

"Okay, that sounds good.”

"Bye, I love you.”

“yeah I-”

Call disconnected.

“I love you too.”

Tuesday morning, yay!

Note the sarcasm.

I am listening to my favourite playlist of songs; most of these helped me through the rough times—when my parents got divorced, when I found out I have severe anxiety and depression, and the comments mum has made on my weight, my first boyfriend who turned out to be a real piece of s**t.

I’ve gone through a lot, and I don’t tell anyone. I would, but nobody wants to know my story, so I keep to myself and help others. That’s how it usually is and how it has always been. I never think of myself; they always come first for me.

Clara knows my story, one of the times we were getting to know each other I was in the bathroom having a panic attack, and she saw me and wouldn’t leave until she knew I was okay. Then she gave me some song suggestions, and I’ve listened to them whenever I feel down. Music is the only thing that understands me and how I feel.

Wait a minute!

Then I realise that this is a great way to get Caden to talk to me again and maybe he can open up, it’s obvious he needs a friend, hopefully i can be that person. If he listens to the same music I do, I could go to the music store and get some CDs for him that I think he will like, which would help him out more.

I see him by the tree at lunch, avoiding everyone, and I am more than confident about what I’m going to do after university.

“Hey Clara, do you want to go to the music store today after uni ends?”

“I’d love to.” I knew she couldn’t resist. She almost loves music as much as I do.

“Thinking about it, me and you haven’t spent that much time together unless it’s here in the hell hole.” I laughed at her comment.

"Yeah, we haven’t, I’ve missed not hanging out with you.”

We continue to walk to class and I see her looking at some girls or one in particular, I think her name is Katie....or was it Caitlin? if Clara wants to tell me something, she will. I never and will never pressure or force anything out of her.

She breaks the silence first.

“A little birdy told me they saw you talking to the outcast of this place.”

I wonder who must have told her. I try to act as if I don’t know, but she sees right through me. I give up and tell her, but I don’t say anything about the library. If it were me, I wouldn’t want anyone to say anything; it’s not their business.

I tell her that we just talked about the competitions I was looking at. She doesn’t think of it, thank God she thinks more of the person I was talking about.

“Wow, like you actually had a full-on conversation with him? Who would have thought you would ever talk to the outcast?”

When Clara repeats the word 'outcast', I instantly feel defensive.

“He is not an outcast, he is just different. Caden is unique in his own way. It’s annoying that most people don’t think that way about others.”

I’m glad she doesn’t fight me on this; the only thing she says is to be careful.

The end of the day comes, and I am now heading to the music store with Clara.

Is what I am thinking of doing for Caden too much? I mean, we have had only two interactions. I overthink too much. I’m learning to just go "f**k it" and do it.

We get to the store, and I go to the section that is in the genre of rock and indie, and I find the songs that I love most and that helped me through the hard times. I am hoping this can make him come out of his shell a bit.

We wander around for a while and eventually line up to buy the records we both have in our hands. We get to the counter, and I see a girl from our college, the same one Clara was looking at earlier in the hall. I think she is nice, but I’m not sure. She is friends with Megan Turner, the queen bee b***h of the whole college. She is gorgeous but super aggravating, trying to get all the boys attention. Most fall for her, but some see through her desperateness and ignore her.

I don’t want anything to do with Megan.

“Hey girls!” she acknowledges me, and then I notice she looks a bit longer at Clara. I don’t think much of it. She scans my items, and then she bags them. She starts to scan what Clara has chosen to buy, and then she gets all excited—a little too overexcited.

“You like Led Zeppelin?”

“Yeah, my favourite song is back in black.”

“No way! Me too!" I just watch with a curious glance.

"I’m Caitlin,” she says with a big smile.

“I know- I mean I've heard your name around. I’m Clara, and that’s my best friend Lacey over there.” I have not seen her this flustered since she met Adele a year ago. I wave over to them and decide to head home leaving them some space, as I know they aren’t going to stop talking. Once Clara starts, it is even harder to make her stop.

I can tell Clara is happy that someone likes the same artist as her. I smile watching them interact and head out the door. it would be nice for Clara and I to have a new friend, but I’m not sure it’s someone who is associated with Megan; maybe she is the same as Caden.

Just because she is friends with her doesn’t mean she agrees with Bitchy-Megan’s decisions.