Before you there was Me

Accepting the fact

Ryan's P.O.V

I was never one for feeling lonely or lost in this world of love sick fools that held love high upon magnificent pedestals but as I made my way down the street to work I couldn't help but wince as I was struck by a wave of loneliness that had my mentality stumbling into oblivion. I always thought I enjoyed my own company but thinking about it now I realized that I had started to develop these strange and disgusting behavior only three weeks ago though I tried to blatantly ignore them.

I frowned. Maybe I was coming down with something. Goosebumps evaded my skin like soldier rushing off to war and not the good kind. I admit it for there was no going around it. I wanted to be love, to know what it was like to be loved by someone, to be held in the comforting arms of a person I knew sooner or later would rip my heart out and tear it to shreds before carelessly throwing it back at my feet. I wanted to feel Something other than this gut wrenching feeling of intense loneliness. I was so caught up in my thoughts and feelings that I failed to look where I was going and found myself tripping over my own two feet. There was nothing I could do to catch myself as I fell with a thud. I wanted to get up but the shame I felt and the eyes that undoubtedly bore into my being held me immobilized as I stared at my coffee now staining the tiles of the office. I didn't know how long I laid there scolding at the dark liquid before shiny polished shoes cut across in front of my vision. Shame flushed my face as I forced myself to look up in the face of the person. What caught my eyes first was his eyes that reminded me of thick swirling molten chocolate that instantly sucked me in. They were sharp and analytic as he studied me with slight amusement. His facial features weren't godlike but there was something about the way his nose slightly twitch and the smile that danced on his thick plump lips that had me drowning in his presence. I felt it for the first time in a long time, my heart moved. It was just for a second but I felt the tiny movement deep in my chest.

"Are you going to lay staring all day or are you going to take my hands" he asked with slight irritation in his voice. My face and neck felt even warmer as I noticed is outstretched hands waiting to help me up.

"I'm sorry " I mumbled in embarrassment as I took hold of his hand and my oh my did they feel delicious. The firm ease in which he pulled me up had me choking on a moaned as he ordered someone to bring a glass of water before he delicately shoved it to my lips while slightly rubbing my back.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I cleared my throat a few times before I felt confident enough to answer and even them my response came out like a dying mouse and I was sure my face would burst from embarrassment. In this very moment i wish the ground would open up and swallow me from the sea of shame I was knowingly drowning in. Realizing That I still had his hands held firmly in mine I quickly retracted my hand and ran away like my life depends on it. Only when I heard the click of the door behind me did I look up and blew out a heavy breath I didn't know I was holding. I wanted to cry from the shame and embarrassment that bruised... then again that tore my pride in two but I knew crying wouldn't change the fact that I had made a complete fool of myself. With that in mind I lazily dragged my feet around my desk before falling into my chair in the most unladylike way before I started to update my journal.