Dreaming, just keep dreaming.

Chapter 3

It was already Monday, the weekend I spent in bed, I made my own food, because dad never came home and I was starting to forget about him, he was angry, he didn't come home, he told me drunk, I never drank until I was drunk for him to tell me that, but it's ok, I started to take things easy, I didn't want to stress out and I kept away from anything negative that had happened to me, I was still sad, at least when dad left, mom was the one who was there from time to time I cooked for her

-Agh, I hate thinking about Mom all the time, I feel my throat closing up," I would speak out my thoughts, Dad was gone and I felt free to speak whatever I thought, even if it was insulting.

It was already more than half a day and I felt useless, I could already walk more or less.

My cell phone was vibrating, I turned around to reach it, it was under my pillow, it was the group chat I had with my school friends, there were almost three hundred messages, I was reading everything until someone knocked on the door of the apartment. I went out to see who it was, I opened the door.

-Tyler, my boy, accompanied by a little song, I knew it was my aunt, the aunt with whom my father had been a few days ago.

-Aunt Stepha, how are you? Welcome. -I opened the door of the house to let her in.

-What a joy to see you, my child. He paused a little and said to me: "Oooh, I see that you have everything in order, what a good boy you are.

-I smiled at him.

-My child, is your father there?

-Dad? I went back to see the aunt, she had a strange face... Oh no, I said s**t in front of the critical aunt? I forgot that I wasn't alone anymore and I said my thoughts out loud like I had these last two days when dad was gone.

-I'm sorry, aunt, it slipped out...a...forbidden word?

-Yes...Tyler.

-I'm sorry I...-I had no idea what to say...-Dad hasn't been here for a few days now, Friday morning was the last time I saw him.

-He said that and I got a little upset because I was the politically correct lady in the family who was complaining about the least bit that he didn't like it.

-Dad said he was with you. I decided it would be better to avoid the subject.

-Ah yes! -Your dad was with me at the hospital, he had an accident but doesn't remember what happened, he was drunk.

-My dad... Dad was still drinking, I thought, but even my aunt didn't tell me where he was.

-Ah yes, before it's too late, could you help me with something my boy?

-Of course, aunt, I'm on vacation for Christmas and New Year's, so I'm free for a few weeks.

-Ouch! I'm so glad you're having a vacation, my boy! As a civil servant, I don't have any vacations.

-Ujm... (Go to hell ma'am) I said to myself, sure as hell not to say it out loud.

-In one hour Alex, your cousin who is studying medicine in Germany, arrives, I wanted to see if you could take me, you know... I can't drive because I can't force my eyes, I get nauseous and all that stuff.

-Sure aunt, I'll go get ready to leave quickly.

-I'll wait for you in my car, it's downstairs with your cousin Rachel, she drove me here, although she doesn't know how to drive well, so I'm asking you to please give us a ride. -My aunt was about to close the door and leave.

-I shouted because she had already closed the door to the apartment.

I hadn't seen Rachel for a long time. She was the daughter of one of my father's half-sisters, but she was a bit strange and antisocial.

I would take my friends to their parties with my dad's car, my mom would let me drive the car because my friends paid me when I drove them, besides that I knew how to drive since I was almost fourteen and at my age I already knew how to drive much better, the only thing they didn't teach me was how to drive, I always sat in the co-driver's seat when I was a kid, I liked to see how the cars worked and just by watching I learned how to drive alone.

Everything was ready, I got to the car and I didn't recognize Rachel, she's twenty years old... but she looks about thirty years old.

I got in the car and said hello to her.-Hello Rachel, it's been a long time since we've seen each other, how are you?

She didn't answer... Aunt Stepha came back to see her angry.

-Hello Tyler.

Maybe I was in a bad mood, I ignored him and started the car.

We had already arrived at the airport, the whole way the aunt just asked me how school was going and gave me some useless advice on how to get over mom, we waited ten minutes and Alex arrived, aunt Stepha was crying from happiness, Rachel was sitting eating her second sandwich in the chairs at the airport, saw Alex arrive but was never able to get up and greet him, it was Alex who had to greet her, what was strange was that Alex came back to see me many times and when he did he smiled and licked his lips, which made me uncomfortable.

I was helping carry some of Alex's bags to Aunt Stepha's car, in the driveway, Alex took his cell phone out of his pocket and something fell on my shoe, Alex looked back at me and saw the floor.

-No, I didn't see you drop anything, Alex.

I was curious to see what it was. We put all the suitcases in the trunk of the car, I was closing the trunk, Alex opened the door for his mother, and I bent down to remove the object that had fallen from Alex's pocket...

-Tyler. -I heard that Alex was next to me.

-I got up quickly, didn't take the object, Alex came very quickly and I thought he saw me.

-What were you doing?

-Ah...the car keys fell on my shoe and...I...was picking them up (s**t). I felt my body sweating hot and I got heat from the nerves.

-Be careful Tyler, by the way, I know I wrote you about your mom, but you didn't answer so I thought you didn't see it or something, I didn't want to be rude.

-Oh no, I saw the message...

-Don't worry Tyler.-He came over to me and hugged me, said he was sorry, he was sorry for my loss. He got into the car and I quickly bent down to pick up what was under my shoe, I didn't see what it was but it was a little round and long. I got in the car and we were on our way back.

-Tyler, my boy, let's stop by your house, so you can stay, Alex will drive us home," said the aunt.

-Alex put his hand on my shoulder, I got distracted and accidentally accelerated too much.

-Did you get excited or what? It was the first time Rachel had spoken after so much.

-No... I just... didn't expect Alex to put his hand on my shoulder.

-I'm sorry Tyler, but what do you think about coming to sleep with us?

-No thanks Alex, I... have to be home, aunt says dad had an accident the day before and I want to be there to greet him when he arrives.

-Your dad is fine my boy.

-It's ok Tyler, whenever you want you can come home to sleep with us.

-Thank you...

I wasn't going to sleep in the house with a person I hadn't seen in a long time and who made me a little uncomfortable... it would be strange.

We were about to arrive, at my house, we were at the mall, where Mrs Larson's supermarket was, I remembered that we had gone to the cemetery and... I remembered Angela, how I would see her again if I could not enter the supermarket, Mr Larson forbade me the previous day... as soon as I returned to look ahead again, The traffic light turned red, I thought about going to the door of the supermarket some day and wait for Angela to leave work and talk to her, she seemed like a very friendly girl and I felt the need to even wish her a Merry Christmas by message, she had been kind to me.

I kept going and was now close to my school.

-I have to talk to Angela yes or yes before Christmas... What if I give her something? I can buy her a coat or take her to lunch...-I was saying among myself, because she was a girl that I felt that...I didn't have to know her very well, because she became so...so beautiful to me.

Again the traffic light turned red, I saw the time on my cell phone and as I looked up, a boy was crossing the street, he caught my attention because of the way he was dressed, he had a long-sleeved shirt in the tremendous cold that was occurring that afternoon, it also seemed that he had a small tattoo on his arm, his hair was too black and his skin was too white, he must have been cold, because he had the tip of his nose red.

He passed in front of the car and came back to see me, when he did this, he drew a smile on his face and without knowing what he was doing I blushed, because Alex had made me uncomfortable since I saw him and with the boy crossing the street I became even more uncomfortable.

-Hey... Tyler, do you have a girlfriend? -Aunt Stephan said.

-Not aunt... I don't have a girlfriend.

-Do you like women?-This time the aunt sounded a little angry.

-Yes, I like women...

-You'd better Tyler.

Why did Auntie tell me that, did she see me blushing about the boy who passed in front of us? Shit... the aunt was thinking badly of me, now she's going to tell her whole family... although it's almost obvious that she will, I hope she doesn't.

Finally I came home...

-In these apartments you live Tyler?-Alex said.

-Yes, I live here with my dad, it may seem small, but inside they have a lot of space.

-Well," Alex stretched out his hand quickly to me, "it's nice to see you again, Tyler.

-I gave him my hand and he shook it with both hands, there was something about that boy that made me very uncomfortable.

-Don't worry, take care!

I didn't tell him anything else, I got out of the car and he didn't come back to see me because I'm sure he was watching me. I went upstairs to my apartment and... there was Alex, he kept watching me, he even whistled, so as not to be rude I shook his hand.

Once in my apartment I continued thinking about Angela, and soon after I remembered that I did not continue reading what my friends at school had written...

They were organizing a party before Christmas Eve and Christmas, to spend among us, they had organized everything, what most caught my attention was that, they were going to buy things of more than twenty dollars, wrap them in gift paper and we were going to draw lots for the gifts among us, that would be interesting, they organized the food and... the drinks that each one would bring, I wanted to see them drunk on the floor crying, they had everything, except the most important thing... and this was where this was going to be done, There was no house, the only one available was mine, I wanted to see them drunk, but not in my house, it would be a disaster and I would have to clean up in case they threw up and always some i***t would take his girlfriend, taking advantage that it was just us... they would go to a room to do their "fun" things and God, no, not in my bed and worse in my parents' bed, if someone came to do something there they would be spitting on my mom and I would feel a huge guilt.

We began to talk and in the end we didn't get anywhere, they wanted to come to my house, but I told them no at all costs, at school no one knew about my mother, for me, the less unknown people knew about my mother, it was better, I wouldn't like to be dead and that people I didn't know in life began to arrive, and my mother said the same thing, my friends didn't have to know, they didn't know my mother so well so it would be fine for her.

The night had already fallen and I didn't have lunch, I was hungry...

While I was preparing my food, I called my dad again, I still didn't hear from him, but I'm sure he was fine, he always found a place to sleep, he's a person who makes friends instantly.

I kept preparing my food, I was a little anxious, I wanted to go to my friends' Christmas party, we didn't have room yet and that made me anxious.

-s**t Tyler... where could the party be? Think...-I couldn't think of anything to do with all that thinking, but I wanted to go with them and the presents would be good, it would be fun...I was so convinced that it would be pretty cool, I grabbed my phone and started writing...

Tyler_18:38

-Listen, you f*****g retards, you can come to my house

-Listen, you f*****g retards, you c...

-Listen, you fuckin...

I was about to have the party at my house, but I was sure Mom wouldn't like the idea of me doing that... and I was sure it wouldn't work out for anyone, not even me. It was better to see what happened...

…

I ate, cleaned up everything that was dirty, called Dad again, he still didn't answer, I felt bad for a while... I went to the bathroom, I was going to wash my hands, again because I didn't know what to do... I didn't turn on the lights... I didn't even have the courage to stretch my arms out a little towards the switch that turned on the light... I stood at the sink, a little light came in through the posts that were in the streets, I didn't want to see my face, I leaned on the toilet, I felt so depressed... alone, no one was writing to my cell phone to even ask me how I was... and there was no one to tell me either, my friends didn't know, some relatives never cared about me, not yesterday, not tomorrow, not today... I was alone, of all the neighborhood the only place without Christmas lights was my apartment, my throat was slowly covering... my chest felt full...

-Tch...-I didn't want to cry, I didn't want to, I opened the water tap, I wet my hands a little but soon after they fell.

...

There were my hands, being drowned in the sink, again my chest was squeezed, I decided to wash my face with the water I had in my hands, I pulled out the hairs that covered my face and went to bed.

-Another day without having done anything exciting... there are four days left until Christmas, something exciting must happen... (Angela)-I heard Angela's name as if it had been a whisper-YES! Angela, tomorrow I can go see her! I got out of bed, opened my closet... Let's see what I can wear tomorrow to go see her, I should be well dressed.

After having spent almost an hour looking at my clothes, I decided to go with a white shirt, a thin dark blue jacket and a long black sweater, black heater pants and thin brown shoes. I went to bed with the outfit next to me, I had to get up early to iron the shirt and go to the bathroom, I had to be all ready to go see it.

-Tomorrow won't be a day less, I already have everything... although the sweater doesn't convince me at all.- Talking about clothes, I remembered I had the ''object'' that fell from Alex's pocket at the airport. I took the object out of my pants.

-What the f**k is this... Alex Lars P. -Alex's name was written on the top of this object with... nail polish... -... has a top on it... -While I was taking the top off I noticed that it was moving on the bottom, I didn't know what it was exactly.

…

-s**t, this is a lipstick?-I put some on my hand and yes...-And on top of that it's a red with little shade?

Alex made me too uncomfortable, from the airport when I sucked his lips and smiled, his hand on my shoulder, he did not leave my house until I entered my apartment, he wanted to take me to his house to sleep with him .

-Oh s**t Alex...