Dreaming, just keep dreaming.

Chapter 9

The parties were a little weird, Angela invited me to her house after Christmas, I met her parents, Chris, her father, such a charismatic, dark-skinned man, she wasn’t very old, she was in her forties or maybe less, she was a great person, was affectionate to his daughters and his wife Elli, she was a calmer person compared to her husband, laughed at everything Chris did, was very kind to me and to give advice was the best... Apparently Angela had told them about my mother and they welcomed me with so much joy the day I went, I felt totally at home, I felt like I had a home with them, in some part, I had good envy of Angela... I had a perfect home, I felt so comfortable that I could even cry and vent along with them, while Elli advised me to not give up and be a good person, Chris made some jokes that made me go from ugly moments to more pleasant ones, where my tears were mixed with laughter, I also met Angela’s little sister, She was such a sweet girl who became so attached to me that she preferred me over Angela, her name was Emi, almost like her mother’s, that night was so much fun... Something funny that had happened was that Emi was so anxious for a little cat, I felt some guilt inside me for something, but I didn’t know what and I let it go, although to this day I still get a little bit in the way of that... We had coffee and we ate lobster, I talked to Angela’s dad, a man who said he went through the same thing, so he told me, his father died of diabetes, he said that at the time they couldn’t do anything for him, he was being treated only for medicine, he learned to drive since he had to take his father to the hospital, he sadly saw his father die in his arms, going on to something better, at last I could give Angela his scarf, they didn’t give me anything, but her parents told me they’d give me something, it was unexpected my arrival at their home.

That day I was so late that the parents didn’t want to let me go home so late, they trusted me too much and let me sleep that night, not with Angela, for reasons I think I can understand, but they let me sleep in their apartment that night.

Some days passed and the new year came, during those days I spoke daily on my cell phone with Angela, sometimes I accompanied her and her parents to cook, other days I talked to her sister and she told me that I wanted a cat.

Those days I couldn’t help thinking about Skylar, I went to his restaurant a couple of times but it was closed, I wanted to thank him for the help and all I could do for him was wish him happy holidays...

On New Year’s Eve Angela invited me to go with her and her family to a restaurant, but I denied her, I had plans already...

-Mom... I’ve had a very different days, they’re good, boring days, others are bad, some others I don’t know what purpose I have and I don’t feel good either, I don’t know what good it will be for me to have fun while you’re in some strange place that I don’t know and which I have no idea about because it’s out of here. I want to spend this day with you, just you, how we used to do it, I don’t care how dark this place can be, I want to spend it with you mom... I want to feel like I’m next to you.

I spent the night in the cemetery next to Mom’s grave, I had laid down and brought several flowers, I threw away the ones we had taken with his old co-workers, they were already withered...

I decided to stay there until it was twelve o'clock. I talked to Mom about what had happened to me these days that she wasn’t with me.

-Look! Fireworks! That means it’s already new year... Mom... I love you.

I hugged mom’s grave and saw the fireworks, as I watched them I curled up at mom’s grave, crying was inevitable, plus there was no one watching me.

-... why you... why you and not dad...?

Some days passed, as I went to school I was remembering the little happy moments that had passed, I was excited to see Skylar and a little anxious to see what his reception in school would be like.

When I arrived I went to see all my friends who were in different classrooms, after talking about what they had done on their vacation, I returned to my course. Although I was from place to place, I didn’t see Skylar anywhere.

Classes had already started, everyone talked about their vacation even the teacher, luckily I didn’t speak... I didn’t want to. Several minutes passed when someone knocked on the door.

-Oh yes, students... I forgot to comment. -The biology teacher went to the door and opened it. -We have an exchange student, I know my students very well and I know they will treat him with their characteristic affection.

-Well, he’s Skylar Grey, he comes from London, now if boy go, look for a seat.

-It is strange to see you in uniform Ty.-Skylar came and sat next to me.

-It’s weird for me to see you without your violin...

-I have it in my suitcase, after school I will go to the restaurant.

-Do you mean it...?

-Yes friend, I have to support myself.

Some minutes passed, Skylar seemed to be attentive to everything the professor said.

-Hey friend, merry Christmas and New Year. -Skylar came back to see me and smiled.

After a long time it was finally time to go to lunch, Skylar had gone alone, on the contrary, I left with my friends.

-Hey you Tyler, you were missing these dates, something happened to you? -Said Milky.

-Phew... nothing new, everything stays the same Milky...

-Gaibor, EJJ and Arianne are at the table over there, I’ll be right there.

When I arrived at the table I sat down with all my friends to eat, we talked and made jokes between us, but I did not participate much, I did not want much. After a while I saw Skylar sitting at a table with some people, among that group most were women, I was surprised by the reception she had, for a while Arianne was not with us, one of her friends came and took her, after a while came back.

-Tyler! Give me your hand.

-What? What are you going to do? -I gave her my hand and she pulled me from the table. -Wait! My cell phone is going to fall!

-Stop crying and come quickly. -He took me to a place a little far away where some friends of hers were who I did not know so well.

-You know the new guy?

-Ah... Skylar, yes, what do you have, you want to eat it?

-Well, you answered my question now go.

-Wait, wait, you just brought me in for that?

-... -Arianne didn’t say anything and left.

-What about Skylar...?

-I think you already said that’s what we wanted.

-You just said it, don’t be a clown. -They laughed.

-Why aggressive, if you want something you better treat me well. -I said it in a funny way too. -Well... If you want to eat it I don’t know which silverware could do it, I know very little... but you should approach him... is a friendly person.

-We tried to go, but there are too many people... in the classroom approached you and we thought you knew him from something or he was familiar with you and we wanted you to help us. -Said the other girl.

-Do you have his number or something?

-I’m sorry not to help you with your prey, but I don’t... I don’t have your number, I haven’t known you for a long time...

-s**t, Rommy we have to listen to him...

-Yes, but you wanted his number... -He pointed to me. -... not Skylar’s.

-THAT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY!

-I thought they were both going for the same one... even if I can’t give you my number, I don’t know. -I started laughing and they also with me.

-Good friend... go, thank you...

-I didn’t do anything, chao. -I extended my farewell and left the place.

As I returned to the table where my friends were, the alarm went off to go back to school, I couldn’t believe that time was up, everyone was going to their classes... Along the way, I ran into Nicole.

-... I forgot that she studied here... luckily not Ryan.-I thought and I went away as much as possible not to approach her, a part of me said that would be rude, but still resonates in my head what Mr. Larson had told me in front of her and I was still ashamed...

As I arrived in the classroom, I saw Skylar sitting at her desk and one of the girls she had spoken to a while ago sitting in my place, just after I arrived our history teacher came and she left.

-What a welcome, huh?

-Then it will happen.

-Enjoy the welcome... then it will happen, you’re right...

-I’ll be your Spanish teacher, you know?

-What?! Do you speak Spanish?!

Skylar just smiled and didn’t say anything else.

Hours passed, days passed and Friday arrived... At school I was very bored, I didn’t have the same emotion to go, everything was so normal, so normal that it was boring. Skylar was a good student, he spent the whole week admiring him because he spoke Spanish, Italian and a little Swedish, he had an interesting student life... every day I saw him surrounded by different people, I admired him a lot.

As it was Friday, I said goodbye to all my friends, they planned to do something between us, specifically Gaibor, but EJJ could not and Arianne was not in the mood and I... I had things to do, because Sunday was the month that Mom had passed away and I wanted to go with her.

I got home, changed clothes, lay down for a while and talked to Angela, at school I couldn’t answer her, Angela didn’t bring her cell phone to school.

Angela_2:18

-Majesty I will call you, whether you like it or not.

Tyler_2:20

-Of course I want to, just wait, I’m cooking...

Angela_2:20

-I said I don’t care about Tyyyy!

-Your Majesty, good afternoon.

-Angela... how was your week?

-I am very tired... and right now I have to go to the mall... besides I have good news to tell you little frog.

-Little frog?

-I’ll tell you something at random Ty, until I see that something looks good with the cute little person that you are. Before you say anything, how are you?

-I’m fine... -I was going to tell her about Mom, but I couldn’t, I wanted her to come with me...

-You look tired little Ty, what are you cooking? -While she was talking, I heard someone coming up the stairs, I didn’t give it much thought.

-Wait, Angela, you were going to tell me something.

-Ah yes, I will be free on weekends! I don’t have to go to work on Saturdays and neither on Sundays.

They started knocking on the door of my apartment and I went quickly to see who it was, it was strange and it was enough that I didn’t see my dad, although I felt that I hated him, I wanted to see him...

-Tyler.

-Aunt... aunt Stepha... good afternoon... I was very nervous, I didn’t hear from her since I left her house screaming...

-Your father and I have been warning people to go to your mother this Sunday, it’s a month now, and I think you, as... exemplary son... -This last one said it with displeasure. -You should be there with your mom.

-... (You shouldn’t go...) -I thought.

-Did you hear me? -She screamed.

-Yes... and you don’t have to yell at me...

-I will see if I do or not, you have to learn to respect me, we hope to see you in the cemetery at eight in the morning. -Auntie didn’t say anything else and left.

Inside I was remorseful... I won’t respect her until you respect me... I thought, she walked away a little and I closed the door tightly. I went back to the kitchen and started looking for my phone, but I couldn’t find it, it had only been seconds since I closed the door and she knocked again.

-WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE AH?! YOU ARE A VERY SPOILED CHILD! AND IF YOU DAMAGE THE DOOR THE FOOL WHO WILL HAVE TO REPAIR IT WILL BE YOUR FATHER.

-Look, ma'am, in this f*****g shitty house, your f*****g brother who, unfortunately I call '', 'dad', doesn’t live here, annoys the neighbors when he arrives drunk and bothers me at dawn, doesn’t come here to say that it’s his house, the one that cooks for him, The one who cleans the house is me, and here, he doesn’t pay anything for a month, I have been with the money that mom left before... before he left... I said bad words on purpose, I knew I would f**k him... and so it was... Stepha reacted badly and slapped me...

-Forget that you go on Sunday to your mom.

-You... you really think I won’t go? Well look you’re very wrong...

-YOU’RE GONNA KEEP TALKING BACK TO ME?!

-I don’t need anyone’s invitation! That lady we’re talking about is my mom... And between you and me and even my dad, the one who has the right to go is me, because you guys were always shitty to her, so don’t bother me and get out of here and forget you’re gonna come yelling here again! -I closed the door again with more force than the previous time, I sat on the wall in front of the apartment door and waited a few seconds... Stepha didn’t come back.

-Ah... ah... ah... -I was with my heart racing and I started breathing to calm down, but I couldn’t... Now the anger I felt became something different and I started crying... The only thing I hate about Mom is outside of her... I hate the person he married... I hate him, I f*****g hate him...

-Tyler... -I started hearing my name, my cell phone fell out of my pocket.

-Shit... Angela heard everything... -I thought.

-Tyler...! Your Majesty, I’m here!

-Angela…

-There you are little!

-Angela... I... you heard everything truth? -I was not sure if I could understand, I stopped crying and the voice trembled much more.

-Tyler, don’t stop... keep crying okay?

I kept crying non-stop for a few minutes, I felt too much anger, and I felt the relief of not being quiet, mom always suffered from it when she was alive, she never said anything to avoid problems, but I don’t, they won’t do to me what they did to her, I won’t be humiliated.

-Can you believe... what he told me... he threatened me with no... not being invited to Mom’s meeting... can you believe it? Can you... that person who once told her she was nothing... damn it. -I kept crying, but this time I was angry, and hit the ground while crying...

-Ty, she deserved it, well done! My Tyler does not leave anyone to hurt him!

-Haha... -Angela raised my spirits always... -You don’t have to go to work already...?

-I won’t leave until I see my little Ty well, I don’t care if I have to keep you on my cell until I’m working.

-Angela... I...

-Yeah?

Although I want to tell her that I love her for being with me... I can’t... -... I owe you a lot, Angela.

-Ow, it’s nothing little Ty, I’m here to serve you, Your Majesty.

-I’m better, you should go to work, you don’t want to see Mrs. Larson angry with you for being late.

-Are you sure you’re all right now?

-Yes Angela... you have to go now, I do not want to get in the way...

-Ok Ty, I love you very much, if you want something call me, bye, bye!

-Luck in your work Angela.

-Thank you, little one!

...

The rest of the afternoon I finished cooking, had lunch, and started doing my homework.

-It’s still cold... -With so much cold I decided to go to my bed and lie down for a while, I turned on the TV and without realizing I fell asleep...

-Mr. Tyler, Nicole is already on her stretcher has nothing to worry about...

-Nicole...? Why do I bring flowers? -I thought, I was confused, I don’t know what I was doing with roses and why Nicole was mentioned by a doctor, I started walking, I saw several rooms with people inside, but everything was quiet, I entered a room that marked 'II'' at the entrance, it seemed that there were people there, but they were dead, they didn’t move and their faces were as white as a sheet of paper and the machines where they should be connected, they were disconnected from the sockets, among them was a person who had his chest completely bathed in blood, I decided to leave the place because I started to get dizzy, when a doctor came to me.

-Nicole is well, nothing bad has happened to her, everything went as expected Mr. Prod.

-Prod…

-Follow me.

I followed the doctor down a long hallway, there were quite a few people, some people were looking at me funny, one of those people looked quite like Skylar only in his old version...

-Here is your dear.

-My... dear? -I went into the room and saw Nicole on the stretcher, she had a baby in her arms...

-Look Tyler! We have our daughter now, isn’t she beautiful? Aren’t you pretty Isabelle?

-Da... Dad me...? What...? Yo? I have a daughter?! Nicole... Nicole! s**t, s**t, how will we take care of the baby?! I’m only 15 and you’re just gonna go out and make your life... and what... what happened to Ryan?! -My breathing increased too much that from throwing air my body collapsed.

-Doctor! Doctor! Do something for my daughter’s father! HELP!

I felt my heart pumping harder and harder, my ears plugged up and I heard my heart beating better, some doctors came to help me, but now my heartbeat was getting in the way.

-TYLER! ARE YOU HERE?

They were knocking on my apartment door.

-YES! I’M ON THE GO! s**t, it was a dream... phew....

I walked out the door, she owned the apartment.

-Mrs. Julia, good night, sorry for the delay... I fell asleep...

-Quiet boy, good night, excuse me, your father is home?

-Ahm... no, he hasn’t been here in a few days... he’s... he’s gone to work. -I had to lie because the lady used to get excited about things like that and she wasn’t so good at it...

-Uhm... Tyler, I need to talk to him... it’s important and... what happened to your cheek? -Did you hit someone?

-... no, no, I... I’ve been playing in school and I’ve hit myself, don’t worry Mrs. Julia, about Dad, tell me, don’t worry, I’ll tell my father when I get back...

-I don’t think so, kid, I have to talk to him about something important...

-I will tell him when he comes, he will immediately go to talk to you.

-All right, kid, I’ll wait, don’t worry, good night.

-See you later Mrs. Julia left, I closed the door and as I went to my room I said. -Shit... what a strange dream... Well... You got homework to do, little Ty...

What was left of the day I stayed doing my homework, I ate and I took a shower, until I did all that Angela had come from work.

Angela_21:58

-Your Majesty!!! Your favorite person arrived!

-I have to talk to you wild raccoon, nothing wrong! :D

Tyler_22:00

-Can I call you back?

Angela called me right away.

-You need to ask me if you can call me? -She said.

-You can be busy, it is preferable to ask, besides that you do it for the same reason.

-Ah... it’s true Ty, listen, I want to talk to you, in the afternoon... it was good that you didn’t leave your aunt, but I don’t think you should have yelled at her... You’re a good boy and that’s not the best way to make you respect yourself, be more calm.

-…

-Do it for me yes? It will not bring you good things to be like this...

-I also thought it was wrong Angela... and now that you tell me, I’m going to change that...

-For me?

-Yes... for you.

-And for you too?

-Yes, for both of us.

-I love that you’re so small...

Angela sees for me, she wants me to be someone better... maybe... she, seeing that I have no one at my side to guide me, wants to help me...? Whatever it is... I don’t want to lose it... it’s all I have now...

It was already Sunday... the day we’re going to see Mom for the month... despite everything I’m afraid something will happen again...

''You are a good boy and that is not the best way to make you respect, be more calm... '', 'It will not bring you good things to be like this...''

If I want to be a good person I have to follow the advice of a person I consider good for me...

I changed, I didn’t wear black clothes, Mom before she died said she wouldn’t want to see people coming to her in black... -I’m sure I’m the only one not wearing black...

I arrived at the cemetery, at the time Stepha said they would be there, but there was no one there.

As they all arrived, I cleaned my mother’s coffin, cleaned the flowers and put some I had bought, among them I bought sunflowers as well, so that Mom can watch the sunset... after waiting a few minutes, some people arrived, among them was Dad, but he never approached me and...

-As I had said... all were in black... -I thought between myself.

When they all arrived, a priest came out and blessed Mom’s grave.

-Now... if anyone would like to say a few words for Mrs Audrey, rest in peace, now is the time.

-I... I would like... -I said

-Go ahead, who are you?

-I am Tyler... son of Mrs Audrey, my mother...

-Forward son.

-First... before they judge me again for not coming dressed in black... mom said she wouldn’t like to have people in black... I, uh... I remember the time I said I was afraid of losing Mom and never seeing her again... there are many fears that we have to face in our daily life... A lot of those fears happen, and I was, with the worst fear I had for years... a fear that as a child was daily. I had so many things that I loved about Mom, I didn’t have so many friends when I was a kid, those who had them would put me aside, when I felt terrible, I felt anxiety, when I came home crying the best thing I had were the caresses and hugs that my mom gave me to calm down. I always want to remember Mom as the best I’ve ever had in my life, and even though she’s not here anymore... I will continue loving her, Mom was a person I always admired, who I valued every day of my life, Mom always gave a lot for me, not to say that she was the only one in my life, she told me when I was little that we, children, choose our moms, And it pains me not to have told her that if so, I don’t care that she doesn’t have an awareness of it, I would choose her again whenever I have to choose her, because for me there is no woman more perfect than her and no one else than her.

I forced myself to be happy, if I don’t cry it’s because my mother asked me not to cry, she made me promise before she left and... Mom... I can promise you many things, but I could never swallow tears for your departure, and yes... I have failed you in that...

Mom... she taught me that each of us is different, and I learned to love her as she is, by the way she was inside, her personality, her way of being a mom, and many other things about her, are the ones I loved about my mom and even though she didn’t think she was the person I describe, for me she always was and always will be... and so I will love her.

I would have loved to share what I lack in adolescence and my adulthood with her... share my triumphs and everything that can be defined as life and if there is something after death, also... If we ever meet again, Mom... I promise not to lose you, because this time I’ve lost you, it really hurts, it’s a wound that will never heal... I’ve always loved you, Mom... and even though I can’t get over this and the fact that we broke up like this, I’m still gonna love you...

Mom once told me... that when she gave birth to me... the first thing she said was, ''All I need, all I’ve ever wanted is right here... in my arms... ''

I was lucky to have such a mother...