Together We Fall

When we break

When we entered, Norah, Dominick, and Joseph were already seated at the table waiting for us.

“You’re late.” Joseph growled.

I could feel the glare of Joe’s eyes without even glancing at him. “Sorry.” Joshua and I replied in unison

“Hey you brats, get in here.” Dominick chuckled.

“Well now that everyone’s here, let’s dig in.” Norah tried to defuse the tension as she stood up and plated the food for each of us. When everyone had a plate full of veggie slop, chicken, and bread, we all began to eat, which was custom in our house.

“So guys, I’ve been thinking that Cal should try to get more involved at school this year. You know try out for some teams or join some clubs.” My head snapped up as Joshua finished his sentenced. My breath caught and my eyes grew two sizes at my disbelief.

Joe’s eyes blazed as he turned his from Josh to me. He literally growled. “Why would she do that Joshua? So she can be out there prancing around at all hours of the night with God knows who at all hours of the night?”

“No, because it would be good for her. She needs to socialize more and have at least one friend besides Norah. It would also be good for her transcript. She already has the grades but she needs to add to the package.” Joshua said in a matter fact way which only added to my uneasiness. I put my fork down and placed my hands in my lap. This conversation could go two ways right now. Either Joe would snap on me because I was the subject or the cause of the new topic at hand or Joe would snap at me and Josh because the new request was way out of the comfort zone for normal conversation.

“No.” Joe said as he picked up his fork and returned to his food with a new purpose.

“Joe, you could at least think about it. I mean she could join any club that meets during school or at least a sport or something. ” Joshua persisted.

Joe’s fist met the table with a loud crash that caused us all to jump.

“Alright Joshua, drop it.” Dominick interceded. His eyes were squinted which usually emphasized the seriousness of his request.

“No Dom. She can’t stay in this house forever. She’s not a prisoner.” Joshua argued back. My hands started to shake in my lap and my stomach dropped.

Why was he doing this? I never asked him. I never said any of my feelings out loud about wanting something more. But here he was, fighting for something I wanted with no reason at all.

The screech of chair legs scrapping against the floor for traction brought my attention back to Joe as he stood up and gave me the meanest glare I had ever seen before.

“ Dammit. I said no. She won’t because I said so. I will not think about and I will not compromise. She will continue to come home each day do her f*****g homework, her chores or whatever the hell else Norah asks her. This conversation is over.” Joe barked as he stomped away from the table.

As he disappeared into the living room my breathing came back in a rush. Norah’s hand touched my knee under the table but I brushed it away just as quickly as it had appeared. I could feel the burn in my eyes that I knew accompanied the tears that would come any second.

“Can I be excused?” I said quickly as my voice cracked and betrayed me.

“Cal...” Joshua started but I didn’t want to hear anything else.

“Norah, can I be excused?” I jumped from the table and repeated myself hoping Norah would put me out of my misery. I knew all eyes were on me and that from somewhere in the house so were Joe’s ears.

“You didn’t finish your food, Cal.” Dominick answered. “I’m not hungry.”

“Sit down and finish your food. Norah prepared this meal so we are all going to eat it. ”He demanded.

“I said I’m not hungry. I don’t eat that s**t anyway.” I said and then silently cursed at myself that the one time it mattered I didn’t have the sense to censor myself.

“Caleigh!” Norah chimed in for the first time.

“Cal, I think you better sit down.” Joshua stated with a sense of urgency in his tone.

Dom stood up from the table at the same time Joe appeared in my peripheral.

“Sorry.” I said quickly as I sat back down in the chair and looked at my plate full of food that had barely been touched.

Dominick didn’t look pleased with my apology but he wouldn’t press it. Joseph however, was not so easy.

“Eat it all.” He said with each word dripping of an unspoken threat. I glanced at his face and saw that he was clenching his jaw line so tight I figured his teeth were crying. I looked around the table at the face of each of my siblings before I finally looked at my plate again.

I wasn’t so much of a baby that I couldn’t force myself to eat the slop but because of principle I couldn’t start with it first. So I began to eat the chicken and bread, hoping that Joseph would grow bored and leave the room by the time it down to the slop. Not so such luck because just as if he read my mind, Joseph reached into my plate and fisted the chicken and bread and flung it towards the wall. He placed his right fist on the table and his other hand was on the back of my chair so that he was only inched from my face. He didn’t have to say anything because I knew what he wanted, I always knew. I launched an overloaded fork of slop into my mouth and swallowed. I couldn’t bring myself to chew it much and allow the disgusting tastes take over my tongue anymore than it already had. It took seven overloaded forks to clear the plate and by the end I felt like a rock was in my belly and my throat was hurting but I didn’t let one tear fall.

“Now, clean this mess up.” Joseph said as he walked out of the room again.

Norah rubbed my knee once more before I got up to clear my place at the table. As I placed the plate in the sink, I noticed my hands were shaking and then the tears began to fall. They were silent tears, because they always were silent.

I grabbed the dishtowel from the sink and made my way towards the wall that the chicken strips had landed against. After I finished cleaning the wall and the floor, I

stood and glanced at the table and found Joshua staring at me. I could tell that he was worried and even a little sad but the only thing I could feel was anger. I glared at him and shook my head then returned the towel to the sink before leaving the kitchen.