Grey Hearts

Chapter One: The Replacement

Hogan

I quietly unlocked the bathroom door and listened for her footsteps. Satisfied that she must have returned to her room, I grabbed my backpack and threw it over my shoulder, ignoring the messy state of my room with clothes everywhere. It's not my fault, I've been busy lately. I was barely out the door when I heard my name. My shoulders slumped in defeat. So much for leaving without an incident…

“Hogan Wills, are you going to pretend like you didn't hear me calling your name?” She asked, her arms crossed.

‘I don't have time for this, Mum.’ The words were on the tip of my tongue but the way her lips were set in a thin line, kept me from articulating my thoughts. “Morning, Mum,” I opted for.

Her silky black hair was in a tight chignon bun as usual, one that had the veins on her forehead popping out. If Dad were here, he wouldn't recognize this new version of her; one birthed from grief.

A smack at the back of my head drew my focus back to the present. “Don't zone out on me, boy. I'm talking to you. Why the hell did you forget to lock the garage door last night? What's wrong with you?”

I opened my mouth to respond but of course, I had no good excuse. Using my fatigued state as one would completely tip her over the edge. “Cat got your tongue, right? Now suddenly you're dumb, huh? I shouldn't have expected any better from you. You're completely as useless as ever and I promise you that once you're done with highschool, I'm sending you out there to get a house of your own. I can't have your lazy, good-for-nothing self in my house. I'm sick and tired of you.” She throws up her hands in the air, gesturing wildly.

I looked past her to the ceramic art pieces on the shelf behind her. As if sensing my indifference to her rantings, she poked me in the chest, “you cannot even follow simple instructions. I'm sure you were switched with my real son at the hospital because there's no way I am your birth mother. You cannot even process basic instructions. What are you even good at except throwing that rubber around on a field? I have done so much for you, Hogan.”

Oh my word, is she really going to go down that road because I had a list to give her about all the things she hadn't done for me.

“You're worthless.” She yelled, right in my face. “What's the need of having you around if you can't help around the house? I'll say it again, Hogan, you shouldn't even be in the same space as me. I'm tired of you. All you do is laze around.”

I gritted my teeth and my hands curled into fists. She's kidding me, right? That's not true. No matter what I did, she was never pleased and frankly, I was getting tired.

‘Do you want me to leave, is that it?’ I bit back the words because of the respect I still had for her.

Her face contorted even more in anger and I spaced out, only watching her lips move. I glanced at my watch and swore under my breath. I was going to be late for school. I grabbed my leather jacket from the door and headed out.

“Come back here, Hogan. I'm not done talking. You don't have the right to walk out on me.” She called out, her voice muffled.

“I'm late for school, Mum or don't I deserve to be there as well?” The last part came out quieter than I'd intended. This was what she'd turned me into, a scaredy cat who couldn't stand up for those himself.

“This isn't over. When you get back, I'll be here waiting for you. I'm not going to tolerate any more of your carelessness under my roof.” She yelled from her room window which directly faced the garage.

I ignored her and got on my motorcycle, put the key into the ignition and turned it. The engine sputtered and then it just stopped working. I tried again, wondering what that was. The engine started and then wound down with a sound that made my brows knot together with concern.

“No!” I kicked the back wheel and groaned. I tried to do it for the third time but it didn't. I rested my forehead on the handlebars as my mind came up with the worst possible ways today could get more worse.

I had to take a cab. I stood there for a second, calculating the cost in my head. That money was supposed to go toward my upkeep for the rest of the week, basically gas for my motorcycle and food.

“Great,” I muttered. “Just great.”

The cab ride was almost silent except for the hum of the engine and the sound of my own heartbeat pounding in my ears. I stared out the window as familiar streets blurred past. It was senior year and for some reason since resumption, I'd been dreading it. It was another year for half of my classmates to put up appearances and pretend to be someone they were not; flashy cars and all - a lifestyle they couldn't maintain. None of that fazed me though. All I wanted was to secure my spot on the team.

When the cab finally pulled up at the school gate, my hands were really sweaty. I gave the driver some crumpled up dollar notes and strode in. My steps faltered as I got to the field – practice had already begun.

I scanned the field, searching for something that would still make me feel like I belonged here. My eyes fell on a familiar figure on the pitch, he flew past my line of vision and sent the ball into the net. Piercing screams of jubilation rent the air. Barely a minute later, he did it again and again – a hat trick.

I scoffed under my breath. “Show-off.”

I was fine now, why wasn't Coach letting me play? I glanced at me briefly trying to get his attention. He finally spared me a glance, “Morning, sir,” then turned back to the other players like I was invisible. So much for a warm welcome. This was the team's first football practice since resumption — I expected more, honestly.

I walked over to the bleachers and plopped on the bench beside a group of new intakes. They whispered among themselves, sneaking glances at the field. “Did you see that?” they murmured.

“I spent all weekend trying to perfect that move, bro, Seth is really the best after Ronaldo.” One of them said, I glared at him, having the sudden urge to shake him by his shoulders and probably make some sense to him.

After the game, we were back in the locker room. “That was a cheap shot guys, I'm serious.” Seth boasted loudly.

This place used to be my safe space, now he had desecrated it. I felt like a guest at a party that nobody invited me to. Why did life like messing with everything I loved?

I marched out in a fit of rage, bumping into a girl at the school entrance, sending her books to the floor from the impact. Her auburn hair fell around her face so I couldn't see her face clearly. I was irritated by her clumsiness and stepped right over the books.

“Hey! What is wrong with you?” She called out angrily but I didn't turn back, just kept walking until I entered a cab home.

By the time I got home, if I could still call it that, everywhere was quiet. My mum barely spared me a glance. She was seated on the couch, scrolling through her phone.

“Hi, Mum.”

“Mm,” she hummed without looking up.

My stomach growled and I realized I hadn't had anything to eat all day. I opened the fridge and checked but it was empty, as usual.

I took a shower and got ready for my night shift at the bar. I was in the middle of tying my shoes when my mum’s voice floated down the hall. “Hogan.”

I sighed and went to her. “Yes, Mum?”

“Take this to Mrs. Benson,” she said, handing me a small package.

“I’ll be late for work,” I replied.

She frowned. “So?”

I nodded and grabbed the package. “Okay.”

I did these things hoping that one day, somehow, it’ll count for something. That maybe one day, things will even out between us.

But when would that be?