The Mafia's Boxer

Nightmares and Christmas Cheer

Willow:

My alarm clock goes off at 4:30pm to get ready for work. Why did I decide to work the night shift I thought to myself? Rolling over, I threw my alarm to the ground and pulled my blankets around me. My fuzzy blanket was tightly wrapped around my body, but I was still freezing. I tossed and turned while I slept – I spent more time adjusting my blanket than I did sleeping.

Why couldn’t I save him? Why didn’t I notice he was going to die? Why wasn’t I enough to save him?

Intrusive thoughts kept swirling in my head making my stomach curdle. Rushing into the bathroom I emptied my stomach into the toilet. Gagging and dry heaving till I had nothing left. I slid down to the bathroom floor and leaned against the cool porcelain of the bathtub. As soon as I felt okay enough to sit up, I crawled to the sink and started to rinse out my mouth. The taste of vomit made me want to throw up again but thankfully a good tooth brushing was all I needed. I looked at myself in the mirror, I was paler than usual. My skin has always been very light but now I look ghostly with dark circles under my eyes. Dark thoughts entered my head once again and I tried my hardest to get rid of them. Gripping onto the sink, I decided that work was not happening tonight. I’ve never called in, ever! Pushing my body past exhaustion and sickness was what I did on a daily basis. Finding my phone on my bed, I pulled up the head of emergency medicine’s phone number.

Ring, Ring, Ring. Olivia picked up at last.

“Hey Willow, I was just about to call you.”

“Hey Olivia, I don’t feel so good. I’m not going to be in tonight, I’m so sorry.” I apologized.

“Are you okay? You’ve never called in. Hell, you’ve worked through everything including a broken wrist!” She exclaimed.

“I think I got the stomach bug.” I lied.

“I’m so sorry, I hope you feel better… there was something I wanted to tell you.” She replied trying not to lose her thought. “Oh, that toxicology report came back for your patient that died this morning. It was really strange, he definitely had something in his system – there were traces of barbiturates and something else we couldn’t identify in his blood.”

“Email me the report please.” I ask.

“Sure thing, get some rest Willow. Let me know if you need anything.”

I hung up the phone and saw the toxicology report pop into my inbox. Before I even pulled it up, my stomach twisted, and I was once again dry heaving hunched over the toilet. I needed sleep and fluids ASAP but I knew sleep wasn’t coming. If I went to sleep it would be plagued with nightmares and I couldn’t handle it. I brushed my teeth again and headed over to my desk.

My studio apart was the perfect size for me, it was cozy. The kitchen was against the left wall and my bed laid in the middle of the room. I had my desk pushed up against the window facing the street. Outside you could see the street being closed off preparing for the Christmas Market to take place. Christmas was my favorite time of year, something about the winter weather and lights of New York spoke to my soul. Every year the Christmas Market took up a whole block for two weeks. Vendors sold all sorts of Christmas decorations and foods. The market was one of the reasons I choose this area to live in.

I opened my laptop on my desk and started to prepare myself to read the toxicology report. Grabbing my favorite-colored pen (Christmas tree green of course) and a blank notebook I got to work. The report was 42 pages long and had so many tiny charts. I carefully combed through ever page, highlighting anything weird and taking notes. Halfway through the report my mind drifted off to the stranger in Tony’s fiancés room, he was so handsome. I would do anything to have his hands on me, I could feel myself becoming wet just thinking about it. Those dark eyes that looked into my soul and the strong arms I wish would hold me. Before I knew it, the sun had set, and the Christmas Market lights lite the street. I decided I couldn’t focus on the report anymore and would return to it tomorrow with fresh eyes.

Despite my best efforts, I kept thinking about the stranger. I picture him making love to me, soft and smooth. In all honesty I’ve never had s*x, so I could only imagine what it would be like. I grabbed my vibrator from my bedside drawer and brought it with me to take a shower. The water was steaming off my skin as I moved my vibrator over my c**t, rubbing it against the sensitive bundle of nerves. I thought about the stranger, about his mouth being where my vibrator was. It didn’t take long before my orgasm washed over me, and I felt pure relaxation.

I finished my shower and decided maybe fresh air would do me some good. Wrapping myself up in layers, I headed down to the Christmas Market. The smell of cinnamon filled my nose, and I knew I made the right decision coming here. I stopped at the first vendor and bought some gingerbread cookies to cheer myself up. My stomach growled and I knew I needed real food before I ate all the desserts I planned to buy. The whole block was covered in sparkling white lights, I stopped for a second and looked up. The stars were a faint background to the light show of Christmas decorations. A smile spread on my face; I was truly happy in that moment. The skin on my arm stood up for some reason and I got a weird feeling that I was being watched. Glancing around my surroundings I didn’t see anyone suspicious, only families scattered around. I blamed the feeling on being hungry and made my way through the market. After buying several Christmas decorations and some beef stew for dinner, I decided to call it a night.

Walking back to my apartment my phone rang – my mother was calling.

“Hey Mom!” I answered.

“Hello sweetie! My new honey got me a ticket to come visit you next week!” She exclaimed.

My blood turned cold at the thought, but I only said, “I’m so excited Mom, send me your flight information.”

“Will do sweetie, I got to go but goodnight!”

So much for sleeping tonight… don’t get me wrong I love my mom but I was never enough for her. I made it back to my apartment and scarfed down dinner before falling asleep on my couch.