Let's try uni one more time

New Start

“Cara! I got an admission offer!” I scream on the phone with Cara on the other end of the line.

“Oh my God Astrid, where are you?” She scream back with the same amount of excitement and joy I had when I called her.

“I’m in my room.” I respond.

“Alright, I’m coming over right now, let me put on some clothes, give me thirty minutes and I will be right there.”

I hang up the call, feeling like my highest life accomplishment have been fulfilled. I really want to get out of this country. That’s one thing. Also sharing this news with Cara makes me feel more excited. She is always the first person to come to my mind whenever I have good news and sometimes bad news to get out of my system. Even while I was dating, she was the first to hear about it. Always. Afterall she’s my bestfriend, and don’t worry, I will tell you the back story to how our friendship started.

I applied to study psychology at the University of London and I have been offered to study a three year course. For the past week, I have been checking my email with this anxiety lingering in the corner of my heart anytime I open my email.

Before I forget to mention, I already have a Bachelor of Science degree in Biochemistry. However, I realized in my third year of studying biochemistry that, in as much as I loved science, I don’t like that I am studying biochemistry. I didn’t and still don’t see myself practicing anything related to biochemistry. I graduated with a nice result. I did a deep dive into what I really wanted to do with my life if money wasn’t a motivation or an issue, and guess what I concluded I wanted to do? I wanted to be a therapist and a college or university professor.

Don’t get me wrong, I also considered the pay and it was a win-win if I look at it from both sides. As a kid, I loved teaching and writing. As an adult, I still loved doing that too and I also discovered that I loved listening and helping people with their life problems. You can call me an Empath, if you know what that means. To get these done, to become a therapist, I have to study clinical psychology and to become a professor, I have to get my doctoral degree too and not stop at master’s degree. I am still twenty four years old. I have time on my side. Also, I have the money to sponsor myself. I make a million dollars yearly trading the forex market, money isn’t my issue at the moment.

I hear the bell ring and I look at the time on my phone screen, it’s almost thirty minutes and mentally, I assume that’s Cara at the door. I leave my room and walk to the front door. I was expecting to see Cara at the front door but it’s a pizza delivery guy. Ouch. I didn’t order pizza though. Must either be a wrong address or Cara being a foodie just like I am.

“Hello, I didn’t order pizza.”

“The order is for a Miss Cara, this was the address she gave while ordering.” He looks at the pizza box.

“Alright, how much is it?”

“She already paid before delivery.”

“Okay, thank you.” I say to him. “Can you hold on a minute while I go upstairs to get your tip?”

“Okay ma’am.”

I collect the extra-large pizza from Brian working at Pizzahut. After I close the door, I do my little food dance and walk up the stairs to my room to get my purse. I hear the door knob click, I pause and look back to see Cara in her signature sweatshirt and sweatpants. She always look beautiful in anything. I drop the pizza on the floor of the stair and rush to hug her tightly.

“I made it Cara.” I say tearing up.

“Congrats baby girl. I knew you would. I gave Brian the tip.”

“You are the best girl anyone could pray for. Thank you for coming over and for the pizza.” I set myself free from her, at least so she can breathe well. “I have beer in the fridge, can you take the pizza up while I grab it?”

‘Sure.” She picks up the pizza from the floor and head upstairs to my tiny room. “Have you told mother yet?”

“No I haven’t.” I say with my head in the fridge. “But I would tell her later in the day when my activation state is low.” I giggled. “You know mother has her way of making all my achievements seem small no matter how big I think they are.”

I grab four bottles of Smirnoff ice and walk up to the bedroom to join her on my bed with the pizza.

“Again, congratulations girl, you definitely deserve all the good things life can offer, but what’s your next step?”

“Honestly, at the top of my head, I don’t know yet but I know I have to accept the offer first, then every other thing can follow.” I take a sip of my beer.

“You know I would miss you right? I don’t know how my life will be without you in it.” Cara get emotional as I can see tears form in her eyes.

“Don’t worry babe, you wouldn’t even notice it much, just reply your messages and pick my video calls. I would pay for your flight whenever you want to visit.” I tell her with a wide grin on my face.

“No more sleepovers, no more going to the gym together on Sundays. Ah.” She rolls her eyes. “Well, I get to stay in your place and look after it while you study.” She bites into her pizza and takes a huge gulp of beer. “Or do you want to sell it?”

“I would definitely rent it out, I would have to contact a realtor to do that for me, and you already know I love you too much to rent it out to you.”

“Ofcourse, the love you have for me is as big as Jupiter.” She chuckles.

We finished the pizza and beer, slept for about thirty minutes, or I should say I slept for almost thirty minutes because it seemed like Cara didn’t sleep that much.

I opened my eyes to see she is on i********:, scrolling through some food blog page.

“You are up.” She says while giving me a quick glance.

I rub my eyes a little and yawn, “yeah.”

“Well, I was waiting for you to wake up before I start going home. Remember if you need any form of help, give me a call, and don’t try to do this all alone like you always do.” She stood up from the bed, came to my side and gave me another hug.

“Also try and tell your family before today ends so they don’t penalize you for waiting so long, and remember, don’t let whatever mother says to you get to you. I love you so much Astrid.”

“I love you too Cara.” I fall back on my bed and watch her leave my bedroom, down to the living room. I hear the door click twice, so I am guessing she is out.

For my first degree, I didn’t really enjoy university like every other normal human being was supposed to. What do I mean by this? I made very little friends. I got my heart broken multiple times that I almost gave up on love. I didn’t attend any social activity and also never went to any parties. The only things that looked like a gathering that I went to were exams and compulsory classes, you know, classes with attendance which will reflect on your results. I didn’t ask for academic help when I needed it. And I passed my exams without studying, so it created this unserious student path for me up until my third year.

In my third year, I realized and came to the conclusion that I have social anxiety. Initially, I thought that it was just my introversion. But after a deep dive, it was revealed that the reason I didn’t attend parties and other social activities with my classmates is because I was afraid. I was afraid of being myself, which many people called weird and awkward. I also didn’t have my own person like everyone else, you know, a best friend or boyfriend in my class. I was a loner. My bestfriend Cara wasn’t in my class and she wasn’t in school with me too.

I have my New Year goals for when I give Uni another try.

1. Attend parties

2. Make a close friend

3. Attend classes

4. Graduate with a better result

5. Find my life partner

I pick up my phone to follow Cara’s advice. She definitely knows my family well to predict their reaction if I fail to call them to announce my potential long term separation from them.

“Hello mother.” I say with very little joy in my voice.

“Astrid, to whom do I owe this glorious blessed phone call from my almighty daughter?” I can tell she’s being sarcastic.

“I remember I told you I applied to study psychology at University of London.”

“Yes you told me, did you get rejected? Baby girl don’t worry, you will get it next time.”

“No mother, I received an email from the school offering me an admission.”

“Wow, why do you now sound as if you got rejected. Congrats my love. You know what would have been better? Applying to study medicine, since they are very generous with offering admissions, you could have gotten medicine and probably study psychiatry, it’s almost same as psychology, but with better pay and you also get to be medical doctor. People will respect you.”

Shaking my head, like I wasn’t even disappointed nor surprised. “Thank you mother for your ball of wisdom and encouragement. I will call the next time I want my accomplishment to be watered down.” I hang up without giving her any chance to say another word to me.

Sometimes I wonder why I am still in contact with mother. She is the main reason I had low self-esteem which I have really worked very hard to deal with and overcome. Then I remember that she isn’t this way all the time, sometimes she’s a very sweet and caring mother, other times like this moment, she’s whatever you can call it. I am sure she would share the news with my father.