Tangled in Notes

Chapter Twenty-Nine

“Julia?”

The girl behind the door slowly revealed itself. She was wearing something fancy despite the fact that I was only in my normal sweater and shorts.

I can’t even…

“H-Hey, Jared…”

Of all girls. That had to be her.

I hate these kinds of things. “Jarriii.” Sean nudged my arms. Cuddled with it and every embarrassing thing a guy would do to a fellow man.

“Stop that, Sean. It’s weird.”

“But you know,” he paused and I studied his face. Right now, I was so sure that he had something in mind. Something I don’t know. “You’ll be so surprised when you see the person you got paired with.”

I frowned. “I’m not going. It’s lame and a fraud. If only I knew those councils were after me a while ago, I never could’ve gone there.”

“We signed you up for that. We don’t know whom you’ll be paired up with, okay? But now we know, of course.”

“I already went for the booth, and I’m not going to that date after matching up with a random girl. It’s absurd.”

“Well, you’re not supposed to believe in it. It’s just a game but it’s up to you to make it happen.”

I was in midst of remembering my past conversation with Sean when I suddenly remembered I was on the same - freaking same – table with Julia who merely uttered a word. I soon realized she just sat down in front of me. She cleared her throat catching my attention.

I looked at her who was looking down at the table.

“So,” she started and lifted her gaze to meet mine. “This is pretty awkward, huh?”

I rolled my eyes lightly. This was certainly her irritating point. She keeps babbling about pointless stuffs that are not so pleasing in my ears. She’s very talkative that she couldn’t do her works right. Every time I assign her things to do as the club writer, I always end up doing it on my own.

“Your mom, before I left your house, she gave me home-made cupcakes!” she exclaimed. “Jaimee said they tasted really good. I just wanted to thank her formally. Can you do tha—?”

I glared at her.

She froze for a moment then closed the gap between her lips. She must’ve realized she was talking about something I don’t want to talk about. “So,”

I looked away. So. It was a word she always says every time she couldn’t think of anything to say: like to start a conversation with someone. I don’t even think she could live life not saying anything for a whole minute. More like Sean and Kevin.

“Can I ask you something?” she suddenly asked.

I looked at her. “What?”

“So,” she makes it sound so awkward every time she says that. “You know when we both played the something-or-something a while ago? I didn’t really think someone was like me. I knew other people would prefer the more positive one but I was sure, mine were nearly negatives.”

“And what’s your point? We all have differences.”

“I know. But I guess— Anyway, when they asked reality or dreams, why did you choose dreams?”

I did not make any move. I fixated my gaze over the carpet lying beneath the table. Why I chose dreams? In dreams, you won’t fear anything because you’d know none of it is real. You can either be happy, or sad. You can do it your way. The way you know what makes you happy.

In reality, it’s full of lies; sadness, and anger. It is a world of sarcasm and bogusness and lies. You’ve done something right yet to others, it may seem wrong. Ones you find out the truth that lies between evil and grudge, it’ll eventually break you into pieces; and that makes things harder. Should I tell her? “Because,” I paused and stared at her. She was wearing such innocent face. She doesn’t need to. “I know I’d be free if I choose that.”

“You’d be free?” she asked.

I creased my brows.

“Like, your life’s not manipulated by other people?”

I looked at her and my expression softens. Exactly. “Y-Yeah.” Tell me I did not just stammered. I suddenly realized my empty stomach was slowly filled by butterflies. “That’s exactly what I meant.”

She smiled.

I feel my blood rush over my brain. It was definitely something I never felt after dismissing my feelings over someone not worthy of my efforts.

“I guess we both had the same reasons.”

I didn’t know why I suddenly wanted to ask her why but I kept my mouth shut. Keep still, Jared. You can’t be serious right now.

“I chose dreams instead of reality because in my dreams, I could see, do everything I want. I’m laughing. I’m absolutely happy with my dad. But for now, it’s like, I’m already getting manipulated by people who can’t understand me. I need to do this and that. You can’t do that. In my dreams, I can pretend to be happy at least. I never wanted to hear truths because I knew, in the end, it would just hurt me— so much.”

She looked like she was about to cry but before her tears could fall, she looked at me and laughed.

“But anyway,” she paused and kept giggling. She was obviously trying to hide her tears; her tears that were allowed to flow down her cheeks; her problems that were allowed to be shared. “What about when you chose the one you love over the one that loves you?”

I gulped hard. I didn’t want to answer. It wasn’t because it was her who was asking but because I wanted to comfort her that moment. It was a very strange feeling. Unusual feeling for someone like me.

About that, well, if I were to choose the one that loves me, then it’s like, I’m just using that person to get over the person I truly love. It would somehow turn out like the person was just an option if I get rejected by the one I love or something. I don’t want to live life thinking that I used this person for rebound; that I hurt her feelings because I chose that person because she’s the one that loves me. “I hate using people in a bad way.” It has the vibe of Satan that doesn’t blend and get along well with me.

“Likewise.” She smiled. “It’s like you’re taking advantage of that person’s feelings, right?”

I smirked. “Maybe.”

She smiled wider. “I’m glad I shared those thoughts with you, Jared. I guess, I knew then you would understand me better than anyone else would. You know, since, we almost chose the same answers.”

I’m glad you showed me a better part of you, Julia Burton

I reached the gym after an hour of talking with Julia, I spent four more hours in there thinking. I was absent-minded. Her face kept flashing in my head. Everything that happened a while ago kept going over and over like a broken disk.

“Jared!” I blinked my eyes when she suddenly appeared ten meters away from me. “Jared!” Then she appeared next to me again!

I stood and shook my head. “Aahhh! I must be crazy.”

Despite the fact that I have already done a lot of push-ups and sprints, I still couldn’t get my mind fixed. I was too surprised by her change of character. She seemed like a pretty strong person. “I am a strong person, Jared.” I frowned when she was right in front of me with a pout.

I walked backwards closing my eyes. “Stop doing this to me!”

I lied down the floor, wandering at the gymnasium’s ceiling, and the lights had no effect over my eyes. My chest was in a fast pace, it was going up and down every second. My heart was beating so loud. I could feel heat getting released by the pores of my skin. I could feel sweat running down my forehead.

I don’t know if it was an effect of the atmosphere that got me like that. I don’t know if I only pitied her because of the fact that I learned her past from the members. It must’ve been hard for her. To lose both her parents. I sighed and pulled my body upward. I sat down and stared at the floor. I’m over-thinking. An ice cream would be nice. “Damn it…” I cursed and messed my hair. I stood and grabbed my bag from the chair.

When I reached the club house, lights were already turned off. It was already 12 midnight and the members better be asleep by now. I stepped inside and I was surprised when three heads turned to face and welcome me back home.

“Hey.”

I looked up and saw Sean still watching the television with Kevin and Spencer. “Why are you guys still up? It’s already pass twelve.” I asked.

“What about you?” Kevin asked. “I thought you’d be here by 8.”

I walked towards the kitchen and brought cold water out of the refrigerator. “I just wanted to be alone.” I drank the bottle straight.

“You’re lucky Armin reasoned out that you left for a while to meet your parents.” Sean said and I frowned a little. I was confused.

“The CEO came to check on the club. He was asking for the president.” Spencer added.

“He did? What did he say?”

“He told us to tell you that he needs to talk to you about something. So you better meet him tomorrow.” Sean said and I nodded.

“I’ll go.” I started walking away.

“By the way,”

I paused and turned around.

“How was it having a date with Julia?” Kevin teasingly said and I rolled my eyes.

“Did you do something? Did you two talk? Did you two share stories and such? Did you? Did you?” Sean questioned.

“Don’t tell me you scolded her that whole time?” Spencer continued.

“It was—” I paused and searched for a better term. “Okay.”

“OKAY?” The three of them chorused.

I stepped back. “It was fine. It was great. Happy?” I rolled my eyes and turned away to walk.

“You didn’t stay alone to clarify your feelings, did you?” I could hear Sean’s voice echo around the room. I frowned but kept walking. Clarify my feelings? I don’t need to clarify anything because it’s been clarified long ago before this happened.

Well, you’re not supposed to believe in it. It’s just a game but it’s up to you to make it happen.