LOVE IN CROSSFIRE

MORE STRUGGLES

I couldn't help but think about this Damian guy, and the five hundred dollars sitting pretty in my account.

The highest money I made from a night was from Cal, which was two hundred dollars. I told Bella all about him, and she was intrigued.

“What did you say his name was again?” Bella asked.

“Damian. That's what he said.”

Bella smiled hard. “Would you want to go in with him again?” She teased, as she nudged my arms.

“Please, Bella.” I said with a frown.

I didn't have plans on going in with the golden eye boy again. I had a weird feeling of guilt and shame when I left the underground room that day.

I broke a principle I thought I'd keep. The principle was simple, not to kiss anyone I was hooking with. Kisses were only for those in love.

I could only forgive myself and the golden eye guy because he credited my account with five hundred dollars. Of course, that was small money but it didn't look like small money to me because I barely had that.

After my classes that day, I decided to stop by Cal's house. I gave him the gist of what happened last night. Not exactly the full gust, but I told him about the pay.

He gazed at me for a while in silence, giving me the disappointed look.

“What? What are you looking at me like that? Did I do something wrong?” I didn't ever want to disappoint Cal, he tried a lot for me.

Cal cleared his throat, “If he paid with five hundred dollars, it means you probably didn't do so well. He pays really well. A thousand dollars and above.”

My mouth dropped open. “Really?” Cal nodded.

My chest tightened, and I almost lost my breath for a second. A thousand dollars and more? For one night? And all I got was five hundred dollars. How sad!

For a second, shame filled my face, my mind and everything part of my being. I asked myself so many questions in less than a few seconds.

Was I so boring? I mean, I knew I got weird at some point, but I didn't think it was so bad. Did I show him that I was just a weak, demon-used, desperate girl?

I slouched on the couch and shook my head. I wasn't gon' let those thoughts weigh me down. I crossed my hands and said like the bad b*tch I thought I was, “Five hundred is still money. Not too good, but not so bad either. It's not like I'm going to complain about the free cash entering my account.”

“It's not free cash, Aurora.” Cal said with a stern look.

I sighed. It was actually free cash. I was giving out my body, my dignity for money. A lady's body was her pride but desperation and my demons wouldn't let me have this particular pride.

Cal studied me for a while, as if he could feel my hurt. “It's fine. But don't expect him to hook up with you again.” He said.

I raised a brow. For reasons I couldn't place, I felt offended. “What do you mean by that?”

His lips curled in a smile, one that annoyed me the more. “It's not about you, Aurora.” He said flatly, “Damian doesn't repeat women. That's what I mean.”

I rolled my eyes, pretending like I didn't care. “I don't want him either. I don't repeat men. And I'm not desperate for a thousand dollars.”

That was a fat lie. I knew that Cal was aware. We'd been friends for almost a month and he could tell that I was a desperate young lady. I was desperate for money, and my demons were desperate for s*x.

But Cal didn't say anything. He knew better than to make feel worse than I felt.

“Get ready for another client tonight.” He finally said.

My lips curved in a smile, he smiled right back. “You know I'm not letting you down right?”

I nodded. I was really hoping that I wasn't falling in love with Cal. He was a soft guy, and he cared so much about me. He didn't want anything in return. Between Cal, Michael and Nolan, I'll always choose Cal.

Later that night, while preparing to head out for the club, Bella came into my room.

“Aurora, this hook-up is taking your whole time. You're making it an everyday thing. You have school and you have Corey, he's been asking after you.” Bella started.

I wasn't ready to respond to her. My conscience pricked me a lot most times, but I wasn't going to let it stop me from getting this money and satisfying my demons.

“You're ignoring me, Aurora.”

I turned around from the mirror to face her. “Bella, what do you want me to say to you? There's obviously nothing to be said. You introduced me to this doesn't mean you should control me while at it.”

I knew I shouldn't have spoken to her like that, but it was the only way she would leave me. She went quiet, and left the room.

It wasn't the same for her, she had a family. Corey was my only family, and I had to provide the world for him. She had her mother who cared for her, who checked on her once in a while, I didn't have that. I had to do this.

She doesn't suffer from an addiction that haunts her, but I do. Life just wasn't fair to people like me.

I broke down in tears. I sat on the bed sobbing.

A buzz from my phone took me out of the emotional turmoil I was going through. It was Cal.

WHERE ARE YOU? He asked.

I tapped my phone, sending a response: ON MY WAY.

I had to wipe my eyes and get dressed. I put on a red bodycon dress, a red shoe I shared with Bella and I had a little makeup on.

I looked at the girl standing on the other side of the mirror. She was beautiful, but she looked like the whole world was placed on her head.

“You are strong. You are brave. You'll fight and you'll win. You are Aurora Coolman.” I affirmed.

I got my ass out of the house through the back door, I wasn't ready to give my brother answers.

My heart burned with guilt as I sat on the barstool at the club. I asked myself so many questions while seated there.

What if Bella didn't stay back most nights to look after Corey, what would have been my fate?

Was Bella mad at me?

What if she's right? Well, I knew she was right but I wasn't going to stop doing what I believe is best for me anyways.

My thoughts went from Corey and Bella, to the hustle of the night. What if I don't find a better client?

Then, I thought of Damian. I caught myself replaying the whole scene of the night I met him. I could remember his golden eyes, the softness of his hands, and then — the money. But I decided to shove the thoughts away by taking more and more shots of tequila.

Cal slid beside me. “Hey, what's up?”

“I'm good. You've got someone for me?” I asked, forcing a smile.

Cal went quiet for a while, looking at me like he was trying to figure out my exact feeling at the time.

“Don't sulk,” he said. “You'll get a client tonight. I assure you.”

I forced a smile again, “I'm not sulking, I'm just… uh… waiting.”

He patted my shoulder, and left.

My gaze snapped across the room for a while. I'd lied to myself that I wasn't looking for anyone in particular, but I was looking for the golden eye boy—Damian.

Just when I turned back to focus on my drink, there he was. He leaned over the bar almost beside me like he owned the place. His golden eyes scanned the room. I would suggest he was studying every other girl in that club, so he'll tell them all about them when he's got them in bed.

I wanted to say something to him, but I felt like I had a lump in my throat.

His eyes scanned the room thoroughly, until it finally fell on me.

I wanted to smile or maybe say hello. For a split second, I thought he'll smirk, or maybe give me the least of acknowledgement. Maybe something.

But he didn't. He looked through me, like I wasn't there.

Heat crawled up my neck, I felt like the whole club had seen him erase me with a glance. But I wasn't going to let anyone see my shame. I got up from the barstool immediately and moved into the dance floor.

Just like Cal said, I got a client. In a sleek blue suit, this guy was standing right next to me. We spoke for a few minutes, and I was going home with him.

Even I couldn't believe that this was my life now.

I thought of Damian for the money and maybe the pleasure. I was following a strange guy again to his house for the night.

Was it safe to call myself a slut already?