The Chemicals Between Us: A Steamy Lesbian Romance

Chapter 13

Chapter 13A few nights later, we had spaghetti and a salad for dinner, like we do about three times a week. If you make your own sauce, it’s cheap, it’s healthy and it’s pretty tasty.

I had tried to work out how to tell Anne how I felt about her a few times, but I always got flustered and chickened out. That night, over our spaghetti dinner, I finally found a way. It was a conversation we had had before, one she usually started. This time would just end a little differently. I said, “You know how you keep pushing me to get up the courage to talk to somebody I like? Well, I’ve decided you’re right. I’m going to do it.”

Anne looked excited when I brought up the subject. She asked, “Who is it? I saw you looking at that Chinese guy in OChem on the first day of class. He’s cute, and those cheekbones...” Her voice drifted off into a dreamy sigh. Anne never had much interest in dating guys, as much as she tried, but she could recognize handsome.

I played along. “Nope. He is cute, but it’ll take a few more classes before I decided if he’s interesting.”

Anne tried again. “How about Vijay? I think he likes you.”

I frowned - I felt a little bad about Vijay. “Yeah, I think he likes me too, and he’s sweet, but he just doesn’t do it for me. He’s cute and all, but he looks more like a little lost puppy than a man.”

Anne was enjoying the guessing game. She thought a minute and guessed again, this time with some sarcasm in her voice. “I hear CS Dave broke up with his boyfriend. Gonna try to see if he’s a switch hitter?”

I was having fun too. “Wrong again. He’s nice, but still very definitely gay.”

Anne got a silly grin on her face with her next guess. “What about Jim?”

She caught me off guard with that, and I blushed a little - Jim was our OChem TA, and I had admitted to Anne last semester that I thought he was hot. “Wow - somebody has a very naughty mind! Good guess, except for the fact that dating the teacher is a spectacularly bad idea.”

Anne giggled at my discomfort, and then breathed an exaggerated sigh. “Fine! I give up. Who is it?”

I kept my tone light as I answered. “Well, it is somebody from OChem. Very smart, good student and super cute...”

Anne looked at me with amused exasperation as I dragged out the pause, keeping her waiting.

My heart was in my throat when I finished. “... She’s also my best friend, and the most wonderful person in the world.”

Anne’s face went white. I’d seen her flustered and upset before, but nothing like this.

She started to speak, pausing a few times before anything came out. “Allison, sweetie, you don’t have to . . . you shouldn’t . . . I mean I’m not really . . . f**k! I don’t know!”

It was funny - I expected to be the terrified one in this conversation, with Anne as calm and collected as she was about almost everything else. But I was the calm one, and I knew what I had to do.

I took her hand and said, “Sweetie, it’s okay. I’m not saying anything because I have to. I’m saying it because I want to. Because I want you. I felt something I’ve never felt before in that moment before finals, and I have to find out what it means.

I want you to be happy, and I won’t push you, but I know you felt it too. I heard that gasp you made.”

She looked about to cry, but she pulled herself together enough to respond. “Okay! Yes! I like to play around with girls. But it’s never anything serious. It’s just fun. I’ll get over it after college.

You like guys, and you should keep liking guys. You’re really important to me, and I don’t want to f**k up your life by playing around with you and confusing you.”

My answer was a little harsh - a firm verbal slap. “You let me worry about me and what I want. I’m not at all confused. I care about you, and I think you care about me, so nothing we do with each other could ever f**k up my life, or yours. I want to see what could happen with us. Now you need to decide what you want.”

I don’t know exactly what I expected - some perfect romantic moment where I confess my love and she responds with dewy-eyed adoration? This was definitely not that.

I got up from the table and gathered the dishes. Anne sat there for a moment, looking dazed, and then picked up the rest of the stuff from the table. I started towards the kitchen and she followed me, looking like a puppy whose master had scolded it.

I washed the dishes in silence, waiting for Anne to figure out what she wanted to say. She dried everything and put the common stuff away, and I put our dishes in our assigned cabinet. After we finished cleaning up, Anne took my hand as we walked back to our room. I don’t know whether she did it out of affection or contrition or both.

Back in the room, with the door closed, Anne said, “Look, Allison, I don’t know what I want. I never know what I want. I think I know what I should want, but then I see a pretty girl and my head just goes fuzzy.

And you - you’re the prettiest girl of them all, at least to me. Last year, before we even met, when you worked out that problem on the board in calculus after those three guys all tried and failed - I thought you were the sexiest thing alive, even hiding behind your hair and glasses.

And then when I saw your name as my new roommate, my heart did a little flip. You’re sweet and smart and wonderful, and now you’re my best friend. I don’t want anything to mess that up. Dana yelling at me last year was bad enough; I couldn’t bear it if you hated me too.”

Her face was filled with fear and longing, and she looked so fragile standing there that I worried she would break apart. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, and I spoke softly into her ear. “Sweetie, it’s okay. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re my best friend too, and nothing is going to mess that up. No matter what happens, I will never hate you.”

I kissed the top of her head and released her, taking her left hand in my right. She wiped a few tears away with her free hand and looked at me, face to face. I wanted to kiss her right then, passionately on the lips, and it took all the discipline I had not to, but I couldn’t. She would kiss me when she was ready, and all I could do was reassure her and hope and wait.

I saw the two sides battling across her face, one wanting to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss her, but the other side won, and the moment passed.

She let go of my hand and asked, “Ready for the exam tomorrow? I know all the material pretty well, but I don’t think I’ll ever really understand Hinduism. Maybe Buddhism will be better.”

I shook my head and answered, “Probably not. I don’t think it’s Hinduism - I think it’s religion. I don’t understand any of it either, even Christianity. I sometimes envy those who do.”

Anne pulled out her textbook and said, “Well, you don’t have to really understand it for the exam. Just remember the principles and history from the book. I’m going to study for a while and then head out to the lounge for TV.”

I sat down at my desk and replied, “Yeah, me too.”