The Chemicals Between Us: A Steamy Lesbian Romance

Chapter 5

Chapter 5One night over a spaghetti dinner we cooked together in the dorm kitchen, the subject of romance came up again, as it had often before. By now, I knew about most of the targets of Anne’s affections, male and female (mostly female), and what she had done or not done about each one. Anne knew about my crushes, both in high school and here, and how that was all they ever were. Usually, she teased me a little about my timidity and left me alone.

This time, though, Anne didn’t let me evade the way I normally did. She asked me point blank, “What is your deal?”

I didn’t know what to say. I know she meant well, but I felt like she was picking on me. I answered sheepishly, looking down at the table. “Well, none of the guys I liked have ever been interested in me, or even noticed me.”

Anne got an exasperated look on her face, and I felt even more picked on. “They don’t notice you because you go out of your way not to be noticed. Have you ever once gone up and talked to a guy you liked?”

I tried to defend myself by saying, “I talk to guys all the time ...,” hoping Anne would leave me alone.

“Yeah, about chemistry or board games or other mundane stuff. Never about anything even approaching personal.”

Now I was hurt, and even a little mad. “I’m sure it’s easy for you. You’re so pretty that everybody pays attention to you. I see the looks you get. But nobody looks at me like that; nobody looks at me much at all. Can we talk about something else?”

“I’m serious, Allison. I know how shy you are, and it can be really hard, but your life will be much better if you can find the courage to actually talk to a guy once in a while.”

As uncomfortable as the conversation was making me, I had to admit Anne had a point. “Fine. You’re right. I know you’re right. That doesn’t make it any easier.”

Anne relented a bit, satisfied that she was getting through. “Just promise me you’ll make an effort, okay?”

“Okay.”

I thought we were done, but a few minutes later, Anne started in again. “You really need to stop fussing so much about your looks. Any guy worth knowing should be concerned with a lot more than just how you look. You’re crazy smart, you’re funny, and you’re the sweetest person in the world. What guy wouldn’t want that?”

I had heard variations on that theme before, from my parents and high school friends and pretty much everyone else. I was the girl with the great personality. Wonderful. But the next thing she said caught me off guard.

“Besides, you’re very pretty, even if you don’t think so.”

My parents said I was pretty too, of course. They had to; that was their job. But when Anne said it, I could tell she really believed it. I had always thought of myself as quite plain, not worth looking at. Anne, who was actually attracted to girls, obviously thought differently. I got a little flushed.

I couldn’t look at her as I asked, “You really think I’m pretty?”

Anne replied with warmth and a little worry - I don’t think she realized before that moment how unhappy I was with my appearance. “Of course I think you’re pretty. When you smile, your whole face lights up, and I could get lost in those blue eyes.”

My heart was racing, and I’m sure I turned bright red. But hearing the certainty in Anne’s voice almost made me believe it. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I didn’t consider her reasons for saying it.