In My Art

Chapter 18- Short Revival Speech

Song- Waves Of Loneliness by Jon Bellion

…/…

I couldn’t believe my ears. Tears started filling my eyes before I could get off the call. I could see the worried expression on Asher’s face but I couldn’t even find the words to say to him, so I did the only thing that seemed rational to me. I ran.

I stopped at a clearing close to the field and broke down. The words ‘you never know the importance of what you have till you lose it or, in this case, who you have’, kept ringing in my head and it wouldn’t stop. I sobbed for a while, hugging my knees to my chest. That’s when I looked up to see Asher just standing there.

He doesn’t say anything nor move from that position. After a while, he walked forward and I stood up to hug him. I needed to feel like everything was going to be alright, and thankfully, that hug served its purpose.

“You don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to, but if you do want to, then I’m here for you,” he whispered in my ears. I didn’t say anything in response to what he said, but I nodded in confirmation.

“This is the second time that I’m staining your shirt with my tears”. “Hey, I’m not complaining. The shirt is not that expensive”. I smiled with my head buried in his chest. “Thank you for making me smile,” I whispered. “Are you kidding me? I live for that s**t”

His response makes me smile a lot more. I forgot about the news my dad told me, but when I remembered, I pulled away from Ash. “Hey, you want to talk about it?” I sighed and said, “It’s Dan”. “What happened to him?” he asks.

“My dad told me he got into an accident and he’s in a coma”. “Damn! I’m sorry. I really am”. When Asher starts apologizing, I find myself crying again because I don’t know what I’d do if I lost Dan. He’s been staying with us for the longest time. So long that most times I forget he’s my cousin.

He’s been the very best older brother to me, even though he had his rough days growing up. He had rebellious days. I mean who wouldn’t? Try losing both your parents at a very young age. There’s always the tendency to fall into vices and Dan couldn’t escape it.

There was nothing he didn’t do and he was unapologetic about doing it at the time, but there was this day when he saw his mentor, his all-time favorite, and he couldn’t get a single sentence out of his mouth because he was high. He swore never to go down that path again and he handed himself over to the counselor at his school during that period.

He went to rehab, got clean, and decided to become a counselor. That path was easy for him, it came naturally to him. “I don’t know what I’d do if he died. I don’t think I’d be able to cope”. “Hey, don’t talk like that. Everything is going to be fine,” Asher says.

“Yeah, yeah”. I wiped the tears away from my eyes and walked towards him. He hugged me again, saying, “How about we get that food now?” “I don’t think I want to eat anymore,” I replied. The appetite left me when my dad broke the news to me. Worry took residence in my stomach and filled it up. I might have to puke it out later, but for now, it’ll do.

“No, no, don’t do that”. I looked at him because I knew exactly what he was talking about. Little did he know that I was full of worry and fear. “This is not the time to decide not to eat, you need the energy from the food”.

“Charlotte, don’t give me that look. What’s next? You won’t study for your exams and you’ll put your life on hold till he wakes up. What would Dan say about that?” The fact that he called my full name and the last part of his extremely short revival speech made me rethink my decisions.

Dan wasn’t like me, he would never ask me to put my life on hold because something happened to him. In fact, he would be really disappointed in me if I did that. He’d say, “You should know better than to do that. I’ll be fine but if you don’t eat and study, you won’t be”.

“Fine, I’ll try to eat, but if I puke…” “Then, I'll get something else for you to eat”. I stopped walking towards him to look at him. He’s unbelievable. “Why do you even care? It’s weird. You’re always around whenever things go south. I mean, I know I look for you sometimes but you’re majorly always around, why?”

“Believe me, I ask myself this same question every time”. “It’s creepy,” I replied. He looks at me and shakes his head slightly, hiding a smile. “You’re acting like you don’t like it”. “Are you kidding me? I live for this s**t!” “Ha! Very funny, let’s go”.

…/…

“Hey, where have you been? I’ve finished making a list of what we need to get for the party and studying. Multitasking is easy”. The sarcasm at the end was hard to miss. “I had to get out to clear my head,” I replied.

I was about to head into my room to avoid any more questions when she hit me with the “Are you good?” question. I didn’t trust my voice to give the best response with stability and certainty, so instead, I nodded.

“You sure?” she presses. How exactly am I supposed to keep things like this from my suitemates, who will stop at nothing till they make sure you’re really good? I contemplated lying again but I felt my head shaking, indicating that I wasn’t okay.

“Hey, what happened?” she says as she walks towards me. “Your eyes are red, have you been crying? What happened?” she asks. Cue the waterworks. They came rushing down because I had been suppressing them for the longest time.

It wasn’t my fault though. On the way to my suite, I kept trying to remember the last thing I said to him or the last thing he said to me. The whole situation kept throwing me into a constant state of sadness. I couldn’t help but cry.

As Jane is cuddling me, patting my head as it rested on her shoulder. “Is it Bryan? What did he do?” Unknowingly to Jane, not everything is about guys and relationships. “It’s Dan, he got into an accident and he’s in a coma. They don’t know when he’s going to wake up or if he’s going to”.

“Oh! My gosh! Char, I am so sorry”. The way she said it made me rethink my sobbing situation. She said it like he had died and I know that wasn’t her intention, but it sounded that way. “Thanks. I just want to be alone for now”.

“Are you sure? I’m here for you if you need me,” she says, squeezing my shoulders reassuringly. “I know, I’ll be okay. I just really need to be by myself. You can go back to studying”. With that, I walked past her, into my room and I cried some more on the bed.

I close my eyes, trying to fall asleep, but bad scenarios cloud my thoughts. Trying to run away from the thoughts, I open my phone to scroll through t****k but soon enough, I find myself viewing pictures on Dan’s page.

Stray tears keep leaving my eyes and before I know it, I’m full-on crying. Eyes heavy, it’s a struggle to keep them open. They shut down at once but I drift into dreamland little by little, my body exhausted from the mental and physical stress of the day.

…/…

“Why are you doing this to me? Come back,” I yelled. “I don’t understand, I never left in the first place”. “I don’t believe you”. “You have to. I always communicate with you, why doubt me now?” “Because you left without saying goodbye”.

“It’s not a goodbye, I’ll be back soon”. “No, don’t leave”. “You really need to stop crying, it doesn’t suit you. Expect a phone call from me very soon, and trust me, I’m not going anywhere”. “Okay”

“See you soon, Lottie”