Coniglettó

In which This is the start

I miss me, the old me, the happy me,the bright me the smiling me,the laughing me ,the gone me. -Unknown

There was a time in my life i realized that i wasn't the person that i once was. It took me sometime to realize it though, i was blinded by something. i once was a happy child, i was energetic and shy sometimes out going, innocent , friendly, the list could go on. i don't know what happened, my walls began to tumble and i wasn't really sure what happened after that. Things happen and i don't know what happened to me that i lost myself along the way. i know i'm depressed and i know that i'm not the same person and i know that ill never go back to being the person i once was. i hate that i cant go back to being that girl! i hate that i Hate Everything!! i hate that i cant change the way i look and the things i do and the actions i make. the mistakes that i drag around with me like a chain tied to my ankle. i'm sick of crying and all the pain that i feel inside. i hate that i feel like i should be dead because, i want to live life. i'm tired of the thoughts that are running through my head, the ones i can't control and the ones that make me fell the way i do. i'm just exhausted of trying to be stronger than i really am. i'm ashamed of myself, i feel worthless. sometimes i think I've completely lost my mind and i don't know what to do anymore. i'm tired of keeping everything within me because i know that is the only place i can hide. I'm tired of being judged and being lonely. like there is never anyone there for me, like I'm alone in the world.

I want to go out and enjoy life,

Have more friends,

Feel comfortable in my own body.

Why do I feel like I'm not myself anymore?

Why do I feel like someone else?

Deep breath

happy thoughts

be comfortable in your own skin

these jeans fit you perfectly

if you just hold your books in front of you, they wont notice your big thighs. Put on your favorite jacket so you can cover up your flabby arms. But switch out your jackets because you don't want them to think you don't have clothes.

Keep your head down and just breath.

Inhale...Exhale

Smile

"Angel!" I smiled and turned around

"Hey, whats up?" I pulled my books closer to my legs.

" I haven't seen you in like forever, you okay?"she laughed slightly which made me ease my body. I have been here at school but i haven't really seen her. Its been forever since we hung out , i haven't felt up to it. "haven't" has been the key word in my vocabulary since like forever.

"Um y-yeah , i just haven't been out that much. I seen you yesterday in the hall , but i didn't say anything." I walked down the stairs, pushing myself towards the railing.

"Okay, your not gonna believe what happened!" Kaitlyn gushed

She jumped up a little and made her way in front of me. Here we go again, it's always the same thing over and over again. Every time we don't talk she catches me up on her love life... Which to be honest I could really do without. My lifes already depressing as it is, and adding love into the mix is really just gonna f**k me up. I'm a junior in high school and I've never been in a relationship, haven't had my first kiss. Compared to Kaitlyn I'm literally a big fat innocent baby nymp of some sort. A guy doesn't even take a second glance at me, well like he would even look at Me In the first place. But still, I seriously hate it. She talks about the same guy, who she says shes 'just friends' with.

"it was so weird , than he got mad when I wasn't doing it right. So I told him if it wasn't so small I could probably do better. " I slightly laughed and shrugged my shoulders.

"Well I don't want to be late for class so, I'll see you at lunch." I gave a slight side smile then walked down the second set of stairs.

"Angel Valentena ?"

I heard it , my name of course. It was called a multiple times but I wasn't really paying attention. After the third time I finally looked up.

" Yes?"

I was actually pretty annoyed to be honest, but I felt it was nessasary to look up from my paper. I had finally got the lines correct, and the strokes just perfect.

"Your needed at the office."

I sighed heavily, gathered my things . I wasn't really sure why I was going there, but I really could care less.

I was hoping that it was to leave. I swear I couldn't take another 20 minutes in his boring ass history class. I realized I had made it to the office, I swung open the door and walked in.

" You summoned me? "

I asked the lady at the desk. "Yes! You signed up for the tour guide for transfer students , didn't you?"

I had to stop and think, I'm not really sure if I had or not. I mean I've signed a lot of papers and I hadn't really read them, so it could've been a chance. I scratched my head.

"Most likely. Is there a transfer?"

I placed my hand on the desk and leaned forward. "Yes there is." I heard a deep voice with a thick Italian accent .I was positive that it didn't come out of the secretary.

I pushed off the desk and turn around. I'm not the one to drool, but the fact that he looked straight out of a magazine didn't really help. His tan skin, and that angular aggressive looking jaw line literally took my breath away. He had tattoos feathered along his body, well the parts I could see. I took a deep breath before I actually said anything.

I pushed my hand out in front of me. He took it into his hand and pulled it toward his face. My breath hitched, as I watched him place his lips on the upper back of my hand. His lips, were warm and soft. He let go of my hand , I quickly placed it at my side.

" Nice to meet you Angel. You can call me A.

I was skeptical but, I'm not gonna question him on what he wants me to call him.

"Nice to meet you, A?"

He smiled or more or so smirked

" Can I see you schedule? "

I put my hand out and he placed it within my palm, I skimmed over it. We basically had the same classes. I rolled my eyes and handed him back his paper.

" Well you could just follow me. We have the same classes."

I smiled up at him and walked out the office door. I knew he had followed, because he had muttered an okay as we walked out the door.

" So where are you From A?"

He looked at me then he started talking.

" I'm from Vatican city, but me and my mom moved to Italy for a year then I moved to New York a year ago. But to awnser your question technically I'm from Vatican city."

His voice was like music to my ears . It was thick with his colture ,deep and silky. It was like he was made from the gods.

Suddenly I tripped , I panicked and dropped my things. I closed my eyes and hoped for the best for when I hit the floor. But it never happened I felt firm strong arms pull me up. I opened my eyes , the only thing I could see was his beep ocean blue pupils.

It was like I was being drawn into a pool. I snapped out of it and pulled myself together. I looked to the ground and found all of my stuff on the floor scattered. I was glad that everyone was in class right now, because that would have been so embarrassing. I felt the heat creep up my face as I seen my drawings all over the floor.

I went to pick up my things but he had beat me to it.

" Bunnies? "

He chuckled and placed them back into my binder. I felt my face heat up again.

" Yes bunnies, they make me calm when I'm annoyed or bored or anything but happy."

I took my binder from his hands.

" Not that it's any of your business."

He chuckled

" You are cute , like a Conigliettó."

I looked at him dumbfounded. What did he just call me?

" What did you just call me?"

He gave a hearty laugh and smiled up at me.

" Bunny, it means bunny."

Literally for third time a blush crept up my cheeks from his statement, then the bell rang.

" No, I'm not and don't call me that " I pulled my sleeves over my palms.

I mumbled as I put my head down. I pulled my binder to my chest and walked to my next class, as he hot tailed behind me.

The hallway felt like a never ending tunnel. The air around me thickened as I looked straight ahead. Instead of A being behind me, he was gliding along my right side. Our next class was Bio II.

I looked to the right, and I caught a glimpse of him. He was typing on his phone.

" Did they give you a locker?"

I mentally slapped myself. Honestly I didn't even know what to say or do. I probably should read papers before I decide to sign them.

" No, they said to come after school and get it."

He looked up from his phone and glanced up at me. Obviously I was loosing my head. I was trying to make conversation, this walking in silence was complete hell to me.

" Do you speak Italian? Like is it your native language?" I felt so stupid because I wasn't even sure if I was saying that correctly.

I looked over toward him as I watched him put his phone in his back pocket.

" Well, Italian is my native language. But I could also speak Spanish, and of course English."

Impressive he managed to look like a freaking model and speaks 3 different languages.

" I can speak Italian. I took it last year see, ho e-a appena scor- r- reggiato."

A chuckle escaped him, then he busted out laughing. I look over toward him, waiting for him to stop.

" What's so funny?"

I crossed my arms over my chest.

" You just said you farted." He chuckled again.

" That's not funny!"

Obviously I'm not good at first impressions. I sat at my usual desk. He decided to sit to my right.

" What school did you go to before here?"

I turned my head to look at him, but he wasn't even paying attention to anything I was saying.

The girl beside him was rubbing him, like he was a dog. Relentlessly flirting with him. She looked like a raccoon with rabies as she was literally foaming at the mouth.

I sighed heavily and I rolled my eyes and looked toward the board.

This is going to be a long day.