Reborn: I’ll Save This Doomed Marriage

Opposition

We made it to the king’s bedroom chambers. Edward lit the fireplace as I placed Christopher in bed. I walked over, picking up all of the rubble, all of our valuables, that had been destroyed. Octavian wanted to send a message, and he has taken mine and Edward’s marriage as an act of war. Even though, he had already covered up what he did. What I had gone through. What I had gotten away from, how could I be so blind as to trust him? How could I be so naïve and foolish? Foolish enough for him to fool me…I thought to myself. I couldn’t hold anymore of my grief in. I sat there, my hands full of broken memories, and broken valuables of Edward’s ancestors, all at my hands.

“What’s wrong?”

“This is all my fault.”

“No, it’s not.”

“You don’t understand.”

“This will be a dark age for the kingdom yes, but we must move on and prosper. As queen, it is your sworn duty to uphold our name and to deliver us into an era of peace.” His eyes never left the fire after his words lingered in the air.

“You are right…”

“As is mine…I can’t do this alone.” I walked over to the fire place, sitting beside him as I watched the flames engulf inside.

The warmth made my skin tingle, and I hadn’t experienced the warmth of home in years. This once was my pride and joy, I had always walked the gardens, women to talk to, Edward always accompanying me. This is the last time I would shed a tear for the past. From this moment on, the past did not define who I was, or who I would be. I refused to turn myself and my family in to Octavian. God only knows what would happen to us then. I couldn’t risk Christopher’s safety. I hated the thought of us being alone in this dark and empty shell of what once was. I had hoped that Christopher still saw the hand woven tapestries that were centuries old. Or the flowers all in full bloom. The magnificent fields that littered the countryside, perfect for riding. He was a growing boy, with Henry’s spirit. Although he is not his father in blood, he is his father in name. Not even I could change this realization. I had hoped that later on down the road he wouldn’t grow angry and resentful towards Edward for abandoning us for so long. I had hoped he harbored no resentment now towards Edward as well. He was still very formal with him, and was very stiff, and shy. Although he wasn’t afraid to ask any questions, it has been a long time to still be frigid toward one another.

“Edward, why are you so cold towards Christopher?” I asked in a low voice, peering back towards the sleeping boy, making sure he wasn’t just faking.

“It’s not that I would like to be. He is very…apprehensive of me. I don’t want to make it worse by forcing a relationship with him. He is my son, my first born, and even if I was not there for you both when I was needed most it was of no fault of mine. I hate myself every day for letting myself be taken away from you. I worried every day, and when I got out, and took control of my men, and stole their horses, the first thing I commanded was that we find you.” His head was lowered in such shame. It made me feel anxious, meanwhile just devastated how he must have felt.

I’ve been revisiting this grief in my head, over and over, but it has yet to leave me. I didn’t realize just how cold blooded Octavian had to be, to cause our marriage to be like this. To cause me to become homeless. What did he expect when he had followed me here and started an uprising.

“Octavian was smart, he hired people to start an uprising as a cover for his control over the southern isles. Everyone is concerned with the new nation, meanwhile, no one is going to help and lend aid in us if they do not know.” I paused briefly, meeting his eyes.

“I will travel to my parents, I will go alone. From there I’ll receive safe passage to one of our allies in confidence and request an audience.” Edward shook his head as he reached for my hand. His eyes closed, his breathing deepened as his eyes just now remembered Christopher.

“I will stay with Christopher. We shall stay here in the castle. Very select guards,” he said through his frown.

“I know you don’t want me to go, but this is the only way. If I take him with me, I can’t risk his safety, if you are discovered you will be killed on sight, and if I am discovered…protect Christopher. And don’t let me make the same mistake twice. Even if you weren’t around during his first years of his life, you are still his father, and you are still someone close to me, who I would trust with him.”

“The first being Henry.”

“Christopher is having a hard time leaving Henry behind, he looked up to him.”

“He loves you.”

“…I know.”

“Then why?”

“I have already told you the reason why, and I thought you had understood.”

“Why didn’t you fall in love with him too?”

“Because I knew, I knew that you would come back for me. I saw it in a dream remember. I saw you in my dreams. I would tell Christopher made up stories of you, how you had fought off soldiers, and were a very skilled swordsmen.”

“You are not wrong,”

“When am I ever wrong?”

“You’re never wrong angel, and I should have listened to you.”

“Yes, you should have.”

“I regret it every day.”

“I know you do. But there is nothing that we can do now. The past is behind us, now we must focus on the present situation at hand, so we can prevent the spread of his rule.” A grim frown appeared upon my face as I hugged him close to me. Although we had met under strange circumstances, I couldn’t help but feel that this was the path I was to follow. Written away in the stars long ago, to put an end to Octavian’s tyrannical rule. It was something that I knew I would have to face some day. And if that changing moment, where the tables could even slightly be turned, I knew that I would make that sacrifice. For I have let that demon out by empowering him.

My eyes grew heavy as I slumped onto Edward. The last thing I could remember feeling before drifting off to sleep was the soft comfort of the bed, and the vibrating warm kiss of Edward’s lips on my cheek, before he sunk into the bed next to me.

Within three months time, I was already with child again. We had hired some of the townsfolk that hadn’t been affected by the plague of death surrounding us. We gave them rooms, and paid them, and in turn they worked for us to help rebuild the castle. These ladies and gentlemen should be granted land, and title, for their undying loyalty to our country. We owed these men and women, they are the one true key into retaking what should have never been taken. A country is not a game, and when wars start, they turn gruesome and ugly, and backhanded. Yet when they end, we often do not remember what they were started over. That part is erased, and another war starts, and the cycle repeats.

“Mama,”

“Yes dear,”

“When is father coming home?”

“He will be back this evening, before dinner. Now, why don’t we focus on our lessons hm?”

“What lessons mama, so I can talk more like him?” My brow furrowed as I knew what he was talking about.

“You talk just fine. These lessons are for when you run the kingdom.”

“He won’t let me.”

“Honey, I am teaching you proper grammar and etiquette skills, just like I did when we lived with uncle Henry.”

“Is this why?”

“Yes,”

“You’re a liar! You lied to me! I miss Henry.” He stood up and tipped over the chair. One that Edward had built for him as a present to practice anything he wanted, like drawing, or music, or writing, anything he would like.

“I have always told you that Henry was not your father. Edward is your father, Henry is someone who was kind enough to take you on as his own. He knew that you were not his. You have to understand that.” He looked back at me with confused round orbs that had replaced his eyes. He nodded his head in understanding as Edward had entered through the door. He was led in by Henry, who stood in the doorway. Christopher ran over to him as he knelt down to hug him. Edward leaned over and kissed my cheek, while caressing my stomach.

“Henry has come to help us. He wants to secure Christopher’s reign as next in line.”

“We we’re just talking about it.”

“He will take the throne when he is 25. He is only 4 now, but if I die, I name you as his advisor. No one could do it better than you. Henry will also move here to help raise him, and this one.” He looked lovingly down at my stomach again.

“Don’t talk as if you will die.”

“Don’t talk as if it isn’t a possibility.”

“It isn’t,” I gripped his arm tightly, as if pleading with him in my eyes to understand my words.

“You’ve…seen it already.”

“No, but I have a very strong feeling.” I have him a weak smile.

“Everything will work out as its supposed to.”

He didn’t know what I meant. He thought I was afraid of him not coming back. But it served as a warning that I might not be the one to make it out of this fight alive. My destiny continued to fall down Octavian’s path, until there was nothing left of myself to throw forth to stop him. I only hoped that after Octavian passed that our son, would help to create an era of prosperity.

Our fate rested in both of our hands, I often wondered if he had turned out to be like him. I often thought about if he was a true kind hearted boy. My boy, the look in his eyes after he was first born. How happy I thought I had been in that moment. I was taken away from my life, and yet, I had found one better. What I didn’t understand was why I couldn’t stay, and why I couldn’t be with him.

I never wanted him to resent me for my leaving. Not in a million years did I want him to feel like I don’t love him enough to come back for him, I just can’t. And it breaks my heart every time I think of him.