Honey, why?

3. Last First Day

SEPTEMBER 2009

Chad licks the remaining cake off of my fork. My best friend couldn't be more in love with strawberry cake. I have to thank my aunt for helping me making it yesterday.

The whole summer, Chad had been vacationing with her parents in St. Tropez. They invited me to come with them but I have my dance lessons with my aunt and I'm not really into getting a tan.

(Also, when summer started, I went with my mom to do some medical missions in the usual places her team goes to.)

Said family vacation was in a beach house in Malibu where I spent last summer with Chad's family. They also invited me during the winter break but that time is especially for my own family.

Chad's parents are wild. They are cool and not uptight. They throw pretty pumped parties and are always chill and that's the reason why a lot of my classmates like them.

Luke also invited me for a summer back in England. Well, not him, really, but his mom Sarah. Grampa Joe also called me but I just had to decline for the same reasons I turned down the di'Terzi-Jein's invite. I told them I'd spend spring break with them next year, though.

My other best friend, Ted, stayed here to work at the music store for extra bucks that Mr. Cheng wouldn't provide for the iPod Ted wanted to buy because Ted had to take the remedial for Chem last school year.

Oh, just a little Segway but would you believe it? Over the summer, I found out that our classmates Em and Ash went to Japan, meeting their (our) favorite mangakas, dream team Naoko Takeuchi and Yoshihiro Togashi. I'm so jealous of them, getting as close as they can to the wonderful world of manga and anime.

I close the lid of my bento and place it back on its pouch.

"Thank you Luke for the pizza!" I say, completely satiated.

Luke pats the top of my head twice and rested his hand there.

"And thank you aunt Helly for the cake!" He beams at me.

I giggle as I wrap in a napkin the olives that he removed from the pizza he'd given me, then I throw it in the garbage. I come back to my spot just as Chad pulls out a thermos so we can share the lemon juice. My heart begins to drum.

"Oh, Chadi. I love your juices so much," I moan as I take a huge gulp. It tastes like heaven. All the juice Chad brings give me wings.

Fifty points for Dakota, the one who cooks Chad's meals.

The thermos is suddenly grasped away from my fingers and I swivel around to see Luke taking huge gulps of the juice. Chad's eyes widened.

"Hey! Leave some for me!" Chad exclaims, reaching for the thermos.

Luke provokes Chad more by licking the rim of the thermos, his eyes are laughing. "But your juice just tastes so good, I can't help myself!"

"Gross. You're beginning to sound like Ali, you piece of s**t," Chad retorts.

"Hey! I didn't know you've developed such a vocabulary during the summer! And why is it that when Ace said something about juices, it's fine, but when it's me, it's gross?"

"Just give me back my juice, Luke!"

Luke hands the thermos back to me, and I drink again from it as Chad's arms shot out at me.

I stand up quickly, laughing with Luke, and back a few steps away to drink more of the juice when my I hit a wall.

Oh, excuse me, not a wall. A boy. I hear him hiss when my body hit him square on his front. There is something hard poking at the small of my back as I stand there, frozen and afraid of what to do next.

He's holding down my shoulders with his firm hands and I can smell his intoxicating perfume wafting through the air around me. I know that smell. My heart began to beat to the song "We Will Rock You".

I stiffen when I felt his mouth on my ear. Then I almost fainted at what he says to me. Chad was standing now and I'm sure my best friend heard what Charles said. I'm sure the whole class heard what Charles said because he just did one of those loud whispers when you're whispering but it's actually meant to be loud enough for people to hear.

"Careful, now, babe. You'll spill that delicious drink all over your pretty clothes."

My cheeks were burning as he give my shoulders a soft squeeze before letting go of me and moving to join our other classmates on the other side of the room, eating their own lunch. I can't even look at them. I can't look at anyone beside the fuming furry of a siren in front of me.

I should've taken Ted's invitation and eat with her in the cafeteria. I'd rather deal with that jungle instead of dealing with this jungle right now.

I hear Luke ask in an aghast tone, "Babe?"

Chad stares at me, dumbfounded. I don't know where to begin or how to explain. I know Chad always had a crush on Charles.

They've been close since freshman year, way closer than Charles and I had ever been. Chad even told me all about her theories of how the universe is directing them towards each other.

She does not even know that Charles and I have been texting. I hadn't told her. How could I? It was not such a big deal. Right? At least, not for Charles. That much I know. I was the only one who cared, right? Right?!

I didn't tell anyone. The only person making a big fuss about it was me. Charles was probably texting with a million different girls like he does to me.

My friends and I kept in touch with each other during the summer vacation like we always do when we're apart. We wrote old fashioned letters to each other due to my insistence, and news from out daily lives were heard from the emails we've sent each other weeks after we've dispatched our first letters which contain the first few days of being apart from each other.

Chad was too busy with the French fashion designer on the showcase that they went to. His name was something like Brian Waterfalls or Waterfell or Winterfell. My emails and calls were mostly unanswered and I didn't even received a reply back from my letter.

Back at home, even if we're both here, Teddy and I seldom see each other. I was mostly traveling and we're both working. And when I got back, I'm almost always tired because I help my aunt with the dance studio everyday.

And she barely had any time to sit down and talk in between her job at the music store and the baby sitting sidelines she also took to save money.

It was such a treat to even see each other and have a drink at our favorite soda pop shop. We only get to eat brunch at Hal's Diner once, when we do it almost every weekend with our other friends during the school year.

Luke was the only one I was talking to consistently. Yeah, Charles and I texted and he sometimes calls me but Luke would always check up on me, too. He'd always bother me to ask stupid questions like what's the time difference between here and there where he was, or if elephants can float on the clouds if they were made of blue flowers. Like how random and silly those questions were?

Sometimes, I would end up asking Charles Luke's impossible questions only to be laughed at. Luke also found it fitting that I should, would magically know somehow what his girlfriend's preferences were.

She was someone named Cilia or Celie or something like that. I'm pretty sure it begins with the letter C and has some L and ee sound in it. Luke sent me a photo of the girl and she was just his type. Tall, blonde, with a model figure.

In the photo, his hand was around her, gripping her dangerously close to her pubic area. His smile was teasing, eyes glinting with mischief. I had scoffed. This boy. He'd never change.

His escapades were all that I heard of, and he was pretty careful not to include some of the stuff he did with his girlfriend, if you know what I mean.

And thank goodness for on-ear headphones, I can continue sending messages while I speak to someone on my phone. So I was able to split the conversation between him and Charles, the reason why I often exchange the questions they ask me. But there had been downsides, too.

I almost told Charles about Luke's girlfriend and I definitely told the latter about the former's weird way of saying goodbye, that thing that became our way of saying farewell to each other.

When I was about to hung up on Luke just as Charles had to go as well, I'd blurted out what I was typing to Charles out loud to Luke.

"Gotta scat, kitty cat," I spoke on the mic. Thank the angels above he didn't notice it weird or questioned my sudden outburst since it wasn't my thing before. He just thought I was weird. Like he himself isn't. We both know that his brain is more scrambled than mine. Literally.

So, nothing about Charles had slipped to any of my friends. Not until now that the said boy was the one who's dug the pit for me.

I'm so freaking out right now at what Charles just said in front of everyone.

When Chad gives me an ice cold glare and pulls me close, I know precisely what to do next even before she spits the word that has me cringing.

"Babe?!" She repeats the same words that Luke spurted out, only she made it sound venomous. I didn't know her dark eyebrows could get so high up her forehead.

I hear Charles's friends asking him about the "babe" thing before Chad took me outside in the hallway. I'll deal with the fuss later, if they bother me with it. Right now, it's this girl here that I need to be concerned about.

"It was just a joke. You know how he is -"

"What is that, are you a couple now?" she whines, her expression changing to something softer now, although her eyes were still hard. The corner of her lips pulls downward, displaying her "sadness".

I take a deep breath before continuing, "No, we're not. It was just a joke, I told you. It's nothing. We were texting and -"

"Wait. You're text mates?! Since when? What else do I need to know?" she barks accusingly. Some students passing through eyed us curiously. Wow, they're not even together and she's acting like this... What more if she really became his girlfriend? Not that there's wooing going on, come on guys. It's the twenty first century. Chad, I mean most girls, practically do the wooing now.

I look her in the eyes and tell her, "I told you, it's nothing. Please don't be like that. We were just talking about the upcoming Math Week."

Well, it's part of the truth, anyway.

Chad still doesn't look convinced, so I just laugh it off. I shake my head as I giggle, pinching her cheeks and swaying her head back and forth.

"Chadi, you're being paranoid again. Seriously! Why does it always have to be me? Have you seen how Molly keeps pressing herself on your husband yesterday at the auditorium?"

It hurt to say that.

Charles. Her husband. But I see her shoulders slump, finally relaxing.

Her forehead wrinkles and I let go of her cheeks so she can speak. "Ugh! Don't remind me!" she says with much disdain. "She's such a b***h. I bet she just volunteered so she can seduce my husband. The way her filthy hands touch those delish arms! Unforgivable! Awful creature." Would she say that about me, once she finds out about my real feelings for her "man"?

I've been doing it ever since I can remember so the pretending is not that hard for me. I snicker at her choice of words before looking at her pleadingly. Chad cannot resist my puppy dog eyes. Nobody can. Well, that's just because the pain is real, sister. The pain is always real.

"I'm sorry, Ace. I know you wouldn't do anything like that to me! I'm just - You know how crazy I can get when it comes to my husband," she told me in a gentle voice, none of the poison from earlier was present.

I hug her and she squeezes me back. Chad smacks my ass before pulling away. She brushes my hair to my back but as I look in her eyes, I can see that they still have some doubts.

That's okay, I tell myself. At least for now, she still believes me. And why wouldn't she? There might not even be something going on with us - Charles and I. It could all just be a heart lighted teasing. Nothing to be worried about.

But who talks to you about the meaning of life in the universe at two o'clock in the morning?

Who replies to your messages so fast as if he's not texting anyone but you?

Who always checks on what score you get during an exam?

Who was worried when you didn't eat lunch that one time, then offered to buy you one?

Who gave you his handkerchief when you were panicking because you forgot where you put yours?

Who looked into your eyes so deeply that night when the moon was hanging parallel to that single bright star?

Who are you thinking about right now?

Mister Alberts walks by us, entering the classroom. Chad and I rush back to our seats as the whole class stands up to greet our teacher.

When everyone's sitting down and Mister Alberts starts writing on the board, someone behind me taps my shoulder. I glance back and come face to face with a piece of paper. Nessie leans in to tell me, "He said it's for his babe."

This creature from the Loch Ness. He didn't even bother to lower his voice.

My eyes went wide and I can feel the blush crawling up my cheeks. Beside me, Chad pretends not to hear what Nessie just said and instead focuses on taking notes. She's writing on her pad a little too hard, though, that I can see her knuckles turning white.

Well, Nessie's seat mates totally heard him and I can hear the growing whispers at the back rows. I take the note from him and hide it in the pocket of my skirt. I drop my head, embarrassed once again, as I began jotting down notes.

Just then someone spoke, shattering the silence in the classroom.

"Read it now, babe."

CHARLES. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME.

The whole class erupts. Mister Alberts stop writing and face us. Still, the noise continues. My friends are cheering for me then there were some of my classmates asking me questions with huge grins on their faces.

I couldn't even hear them. I couldn't even look at the perpetrator of this mess.

Everything is spinning and I can't breathe. I want to look at Chad to see her reaction but I'm afraid to do so. I just put my forehead on my palm hoping my classmates will shut up soon.

Then I can hear them all at once, I can hear everything. But I understand nothing.

"All right, that's enough," announces Mister Alberts in a booming voice. He might be on his sixties with thin balding gray hair but he's still tenacious. The class still whispers here and there but the volume definitely tuned down.

I'm still seeing double and on my ears, the word "babe" is still ringing. I hadn't realize I was panting hard when Chad grips my arm and asked me, "What's wrong, Ace?"

I take deep breaths and will my nerves to settle down. I will not have another panic attack here. Oh dear. No. Please. I don't want any more attention from these lunatics. I take my water bottle out of my bag and finish the remaining water inside.

"Ace?" asks Chad again. Everyone knows about my hyperventilating. It's not good, but they all take care of me with Chad being the most concerned.

I nod my head and wipe the sweat from my forehead and neck with my handkerchief.

"I'm fine," I whispers to Chad.

"You sure?" She leans down to look at my face.

I still can't bring myself to look at her so I just nod once more and assure her, "Yeah. Totally sure."

She look at me for a few more moments before leaning back to her seat. "Just tell me if you need anything, 'kay?" she says, patting my back softly and then she goes back to her writing.

I look up at the board and notice that I have a lot of catching up to do. I started writing when I felt dizzy again. I need fresh air.

Standing up as silently as I could, I take the class pass from the hook near the front door and exit the class room.

This is what I need. I inhale deeply and hold it in for a few seconds before releasing my worries away. Then I watch the traffic below, the afternoon sun touching the leaves of the trees that are high enough to reach this floor.

Our school was designed like this. The hallways are open to the outside, like terraces. It's such a wonderful view of the whole campus.

For a moment, I just stared at the students and people walking like ants down below. Then I decide to wash up in the bathroom. It's just beside our classroom so I didn't hurry myself.

I put my handkerchief in my pocket so I can wash my hands. When I take it back out, a piece of paper comes along with it that falls on the floor. Oh dear candies.

The note. His note. My heart start to beat fast again. Jeez. I'm such a goner for him. I pick it up and my stomach catches butterflies.

Though I must admit, I'm pretty excited about opening this paper. A million question were running in my mind and I can only catch a few of 'em.

What am I hoping to read here? What's written inside? Do I really wanna know? Shall I open it now, or maybe later?

Oh crap, I'll just do it. Whatever happens, happens. It's not like it'll be the end of the world. I have to face this now. I jump three times and do punches in the air to calm my nerves.

After that, I brace myself holding my breath and open the note. As I read it, I realize how wrong I was.

What was I thinking? What was he thinking?

This might just be the end of the world.