Honey, why?

7. Bananas in Pajamas

Tears stung my eyes as I sniffle a cry through my pillow. I never knew it could hurt so much like this. It was supposed to be fun, but what happened? Isn't this a love story?

I took a tissue from my bedside table and blew my nose until I feel like my brains would come out. Then I cried some more. I reached for mes lunettes but what my fingers touched was a cold piece of metal. The ice cream has long since melted and it seemed like my snack has become sweet soup now instead of a split. My hand moved beside it and there it was: my life, my glasses.

I don't really feel like coming to school tomorrow morning, I feel so sad right now. But we have three quizzes and one practical exam in music class and I don't wanna miss out on anything because it's too difficult taking make up exams, not to mention the teachers would make them even more difficult than the original ones.

School just started... well, sort of. We're almost done with the first month and we've been bombarded with all these exams. Pre-tests and post tests here and there. It never ends!

I looked at the screen of my laptop and felt my chest tighten even worse, and I felt like my body is being drained from all the oxygen, leaving me dizzy and breathless and broken hearted.

This Koreanovela shouldn't be this painful. Yeah, it also supposed to be a drama but this is just too much. The story is silly and medically questionable but the way it was told, it seems like it all makes sense.

I'll never watch another Koreanovela drama again. (Note from the future: I will.) Dam Teddy for recommending this to me. Now I'm scarred for life.

My aunts and I want to watch it together but they've been too busy lately so I just watched it myself whenever I have some free time and oh my macaroni, it is soooo addicting.

All the angst and passionate hate. I want to watch all the episodes in one go, but obviously I can't. So I just limit myself to one episode a night, right after I'm done with homework and studying.

I shouldn't be watching this tonight, because I have my exams tomorrow, but after I finished reviewing Physics, the most impossible of them all, I figured I can treat myself and watch something. I even cancelled on dance practice tonight just so I could focus on studying but, alas. The temptation made me weaker than a baby ferret on its first winter day.

That reminds me, I have to call Abel. I blew my nose hard on a napkin and paused the media player. Then I dialed Abel. He answered on the first ring.

"Hey, baby girl. Wait, don't tell me," he said even before I could say hello. "Luke finally agreed to go on a date with me on the condition that you'll be there, too, but as a chaperone and that we'll have to eat Luke's favorite dish roasted duck for the main course and then I'll eat him for desert while you have your very own cheesecake while you watch us?"

I'm so glad he couldn't see me blush. Most of the time, he makes me feel embarrassed because of the way he talks. I'm just not that much used to the words he uses though I'm quite familiar with some of the terms and the innuendos. The downside of having two male best friends.

I let out an awkward laugh before I hear him cackle loudly. "I'm kidding, Quinn. What, was that too much for your virgin ears?"

It took me a second to answer, "No." Abel backpedalled quickly.

"I'm sorry, baby girl. Okay, I had my fun. And I'm guessing that you're calling to tell me you can't also make it tonight?"

I pursed my lips and let my shoulders slump forward. "It's just that I have these exams tomorrow and -"

Abel cut me off. "Say no more. It's okay. You go study. Even though I miss you dearly since you've been MIA for weeks now -"

"I only missed five practices in total since the beginning of school year."

" - I understand. Nothing is more important than your education after all. And we just got along quite recently though I've known you for like, what? Forever?"

"Okay, Abel, listen -"

"Don't worry. I can be your aunt's partner again and to be honest I really don't mind. She's smokin', girl."

Now I'm confused. "Wait, aren't you...?" I let the question hang, afraid I might offend him if I put any label on his s****l orientation.

"I swing both ways, Ace," he says. His voice dropped down an octave and it was like hearing another person speak and not him. "So maybe you'd like to think twice whenever you let me grope your fine ass or brush my naughty fingers on the sides of your tits."

"Abel!" What the actual duck? I straightened up, my covers pooling on my waist. I feel my snot melting from my sinus down to my philtrum as my whole body heats up from utter disbelief and puzzlement. I can feel my heart beating wildly.

What was he talking about? Swing both ways? He isn't gay?! But what about all those boyfriends he told me and his crush on Luke? Did I really let him grope my behind? But he never touches me unless we are required to when we are dancing. And the verbs and nouns he used were really extreme.

There was a loud howling from the other line followed by a continuous wheezing. When he spoke again, his familiar jolly voice was back and not the brooding one that scared the poop out of me. "I wish I could've seen your face! Anyway, your voice alone is good enough. I really got you, didn't I?"

My mind stopped going overdrive as to what to make of his words but my chest was still thumping loudly. "Jeez, Abel. You scared me! Don't ever do that again."

I didn't know what to do if I ever find out he has some hidden agenda while we dance with each other, even if he is just teasing. I already got a lot of those from Luke. But thank God I didn't have to worry about that. I don't want to lose a good dance partner let alone a good friend.

"Okay, Quinn. I gotta go. Emmy just arrived." I thought he was about to say something more but he abruptly stopped himself. So I prodded him.

"Yeah, Abel?"

There was hesitation in his voice but he still sounded casual. "Just one question. What would you do if what I said is real?"

"What is?"

I mentally pinch his cheeks as I hear him sigh. I told him not to do that anymore. "You know," he said. "If I really am into you."

I hear the music playing in the background before my aunt say out loud, "Places everyone."

Did Abel just ask me what would I do if it turns out that he likes me? Like, as in, like like? Huh. Well what's the point in answering that if it isn't gonna happen anyway?

I cleared my throat and spoke to him. "Well, you're not, are you? So we don't have to worry about that. You better get beside aunt Emmy before she calls you out. I promise I'll be there tomorrow. See you, Abe."

"See you, Ace." Came his short reply.

I shook my head,  grabbed the box of napkin and settled it back beside me. I adjusted my laptop on the pillow on my lap and pressed the scroll bar. Only a few more minutes left and I'm done with this episode. Gotta sit back, relax, and enjoy copious amounts of angst.

I was choosing between this pain inducing drama and one of my favorite animes. Unfortunately for me, I chose pain.

Why couldn't I have chosen Bleach and be done with it, not ruining the happy mood I have since my early meeting with Charles this morning. Okay, well it was actually a student body meeting with ten other students in the room with us but I'll take what I can get. A girl can dream, can't she?

Speaking of the dream.

Done studying?

I placed my laptop on top of the covers beside me and replied to him. Yeah. You?

Not yet. Physics is killing me.

I laughed at the exaggeration. Everyone knows our Physics teacher has a crush on him. He's young, maybe only in his mid twenties, and he's got a pretty face that even some of my classmates had taken interest in him. But Mr. Bayle seem to have his attention caught by none other than Charles.

I'm pretty sure he'll do just fine in Physics. Not because of Mr. Bayle but because it also happens to be one of the subjects I know he excels at. Another reason for our teacher to like him.

Before school ended last year, we had these pre test to kinda test our knowledge for this school year's subjects. And Charles had the highest score in Physics even though we've never even taught of it at all.

Take a break? Then continue. You should be studying!

He replied quickly. Easy for you to say, you brain head. You're done with it.

Me: I'm done but I don't think anything stuck, honestly.

Not since I've watched that utterly irritatingly beautiful drama Stairway to Heaven.

Charles: Don't lie to me. I know you're just being modest.

Me: Am not! Just being honest.

Charles: Well you'll have a higher score than me, I bet.

Me: You bet on what?

It took him a few seconds longer to reply on our rally.

Charles: I bet you a hundred kisses.

My heart did a flip as I laughed nervously at the same time.

Me: LOL Nobody can do that. A hundred kisses? No way not possible.

Charles: Wanna bet?

I so desperately wanted to, but if I ever did, it'll be just one of his other jokes and I'd have fallen right into it. I'll just be humiliated.

Charles: Babe?

I decided to just play along.

Me: Sounds tempting. But I don't think you can do it.

Charles: What, get higher scores than you or give you a hundred kisses?

Me: Hey, what if you got a higher score than me?

I'm desperate to change the subject. This is the first time that he'd propositioned me for a kiss since his first and hopefully not last attempt to kiss me weeks ago, and I don't know whether to feel giddy or excited or skeptical or cowardly.

Charles: Same thing. But you'll have to give me the hundred kiss punishment instead.

Me: Be sincere. That is so not a punishment.

Me: And what do you mean same thing? It will just lose the purpose of the bet after all if it's just the same!

Charles: You're so funny. You're making me happy.

I paused for a good few seconds before I typed in my next response.

Me: You're making me laugh, too.

Charles: You should see my previous message once more because I think you misread it. I said, You're making me happy.

Charles: You're

Charles: Making

Charles: Me

Charles: Happy

Charles: Got it?

You're making me happy, he said. Not, You're making me laugh. I started blushing. I'm just glad he wasn't here to see me. I get it, alright. I just don't want to assume too much. Sheesh.

Me: Stop flooding me.

Charles: Your fault for not reading my message properly.

Me: And stop using me to procastinate! Study! Now!

Charles: But you haven't given me your answer.

Me: On what?

Charles: Our bet.

Me: You're kidding.

Charles: Am not.

Sweat was covering my phone and I don't even care. This is too much. Charles is just too much. I almost agreed to him when I remember something. He still hasn't opened up to me. We still hadn't dived in to that deepest part of the ocean. We're still stuck here playing in the shallows.

Charles: B?

So I decided to take a chance. It's now or never. I tried it once and he rebuffed me, cutting the conversation even before I got to ask about his... emotions. And I'm feeling pretty good about it now since what happened at Pancake House a few weeks ago...

Me: I don't kiss strangers.

Charles: That's why you're gonna kiss me.

I almost, ALMOST gave in. But I know I have a mission. I have to break his walls down. Or climb it. Whichever method works.

Talking about anything under the sun, the labyrinth of world issues and poverty and politics, it's okay with him. Deep, intriguing subjects like that, he's okay with.

But deep, intriguing subjects about himself? Anything personal at all? Only one way to confirm what I'm beginning to suspect... What's been before my eyes since the beginning.

Me: I want to get to know you better.

Charles: Hi. My name is Charlemagne Dean Albero. 19 years old. Born in Cagliari in the island of Sardinia, Italia. My father's name...

Charles: That kind of stuff?

Me: You know what I mean.

Charles: No, I don't. Please enlighten me.

He knows. He just wanted to avoid it like he always does. Still. This is it. Now or never. Now or never. Now or never.

Me: You know. Like, how I'm still waiting for you to tell me about her.

I also know how he knows who exactly I'm talking about.

He didn't reply for a few excruciating seconds and when he did, he said what he always said when it comes to this sensitive topic.

Only once, the subject concerning her came up when we were on the phone with each other. He was taking a morning walk on their vineyard, planning to ride his stallion Thunder afterwards. I was having an all-nighter with Stephen King's IT.

When we're nearing our goodbyes, I tried to bring her up again but he sounded irritated that I didn't push for it. After that call, it was as if nothing happened the next day.

That was the last time that I asked him and he played it off coolly. It was obvious how he tried changed the subject. I reminded him one more time, though, not yet ready to give up... But he just said that I should just drop it and that it wasn't important anymore. I figured, well maybe he just wasn't in the mood or that maybe he just wasn't ready yet. If I'm right, maybe there's no way he'd ever be able to be in the mood. Maybe he'd never be ready to tell me.

Charles: B, you know how I hate talking about that.

That. That break up. That girl.

That girl that he loved - or still love - I don't know.

I don't know because he won't tell me.

The only thing I know is that I'm walking on eggshells here, but I just couldn't resist. I have to know more.

Me: You should open up a little bit more. Maybe it'll help.

A few seconds passed. And then another. Then it was a whole minute, and he still didn't reply. I was beginning to worry that is offended him and kicked myself in the butt for pushing it too far. But I had to know. I need to do this.

He's always guarded. Always hiding something. Seem to be thinking a lot about things more than he should. It almost seem sinister, the way he always appears to be scheming and testing the waters before he dive into the unknown depths of the ocean.

I felt my phone vibrate at the message alert and saw his reply. My breath hitches as I read it, I experienced pain worse than that of what I just watched. I felt my heart break, tears blurring my vision.

As easy as he had built up my day, he crushed it just as quick. He hurt me just like that.

Charles crushed me.

I didn't send him a reply. I don't think he even wanted me to. And he didn't prodded me when I left him hanging. I don't think he wanted me to.

By the freaking way, he's wrong about what he said. His kiss wouldn't have cured the salty water on my palms as much as it was the cause of the ones rolling down my already deflated eyes.

Oh, what a shame. What a rainy ending given to a perfect day.