Honey, why?

5. Bon Maman

September 2009

That again. I haven't dreamt of that for the past four years. I thought I was fine. I throw the covers away and sit on my bed, my hands blindly seeking for my glasses on top of my bed side cabinet.

Putting it on, I glance at the time on my alarm clock. It says 4:02 am. I groan. I suppose to have one more hour. But I can't go back to sleep now. Not after living that nightmare again. My hands automatically goes to my forehead to wipe the cold sweat that had accumulated there.

It's still dark outside but I should get ready now. I stand up slowly, still in a daze, and head for the bathroom.

Lily decided to sleep in her own room so I didn't have to watch my movements for any noise. I tie my hair up in a chignon, remove my glasses and wash my face.

The girl looking back at me in the mirror is not what I used to see. Dam these pimples. Well, no time for pity party now. I have to keep myself busy. I should always be doing something.

I put my glasses back on and start to comb my thick hair. There are a lot of tangles and I winced every time I happen upon a nasty clump.

When I finished getting dressed for school, I go to my desk and open up my journal. I still haven't gotten past the "Dear Diary" intro when my phone vibrates. I see the name on the screen and instantly, I have a tachycardia.

I am just reaching out for my phone when another one appears. It's from the same sender. Jeez. Always this eager. I giggle. I read his messages.

Good morning, B. Slept well?

I'll meet you at the gazebos, okay?

Oh crap. I forgot I am supposed to meet him before school starts. I nearly fell down the girls' bathroom floor yesterday at school when I read his message. I couldn't believe my eyes and had to slap my face twice on both cheeks just to make sure I'm not hallucinating or anything, because it said:

B,

Meet me tomorrow, let us elope.

5:30am

Be there.

-Your B

I stared at the paper for an eternity I thought it'd burn under my glare.

Your. B.

As in Your Babe.

Is he really my babe? Am I really his babe now? GAH.

I avoided him the rest of the day after that but then he cornered me at the stairs as I came back from photocopying our Trigonometry hand outs.

Of course, he was kidding, he said. He just wanted my opinion on the upcoming Halloween. Any gimmicks on my mind, he asked. He said he wanted my help, before he faced all of us, the whole council of student representatives and organization heads.

Better to start planning for the Halloween this early. Math Week is next week, and we'll all be busy, then. It's always good to be a step ahead. Charles and I have been thinking the same thing.

I thought about the things we need to prepare for the Halloween, like the room decorations and the costumes. We'll have to do a lot of those stuff so the work won't pile up.

We might even have to buy some stuff that we missed for the Math Week preparations when we went shopping the other day. And I want to get things done before our teachers bombard us with quizzes.

So of course, I agreed. How could I say no? And... Of course, I didn't tell Chadi. Well she didn't ask, and it wasn't at all that important anyway. It was purely about the event and nothing else. I think I didn't have to report my every move to her. The anxiety I feel isn't because of her, no. It's because of the fact that it's the first time Charles and I would really be talking to each other. Alone. And in person. I feel shivers run up my body just thinking about it.

Just then, my alarm went off. Hm. So I did set my alarm yesterday thirty minutes earlier than the usual. I walk over my bed to turn the switch off the back of my alarm clock, then went back to my desk. I am just typing my reply when Charles send me another one.

See you soon, raccoon.

My hand went to my chest at the burst of emotions that guy can make me feel. I tried to convince myself that we're just helping each other out for the upcoming Halloween.

He needs ideas for activities for the whole student body, and he asked me to help him plan to make this year's celebrations extra fun for us seniors, since I'm the class representative and all.

But why didn't he asked for help from the other senior class representative? He asked for my help because I'm his classmate and it's easier for us to work together.

Then again... It may be for some other reason... No way. He's all business when it comes down to it.

Yeah, right. He really meant business when he called you babe... Oh just cut it out already!

This Halloween is supposed to be really, really fun. We want all of the seniors to join in. Sometimes, they don't put effort or simply doesn't care for the programs held by the school's various organizations.

That's why whenever the student council hold the activities, the seniors are the bigger targets. They're graduating already, so they need to have more fun and create the last of their memories. We need to make every moment count.

I know nothing scares most of the senior students anymore because they're all grown up. Big adults ready for college. Uh huh. But it's still fun trick or treating and being all silly and scare each other.

And that's how I decided to share my ideas with Charles. I think he finds it troublesome to contact every other class representatives that's why he's arranging the draft with me.

Only then will he present them to everyone for more speculation. I really admire his planning and organizational skills. Okay, that may be because I just mostly really admire him. Period.

"Good morning, honey. You're up early," my mom greets me when I come downstairs. She just put her keys in the bowl next to the door and was just taking off her coat. She just came home.

I give her a kiss on the cheek and head for the kitchen. "Yeah, I've been meaning to go to school early. I have this meeting with my classmate. How's work mom?"

I grab my mug and a bottle of milk from the fridge and start pouring. Mom put her purse on the counter and sits on the stool with her fingers rubbing at her temples.

"I'll take you. Juancho must be tired. Terry, I mean your aunt Terry was up very late last night. Could you give me some water, please, ma petit?"

She look tired. She should be. She lost her recent assistant again and had been having a difficulty finding a new one. I'd have volunteered again if I just wasn't too busy with school and dancing.

Madeleine Evans is never the one who breaks down easily. She is always in charge, almost always serious but never a snob. She gets the work done no matter the cost while juggling a household of a total of ten people, plus three more during the weekends, helpers and drivers excluded.

One wouldn't think my mom is already thirty six years old. It seems like she is of the same age as my aunt Helly, her youngest sister. She is also the only one, like me, among her siblings to have a blonde hair. I also got my physique from her. People often commented on how much alike we look, as if my mom's younger self was brought back from the past and has taken form in me. I even got the color of her eyes.

Once, my father started this argument of how he was devastated that his first born didn't take anything after him. He was just kidding, of course. And I see how much he loves mom because he looks at me the same way he looks at her and I can only assume that apart from me being his daughter, it was because I look so much like the love of his life.

Someday, someone is going to look at me that way but it will be because I'm me.

Mom's manicured nails tap on the marble, her eyes so far away. I place her glass of water on the counter and she drinks all of it without even pausing for a breath.

"Are you sure, mom? You look beat up. I'm sure Juancho won't mind if I ask him," I tell her, drinking from my mug.

Juancho is our driver, by the way. Our Spanish driver that the neighboring housewives seem to have an eye on as they always ask my mom or my aunts if they could "borrow" him, or so aunt Kris had told me. Geez, these women.

My mom waves her hand dismissively, standing up and rounding the counter to take her glass to the sink. "It's fine. Besides, I forgot to stop by the 24-Hour store to buy materials for Sebastian's project."

Oh, right. I promised my brother I'll help him to build his first ever erupting volcano for his science project. Better check my planner again.

I place my lunchbox and water bottle in a separate paper bag - I'm having Pad Thai today! Yey! - and took my jacket, checking my reflection in the living room mirror one last time before following my mom to the garage.

As we got to her car, I text Paula, my schoolmate and neighbor who lives a few blocks away, telling her that I won't be joining her and Jesse (another schoolmate and neighbor) for carpool this morning.

Mom parked in front of the high school building so I won't have to walk far. She reaches out for her purse and takes out her wallet. "Here, sweetie. Will you be coming home with Paula this afternoon, or do you have any after-school activities?" she asks, handing me my allowance.

I take the money and put it in my own wallet. "We have something to do later. It's for Math Week. I already texted Paula about it."

I hope I'm on the same class as Paula and Jesse so carpooling with them with be so much easier. But then again, I won't be in the same class as Charles if that happened. I guess I got lucky.

"Well, maybe she's coming home late, too, so you can go with her. Or maybe I can talk to Mrs. Rosche to ask - "

Please don't say it. Don't say it, mom. Don't.

" - Ruslan - "

You said it.

" - to take you," she finishes, eyes glinting expectantly. Oh, mom. Whatever it is on your mind, I just have to tell you - not gonna happen. Seriously. It's as if she'd forgotten what the guy did to me.

Sensing my discomfort, she amends quickly, "If not, you can text aunt Helly to pick you up. I bet there won't be too much work at the café that time of the day."

Mom will be too busy in the clinic, since it's opened until 11pm. And sometimes, she even gets the occasional calls and she has to be the one doing all the paperwork now.

Good thing my aunts always have a lot of free time. Between managing the coffee shop, bookstore, and the studio, their schedule isn't as tied up as mom's. 

Sometimes, I wish mom had gotten into a similar line of work, since she's the one with three children and a husband who travels a lot. Still, having a job as a pediatrician doesn't suck with all those little kids having their regular checkups running around.

"It's fine. I'll just commute. I'll be with my classmates." I assure her before she can reprimand me for my decision. I'll be with Tati, Brent, and maybe even Fonzie, if he's not with Lucy. It's a pretty big group and criminals are afraid to attack huge groups of people. That I am certain of.

Mom contemplates for a minute until she sighs. Mom, no! Don't sigh. No matter how much you are against it, please don't sigh.

"Or... I can ask Luke to drive me home," I suggest. Mom's okay with Luke, too. Though I'm not quite sure if he'll be available. Or even if I wanted to hitch a ride with him. He might be with his girlfriend of the week and I don't wanna be third wheeling.

The last time I went with him, I got caught into his fight with his then girlfriend who threw a banana frappe that landed on my favorite gray skirt when Luke dodged her attack. He told me he'd wash my skirt for me and even offered to buy me a new one but that skirt has sentimental value that no new skirts could ever replace. Never again did I attempt to ride with him whenever the situation doesn't demand it or basically just whenever he's with his latest girlfriend.

On the other end, I have Chad who has art classes after school. I don't know why she's taken interest in art suddenly. She always hated it since first year. So my last resort is really Luke. Him or a bus.

And I choose the bus.

"Alright," mom concedes. "But don't forget to text me, okay? And answer my calls, please," she says, exasperated, tossing her curly blonde hair behind her.

Well, I can't very much answer your calls during class, now can I, mom? And yeah, I sometimes forget to return my phone from silent to having sound again, but that's just because I'm busy with school work as well.

"Yes, mom. I promise. Don't worry, I'll be fine." I cross a finger on my chest and heels out my palm as an act of sincerity. We sit for a few more seconds and then I pull my seatbelt out. "Bye, mom. See you later." I kiss her cheek like I always do when I leave.

"Study hard and have fun in school. I love you. I'll tell your aunt Kris you can't make it to the studio." She pause for a brief moment before mumbling, "You're right. You'll be fine."

"Thanks, mom. I'll call Abel as well. I love you, too," I tell her as I got out of the car and grab my purse. She rolls down the window to see me. "Take care on the way home," I call out to her as we waved at each other. I walk around so I was facing the front of the car.

Mom starts the engine and began pulling back to the road. I stand at there and wave at her one last time behind the tinted windshield, as she drives away.