Honey, why?

15. The Lion

There are two things that enter my mind when I hear him call out my name from behind those freaking curtains.

First, I am reminded of every horror film that I've ever watched (eyes closed or peeking through some barrier like my fingers or a pillow or behind someone) where the killer or the suspect or the murderer or the psycho or whatever deranged antagonist it was lures the victim to his manhole as he stands waiting, unseen, and then butchers anyone stupid enough to go by themselves checking suspicious looking houses or caves or whatever out of sheer curiosity. I mean, yeah, curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back to life. But it doesn't mean it applies in real life and death situation when the probability of you being dead is as high as your delusion that you'd somehow be resurrected in any way. And it's so dam obvious that being brought back to life is only meant to be taken metaphorically.

I can almost taste my fear as my heart throbs up to my throat, the eerie setup of the theatre only adds to my growing paranoia. The stage lights doesn't help at all. Not even when all the lights in the audience area are on.

Then, I remember the real thing behind the voice calling me and as soon as I fell spiraling down a horror movie, I am immediately pulled up by a lifesaver who is nobody but The Lion of the Roe Deer Meadow.

Hearing his name couldn't get me back into reality fast enough. That is all it takes. When Tati shouts his name, my previous fear is replaced by something even more terrifying. After all, I have to face this reality right now as it is happening right before my eyes and not those films I am silly enough to be afraid of, let alone believed.

Ruslan comes into view, his hands up in surrender. "Sorry, Tats. Didn't mean to scare you."

Tati goes up to him before he even closes our distance and gives him a hard shove. Ruslan stumbles back but quickly regains his footing. "I did what you asked, alright? I don't like lying to the poor girl," she glances at me with pity in her eyes. "So you f*****g owe me big time. And I want another compensation in addition to those you've given me."

"Name it." Ruslan doesn't even miss a beat.

Tati looks at him and then at me, then back at him again. "I want..." She begins murmuring and I don't catch the words.

"Speak up, Tats. I can't understand what you're saying." Ruslan crosses his arms and stares at Tati, waiting for her to give him her new demand.

"I want... a... delight." She looks at me and I have a feeling that she doesn't want me to hear whatever it is that she wants to tell him.

Ruslan blows out a breath, becoming impatient, and moves closer to her, his head inching towards her face. "Come again?"

I see Tati's hands form into fists and she leans close to Ruslan's ear before shouting, "I want a f*****g Turkish Delight like the one you bought for Ace, you shithead!"

"Argh!" Ruslan screams, covering his ear and crouching down.

"Did you hear me now?!" Tati is huffing and I look back to see that some contestants who are still there throw confused and surprised looks at Tati. She looks at me and her face is red. I don't think she should be embarrassed about having me know that she also wants to have Turkish Delight. True, it's one of my favorite desserts but I don't get dibs or something just by liking something first before anyone else does.

But wait, Ruslan got me Turkish Delights?

Ruslan put a finger in his ear and wiggles it up and down. "I think you broke my eardrums."

"Well you broke my patience, Rosche. Did you even have any idea what s**t I've been though to make this happen?" Tati makes a wide gesture with her arms. She has quite a foul mouth. "I'm the president of the motherfucking Math Club. What if Geronimo finds out I'm helping the Vice President in his selfish schemes to use the Math Week celebration to get laid?"

Tati just casually calls our teachers by their first names whenever they are not present or within earshot. I bet Me. Alvins wouldn't be appreciate it if he hears her refer to him on a first name basis. But let's just back up once more to what she said.

It was pretty much the same as what she had told me, that Ruslan used the Math Week, well technically the Chariot Descart-Race under the Math Games, to get me some alone time with him, like, to get me a date with him. Only this time she said a more vernacular term. My cheeks sure fire up at the word.

Ruslan scratches the back of his head. His cheeks are red, too, but he isn't denying or confirming what Tati has just said. Me, I'm just afraid he'll ruin his carefully combed pomade-filled hair. Yep, that's all I care about right now.

"I'm sorry for the trouble but it worked, Tats. Thank you for everything." He makes a motion to pat her on the shoulder, retreating his hand as if in caution, then going back again to do it when Tati makes no resistance. All the while Tati slits her eyes at him. "I'll buy you that Turkish Delight later and have them delivered. Just give email me your address."

"That's the last pair, Trista," the boy from before says to Tati. I smile as I hear her given name spoken out loud.

Tati never wanted us to call her by her first name, saying it's too feminine and doesn't suit her attitude. To be honest, hearing the name Trista kinda gives a dainty little thing feeling that one would've expected from the person who owns the name but Tati is far from being dainty or being little.

She's a tough gal with the same height as Rus. She reminds me of the Amazonian women who are so strong and independent, always ready to take on anything, unafraid. Sometimes I think Tati's name should just be that. Tati. Or Tatiana. It sounds big and powerful. Although Tati would absolutely kill me for naming her after the queen of the fairies from A Midsummer Night's Dream.

She walks over to the center of the stage where the boy stands with his hands on his back, waiting for her. "First," she points a finger at him. "It's Tati. Not f*****g Trista or f*****g Lenore. Not even f*****g Reys. It's Ta-Ti. Like tatas and t**s. Got it, Boris?"

Boris bows his head, ashamed by her correlation of two words colloquially used for replacing the word breast. Tati really has a way with words. "Uhm, yes. Tati."

"Good." Tati turns her upper body to face Rus and I and she wags her eyebrow up and down, her lower lip tucks in her upper lip and her eyes as huge as an owl's.

Despite her silly face and the growing awkwardness that we all refuse to acknowledge, I laugh. I feel a hand press on my lower back. "I wish I could still make you laugh like that."

And in just a snap, my smile turns into a frown. I don't know how Rus manages to always say the wrong things at the wrong time. Stepping forward to get away from his touch and thank God for Tati for speaking up.

"Well, we better get to the field now. I'll leave you to clean this place up," she motions to Rus with a gleam in her eyes. "I would've sent other club members to aid you but then you'll be distracted from your date."

She grabs Boris' arm and drags him down from the stage. "See you later, lovebirds!" She calls out to us.

"Not a word, Tati!" Rus shouts after her and she raises her thumb up as she and Boris ascend the steps.

My hands won't stop rubbing my palms onto my skirt, it's ridiculous. I face Ruslan and it looks like he's lost for words just as me. Whatever it is I want to say to him, the time has already passed for that moment and honestly, I'd much rather left those words unspoken. If he thinks he'll get something out from me by doing all this, then he is clearly mistaken.

"Ace..." For a second there, the sad look on his face almost makes me forget every horrible thing that he made me feel. Almost.

I hug myself tightly. "What is it, Rus? It isn't like you to be kidnapping someone. You could've just asked me to meet you."

"Would you have seen me if I asked you to?" The donut is clearly in his voice.

At this point, I am way past the stage of lying and I really don't care anymore about anything regarding him so I tell him the truth. "No."

He sighs before quickly slapping his mouth with two hands. "Sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he says, raising his head to look up. It pisses me off that he knows of my crazy superstition and that he appears to be believing it. I narrow my eyes at him.

"Look, Ace. I just want to get you alone. It's been a long time... and you just admitted you won't come with me if I asked you."

"So you orchestrated this very detailed plan, using your power as an officer of a school organization and risking it in the process, just to kidnap me?"

Rus winces slightly. "Kidnap is a pretty strong word for what I did." He inches closer to me and this time, I force myself to stand my ground. I should not be cowering from this sly lion.

We look at each other for a few seconds, not knowing what to say next. Shall I be the one breaking the silence first? But he's the one who got me here in the first place! Now that I'm here, what now? Should I ask how is he doing just out of courtesy? Or how about I ask about his girlfriend, Deanna?

"So... What now, Lion of the Roe Deer Meadow?" I meant it as an insult but it came out of my mouth like I was teasing him. But seriously, the name is so silly! Who ever in their right mind would come up with their own nicknames? You don't give yourself a nickname, it loses its purpose if you do. And it was pretentious of him. That might be the meaning behind his name but to go around plastering it all over the place. Then again, not everyone knows of this fact about him.

"Silly me, huh?" Rus scratches the back of his head, eyes looking down. He's feeling embarrassed. I know it. Oh, Rus. I wonder how you can still do this to me.

When I speak to him again, my voice is softer and I regard him with less saltiness. "Well, you want me. I'm here. What do you want to talk about? I'm guessing it's a matter of life and death seeing all the trouble you went through to get me here. And all that bribing you did to Tati..." I let out a small laugh, remembering the cost Rus has to pay our classmate to keep this little secret. "You even got me some Turkish Delights, am I mistaken?"

"Yeah, I did." A small smile plays on his lips and he licks them before turning to me, now dead serious.

"Ace... I don't know how to say it. Something happened." I look up at him, sensing the heaviness of his voice. I know I was kidding when I said that it must be a matter of life and death but what if it really is?

I come up to him and hold on to his forearms tightly. "Oh my goodness. What is it, Rus? What's the matter? Tell me." My eyes search his in an attempt to look for some kind of suggestion as to what's bothering him. He just stares back at me and I couldn't quite figure the look in his eyes. His Adam's apple bobs up and down as he swallows heavily. Is it Lyanna? What if something happened to his mom? Or Rhian? Please, God, no.

Ruslan suddenly lunges at me, his arms branding around my waist and his upper body leaning over my own, chin resting on my shoulder. I lift my arms up to wrap around his neck.

"What's wrong, Ruslan?" My hand absentmindedly goes to his hair and runs along it soothingly.

The last time I've seen him like this, his grandma Linda has just passed away. I went to his house to see if he's okay and found him playing with little baby Rhian in the nursery. He was all jolly and unaffected but when he walked me back home, he changed the usual route that we take and led me into an empty lot. There, he just looked at me dead in the eyes, as if trying to convey to me something that he couldn't in words. At seven years old, there's only much we could take. And I did to him what I am doing to him right now.

I embrace him tighter and whisper, "It's okay. I'm here." I feel horrible. I know that after that incident almost four years ago, I lost my trust in him and I have avoided him at all costs since. Pretty much like how I avoided Kenneth Westerberg's advances. Rus hurt me so much that it became difficult for me to go back to the way we used to be. And it wasn't like I was the only one guilty here. Rus never attempted to contact me as well. I thought it was the for the best but as time flew by and Ruslan slowly came back into view, I became even more ardent in keeping my distance. But that was selfish of me.

Whatever happened before, Ruslan had been my best friend. We shared parts of our lives with each other and it's never gonna change no matter how we change. He's my friend, still, and I'll always be here for him. It's only now that I think of how much time I spent being afraid of being disappointed once again that I shut my ex best friend out in his time of need.

Slowly, Ruslan raises his head but his hands stay around me. There's something wrong. I've known Ruslan since we were in diapers but never once did I experienced this sudden change in him. He looked so distressed just moments ago but the way he's looking at me now, it's as if some load has been lifted off him.

"Rus?" I shake him lightly by the shoulders, afraid that he might be too far gone now. "Are you - ?"

I wasn't able to finish my sentence as he lowers his head and I am gripped with panic. My stomach grumbles at the unpleasant sensation and my head turns swiftly to the side to avoid his lips landing into mine. It's a close call, too, as his kiss lands on the corner of my mouth.

"What was that for?" I try to push away from him but his grip goes to my waist, holding me in close proximity of him.

"You were crying."

I gape at him, my fingers touching my wet cheek. I was crying. What the dam heck?

"I thought... that after all this time, there's no chance that you'd ever want to be involved with me again. But seeing you in tears... I know they're for me and I haven't even told you what's going on," Ruslan says with a soft, low voice as his hands cup my face. "You still care about me."

I sniff. "Of course, I do. We were really close once. I don't think that I'd ever stop caring about you." I can't look him straight in the eyes. Him forcing out this confession out of me is taking its toll and I wouldn't have done it if he doesn't need me right now.

"So," I demand. "What happened? Are auntie Lyanna and Rhian alright?"

His hands drop from my face and he grabs my forearms, holding me at an arm's length. He looks at me like I'm speaking a different language.

"Wait, don't tell me it's about you?" The dreaded feeling of panic fills my stomach again and I clutch at it. I'm such a horrible person, I am. I've pushed my best friend away and now he might be terminal or something and even if he also avoided me I shouldn't have let him. I should've tried harder...

I am jolted by a series of gentle shaking, head snapping up to see Ruslan's face looking worried. "Ace, it's okay. We're okay. Nothing happened to me or to Rhian, or to mom. Don't worry." His voice is so gentle, trying to calm me down as he hug me to his chest. Great. What a help, Ace. I should be the one comforting him, not the other way around. But comforting him on what, exactly?

"Then what's wrong?" I lift my head up so my chin rests on his chest. I prepare myself for the worst even though he just told me that he and his family are all fine. I just can't shake this feeling that something is not right and it's scaring me to death not knowing.

For me, it's always worse when I have to be afraid of something I don't know or I don't understand, rather than being afraid of something that I can see face to face. The fear of the unknown tops the fear of the tangible. He has to tell me now!

Ruslan opens his mouth and murmur the words at me and I realize I have every right to be afraid. What my guts says is always right and this is definitely not right.