Luna Unknown

Power Struggle

    The last three periods were a blur without Damen there. I didn't care about anything that the teachers were saying to me, and I was more than mildly annoyed to have to share every passing period with Rebecca and Tiffany, who are always so loaded with questions.    "What on God's green earth had you almost sitting so close to Martha?" Rebecca asked, the judgement clear in her voice. "Look, we all know who's in charge here. But you can't just do things like that! You almost sat with Martha at lunch. Do you have any idea what could've happened had you actually sat down, or worse, ate lunch with her? This is not Queen Bee material, Sarah. Not at all. I'm not trying to undermine you, I'm just saying that I think that this new guy is starting to cloud your judgement a bit. People have been saying wild things."    Her rambling was sending little pins of anger through out my blood. I was getting really tired of Rebecca deciding what Queen Bee acts were, as if she were one herself. Maybe in middle school, sure. But this was my bureaucracy to run now, and I felt like I would yet again have to teach her to stay in her own lane. I smiled sarcastically and made sure that my voice sounded as disinterested as possible. "And what exactly are they saying, BECKY?" She hated being called "Becky" just about more than anything else that she hated. I sat with amusement as her cheeks and forehead turned all red, her becoming even angrier when she heard the slight giggle coming from Tiffany at my side.    "I was just trying to help you! And if you must know, they're saying that you're a w***e. They're saying that you started f*****g that new guy yesterday while you're still with Colton. And now there's even more rumors about you and other dudes! So many in fact, I'm starting to believe it!" She was practically screaming, obviously still upset that I called her Becky, which acted as fuel to me. She deserved it.    I carefully thought about my next sentence before speaking it, "Look, I don't know how many times that we have to talk about this. I'm breaking up with Colton tonight. I'm not screwing Damen YET, and there hasn't been anyone else. I'm mostly appalled that you would believe such nonsense. Or anyone for that matter." As I was speaking, an idea arose.    We were standing in the middle of the hallway with a lot of other students around, so I cupped my hands around my face to make my voice louder as I screamed "Hey everyone, raise your hand if you think that I'm a w***e!"    Not a single person raised their hands. I received a lot of looks of confusion, and knowing who I were, I knew that there were several people who had wanted to raise their hands, however no one did. I took a deep breath as if absorbing in all of my power.    I turned to Rebecca, my own cheeks now red and my gaze dark as I said "You see that, Becky? No one seems to think that I'm a w***e. And if they do, they either respect or fear me enough to stay in line. As I wish SOME PEOPLE knew more how to do. Now, you're really starting to piss me off thinking that you know how to run my show better than I do, so let me get this crystal f*****g clear. I AM THE RULER OF THIS PLACE, AND YOU NEVER WILL BE. Even if I were to die tomorrow, I've already made sure that Tiffany gets the title. So you can start all of the rumors that you want, you can PMS until your heart drops out, I don't really care. I just know one thing and I know it very clearly; You need to get the f**k out of my way. You're a peasant now. Congratulations." I smirked widely as I started to pace away. Rebecca just stood there with her mouth gaping open, while Tiffany stood there looking more confused and conflicted than I had ever seen her. "You coming, Tiff?" I called over my shoulder. Tiffany snapped her head towards me and her body eventually followed suit, now it was just her walking by my side. We laughed as we left Rebecca at the end of the hall, exiled from popularity. Never closing her mouth as her eyes became dark with revenge. I was a little worried, she was an evil b***h. However she no longer had power. Power that I gave to her. So I wasn't going to stress it too much. I was just glad to not have to pretend to be her friend anymore. Not that I ever did a great job of pretending. Her presence alone unsettled me. Tiffany and I would do just fine on our own.    "You'll pay for this!" We heard a shriek from Rebecca at the end of the hall. I just turned to look at her from afar, smiled, and put my middle finger in the air, making sure that everyone saw who it was directed towards. **********    I was now waiting outside after school for Damen. I'm partially glad that he had offered me a ride home, I was a bit exhausted from the run this morning and then having to deal with Rebecca. However, I was also insanely nervous. What if he was one of those people who liked to wait until I got inside? I couldn't go inside without breaking and entering, but I just couldn't get caught in this lie. I had spent so much time and energy getting people to believe it. Or worse, what if he asked to come inside? I calmed myself down by reminding myself of all of the times telling Colton about my "religious family" and why he couldn't come in. It was easy to remember when I thought about how religious Gabby's family had seemed from the outside. I was going to stick to that lie, it felt more according to the script.    He turned the corner in his jeep, exposing his smiled carved by the gods. My heart started fluttering something crazy. No man had ever created this sort of reaction to me. And even if they had, this connection felt so much deeper than any rom-com chick flick that I had seen. I've shared just a few short words with him, and for some reason I felt as though I could trust him with my life. But not my secrets.    I walked up to the Jeep, body tingling harder the closer I got to him. I pulled at the handle several times but the door wouldn't open. I looked up at Damen, who was almost in laughter. "Uhm, hello? Gonna let me in?" I asked, slightly amused at his never-ending grin. "Yeah, my bad. I guess I forgot to unlock it. One sec." He replied as he pushed a button. I heard the click signifying that he unlocked the door and pulled at the handle again, which still did not open the door to the vehicle. What the hell? I tried again and after getting the same result, I felt annoyance bloom in my facial features, causing Damen to crack up so hard that he was smacking the steering wheel. What are we, four years old?    I wanted this to be over, having felt embarrassed yet again. It was a slight embarrassment, but one that he had caused nonetheless. I pressed my lips together and let a small smirk find its way to my lips as I started to say "well, if you don't want to give me a ride, that's cool. I can always ask Col-" I noticed that I was playing with fire as his eyes became insanely dark the way that they do when he's angry or horny, all laughing subsided.    He was nearly growling as he commanded "Get in." and I heard the lock button actually unlock the car.    I narrowed my eyes at him, why was he so angry? He was the one who had started this little game. He was always so hot and cold making him insanely hard to read.    "Why should I? You're not the boss of me."    His gaze became darker. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. He stayed like that for what seemed like a few minutes, glaring at me while trying to choose his words.    He took a deep breath and approached his sentences with caution, breathing steadily as if trying to keep control. "Listen Babe, I don't really have the time to explain it right now to your little human brain, but I am very much your boss. And you are mine. This is something that you can't run from. You don't want to run, either. You feel what I feel. This pull. We were made for each other, Sarah. Please stop resisting and fighting with me before you make me lose control."    Had he not called me "Sarah" his plea would have me in total subordination. I hated the way that it sounded coming from him. Yes, it was a fake name. But it had never seemed more faux than coming from his angelic, husky voice. I was also in shock at his claims that we were meant for each other. They were wild claims, and to any one else they probably would've sounded pretty freaky. Yet I couldn't deny that he was right. My body sang for him, and ached for him when he wasn't around. I don't know if we were made for each other, but there was absolutely nothing to prove against it.    I sighed, getting used to losing when it came to Damen. I put my hand on the door handle and opened the door. Before climbing in I managed to bargain, "Okay, I'll get in. But...could you please not call me Sarah anymore?"    His facial expression overloaded with confusion as he stuttered his reply, "I mean, yeah...okay...What do I call you then?"    I smiled as I hopped into the seat, plopping my backpack under my feet, feeling his warm glow next to me. I was unsure how to answer. He couldn't call me Lenora, I feared that someone would hear him and put two and two together. "I kinda like 'Babe'. Or 'baby'. Any pet names are cool, really." I felt safe saying that seeing as how he already calls me "baby" and "babe" after a few hours.    His smile seemed a little disappointed, but he just put his hand on my knee, causing fire to spread up my legs, and muttered "Whatever makes you happy, Sugarmuffin." I laughed out loud. I was not expecting that. He enjoyed my laugh, his energy becoming lighter sensing my humor. This was nice, just a couple of hormonal people sitting in a jeep calling each other wild names. I also wasn't expecting the car ride to become so awkward once we left the school parking lot. He didn't say anything, just stared out of the windshield as if all of his focus were on driving and driving only. I shifted in my seat. I couldn't start a conversation easily, he seemed suddenly upset at something and I didn't know enough about him to bring anything up.    The only words shared were when I would give him directions. I stopped and noticed that at one point, he had turned the left turn signal on before I had even remembered to tell him about the turn. Holy s**t, he already knew where I lived! Granted, he did tell me that he had been stalking me. Realization sent a shiver through my body. If he knew where I lived, did he really know WHERE I lived? My panic came to a halt as he asked me which way to turn. I felt as this point that he was just playing the part, acting as if he didn't know anything. I pointed to the turn that would reach us to Gabby's house, and he became instantly aggravated. I wasn't sure what this was about. Did he know about this lie, as well? He also knew that I were excellent at math. Just how much did he know?    We pulled in front of Gabby's house near the driveway. He put the car in park and peered at me through sad eyes. "So, this is your house?" He asked.    I gulped and shook my head up and down, unsure if I were caught in a lie yet. "Look, Sweetums. I understand that we don't know each other really well yet, but I want to. If we're ever tied together officially, I want to know you. Where I come from, I am widely respected. I don't take infidelity or lying so easy. I'm not threatening you, I just want you to be aware that actions have consequences." He sounded like my father. Or rather, like my old father. The one who cared about my morality.    I didn't even realize that my next sentence would be a total lie, because it came from somewhere real in my heart. I practically whispered "I won't lie to you. I haven't been able to think about anyone else since I met you. I'm not sure what you mean by tied together, but I want that. I want that with you, Damen."    Hearing me say his name, he turned his head, giving me a view of those beautiful dark brown eyes with golden flakes. That is until they turned black in a split second and his look of warmth turned cold. "If that is what you wish, I would be extremely delighted. However, you would have to change, Sarah. I can't be with anyone with a black heart. It's not accepted where I am from, and I wouldn't feel okay knowing that I am tied to a monster." I gulped at his words. He wanted me to change? He barely even knew me. Also he kept saying "where I'm from" yet had no plan on letting me know where that was. Realizing that he was keeping secrets too made me feel not so bad about mine. I was also hurt. Yes, Sarah was a monster. A roaring one. But she was a queen, someone of high status. Being mean was just a part of the act. Why couldn't he accept this? Accept me? And where is the respect in still calling me Sarah?    Feeling aggravated by his aggressive tone, my cheeks started to turn bright pink. I wasn't even thinking as I said "What exactly do you mean? The monster must be stupid as well." I made sure to make the last part as sarcastic as possible. His eyes became a shade darker and his lips pressed together while his whole body tensed. He was snarling as he said "You're right. You are stupid. For acting f*****g stupid. And as far as you changing, I need you to become nice, wholesome, kind, take your pick. I need you to prove to me that your heart isn't made out of the same ice that consumes your beautiful eyes."    His thoughts of me were making me uneasy. Uncomfortable, even. Just a few moments ago I told him that I wanted to be with him in whatever way that I could, and now he was calling me a monster. Making me feel as less as possible. I deserved all of his words, this I know. I just wish that they would have came from anyone else, as his opinion was all that mattered to me now. And he saw me strictly for the show that I had put on. For about the millionth time, I regretted the birth of Sarah.    I felt as small as Thumbelina under his gaze. He was waiting for me to say something. Mostly he wanted me to agree to tend to his wishes, to take a class on how to be a good person or something. I thought to the only good thing that I had ever done as Sarah, which was baking.    I sheepishly let out, "Look, I've always felt guilty about Martha. And Josh, and all of the others. Really. I feel so bad that I was going to bake them something. Cookies or cupcakes, I haven't really decided. I've done that in the past although they've never known that it were me. I can't appear to be soft."    If I thought that he were mad before, I knew nothing. He was gripping the steering wheel so hard, trying to compose control over himself before he lost the control that he was weakly holding onto, as he was now screaming at me.    "SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, SARAH. YOU RUIN SOMEONE'S LIFE TO THE EXTENT IN WHICH THEY CONTEMPLATE ENDING IT, AND YOU THINK THAT BAKING THEM A f*****g PIE WILL FIX THAT? DO YOU REALIZE THAT IF ANY STUDENT AT BELLE VIEW WERE TO COMMIT SUICIDE...RIGHT NOW...EVERYONE COULD ONLY ASSUME THAT IT WAS BECAUSE OF YOU? DOES THAT POSSIBLY MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD? BUT OH HEY, WHY END YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU HAVE A f*****g BAKED GOOD IN PLACE OF FRIENDS, FUN, OR SOCIAL OPPORTUNITY? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. AND I SAW YOUR QUIZ NOTES YESTERDAY AND COPIED THEM. I GOT A 100% A+ WHILE YOU GOT A C-. WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE f**k? IS IT CUTE TO YOU, TO BE DUMB? WHY WOULD YOU EVER STOP YOURSELF FROM ACHIEVING THE POSSIBLE? HOW MUCH LONGER WILL YOU PLAY THE ROLE OF A DUMB BIMBO INSTEAD OF A QUEEN?"     His rant was over, his breathing now deep as to make up for all that he had lost...screaming at me.    I felt tears start to gather in the corner of my eyes, his words reminding me of Mary and how she speaks to me on a daily basis. I already knew everything that he had said to be true, but hearing them from him in such an angry manner, well, it pulled at strings that I didn't think possible. I wanted this man to worship me, to claim me as his own and to ride away into the sunset. However he saw the me that I had created. He saw it clearly, and there was no one to blame but myself. The tears were now pouring out as I tried to plead my case again before him. "I am awful, I know that. But most of the time Rebecca and Tiff-" he cut me off by holding his finger in front of my face, his gaze never appearing more warm. "Yeah, sorry QUEEN BEE, I buy none of that. You're the judge, jury, and executioner here. I've seen who's word is law. You could have stopped them at any time, however you chose to be cruel. Don't get me wrong, I despise those stupid female humans, especially that Rebecca. But they are your little puppets. And I'm sorry dear, but if you ever want to become my little puppet, your personality needs a makeover. Drastically. And soon."    I was just overloaded with tears, but they were replaced by a sudden feeling of livid taking over. There were now two people in my life, telling me that I weren't a good enough me. I wasn't thinking before I was speaking as I blurted out "I'm sorry, Stranger, that you don't like me! Might I remind you that I never asked for this! For you! I never asked for an insanely sexy stalker who sometimes made me feel like dirt, and other times made me feel as though I were on the worlds best drug. You showed up out of nowhere and turned my life into a mess! In one day! And now you're demanding me to become better? And claiming that I want to be your puppet? You know nothing of me. f*****g nothing!" The tears were scrambling out of my eyes again, making me even more mad that he were witnessing me cry. Again.    His eyes became sad as he processed my words. "Babycakes, I'm sorry for losing my temper like that. But I do not apologize for the words said. I know you better than you think, you have all of the potential to become the angel queen that I know you can be. You just have to let that guard of yours down. You have to let people in. You should want to let ME in."    I had heard enough for one moment. I hated the emotions washing through me. A mixture of guilt and embarrassment. I didn't know HOW to be nice anymore. It seemed to me like I had hit a wall. I could never have him, because I refused to change. Couldn't change. My heart was in physical pain at this realization, feeling as though someone were stepping on my chest. I had to get away from his now sympathetic gaze.    I wiped a few tears from my eyes as I said "Thank you for the ride, Damen. I'm going to go inside now. Please just go." As I opened the door to get out, I paused realizing that I was about to say "goodbye" to him in more ways than one. My thoughts were interrupted by a small laugh playing at Damen's lips. "Well, good luck with that." What did he mean by that? Was I correct earlier in that he already knew that this wasn't my real home? More importantly, why wasn't he leaving? He just sat there in his Jeep, smiling from ear to ear as I walked up the driveway. When I noticed that he was still there I called over my shoulder "Is this how the stalking normally goes?" in an attempt to embarrass him and make him drive away before I had to commit a breaking and entering. His smile never leaving, he called back "Well, any gentleman would want to see that you got inside safely. Wouldn't want any of these muggers out here to get ya!" We both looked around at laughed sheepishly at the idea of any muggers in central suburbia. f**k, okay. He wanted to see me inside. The cars that were normally in the driveway weren't present, hopefully meaning that no one was home. Maybe I could actually pull this off. I had never really broken the law in this manner before, so my blood was heated with nervousness at this new experience that I was going to put myself through.    I nervously walked up to the front door, hoping that for whatever reason, the door would be unlocked and I could step inside just long enough for him to pull away, and without being caught breaking the law. I jiggled the handle. f**k. It was locked. I struggled for an idea, I was about to give up and come clean to Damen when I noticed the key pad on the garage. I shrugged my shoulders at Damen, still smiling and looking at me as though he knew the truth. His eyes challenging me. "Forgot my key in my locker" I lied over my shoulder.    I stepped up to the keypad, praying to whatever gods that this would work. First I tried 1-2-3-4 hoping it were that easy. The box lit up red as a message said "ACCESS DENIED." my heart rate started to speed up with my panic. Nervously I typed in 4-3-2-1 and was granted the same message. Holy f**k, I might as well surrender now. I looked at him to gage his reaction, he was still smiling as if he knew the real reason why I couldn't get into this house. I pulled all of my energy inside of me and typed in 0-0-0-0, it being the last of my simple attempts, hoping that they made their access password something easy to remember.    When the box lit up green and the garage door started to lift and roar open, I felt my heart drop to my feet. Holy s**t, it worked! I looked back to Damen one last time, making sure that my ear-to-ear grin was fully visible. My lie was safe, for now. I waved a small wave and under my breath whispered a sad and final "goodbye." One that he wouldn't be able to hear with human ears.    The look on his face went from total shock that I had opened the door, to complete terror as I whispered my "goodbye." Surely he didn't hear me. Maybe he read my lips really well. This sounds weird, but I could feel his emptiness at my goodbye. My admitting to not knowing how to be a good person, even if meant getting everything that I had wanted. I was in utter dismay as well, knowing that because of me and only me, I would never feel the fire tinglies that his lovely touch brought me. Unable to look at him anymore, I stepped inside of the empty garage and keyed in 0-0-0-0 again, causing the garage door to fall slowly in front of me, never looking away from those wonderous brown eyes that I would never get to claim as mine. I felt the tears forming in my eyes as the garage door stopped at my feet.    He would never be mine. My addiction had left me without even the satisfaction of a full high. I couldn't even be with Colton anymore, now knowing what the touch of a man, the touch of Damen felt like. I couldn't pretend to be interested in anyone else anymore. He was all that I wanted, and even though we couldn't be together, I wouldn't accept anything less than him. The tears flooded out of me as I felt the rejection and emptiness gathering inside of my chest. I was brought back to reality when I heard a feminine cough come from the other side of the empty garage, echoing off of the walls. Trepidation rang through me, starting at my feet and ending at my fingertips.    I looked back and saw Gabby, standing with her cell phone recording me in one hand, and a large knife in the other.    This was an odd time to notice such a thing, but because of her self chosen invisibility, I had never noticed how pretty that she was. She was on the shorter side, probably about 5'5 or 5'6. She wasn't skinny, however she was farther away from fat. She had a full figure, hips that could probably swing around to Shakira and make men drool. She had really shiny short black hair, in an even cut right above her shoulders that framed her face nicely. Her glasses clouded over her light brown eyes. She didn't wear dorky glasses, she wore sexy librarian glasses. She was wearing a periwinkle tshirt and tight black leggings, the colors making her olive complexion pop. I snapped out of my adoration filled thoughts to notice yet again, the large knife she held to her side.    Her face was red. She was practically steaming. She held the knife tightly in her hand and her phone was shaky in the other. Her voice came out cracked from anger as she smirked and said "So Sarah, give me one f*****g reason why I shouldn't call the cops right now."