Luna Unknown

Hello, Sarah

    Staring into an antique mirror, one of the fanciest things that I own. Given to me by my mother before I realized how much I would truly value it. Its large and heavy with golden swirls in different directions framing its oval shape. They weren't actual gold, probably brass guessing by the weight of it. I just like to pretend sometimes. Staring at the finer details of it always made me think of my mother, who was much more comparable to gold than brass. 

    The reflection looking back at me though, it's never really me. The reflection, she is Sarah. with an H at the end. Before entering the world of Saras and Sarahs I didn't know that the groups felt a strong disconnect between the two. I just chose to go with an H because it made my name longer, giving me an excuse to use practice cursive handwriting before it dies completely out. My stepmother Mary also helped me choose the name Sarah. Said that if she could ever have a daughter of her own, she would name her Sarah. That made me hate the name and myself even more. However, to be Sarah, I had to act like Mary. As dreadful as that was, it was the key element to becoming and maintaining Sarah. Sarah was now how I survived, how I made sure to never end up being walked on by my peers again, to never experience the ridicule and betrayal of my past, and to keep my appearance as a heartless ice queen up to date. I had to be Sarah everywhere that wasn't behind closed doors. 

    Sarah's straightened and long blonde hair flowed down her shoulders. Her bright blue eyes filled with hurt as she applied the appropriate amount of mascara, flinching when she hits the mirror with the mascara wand causing a black smudge. I curse myself for being so clumsy around my most prized possession. Lenora never would have been so careless. However Lenora also would've still had a mother around, making the mirror not so special. I grabbed a makeup cloth to remove the smudge. I took a breath of fresh air when it came off so easily. 

    Besides a newfound appreciation for makeup, Sarah also dresses differently. She wears mostly shades of pink and white. According to Mary, pink was the color of Status. My status. I've heard myself referred to as all sorts of nicknames in school. Queen Bee, Head b***h, Preppy Le' Pu, but my ultimate favorite was Ice Queen. Ironically enough, Ice Queen Sarah was wearing a light pink fine stitched sweater with a short white skirt that went around her skinny frame quite nicely. Nothing to resemble ice, but enough to represent that I was the hottest one around, and dare anyone to take my place. 

    If I'm being honest without sounding too vain, A lot of Sarah's beauty comes from Lenora. I was blessed with a thin frame, even when I decided to eat like a pig. But not so skinny that I don't have decently sized breasts. My butt could always be a little bigger, but I'm just thankful that there's one there at all. My eyes were big and bright blue, so bright that they sometimes appeared gray. My nose was normally thin and I had full even lips. My cheekbones were defined and highlighted, without makeup. I was blessed to look ninety percent like my mom, who was also beautiful. The most amazingly gorgeous woman that I had ever laid eyes on. Lenora looked identical to my mother. That's why she had to go.

    Both Lenora and my mother had a wonderous shade of hair. It was both chocolate brown and stop sign red equally throughout. I remember trying to paint my mother, getting frustrated because no matter how hard I tried, I could never mix the right color for her hair. Especially in the sun, my mother looked as glorious as the Colorado mountains. She also had the bright blue almost gray doe eyes.

    My mother was also a big old hippie. She loved being out in nature. She collected crystals and leaves from her adventures. Always joking that the people in the neighborhood would call her a witch. I always assumed that maybe she was one. She would often leave for nature escapes and be gone for days at a time, but she always came back. Even if she was running late, I always had my dad. That, and she insisted to live in a house far off into the woods, despite mine and my father's protests. We lived within modern day suburbia, and my house looked as though it was created out of Walt Disney's imagination. It was small, two bedrooms, one level plot, with a lot of stone walls. My mother grew Ivy vines all over the front, thus confirming that she thought that it was once a witch's cottage. 

    My father and I pledged against this house, but now I hold onto it with so much emotion. Ever since Mary moved in she has made "improvements." She's painted over the colors that my mother had once chosen, she replaced the large basin bathtub that my mother loved so much, and pretty much looks around on the daily basis for ways to change the house. to make it appear different. My dad doesn't notice or care anymore. Much like everything else. However I notice, and anytime I ask her to keep something the same, she changes it anyways. Mostly out of spite, I truly believe. So I stopped mentioning the things that I appreciate about my life and my home. One thing about my home though, being relatively small and made mostly from brick and stone, she will never get rid of the fireplace. Where I have the best of memories with my parents. and the structure of the house, the witchy structure that my mom loved, will stay the same. Home is important to me. It's the only place Lenora's personality can occasionally come back, because being at home and touching the cold bricks reminds me...Mom was once here.

    My alarm snaps me out of my thoughts reminding me that it's time to go. First day of senior year is an hour and thirty minutes away. I was both anxious and excited to start out Year 4 at Belle View. Belle View is the township that I transferred to. Colton has to drive a few counties away to get to me and then to school every day, but its worth it to stay Sarah and away from Lenora. I started Belle View High School on the first day freshman year. After "coaching" from Mary, practicing many different cheerleading routines in my back yard for hours every day, a changed appearance, and an attitude that came from years of grief, I was ready to become Sarah.

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*freshman year*

 I didn't hold back. I hate to sound vain, but being now blonde and beautiful, I was determined to rule that school within the first week. The first task was easy, become a cheerleader. And not just any cheerleader. Head cheerleader. I worked my ass off, blackmailed a few people, and badda bing badda boom, head cheerleader the third day of school. The second posed a threat. I had to date the hottest freshman guy that I could. I chose to go with the hottest freshman, seeing as how I was also one, but I also wanted us to grow as a couple. The hottest freshman this year would probably be the hottest sophomore next year. And so forth. And if I found someone better, I would just dump his ass. I didn't start this charade for love. The King to my Queen was merely a pawn. f**k it if a few hearts get spared along the way. Mine was now unbreakable. So no worry.

    I saw Colton at my first cheer practice, before I was Head. He was beautiful. Sandy blonde hair swayed slightly over his forehead, sweat covering his red practice jersey. He had a broad nose and his green eyes were sometimes squinty from smiling, revealing straight white teeth. he was tall and you could tell he worked out quite often. After seeing him in the hallway a few times, I realized that he looked good no matter what he was wearing, nor how much sweat pooled off of him after practice. He was definitely the hottest freshman. By far. and from looking around, I didn't have much competition. 

    That didn't help the amount of nervous that I felt having to approach him. Sure, I could wait for him to come to me. I gathered that he was shy however, despite being captain of almost every sports team. Sarah didn't have that kind of time to waste. She needed to act fast. I waited until we were both in the hallway, which was easy because our lockers weren't too far away from each other. I hid behind my locker door for a moment, taking deep breaths. Reminding myself to let nervous Lenora go, and to let the Show of Sarah commence. I already had phase one complete. I looked like a super model and I was almost Head Cheerleader. I ran those thoughts through my heads three more times before closing my locker door, sliding my white purse around my arm, and heading towards my future high school sweetheart.

    I was nervous. Every step felt like it had weighed ten pounds. three seconds had gone by and I felt like I had been walking for days. I got stopped immediately in my tracks when I noticed another blonde walk up to his side. A blonde that I recognized from the cheer squad but didn't know her name. I quickly turned and pretended to read a flier for the Welcoming Committee. "Hey Colton, you never called me back. I thought that we were going to go out. I miss you!" she muttered through puppy dog eyes and pursed lips. "Sorry Rebecca, practice ran late and I kind of thought that you were dating Tyler." he sounded awkward with his reply. I turned my head to see the conversation out of my peripheral. She was also beautiful. naturally blonde hair that flowed to her shoulders, with brown gold eyes. She was thinner than me, However she suffered the curse of not having any real curves to match her frame. Her breasts which seemed like B cups, also seemed too big for her body. Almost fake. Even so, I had just discovered my competition. Willing her way into my prize. Over my dead body. I felt a heat of jealousy course through my veins. I had to act fast.

    I turned around and walked up to Colton. I mean really walked up to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed the space between our bodies. Given the fact that we had never met, he looked as though he had seen the most confusing ghost of his life. I quickly forged a slight smile, trying my hardest to seem seductive. "Hey, Colton right? mind if I talk to you for a quick second? It's about last night." I heard Rebecca scoff behind me and stomp her foot. Cute. I turned my head, my arms still wrapped around Colton's neck, with raging eyes and a look of hate that I have mastered in my antique mirror and said "Alone." She looked to Colton for confirmation and when all she saw was the confusion on his gorgeous face, she muttered "fine, we'll talk later, Doll." and pointed at Colton. I threw my head back laughing. "Maybe you will, bitch." I said through laughing. When she finally stormed off, I couldn't help but to notice the oddly triangular shape of her bra. 

    Now I was left with a very confused Colton. I decided to finally respect his boundaries and removed my arms and crossed them around my chest. "Erm, Sorry about that." I said with a smile. I felt Colton's eyes going up and down my body, his body becoming less tense, me hoping that means that he likes what he sees. "That's alright beautiful, Though I'm very confused as to why you scared off Rebecca. But I'm also thankful that you did. Pretty girl, frightening personality." he said with a wide smile, exposing those straight white teeth. His words made me nervous. If he couldn't handle little Rebecca, how will he ever take on the monster that will be Sarah. I decided to cross that bridge when I got to it and to focus on the hot guy in front of me. Standing straighter up, and batting my eyelashes a few times, I say "Well Babe, I just didn't want her all over my future boyfriend." hiding a flirtatious smile behind my wrist. His eyes widened and his smile grew bigger. "Wow. You really are something. Who are you?" I sucked in a huge breath of air to prepare for what I was about to do. I impulsively wrapped my hands around his head into his short blonde hair, and lifted up onto my tippy toes to touch my lips to his. He questioned at first, but then I felt his arms at my waist and the kiss started to deepen. His breath was cold and minty. His soft lips were molding with mine, and I slowly parted to caress his bottom lip with my tongue before I lightly bit down and returned his face to where I could look him in the eyes. I stared into them for what felt like minutes. "I'm Sarah. Your girlfriend." He smiled lightly and said "Well, hello Sarah." and I kissed him again to confirm that phase two, was officially complete. When I pulled away from the kiss to smile at Colton, I couldn't help but to notice Rebecca, having seen the whole thing turning red with rage and storming into the bathroom. 

    The bell had rang and Rebecca still had not come out of the bathroom. I know that I did what I had to do, but I still had a heart. She was obviously interested in him and put effort into dating him. I was here for two days and he was mine. I decided to not be such a roaring b***h and go apologize. Being late to class would only add to the image of Sarah. and I had to remind myself of that because apologizing was a very Lenora thing to do, and I kept questioning whether or not I should be doing it anyways. However I figured it couldn't hurt to have one friend. When I opened the bathroom door, I was in shock. Rebecca was standing in front of the mirror replacing a sock into her bra that was obviously not staying in place. She looked over and saw me and again turned red with rage. She turned and pointed her finger at me, the sock still hanging. "Look b***h, I don't know who you think you are, but if you tell anybody about this, I will ruin you!" Her words flipped the switch in my brain. All thoughts of apologizing out the window. I started laughing menially. I pretended to throw my hands up in defeat, when in reality I already had the camera in my phone opened, and when my hands went up, I snapped a picture of a very red, very angry, very fake-boobed Rebecca. I looked at my phone screen and started laughing like an evil villain.  I turned to show her my phone and with my best smile I replied "I'm Sarah. and in case you haven't noticed, I'm about to rule this f*****g school. As for the photo, Colton will be the first one I show. and then maybe, who was it, Tyler? Yeah, I'll figure out who Tyler is. and then I will find out who else you're interested in. Does the cheer squad know? I've been thinking that your t**s were shaped like Fruit of the Loom bouncing around anyways. Do they all know? because I'm going to tell them. I'm going to tell everyone. And there's nothing that you can do to stop me. You know why, hun? Because you can't ruin me. No one can. I am better than you. All of you. and in case you haven't noticed, you're about to either become my b***h or my burial. So, your choice." She shuttered at my speech and stared at the wall for a moment, processing. She turned to me with defeated eyes and a faux smile. "Alright. What do you say, friend?" she gritted through her teeth. The feeling of winning washing through me, a huge smile formed on my face. I showed her my phone screen and hit "save" on the screen so she would know that I have it. "Sure. Friends. We'll sit together at lunch. Wait for me at the best table. I don't care who else is sitting there. We'll make them move." I said still smiling. She looked at me nervously and said "I already sit at the best table." This just keeps getting better and better. I wasn't even aware that I had had a phase three until Rebecca came along. I turned my head and said "Perfect."

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    I turned my alarm off and got one last look at myself. It was senior year. Everything had to be perfect. At least from an outsiders point of view. I was still with Colton, who was still so adorable that I got little butterflies every time he was around. My prediction was correct, he remained the hottest through out the years, his look never changing. Same with myself although the length of my hair has fluctuated, it now being at my shoulders. We were the golden blonde couple. Everyone wanted to be us, or to be with us. It wasn't just about looks anymore either. I loved Colton. He was kind. He volunteered at soup kitchens. He was honestly too pure for someone such as me. He called me out on my s**t a lot, and wasn't too keen on how mean I could get to keep my reputation, but somehow he managed to look past that. I was starting to think that maybe that's why we haven't exactly had s*x yet. and when I say we haven't exactly, I mean we haven't come close. A few make out sessions and the annual dry humping were as far as it had gotten. But whenever one of us rarely tried to take it further, we realized that we weren't ready. Or that the moment was off. We wanted it to be perfect, and we both understood that there was no rush.

     I volunteered twice a month at the homeless shelter, but I can't have anyone finding out that Sarah does volunteer work, so I steer clear of soup kitchens and stuff my hair into a hat when I do volunteer. I guess I'm hoping that it helps with my karma. I've become such a monster in three years, any good deed that I can do any more might just help. Everytime I go there, the Sarah inside of me calls me weak. Sometimes it's really hard to fight her and still go through. 

    My small backpack over my shoulder and my cheer duffle bag in my arm, I decide it's time to start the year. I open my bedroom door and step out to the hallway where I can already smell Lavender fluently through out. Mary. I might have liked lavender at one point, but now all I can see when I smell lavender is Mary, and that's a blood boiling fragrance. I'm hoping that even though I can smell her, that she won't be near or try to stop and talk to me. I am already running late. I walk through the living room to see my dad crashed out on the couch. Something is evident on his shirt. Potentially vomit. I notice all of the empty beer bottles around him and decide to myself that it's probably vomit. I can safely leave him because he's snoring and hawking so loudly asleep that I'm sure he isn't choking anytime soon. I open the front door and mutter a soft "bye dad" under my breath. Once upon a time, he would have wanted pictures of my first day of school. He would've hugged me and told me that he was proud. But Sarah was a D average student who was always in trouble. She was nothing to be proud of. Not that he had shaped out too well since Mom's death either. My mother's body was found in the woods. A bite around her neck. My father went absolutely crazy, claiming that werewolves and wolves of different sizes had conspired to attack my mother. Such violently insane accusations almost landed him inside of the looney bin. And that's where Mary came in. She was his lawyer. She got him out of it by saying that he was a raging alcoholic. Which actually wasn't true at the time, which has always made me wonder where dad's visions of wolves came from. It could have been a bear? or anything else. His visions got so intense that he started reading books about wolves, about where they hide and sleep. Planning attacks on certain packs of wolves, making armor like a pure lunatic. Pinning pictures of Wolves and werewolf comic strips to the walls with knives and red circles with connecting lines like a conspiracy theorist. It absolutely broke my heart seeing him like that. He used to be so in tune with the world around him. I was sad about mom's death too, but I understood that accidents happen. Especially when you're in the woods as often as she was. At least my father still called me Lenora when he was awake and sober. I was thankful for that. I wasn't aware that I was staring at him sleeping until I heard an unexpected cough behind me. "That's how you're leaving the house? Really Sarah? I know that you want everyone to know that you're a slut, but why even wear a skirt at all? Also, Re-do your roots soon. I can't believe that you didn't think to do that before your first day of senior year. That ugly red s**t color will be shining through in no time." says a smirking Mary. I roll my eyes as far back into my head as I can. "Oh hey good morning Mary, you look like s**t too, thank you so much! Now if you don't mind, I have things to do. Like go be young and not married to a puke covered plop." I felt bad for saying those words about my father. and she could tell by the way my voice cracked when I said it. Which caused her to start laughing. "Dear child, why does your father drink? Do you think that it's because of his trophy wife who saved him, or his daughter who seems to fail at everything, including being like me?" she said still laughing. Her words hurt. Mary was the only one who could break strong Sarah from time to time. I decided to stop arguing with her before I got too held up, and just slammed the mostly glass door on my way out.

    Every morning for the past three years I have had the same routine. I walk about a half mile through the woods to get to the main country road, and once on the main road I walk down for two miles until I reach a housing edition called Carrington. The walk was easy today because of the anger energizing it. The houses in Carrington were huge. That's where Gabby lived. Gabby was a girl that was invisible. I found out that she lived in Carrington and started to pay close attention to her. It didn't take me long to realize that Gabby had an insanely Christian family. I devised a plan. I invited Gabby to attend a party with myself at a small local college, planning to get her drunk on camera for parental blackmail material. I never thought that she would say no. Who says "No" to Sarah? Especially when she's inviting you to go out. with her. Sarah might be a b***h, but she's also the s**t. I only had to get Gabby a few drinks in before she was feeling friendly and confessing her love for Mr. Pritchett, the Biology teacher. Confessing that she had fantasies about him, and then belligerently started describing those fantasies. That one little video recording was all I needed to get gabby to let me use her driveway. Twice a day. Every school day. She wasn't allowed to ask why or to tell anyone where she lived. Not that that part bothered her. She didn't have many friends to begin with. If I'm being honest, once a week I would leave some sort of baked good on Gabby's front porch. I don't know if she ever ate them. Or if she received them. I never spoke to her after threatening her. But Gabby was a sweet girl, and no matter how strong Sarah was, Lenora felt bad for the entire situation. and maybe Gabby would never forgive me, but I could afford another person hating me. It also gave me an excuse to bake. I needed people to think that I lived in a nice home. So every morning I woke up an hour early to start my hike to be picked up..  In the younger years, Colton's mom would pick me up. Now that we're both over 18 and Colton has a sexy red mustang, he picks me up. from "my" house. and we go to school. I've always told him that my parents were crazy religious and weren't okay with me dating, and he blindly believed it. So no worries about ever inviting him in or meeting the "folks". Especially with both of our disinterest in s*x. No one said acting was easy.

    As usual Colton pulled up 5 minutes early. He was already smiling in his sunglasses, eager to see me and start the year. Such a morning person. I opened the door and flung my bags into his messy backseat, clouded with different sports equipment. his smile was contagious, causing me to smile and leaning over to give him a kiss. his kiss was hard, his lips pressing firmly to mine. I could feel the excitement and the energy flowing through him. We detached and he sighed, still smiling, revealing those lovely teeth. "Senior year for The Golden Couple, babe." He made me feel so much more confident. I put my sunglasses on smiling, realizing that I have came so close to completing high school indestructible and with the best boyfriend I could have asked for. "Yes babe, yes it is. This is Our year." and with that said, the car was in drive and we were on our way.