Get me out!

Twenty

Rebecka POV: 

I look out the window of the car. I'm lost in my own thoughts and unaware of the worried looks I get from Adam and Jake. The scene in Adams bedroom keeps playing in my mind and I don't know what to think of it. It was arousing to see them watch us with desire. But afterwards... I almost felt dirty. The conflicting emotions is driving me crazy and Adam takes my hand to prevent me from scratching my cuticles. I don't dare to look at him, I'm afraid he will ask questions that I don't know the answer to. 

    "Admit it, we liked it."  Stella says in my mind.

    "We sure did... But this feeling afterwards. We didn't feel like this when it was just Adam." I sigh and Adam squeezes my hand a little. 

    "You are just shy Rebecka. There is nothing wrong with what we did. What we do behind closed door is no ones business but our own."

    "The door wasn't closed Stella." I say sarcasticly and she scoffs.

    "You know what I mean. The point is, don't judge yourself, beacuse none of them do." 

    "How am I suppose to face Lisa in there after what we just did?" 

    "Just act lke you normaly do. Although it wouldn't kill you to smile sometime. We didn't do anything wrong Rebecka. It was exciting and nice."  Stella says and a purr-like sound fills my head. 

    "Rebecka?" Adam says and tugs at my hand. I turn my head towards him and he gives me a small smile. "We're here." I just nod and step out of the car. I pull up the hood of the jacket to hide my face and Jake puts his arm around me. I tense up beside him and he sighs. 

    "I'm sorry." I whisper and start walking towards the building. My stomach is in knots and with each step my heart pinches. My breathing gets heavy and I stop at the threshold. I can't move, my body is not responding. 

    "Rebecka?" Jake puts pressure on my back but I start to shake my head.

    "I can't, please don't make me go in there." I say with a weak voice.

    "We're here Rebecka. We won't leave you. You are not alone. You will get out of here again. I promise." Adams voice is soft in my ear and the warmth from his body envelops me. 

    "But you will leave me. I will be alone tonight." I say. My body is pressed against Adams and I hold Jakes hand in a tight grip. 

    "Lisa is coming later. She will make sure that you are safe." Jake says and rubs his thumb over the back of my hand. 

    "I can't even look at her. I can't look at any of you after what we did." I whisper and Adam freezes behind me. "I feel dirty and..." 

    "It's good that we're talking about it Becks, but not here. We need to get you inside before someone realise that you are not Lisa." He says and drags me with him through the doors. I walk with my head held down and fight the tears from falling. 

    "I'm sorry Rebecka. If I knew you would feel like this I wouldn't have begged you to..."

    "It's okay Stella, deep down I wanted it too, otherwise, I wouldn't have done it. I just don't know how to feel now when it's over. What is the right feeling to feel?" 

    "Whatever you feel is right. No one can tell you what to feel about this. What you feel, without the influence of others opinions, is right for you." 

    "Thank you Stella." 

    "Hey, Becks?" Jakes voice brings me back from my conversation with Stella and I look up at him. He looks at Adam and I wait for any of them to say something. We're back in my room and I scratch my cuticles nervously again. The faint smell of blood reaches my nose and Adam growls low beside me, obviosly he felt it too. I lower my gaze to the floor when his hands grabs mine, sending sparks up my arms. 

    "What you said before... it's..." Jake starts but I interrupt him.

    "I'm sorry.I-I-I didn't mean..." 

    "You need to be honest here Becks." Jake cut me off and I flinch a little.

    "Jake..." Adam warns.

    "No, she needs to speak her mind. I don't want to be the reason she doesn't feel safe with you." He says to Adam and I shake my head. "I heard you two talking, I heard Adrian say he wanted you, I'm the one who brought Lisa upstairs to your room, I'm the one..."

    "Stop! Just stop! I'm not mad, I'm just... dirty, and humiliated. I don't know what to feel about it. What I am feeling and what I think I am supposed to feel about it... It doesn't match and I'm freaking out beacuse I want to do it again and..." I shut my mouth when I realise what I just said. Jakes eyes flashes to bright yellow and Adam breathes heavy. 

    "We need to get her out of here, fast." Jake says with a husky voice after a long silence. 

    "Oh, I'm sorry, what have we tried to accomplish these last few days?" Adam asks with irony. 

    "I just feel sorry for her..." 

    "No, you are horny. Find Lisa and do something about it. We don't need Rebecka to feel more uncomfortable than she already is." Adam snakes his arm around me and I breath in his scent of leather and peppermint.

    "Sorry Becks. I just got a bit excited there for a minute." Jake caresses my cheek with his hand and walks out of my room. 

    "I trust Jake, but never forget that you are mine." Adam says and I nod. He kisses me hard and I run my hands through his hair. He pulls away and looks deep into my eyes. I don't know what he is looking for but it seems like he finds it beacuse he smiles and kisses me again. 

    "I'm sorry about what I said about not being able to look at you. I felt ashamed and confused and..." 

    "Stop." He cuts me off. "You don't have to apologize for anything. We pushed you, we are the ones who should apologize. I guess we let our feelings get to our heads, with both of us finding our mates and all... If you don't want to do it again then it is fine Rebecka." 

    "I meant what I said Adam. I just have to let the feelings settle." I'm quiet for a moment and Adam looks at me, waiting for me to continue. "I'm just scared that we're doing this beacuse I'm not enough for you." I look down at my hands and he sighs beside me. He drags me with him to my bed and sits down with me in his lap. 

    "We're doing this beacuse we want to and beacuse we enjoy it. I'm doing it with you and no one else. I already told you, if you don't want to then we won't do it." He puts his lips against my neck and inhales. 

    "And if I want to?" I ask and swallow. I can feel him smile against my neck. 

    "Then we're going to have really fun when we get home."