Each Silent Emotion | Complete

6. Either way

In all her life, all the 29 years she'd been alive, a hand full of events had ever made her extremely anxious—that functioning was off the table, thinking was the only thing on the table—she couldn't do a thing because she was overstimulated but she could overthink it all, she'd be in dilemma and yet do nothing about.

Almost like sleep paralysis had hit her in broad daylight while wide awake, she'd always—most of the time—just stare and hope things fix themselves, solutions find themselves.

Aster had a problem of getting her thoughts in order or to make sense when the overwhelming levels of panic and overthinking, anxiety and stress came raining down on her at once like a damn avalanche.

The first time this happened, had been when Aster couldn't get the hang of lip reading. The person was either too far to see, lighting was horrible or when they spoke so fast that she couldn't even catch a single syllable—Aster found it frustrating, so much she had cried herself the first time, she didn't like feeling hopeless—like she couldn't help herself.

The third or second time, this would probably be the first time actually. Was when Aster woke up one day a few months after turning 6, when her hearing completely stopped working—she was born with hearing problems and wear hearing aids since 1, over the years that problem gradually became worse and the only thing her hearing aids picked up was vibrations with sounds she couldn't make out nor distinguish.

That too was when she cried, cried for the longest time in all her life. The panic she was embodied in dwelled on her inability to hear her cries nor the footsteps of her parents running down the hallway towards her room, the words of comfort they offered—she couldn't hear it, she couldn't barely see them as well with the tears held up in her eyes.

Aster, never liked feeling like that—she had avoided it as much as possible. She learnt lip reading, learned sign language—had, at some tried to retain her availability to speak but that was another case of things she dabbled in for a little while after the events. But it was so much a person, a child, could handle after being made fun of for funny sounding voice—she couldn't even hear herself anymore.

Enough of that.

Back to the point.

Aster had a handful, right this morning she was adding to that handful and she didn't like the way her pile of clothes had been staring at her with so much judgement. Well, that was in her head, clothes couldn't judge her—only she could—but no matter what shirt, dress, pants she wore didn't look good—not good enough.

For today at least

Even her bra, the red bra straps that clinged to her skin—making her uncomfortable at that—as she stood in her bedroom. Aster crossed her arms rubbing her arms up and down trying to calm and warm herself—truth be told, she had been standing in her room almost naked for thirty minutes now.

Indecision was her greatly enemy.

Reason being, Aster didn't know what to wear to this event she had asked Moon to accompany her to. It wasn't about the event, but more of Moon—trying to look good for Moon, Aster knew that. She could have worn jeans and a hoodie, June the friend she was attending her 30th birthday party with extended invitation to Moon, wouldn't mind—she never did, Aster's presence was enough.

Plus, June did keep the invitation open, only for the reason of Aster actually trying to bring someone—because obviously blind dates and set ups weren't working, neither did she have a meeting cute? If you'd call it that, as that of June and her partner Sol.

She didn't have those.

Well, until recently.

Anyway—crushing a side a bit, dressing up for a crush—was a hell lot of work Aster didn't enjoy, she felt like a frantic teenager having her first experience at love.

Okay, maybe it was the case right now—but that's not the point of discussion right now, she had bigger worries.

Moon—only Moon.

She wanted, needed to look her best—she wanted to put effort, so much effort she wanted Moon breath taken and stumbling on her words—she didn't want to overdo it as well, she couldn't wear a f*****g gown though it was tempting.

The proximity left between a two pairs of shoes placed side by side, had been the exact amount Aster would have texted June or either Nia and ask for assistance. Staring at her dim phone screen Aster pursed her lips—being made fun of at 15:03PM for a date that wasn't a date, wouldn't help her.

It would demoralize

Aster settled for a one man battle, she just had to pull anything out the pile—anything should be fine, Aster hoped as she tossed her phone back on the bed.

§

By 16:20PM, Aster had forced herself out of her apartment without looking at the mirror again because she had changed way too many times—wasting so much time—and she wasn't going to risk her mind on over analysing her outfit. Plus the plan with Moon was to pick her up at 17:00PM sharp.

16:50PM

A good twenty minutes later, Aster found herself being stared up and down by Nia—who had opened their front door as she knocked.

"Makeup." Nia signed, her lips pursed while staring at Aster's brown skirt that reached her ankles with her black fitted crop top, a handbag over her left shoulder. Aster didn't have much of time to ask what Nia meant before she was dragged in, forced to remove her sandals making their way to Nia's room.

Not right before Nia had shouted something to Moon probably, about her arrival too.

Aster's eyes were fixed on the vanity mirror before her, she had been in Nia's room plenty of times and that made her wonder if Moon's walls were blush pink—did she have as much pictures on the walls as Nia did, what did her perfume collection look like—so many questions kept popping up in her mind.

That made her curious

Aster watches as Nia untied her ponytail, a ponytail that hadn't been her best, she was about to run late and well it was the best she could do as she walk towards the exit. Nia lightly brushed her hair tossing her hair tie on the vanity, right after Nia gave Aster clear lip gloss to apply on her lips.

"I'd do a dark shade of eye shadow." Nia signed, Aster watched her hands move through the mirror. "—but Moon likes staring at your beauty mark, and the eyeliner is gorgeous enough. What do you think?"

Aster blushed staring down at her hands resting flat on her lap—Moon liked staring at her beauty mark?

"Nia, help me!"

Nia turned away from Aster, staring at the slightly ajar door—Moon popped her head in staring at Aster for a second before Nia shoved her head out.

"Wait a minute." Then she closed her bedroom door. Aster had her eyebrows furrowed as to what happened and when did Nia move to the door.

"I'll be back. Moon needs help." Nia signed, an annoyed expression on her face—despite barely seeing what Moon had on, she knew it was a disaster, she had caught a glimpse of a tie. "I saw her wear a tie, Aster." Nia signed in disbelief.

What part of casual was a tie involved.

"No way!" Aster signed, fighting back a smile—no wonder Nia closed the door as fast as possible, before Aster could even see the girl.

From the blush to the smile of amusement, or the overall behaviour Aster had since she met Moon, Nia couldn't help but stare at how similar she was acting to Moon—this development was both ways. "But you like her, don't you?" Nia signed both her eyebrows raised.

"Nia!"

"Shut up." Nia hit her bedroom door, shutting the friend on the other side—Moon was so impatient.

"I do." Aster signed replied.

"I'll let that other dumb one, figure it out."

Then Nia left closing the door behind her not at all giving Aster a chance to reply, not like she would have—she didn't know how she would have reacted.

'A tie?'

Aster sent the text as a smile played on her lips. Nia did say Moon wore a tie, was she going to an interview?

'Nia lied! I did not—but I do look like s**t'

'I didn't lie, it's a black tie and a whole suit.'

Aster read the other message after the one she knew Moon sent, the one below had to be Nia through Moon's phone. In her head she had a vivid picture of Nia snatching the phone and defending herself—Aster sent laughing emoji's to Moon and added:

'It's a birthday party, maybe I forgot to mention.'

'I thought I was attending a wedding! Give me five minutes.' Moon's text read, before Aster could type back another message came through. 'Nia, give Nia 5 minutes to get me ready she says don't text me again—I'm distracted and not helping.'

'Okay.'

'Aster!'

Aster turned to her game leaving Moon's text on read—she'd just pass time with games, her gaze fell from her the mirror briefly studying each of her features—she looked beautiful with her hair down, black eyeliner and gloss on her lips.

Will Moon like it?

Aster thought—but she liked it, loved, she felt and looked pretty—breathtakingly pretty.