Madison's Journey

Chapter 9

On Monday afternoon when Madison walked into the Shipyard’s living room, she was shocked by the sight of Christmas decorations. She knew it was the second week of December but she wasn’t prepared to see the decorations all over the living room. The Shipyard family had clearly been busy over the weekend. Even though she loved Christmas and it was her favourite holiday, Madison had almost forgotten about Christmas. With everything going on in her world, Christmas was the last thing on her mind. She stared at the beautiful garland on the stair railings, the wreaths and garland all over the living room, and couldn’t speak or move. Her stomach clenched and churned as the beautiful colours engulfed back at her.

“Maddie, do you like our decorations?” Grace was oblivious to Madison’s reaction and was smiling and jumping around beside her. Madison didn’t speak. “Maddie?” Grace tugged on her jacket. “Maddie, did you hear me? Do you like our decorations?” 

Madison nodded, knowing that if she spoke, her words would turn into sobs. She wasn’t sure why, but she had assumed that by the time she was ready to put out the Christmas decorations, her mom would be back. It didn’t feel like it could be Christmas without her. Madison made her way further into the living room and stood in the middle, staring at the decorations. They truly were beautiful, and if circumstances had been different, Madison would have really enjoyed them. However, she just couldn’t. She felt like her whole life was suddenly fading away. Christmas without her parents? How could she possibly celebrate? 

Grace, who hadn’t noticed Madison’s reaction, was dancing gleefully around the living room, pointing out everything she had put out or helped put out, which was almost everything. Madison tried to match her excitement, but her heart had dropped, and she felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She was quiet for the rest of the day and wasn’t as focused on Grace as she usually was.

The next afternoon, Madison was still feeling down, but she made an effort to focus more on Grace and not be as quiet as she had been the day before. Grace was in her room getting her stories ready when her parents got home. Madison was cleaning up the bathroom after Grace’s bath and didn’t hear Lisa come up behind her.

“Hey, Maddie. How was the munchkin?”

Madison’s heart skipped a beat. “Oh, Lisa. I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you come in.” 

“Sorry, Hun. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

Madison stood up and gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s okay. Gracie was perfect, as usual.”

Lisa laughed. “Only for you.”

Madison chuckled as well, and the two of them walked out of the bathroom and down to the kitchen where Bill was pouring himself and Lisa a glass of wine. “Hello, Maddie. How did the day go?”

“Good. I was just telling Lisa that Gracie was perfect, as usual.”

Bill laughed, then handed Lisa her wine while keeping his focus on Madison. “So, Grace mentioned that you didn’t seem to be feeling well yesterday. She said you were really quiet.”

Madison’s eyes flashed from Bill to Lisa, her face displaying her surprise. “Oh, I didn’t think she noticed. I’m okay. I just wasn’t feeling well.”

Lisa, who had been standing beside her the whole time, put her arm around Madison’s shoulder. “Are you sure that’s all it was? Grace said that you seemed fine until you saw the decorations.”

“Um…well.” Suddenly, she was overcome by emotion. She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks. She put her hands over her face, trying to hide her tears and embarrassment. 

Lisa pulled Madison into a hug and rubbed her back. “Oh Maddie, it’s okay. Whatever it is, you can tell us?”

Madison cried for a moment, and then pulled away from her warm embrace. She wiped her tears with her sleeve. “I’m sorry. I just…it’s just…I guess.” She took a few deep breaths while both Lisa and Bill looked at her with compassionate eyes. “I guess, I didn’t really think about Christmas, and I just, I just miss my mom and dad.”

“Your mom and dad? But I don’t understand…”

Madison realized her mistake and attempted to cover it up. “I just mean I miss the old days.”

Lisa glanced over at Bill, who raised an eyebrow but said nothing. She turned back to Madison and hugged her again. “I’m sorry, Maddie, that must be really tough.” 

Bill looked at his wife, his eyes lighting up and a smile creeping on his face. “Hey, I have a thought. Maddie, I know it’s not the same, but we’re going to the tree farm this weekend to pick up our tree, why don’t you come along? It’ll be fun, there’s a hayride and hot chocolate.” 

Lisa beamed at her husband. “What a great idea. Grace would love it! What do you say, Maddie? If you haven’t got your tree yet, you could pick one out too.”

Madison’s frown was replaced with a faint smile. “Well, I would, but I work until three thirty both Saturday and Sunday.” 

“No problem. We can pick you up right from work, the farm is open till six on Saturday. Isn’t it, Lise?”

Lisa nodded, and Madison felt her smile brighten. She could feel the excitement start to build within her. “Awesome! I would love to do that.”

Madison left that night feeling much better, and she was excited for her family trip with the Shipyard’s. Bill was right, it wasn’t quite the same thing, but she was planning to enjoy it and maybe get herself a little Christmas tree. She couldn’t wait to pull all their decorations out of storage and start decorating. She waited until Friday evening to rummage through the storage closet and pull out the Christmas containers; she found six in total. Opening up the first one, her breath caught in her throat; sitting on the very top was her dad’s stocking. It was red with a reindeer on it and ‘DAD’ stitched across the top. She slowly pulled it out and held it against her chest, remembering the Christmas eight years ago when she had made it for him with her mom. 

“Mommy, what about this fabric? Daddy loves reindeer!”

“Oh, Maddie, that’s perfect. Good job!”

Madison pranced around excitedly as the lady at the counter measured out the fabric and cut it for them. It was a plush fabric, and as soon as the lady handed it to Madison, she held it up to her face. She beamed cheerfully up at her mom. “Daddy’s going to love this. Feel it mommy, feel it!” She held it up to her mom, who bent down and let Madison rub it on her face.

Madison felt a tear sneak down her cheek as the memory came flooding back to her. She could still hear the sound of the sewing machine as she sat on her mom’s lap, guiding the fabric together. They had made stockings for themselves as well, but Madison remembered, that the stocking for her dad had been her favourite. He had been so happy and surprised to get it, and he had said that it was his favourite Christmas stocking ever. Madison had been so proud!

She rubbed the stocking on her cheek, it felt just as soft as it had that day. She sat with her eyes closed, trying to hold onto the memories. After a few minutes, she put the stocking back in the box and closed it. Her heart ached. This was more painful than she had expected. She left the rest of the boxes unopened in a corner of the living room, to be opened another day. The one box had been enough.

That night, Madison dreamt about her dad and mom and of Christmas’ past. She awoke to the aroma of peppermint hot chocolate, and for a moment, thought her mom was home. She ran out of her room eagerly, but the house was as quiet as it had been when she went to bed the night before. She walked past her mom’s bedroom, the door wide open, displaying an empty room. Her stomach churned slightly and her heart broke even more. This Christmas was going to be hard, but maybe getting a tree would help cheer things up.

She got ready for work and tried to put thoughts of her parents out of her mind for the rest of the day. At three thirty, she changed out of her work uniform and into the clothes she had packed for the tree farm. She stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, a smile creeping onto her lips. “Well, this can just be a new take on our Christmas tradition. I think you would have liked the Shipyard’s dad.” She looked up toward the ceiling, as if talking directly to him. “I bet Grace will help me pick out a great tree.” She kissed the air, grabbed her stuff and headed out to meet Bill, Lisa and Grace. 

“Maddie, Maddie. Look at the horsey’s!” Grace ran ahead of the adults, her pigtails flying behind her. Madison wasn’t sure if she had ever seen her so excited. She had practically been jumping out of her booster seat all the way to the farm and had leapt out of the car as soon as Bill had parked.

“Grace, wait for us.” Lisa called after her, but Grace was already at the hay wagons, enthralled with the horses.

Madison chuckled and turned to Lisa. “I’ll go with her.” By the time Madison reached Grace, she was petting one of the horses on the snout and giggling with happiness.

“Look at me, Maddie.” Grace said, beaming with pride.

As Madison smiled at her and watched Bill and Lisa taking pictures of them together, she felt like part of their family. It actually felt pretty good, like she belonged. That feeling stayed with her for the entire afternoon as they drank hot chocolate, rode the horse wagon to the Christmas trees and spent over an hour finding two perfect trees, one for the Shipyard’s and one for Madison. They laughed and joked and had a wonderful time, and after they had their trees secured in the back of Bill’s truck, they headed out for dinner. Madison had a wonderful time with them, and a sense of sadness overwhelmed her when they dropped her off at her lonely house.

“Thank you, Lisa. I had such a great time. And thank you for dinner too.”

“It was our pleasure, Maddie. I think Grace wants to adopt you.”

Madison chuckled, and then followed Bill, who was carrying her tree for her, to the back of the house and let him inside. After the Shipyard’s left, Madison sat on her couch, looked at her beautiful Christmas tree and thought about her day. She smiled as she thought of Grace and the horses, and she wished that her dad had been there. He would have enjoyed it as much as she had.

The next day after work, Madison went through the boxes of decorations. The first thing she pulled out was the Santa that she had bought her mom the Christmas before her dad died. She giggled as she pulled him out, he was wearing a bathing suit, sunglasses and had a towel over one shoulder. Madison and her dad had picked it out together after spending several moments laughing hysterically at it. Her mom had shared their hysterics when she opened it on Christmas morning. She had said that it was her favourite Santa and had placed it prominently on the mantle above the fireplace. Madison looked around the room and decided that Santa still belonged above the fireplace. She placed him right in the middle and then continued pulling decorations out of boxes. She spent the next two hours arranging and then rearranging decorations in the living room and kitchen. When she was satisfied, she sat on the couch and admired her work. 

“Hey, Santa! What do you think? Looking good, right?” She laughed and closed her eyes, thinking about her mom. She went to bed that night, tired but happy. She had renewed hope that her mom would be home for Christmas. As she laid in bed, wrapped in her favorite blanket, she fell asleep thinking about her Christmas shopping list, a warm smile on her face.