The Royal Flame

The light calls

Moving up and down, my whole body is caressed. Memories of the past flow by. My mom’s scent and touch as I rest my head on her belly while she breaths in and rustles with my hair. I can even here the gurgling sound of her intestines productively processing the food she ate. My back feels warm, the sun caresses my bare skin of my shoulders. Kissing me with its rays, sliding over my shoulders.

Fresh air fills my nostrils while my ears are filled with the flapping sound of fabric and wings. The craw of a seagull disturbs me from my peaceful mind. With a grunt, I lift myself up to feel my feet scraping over wood. Blinded by the sun, I reposition myself. Sitting up right, turning around my neck as I feel stiff and dried out. A big crack shoots through my body. Refreshing as well as antagonizing me.  

As I lean backwards, my back is caught by some wires. Bouncing me back upright. I have to blink a couple of times to allow my eyes to get used to the sun. The ocean looks peaceful like an empty blue canvas. Catherine is upright, but her mast is cracked open. Wooden spikes thrust into the sky from the deck where the mast is supposed to stand up right. Letting my body slip back again against the wires, memories of last night come floating back to me. At least Catherine didn’t capsize but with the state of the mast we won’t be able to get anywhere. We are stranded. We. 

My eyes jump open, shifting my hips I quickly rise but am quickly put back on the ground. Holding on to the wires I grab my head as my eyesight turns black. I moved too fast. But Ari. 

“Ari” A whisper comes out of my throat instead. My lips are dried out as well as my throat. My yells for her name as I try to steady myself are nothing more than hoarse moans. Grabbing the steering wheel for further support I straighten myself. For a second try I open my eyes slowly to scan the deck. But that is all there is, a deck full with intertwined ropes and the mast that lays half overboard shifting Catherine to the side. One step upwards and I lean over the railing. 

“Ari!” Swallowing a couple of times releases the strength of my voice a bit but my yell for her is still nothing more than a soft cry. 

“Aarriii!” This cannot be happening. Not her. Of all people. I shouldn’t have let her go there. Even if the wheel was too strong for her too hold. We should have stayed together. I should have hold onto her more. 

There is nothing to see till the horizon. The ocean is completely shaved of all its small bumps. Frantically I look to the other side, narrowing my eyelids against the rays of the sun. But this side as well, empty except for the small signs of mountainous terrain at the horizon. 

My legs give out under me, with my hand still gripping the rails I slowly slide down. 

We should never have left home. I know she never thought of it as home, but I should have been firmer. My parents loved her like she was their own, or maybe their possible daughter in law in the far future. They probably adored her even more than me. She has the brain, the guts to insult you in a polite but intelligent way. She was. No! She is…. Radiating.

The view of the horizon and the far mountains become blurred as my eyes become watery. Draining my face with only more salt. 

Stuck within my own thoughts and sorrow the sunsets, until a clear dark sky lightens the deck. Making the ocean pitch black except for the reflection of the moon that is reflected from the surface. Time passes while I don’t move an inch. I lost all the power within me while my throat now completely dried up again. My lips taste saltier than the ocean itself. 

I never imagine life without Ari in it. Even if just as a brother or friend, she was always present in my imaginations of the future. Never did I even consider the possibility of her not being there. And now she was taken from me and the world. Within minutes. How must she have felt. Desperation for air, not being able to grasp a breath of air while being tumbled around in the wet cold. The thought makes me shiver while tears drown my face again. 

My soft sobbing, the sound of the sea and a motor. A soft vrooming sound of a motor that is used for years and is almost at its end, whereby it will just soften its sound until it never starts again. I am unable to move until a blinding light shines on me. A muffled voice can be heard as I slowly raise my head, to only be more blinded by the heavy beam of light that shines right at me. 

“Son, You oke?” the muffled voice becomes clearer as my ears pop open. 

As the beam of light moves to my feet, lighting up the deck besides me, I can see a vague figure of a person. While my eyes get used to the darkness again, the image of the figure becomes clearer. His rubber jacket reflects the light that the moon transmits. With his typical rain fishers head on, suspenders holding his rubber like pants up. A spit image of any fisherman out of a children’s book. 

“Looking at the state of your mast, you must have been right in the middle of that storm.” I can hear him clearly but I feel no power to respond.

“Get your stuff and get on board. You won’t be able to get anywhere like this. I will bring you to the coast.”

Knowing he will not leave me behind, I have no other choice but to reassemble my power to get up. Raising myself up by holding on the railing, I look at the hatch. It is clear from any obstructions. 

A quick look at the local captain.

“Go ahead, be quick.”

With his reassurance, I pull the hatch open. Dropping myself inside. With the closest backpack, I pack quickly all the essentials I can find within the mess the storm has created from the interior. 

“Aahh” No more than a whispered scream releases from my lips. Pain shoots through me. I stood right at a spot where a low cabinet door sprung open. Hitting the front bone of my leg. 

Limping my way further to the front. I reach another cabinet where I left all my valuables, the small stuff that made me remember certain memories and my film camera. Opening it up I grab the stuff, stuffing it down into the bag. Putting the camera on top. Turning around I am faced towards our small fridge. Its covered with magnets from small harbors that we rested at. Magnets that hold up old tickets, postcards, polaroid’s and printed film pictures. One she took of me catches my eyes. The day we started sailing. Leaving our home town behind. Moving on to the picture besides it, my eyes widen. Pulling the picture of the fridge I hold it in front of my eyes. This isn’t possible. I remember this day as if it was yesterday. Our first resting spot, we met some other kind young woman who sailed by herself. We had a beer together to celebrate an amazing journey, that’s when she told us to monument the moment. She took a picture of us in front of Catherine with my camera. But that picture, right here in my hand. It’s just of me. I am not even centered, leaving an empty space besides me. 

My eyes further flash to the fridge, grabbing all the pictures off it. Scanning one after the other in search for Ari. But on neither of them is she shown. Its either a picture of the deck or Catherine from a weird angle. Pictures with weird empty spaces between people, as if they were unable to hide their dislike for each other. Some pictures were of other women. I would swear I took them with Ari. But instead I am pictured with this unknown woman.