Keeping it Professional

Back to work

Sunday night had me caught with nerves and excitement. It felt like tomorrow was my first day of school and I hated that. I welcomed a return to normalcy and hoped to avoid any and all personal questions. These were familiar folks, but I had been gone for 6 months. I left abruptly, really never thinking through that I may return. I had one focus- help my mom live peacefully and with her definition of dignity. She hadn't seen this coming, none of us had. She and I had not spoken for a few months before I got a phone call from my aunt. From the moment she was being med-flighted, I put the past in the past. None of my feelings mattered anymore. I had no idea what life would be like on the other side of that phone call but I do not regret my decision for a single moment. I had not left my mother since she My phone vibrated and for a moment I hoped it was Rob. I closed my eyes and shook that thought from my brain- would I really accept his communication now after weeks of ghosting? It was Tony, my good friend and co-worker. He had been promoted while I was gone, and had been the one to extend my re-employment. He was a welcomed familiar face that I looked forward to seeing again. We set to meet first thing in the morning. 

I watched TV with Lucy and Tim, pretending I wasn't nervous about tomorrow and preoccupied with Rob. I decided to run upstairs and message John. I knew how to get my mind off Rob, stay busy. I let John know I'd swing by his house for his party on Friday, Lucy had agreed to go anyways. I let him know I probably wouldn't stay long, I knew I wanted to stay out of trouble. I logged off before he could answer and went back downstairs to join Lucy and Tim. Shoot, now I was curious: would anyone else from college that I know be there? I shook my head of my curiosity. Tomorrow was my first step to getting back to normalcy and I needed to prepare to return to work. 

I drove in from the north instead of across the river on the bridge like I had the year prior. It was a different view of the city. It still felt great to full into the familiar parking lot. Cynthia greeted me at the front desk, "Well isn't that a welcomed familiar face!" She unlocked the door from her command center and I walked into the hallway. I instantly acclimated to the hustle and bustle of the employee side of the office. She hugged me and let me know she would show me to my new desk. I knew they had expanded the office while I was gone. "Thanks Cynthia, I'll take her". I smiled, it was Tony. We hugged tightly and he whispered, "welcome back!" I could feel eyes on us, it was simply an innocent hug through. I backed away, catching Jerry's eye. He winked, "hey kiddo, glad to see you back". Jerry had been a manager but has long since retired. Rumor has it that he just couldn't keep himself away so he works part time in a variety of odd job fashions at the clinic. Tony walked me down to a whole new wing. Wow, things had changed. Many new faces in our department, and it was great to meet them. They didn't know why I had left. Tony knew I'd want to hop right back in, so he already had referrals in his hand. Here are some families for you reach out to. Let's meet tomorrow at noon and we will see where you are at and what you need. It was a good day, scheduling intakes with new families, catching up with old coworkers and meeting new ones. I left work with my head held high. Coming back here was a good idea, it was good for me, and I was one step closer getting back to normal. 

Tony texted me the next AM- with the name of our favorite lunch spot. We often would meet up elsewhere for lunch, we couldn't trash talk and plan with everyone at the office listening. It was probably obviously, but he and I were the drivers of how we did business in the agency. I got tasked with helping staff who were struggling or were ineffective and he'd advocate for the training and supplies I demanded that we needed. He vaguely asked me how I was doing- and I knew what he was trying to not ask directly about. I respected that he knew me well enough to not go there, especially during work hours. After some akward silence he blurted out"I have to be your supervisor" shamefully. I didn't know why this was an issue. I sort of assumed and let him know that. "We just need to be careful with our friendship- its a lot bigger of a department now". I felt like I had been punched in the chest. Why was this feeling so dramatic? Was he breaking up a friendship with me? I could tell by the change in his facial expression I had lost my poker face. He was quick to comfort. "No, Nova, don't worry, I am just saying we need to be more mindful, and careful". Annoyed, and needing to not be vulnerable, "Oh, you mean like not hug me in the hallways pal? I mean I know I am great and all and make your life easier at work but jeez", I rolled my eyes. Tony chuckled, "see you get it. Let's get back to work, pal" he smirked. I think we were good. that was weird for a minute. I didn't need weird. 

We walked back in, chuckling, like always, and I could see Jerry smirking from afar. Tony walked into his office and I settled at my desk. There was only one other team present in the suite when Jerry approached me desk. He was like a father figure to me, and I think I was like a daughter figure to him. "I think Tony is really glad to have you back" he smirked. "It is nice to be back and see everyone, Jerry" I replied. He chuckled because he knew what I was doing. "I am just saying, he hasn't seemed this happy in a while". Tony was the one who needed to be careful. 

Thursday rolled around, and it was the monthly happy hour meet up for our team. Tony let me know he'd be there, but would likely arrive late and leave early. I thought it odd he was sharing this with me, but maybe it was related to our conversation earlier about him being a supervisor now. The usual characters arrived and some new faces as well for me to get to know. Tony sat across the table, he felt distant, I shrugged it off. My phone vibrated, it was John. How did he get my phone number? He was reminding me of this party tomorrow and gave me his address. I had forgotten about the party. How could I be out two nights in a row? I looked at my watch, it was 8 pm. Time to drive home! I waited for a lull in the conversation and said goodbye to the team. Tony was next in line, "me too, I didn't realize how late it was". We walked out together walking down the block before parting ways- we each preferred different parking lots for happy hour. We smirked at each other. "Well, drive safe and have a goodnight" he expressed, reaching over for a hug. Before I left, it wasn't uncommon for us to hug goodbye, so I reciprocated. Without knowing it, we each inhaled and exhaled deeply.  Behind us, I heard our coworker Jennifer sneer, "have a goodnight you two!". I know she was simply jealous that she was in the friendship, not that she thought anything was going on. I had gone to school with Jennifer. I was baffled when she walked in for an interview. I took a step back, looking down. I don't know why he hugged me so tight this time or why it felt so awkward. I drove home, Lucy waiting at the door for all the details of my night out.