Happy or not

Chapter 4

 So, which do you want first, the good news or the bad news? – I asked my parents.

My blue eyes were sparkling with mischief as I was looking at my parents. The anxiety behind my smile was well hidden.  For a moment, there was only silence but I tried to make everything seem like a great big tease.

Neither my mum nor my father spoke.

Trying to cover the discontent, I widened my smile as I struggled for my next words.

‘’Well, we are waiting’’ – my mum prompted. My father was sitting still in on the white comfortable sofa.

“Ok!”- I said, pressing my hands together. “The reason I am here” ... Taking a deep breath and squeezing my hands even more tightly together, I suddenly blurted out the words, “ I am going to have a baby”. After a moment’s pause, my face, my face lit up as though with relief that the words were finally out.

My father’s face was already darkening with the threat of a terrible storm, while my mother’s seemed to be draining of life.

This was no longer a good day.

‘Go on’, her father said.

I shrugged. ‘That’s it’, I said.

‘And the good news’ – my father asked.

‘This was the good news’ – I said. I am going to keep the baby and take care of it on my own.

Silence.

Then more silence.                                                                              

Who is the father? –he enquired. “It does not matter. It does not matter at all”, – I replied. After a short pause I added, “He is married.” – I said and felt tears burst in my eyes.

Finally, my father regarded me with steely eyes. “You don’t have the first idea what it means to be a mother.” ‘You are barely more than a child yourself, and if you think we are just going to stand by your side .... he stopped for a moment  and added “You are not having that child’ – my father was determined.

I growled in hopeless with frustration. “I am pregnant and whether you like it or not, I am going to keep the baby.”

His eyebrow rose in a way that was meant to cow me, and it did a bit. “I am perfectly aware that you are old enough to make your own decisions” – he retorted smoothly, “but before start running with that you might like consider how you are going to live, the two of you. So, how are you going to feed and clothe yourselves? Where are you going to live?”

My cheeks were burning with anger and resentment. He was expecting me to ask for money, I knew it, but under no circumstances I am going to give him the satisfaction of turning me down.- I thought.

‘We will manage’ - I replied.

‘Doing what’?

‘I don’t know’! Anything that pays.”

“No way!” -  He flushed angrily. Then he turned to my mum and said, “You will arrange  a termination for her…”

“Don’t you dare?” I shrieked.

“It is for your own good. You will thank me for it one day.”

“I am already twenty-seven weeks. I shouted, so it’s too late.”

My father began shaking his head in dismay and disappointment. Then, turning to his wife again, he said, “Talk to her,” and walking to the door he went out of the room quietly.

“You are a fool,”-my mum said angrily.  “We’ve given you everything and that’s how you repay us,”?

“I did not ask you to give me anything” – I cried out and hurried out of my parents’ flat in despair.

I was walking fast towards the bus station to take the first bus and meet Jasmine as soon as possible. Actually, she was the only person who supported me thoroughly.

Jasmine knew what my parents’ reaction would be. She knew my parents well enough to predict what would happen. I was still angry and hurt but I didn’t want to allow the bitterness of the quarrel to settle around my heart. It was important that my baby’s innocent little life not be contaminated in any way by the negative attitude of my parents, or the resentment I was feeling.

I opened my notebook and took out the precious photograph of her first scan and I felt my heart spilled over with love. I knew I was carrying a girl but I had not told anyone else. Jasmine was the only person who knew it. For now, over this precious, short time, it was a secret that I would share with Jasmine.

I loved being pregnant. The feeling of the baby inside me was so beautiful and tender, so enriching and humbling that I could only wonder at the miracle of it all. The whole world seemed different to me now. Everything was special, from the air that I breathed; to the strangers I passed in the streets; to the music of the birds in the trees. I felt strong and brave in a way I had never been before. I had no fear of becoming a mother, and had not had since I found I was pregnant. It had been accident, of course, but since I‘d seen the blue line on the test that Jasmine had bought for me, I‘d wanted the baby more than I’d ever wanted anything. 

I put the scan photo back in the notebook and my heart sank with grief because I trusted Mike with all my heart and soul. I closed my eyes and saw Mike holding hands with his fiancée enjoying the moment.

Something pierced my heart like a knife and I thought how I could be so naïve. Didn't anyone know the truth about Mike? - I wondered. That was the question I asked thousands of times. The question that hadn’t been answered and would never be.