Awakened Soul

Confession

We completed our final examination. I passed all my subjects without receiving a grade of three. Phew! Other days become sleepless night especially during the midst of the final grading. If I would have to burn out all my hair including my eyebrows (that's what they say) to be able to graduate by next year then, do so. It was funny how "Grades are just numbers" become one of my mantras. Let's say, if I would graduate with high honors, then it would be so much like spending a lifetime inside a pressure cooker. More pressure, high stress.

My dad is really giving me a headache.

Often, I would come to my favorite spot after classes and sit near the pyramid at our university field to watch the students who play soccer. Others would perform dances and speech choirs. I would stay here until sunset, even if I had to walk from my campus won't matter or, like if it was hot during daytime. This place becomes part of my college year.

The sun is out in the sky resulting for me to perspire heavily on my back. I sat underneath the acacia tree that had stood there for century; thanks to the little shed it gives.

"Hey Ross."

It was the person who always checks on me and is willing to know how I was doing on my daily. She's sweet and is so gentle. She goes here as she knows it was the only place where I can have my own space.

"Hey, there." I responded. She looks gracious on her floral dress. I think she should wear like that more often. However, she seems terribly sick as her limbs are bony.

"I knew it." she sat on the grass next to me. "You really love it here, don't you?"

"I do." I told her without looking. I wish I could play soccer too just like other students. "We still have time. I'll just wait a little before I come back to our next class."

"I came here because. . . I think you really need to see this." she showed me something that seems to be a file of paper in brown envelope. "Ross, it's your chance."

"Wait. They got me in?!"

"Yes, you did it!" her smile could almost reach the corner of her lips. She was holding my hand. "Wasn't it your dream?"

"Thank you so much. . ." then I hugged her "But, can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"You're the only person who knows about it so please. . ."

"Your dad will never know about this, I promise."

"I can't thank you enough. This is so much to me."

She let go of my hand, "Anything for you." then, she moves her head up to look at the sky, put her hands on the ground and lays her back.

I didn't speak up after until⎼

"I like you, Ross." she said almost whispering. "a lot."

"Nyx⎼"

"I-I'm not asking you to like or love me back, Ok?" she defended. "I-I just want you to know I'd loved you since tenth grade. It's funny, right? Don't ask me why or how cause' I don't get t either why you. . .but every time I look at you, hear your voice or, be with you, I get the 'hope' that maybe we can work it out someday. . . if only I wait a little and give you time." she looked down and started playing her fingers. "You have no idea how much I wanted to be with you, Ross." her voice almost crack.

My chest tightens up. I don't know what to say, either know what I would feel after hearing her out. I don't want to see her sad just after telling her, "Sorry Nyx, I think it's better for us if we stay be friends," or like, "Nyx, you know, I never want to just throw away our years of friendship", it's not like she isn't t good looking or something but to be honest, she is physically attractive. She has this long straight black hair that is below her waist, but her soft, tanned skin stood up from the rest of others.

"You don't have to say anything." I heard her say.

"Sorry." I sighed.

"Let's just forget about it." she put her left hand on my shoulder, "Anyway, you better prepare yourself cause' you really got a fighting chance to win the prize."

"You think so?" I wish I had more courage than her.

"Yes. Remember the last time I went to your house . . . we were biking?" she said. It was the time when she accidentally hit the concrete; I had to take her home to treat the wounds on her knees.

". . . you showed me your room that has full of your drawings and paintings of moons on the wall." she continued. "It was incredible! If I would have a talent like you, I would just paint and draw none stop. . . . might sell them later then, I probably get rich." she giggled.

"Good thinking!" I laughed.

"Yeah."

I guess she has nothing left to say. Now, I feel the need to keep our conversation because the silence makes me so anxious.

"How's your dad by the way? I asked her finally.

"Oh, he's going well. My mom had just come back from Mexico because my dad spent another month there in the hospital cause of his condition." she said. "I called him today. I can really tell he's much better now because his physical is somewhat showing a progress." there was sense of positivity in her voice.

"That's wonderful." I replied. "When will his next visit?"

"I can't tell yet until Danny finished his school next summer . . . and once my dad has fully recovered since half of his body is completely paralyzed due to nerve abnormalities whatsoever."

"Sorry to hear that . . . but . .uhmm . . who took care of your little brother while your dad was in the hospital?"

She looks away. "My aunty lives there now so she looks after him." seems like my question make her to look uncomfortable.

"Oh. . ."

What the heck am thinking? I should think something better.

"Nyx. . ."

"Yeah?"

"What's your favorite food?"

"H-huh?" She looked puzzled. I knew it was the stupidest question I've ever asked to her.

I turn to face her, "Ok. Let's put in this way. Hmm. . .Think of something you want to eat."

"Why??"

"If they got me in placer, I'll get you anything you want to eat." I put my hand on the back my head and slowly brushes my hair.

I messed up. O.M.G. Wait. Does she think I'm asking her for a date?

"Hey, it's not like what you are⎼"

"Is that for real?"

"Uhh . .I guess?

Am I the only man who does not know how to entertain women?